17. The Whispering Expanse

Strengthening the Beginning
Hook the Reader Faster: Consider starting with a more action-packed scene like Bernard witnessing the Gloomscale Lurker emerge from the lake or during his interrogation of Duskmist Lament. Introduce Bernard Gradually: Instead of a large information dump about Bernard, weave details about his past throughout the story through flashbacks or his internal monologue. Deepening the Characters: Give Bernard a Personal Stake: Does Bernard have a family he fears for? A past encounter with creatures like these that motivates him? Develop The Linguist/La Muerte: What are his motivations for bringing back the ancient ones? Is there a greater good he believes he's serving?
Building Suspense
Raise the Stakes: Let the reader know what's at stake if La Muerte succeeds in his goals. Plant Clues Earlier: Before the reveal, add subtle clues that something isn't right with Dr. Griffin or The Linguist to foreshadow the twist.
Balancing Exposition with Action
Show, Don't Tell: Instead of directly stating Bernard doesn't understand Old Earth, show his confusion through his facial expressions and actions during the interrogation.
Ending
Consider Bernard's Legacy: Does someone find evidence of his death and uncover the truth about La Muerte?

Themes

  • Secrets and Hidden Agendas
  • Power and Morality Duty vs. Humanity The Price of Knowledge Deception and Identity The Legacy of the Past

Structure

Exposition

Bernard Flint is in the Operations Room of the Midnight Genesis Facility watching The Whispering Expanse. He also has a view of Althea Griffin as she does an autopsy on Dhalnin. Mesain is locked in another room.

Rising Action

As Bernard Flint waits, he reflects on why he's there, and some of his past. Alarms sound as Ralnin emerges from The Whispering Expanse.

Climax

After the guards bring Ralnin into the Midnight Genesis Facility, Bernard Flint locks him up and requests a translator be sent for the interrogation.

Falling Action

Razul shows up as the translator. Midway through the mock shift interragtion, Althea Griffin comes in and reveals she's been possessed by Dhalnin.

Resolution

Razul kills Bernard Flint and free Ralnin and Mesain.
Date:
3 Frostember 2011 IE


Cover image: by Lady Wynter

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