05. The Diary

Suspense and Pacing Earlier Clues About Helene's Identity: While the reveal of Helene being Apophis is a surprise, dropping some earlier hints could build suspense. Maybe describe her eyes as having an unusual reptilian quality or mention an unexplained fear of cats (Isis' sacred animal). Tighten Pacing in the Beginning: The exposition about Helene's dementia and Isa's caretaking duties could be streamlined to create a faster pace at the beginning.
Character Development
Isa/Isis: We see a glimpse of Isis' compassion, but fleshing out her motivations for taking care of Apophis could add depth. Does she feel a sense of responsibility or is there another reason? Helene's Emotional Journey: Helene's fear and confusion are evident, but delve deeper into her emotional journey. Does she feel a flicker of fear about her true nature, or is there a sense of acceptance?
Consider the Ending
Emotional Impact of the Ending: The ending is a revelation, but it could be even more impactful. Consider lingering on Helene's transformation or showing Isis' emotions as she leads Apophis away.

Themes

  • Memory and Identity
  • Loss and Change
  • Faith and Belief
  • Deception and Revelation
  • The Cycle of Destruction and Creation

Structure

Exposition

Helene Hawke has Fray Drift and is missing Anneke, her adoptive mother.

Conflict

Helene Hawke is unsure of Isa. She is also hungry, no matter how much food Isa brings her.

Rising Action

Helene Hawke reads through the diaries she wrote in her younger years. She reconnects with her memories and with the ghost of Anneke.

Climax

Helene Hawke remembers the story Anneke told her about Atum and his fate. She see much of Caelum Prime's history (past, present, future).

Resolution

The shock of what she sees kills her human body. She returns to being Apophis.
Date:
9 Crimsonfall 1790 AR
Plot type
Chapter/Short Story
Parent Plot
Related Characters
Related Organizations
Related Locations


Cover image: by Lady Wynter

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