My eyes opened to a vivid dream I remember, the colorless forest of trees surrounded by nothing but the endless white of the snow, lacking color altogether. A soft wind blows across the surface of the ground, leaving its trail of frost on the icy snow that covers the earth.
All is quiet except my breathing before the recognizable presence behind me appeared out of nowhere, “boo!” Feminine voice that sounded like the exact person I met in my dream and the hallucination I interacted with in my bedroom.
Turning around in quick motion – there she is; Azrael in the flesh, her mischievous smile and tied ponytail holding her signature umbrella that she constantly carries around.
“W-what? You again?” I said in disbelief and shock from encountering her for the third time, “why am I? Am I dreaming? What the hell is going on?” Question after question, she giggled and smiled with a playful wink.
“You are suppose to say, ‘It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Death,’ ” She replied with another giggle, causing me to sigh in frustration and exasperation. I have no time for games, especially the serious situation that is currently happening.
“Look, Azrael,” I told her with an annoyed tone; a cold breeze blowing past us. “I don’t have time for games, can we get straight to the point and answer my questions?” My annoyance was apparent to her as she tilted her head in amusement.Giving a pouty look, “very well, Adam,” as she those words, the dreamscape around us bend and morph until it is nothing but green landscape of grass and sunny blue sky with no visible trees around.
Additionally, there is color and sounds to the surroundings where birds flew on the heavens, chirping while leaves rustling in the gentle summer winds.
My mouth was wide open; never have I seen something this…beautiful before. I have read stories and saw pictures of long begotten history when the earth was at it is healthy state. Being actually here even though it is dream, was a surreal experience for me, yet, it felt real and familiar.
Also gorgeous change of scenery in seeing something other than the constant snow and cold that plague the world. There were more clearer and brighter sun shining down on the land. Not a single sign of blizzard or snowfall was in sight.
“This is a dream, correct?” I asked her, my demanding eyes fixated on the mysterious woman that is standing next to me with an amused expression on her face.
“Yes,” she responded with a nod.
Following that, I asked another question, “am I dead?” I was curious if this was the afterlife.
This is the other thing that came into mind; it is like a prelude to a movie scene, a cliffhanger before the main plot begins.She burst out laughing, dropping on the blowing grass with her umbrella in pure hysteria from simply asking a question. It wasn’t meant to be a joke or anything, it is merely just a question. However, it is rather intriguing to see a giddy laugh coming from the person that is supposed to be like the grim reaper.
“Y-you didn’t just said that!” Azrael rolled on the ground, clutching onto herself, unable to stop the laughter by the sudden shock of the moment. After a few seconds, she finally managed to stand on her feet again and continue talking in between breaths. “You have a great sense of humor!” Her voice was still shaky from the laughter.
With a chuckle of myself, “Well, if you can be serious for once, why do you act so cheerful and happy all the time? Don’t tell me that is your natural personality,” stating in a cheeky manner. Azrael looked away from me with a sigh of exasperation. Then, after a minute or two, she turned back to me and gave a slight smile.
“If it is not too much trouble; may we start our conversation now? Or are you going to keep teasing and playing games with me like this?” This time, she sounded more serious than before.
I was surprised for a second, but quickly realized what the meaning of this is and decided to answer honestly. “Of course, let’s get started. You know, it is getting late and there are more important things to do than this.”
“Of course, honey,” She snapped her fingers, instantly materializing our chairs behind us and white table between the seats, “now, may we chat?” Azrael sat down with a smile on her lips, letting her umbrella rest beside her seat.
Honey? What the hell is this about? Whatever, this is not important. As I sat on my chair, a cup appeared in her hand, drinking from it while sitting down on the chair as well. My gaze is fixed on the tea cup she is holding, “what are you drinking?” I ask as she put her cup down on the table.
“It is a special blend of tea; a secret recipe that only the royal family can enjoy. Do you wish to try it?” Azrael asked, offering the cup to me and waiting for a response. Without a word, I reach out and grab the teacup.
Gulping all the way while she embarrassingly watch me drink the entire contents of the cup in a single gulp—the aroma of the drink was strange and tasteless to say the least after finishing the liquid.
When I was finished, the sight of the blushing and red cheeks of the woman had caused a raise of eyebrows, “what is so embarrassing about drinking your tea? And why does it taste weird?” Azrael was too embarrassed, fidgeting her fingers as if she was caught by humiliating act.
After a moment of silence, she finally answered, “you drank some of my bodily fluids…”
She got to be kidding me!
Immediately, my whole face turned green, standing up as I vomited on the other side of the table, leaving the remains of the disgusting drink there and wiping off the vomit. That is the first thing that came into mind; the next question is why did the hell that even happened?When I turn my head to her, Azrael’s arms were already up, playfully surrendering herself to me—her eyes are filled with tears of laughter, “I was joking!” She answered, trying to cover up the fact that she successfully made a fool out of me.
And based on her facial features, she is telling the truth.
“Why you! You made me vomit,” Irritated and angry words escape from my mouth. Though, it is not like it matters if it is real or not. The point is that it was a joke and a sick one to boot. Although, she got me good.
Azrael looked away from me with a shameful expression, covering her face with a palm of her hands. Her body shook and shivered for several seconds before she started laughing again.
“Ugh, stop making a fool out of me, ” I threatened despite having red cheeks on my face from the prank she played on me. A part of me is ashamed and regretted for throwing up, but another part was glad to getting the better end of this deal, since I had gotten to laugh at her expense.
Placing her own hand over her mouth in a desperate attempt to hide a smile, the mischievous woman said, “This is the third time we meet and yet, you are acting like a child.”
Rolling my eyes, I sat down on my chair; “yeah, yeah. So are you going to answer my questions or were going to keep playing games with each other?”Her lips curled slightly. “Well, if it is about the information you seek, then yes. What answers are you seeking?” She asked, sitting down across from me with a cup of coffee in her hand that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere again.
Sighing, “Why am I here?” A simple question, but a hard to explain one too. Surely, there was a reason. Why else would she bring me in this dream of mine after I lost consciousness?
With a slight curved of smile and a curious expression, she answered my inquiry, placing her coffee down on the table as she focused on me from her judging eyes. “Do you believe in the rationality and destiny of the world you are born into, Adam?” Azrael inquired.
Rationality? Destiny? What bullshit is she sprouting now, “huh, what questions is these? You know I don’t believe any of that garbage, I just do whatever the hell I want. It’s my life, my choices and the consequences that come with it. If the world is a chaotic and irrational mess; then so be it. At least it doesn’t give a damn about me. What are you trying to get at with these stupid questions anyway?”
Azrael giggled for a moment and placed a finger on top of her cheek. After a few moments of thinking, she continued speaking, “oh, my. Then that is why you are an anomaly!” She exclaimed in shock of the revelation.
I raised an eyebrow from being called ‘anomaly,’ “explain,” I demanded.The mysterious woman forward and lower her head on the table, Azrael’s crossed hands touching the tip of her own chin, smiling in amusement, ” do you ever wonder why that demon called you ‘The Freeman?'” Voice full of curiosity and interest.
Huh, ‘The Freeman?’ I always wonder what that means as well. is it some nickname these things are starting to call me or something? Is it a name or title of a hero or a villain from some movie or book; maybe even a comic character or video game protagonist. Perhaps it is a reference to a famous military leader or a historical figure from history like a king or emperor of olden times.
Hell I know.
“Why?” I inquired. There was a sudden feeling of uncertainty in the pit of my stomach, the hair standing up and a cold chill running throughout my body. The answer was not a frightening or disturbing thought, instead a deep curiosity that will disclose the truth about my existence.
“Because, your freed from the laws of fate and causality that constantly binds everything together.” With a stern tone, Azrael continued, “you are the main protagonist in your own story, where the plot guards and guides you to the best available outcomes of the events and stories of the world. That is the reason you can survive and win all those dangerous situations, overcoming all the challenges of surviving throughout your life and eventually winning them. Not only that; being an anomaly grants you natural immunity to all forms of the supernatural,” her presentation was logical, but it did not sound real, more like a fairy tale or a myth.
Yet, why would it be fake if I lived in a world where the supernatural exist? And just by the glance of her body language, she is definitely telling the truth—she is not lying.
Trembling fearfully from learning behind my existence, I stretch my hands forward, opening the palms as I look down at them in unmixed devastation, “all this time, all my life; the reason I am alive is because of my nature. I should have died back there, in the fire with my abusive household. It is a miracle that I was not consumed by the flames and was able to escape from the house. All this time, it is because of how much stronger than others that I am. Yet now, it is all meaningless!”
Standing up, weeping in despair, and trembling in fright, I cry out in a loud voice, “what is the point of this! So what, I learnt that my story or whatever the fuck it is was responsible for keeping me alive?! It was not me who won the battle; it was my anomalous nature that fought and protected me. If that is the case, then what is the meaning of life, or even the universe if it is nothing more than a random series of events that are controlled and guided by something that is beyond our control?!” Screamed like a manchild, tears streaming down my face.
Azrael simply stared, unhappy and heartbroken from my emotional state. She stood up and unexpectedly snap her fingers, deleting the chairs and table out of existence.
“So why…” I tearfully asked, looking into her eyes, “why do I have to carry so many responsibilities and consequences of my life?!”
I do not care anymore if I keep doing this, deep down; what Lilith said is true. I am still her little boy and I can get stirred up from subjects related to me.Because I am always scared, confused, and uncertain if the world is genuine for me, if there are demons and angels, and if there are more things in this world which are unknown, unexplainable, and unexplained, and if there are things in this world that can’t even be explained.
And I don’t know if I am still human!
Warm embrace of Azrael’s arms, wrapped around my fragile state.
I hug back.
We stand there in silence.
As I continue to cry over her shoulder.
Then finally, she spoke.”Keep on living, Adam.” Her words were soft, yet firm; a gentle reminder never to give in to the inner demons of my soul. “To be brave, to fight, to overcome, and to survive—even though it may appear impossible, you must not lose hope. Because in the end, you still have a human heart and no one, not even the cruel story of yours can understand the depth and complexity of you as a person. You are not a monster or demon, you are human being.”
