I need to relax, to take a breather, to clear my thoughts.
“Come on Adam, this is not the time to be nervous,” I muttered to myself, hoping that it would somehow work. I took another deep breath and opened the door in front of me, expecting to see mommy waiting for me, but instead it was empty.
The house was quiet, and the smell of food filled the air, but still, nothing could calm me. I walked inside and went straight to the kitchen. There she was, standing by the stove, stirring the pot, wearing her same white dress, with a smile that could light up the room. She looked so happy, so perfect, so warm, so welcoming.
She turned to look at me, our eyes meet with a softness that brought tears to my own. “You are finally home,” Lilith said as she approached, wiping away a stray tear from my cheek, “where have you been?”
Would mommy believe me? I was kidnapped, dragged into a strange and unknown prison, met a malnourished naked man who goes by the name Smith and claimed to be the missing father of Bobby and Alice. If I tell her about all of this, I will sound like a lunatic.
“Adam, are you okay?” Mommy asked as she wrapped her arms around me, squeezing tightly, “you are shaking.” I hugged her, burying my face in the warmth of her chest, breathing in the scent of her perfume.
“I do not know mommy…Its just that it is good to be home,” I whispered, trying to keep the fear out of my voice.
“Oh Adam honey, I missed you so much!”
We embraced for what appeared to be seconds, but felt more like hours. Her hair smelled fresh and clean, and the feel of her skin against mine, so smooth, so pure that I feel all of my problems and struggles melt away.
Lilith kissed me and then pulled back with a smile, “how about we eat dinner together?” The thought alone of sitting down and eating a meal with a person that I consider family, almost enough to bring me into tears.
“Mommy, can I ask you about what happened in the forest?”
Her face frowned, confusion written all over it. “What do you mean, sweetie?” Sounding a little bit annoyed.
“Did we play a game of hide-and-seek?”
After saying that, her noticeable smile twitched a bit from surprise…and annoyance of the sudden change of topic as if she was unsure how to respond. “You are right, I guess we did play a little of a game like that today…” Lilith said, her eyes glazed over in thought.
I pressed onward, hoping to get an answer because I had questions and reluctance to talk about anything else now. But before I could continue, she interrupted me with her own question.
“Why are you asking this now?” She suspiciously asks.
Now, there is a loaded question if ever I heard one. And yet, my words that would out from my mouth were spoken without malice or ill intent, so I took them for what they meant, honest inquiry in my search for answers.
“Mommy…do you know a man named Smith?”
She paused and looked at me with those soft brown eyes of hers, searching to see whether I was joking around or serious. Her expression hardened when she saw the look on my face, but the tone changed to a cold voice, “no, of course not.”
I want to believe every word she says, because Lilith is everything to me and I love her very much for being the best parent I have. However, the memories of being choked by Smith and telling that she was responsible for innocent people’s deaths still linger inside my head.
Those unpleasant images and thoughts made it hard for me to trust anyone and even harder to forget. In addition, the constant reminder of seeing victims in the torture chamber in the dungeon, where all of it was real and terrifying to forget.
But then again, Lilith is nothing more than a seemingly compassionate and caring person to me. So why do I feel like she has something hidden up her sleeve?
“Mommy,” I looked at her with a questioning gaze, “are you lying to me?” Finish my sentence while feeling anxious about the situation.
Lilith’s eyes widened as if I ‘d just slapped her in the face. Then, she shook off the moment and smiled gently, “No honey, I am not!”
“She is lying,” the voice of my deceased father whispered within the mind of mine. The sound of his voice filled me with a sense of dread and fear that only he can give me. But then again, this was also the same time when I had an unsettling experience of conversing with him.
What? How can mommy lie to me?
He spoke, his voice louder and clearer than before. It sounded like it came from right next to me, yet, I could see no one nearby, “because she is the monster who killed those two women that attacked you in the forest, the murderous snake that slithered into those innocent men’s lives. She is not what she appears to be…”
His words sent shivers down my spine. Even though I knew there was a chance that it was not really him, I could not shake off the nagging doubt in my head.
Stop talking to me already!
The voice laughed in my head, reverberating within my skull. The tone of the laughter echoed in my mind, causing my heart to pound faster.
What do you want from me?!
His laughter stopped, replaced with the calm silence of the atmosphere around us. There was nothing but the wind rustling through my imaginary mind, sending out their faint whispers as they fluttered across the ground. The cold air chilled my body and numbed the senses.
“Then tell her this,” the voice returned to my ears after some time. I could feel his presence getting closer to me. “Tell her the name ‘Azrael’ and you will know how much of mother she is…”
When the message came, he vanished once more leaving only a chill breeze of night in its place. I stared at the space for several seconds as if I was trying to identify whether something else was going on here. I wanted to believe in what the voice said, to prove him wrong; but it is the best to prove him wrong.
Better than nothing, I thought.
“Sweetie, are you all right? You have been standing for a few minutes without saying a word. Are you feeling sick?” She asked me with a concerned tone, “tell me Adam, is anything bothering you?”
Words pour out of my mouth, not even realizing that I am speaking aloud until it was too late. My lips were moving like a machine gun firing bullets while my brain was almost blanking out and refusing to function properly.
“… Azrael…”
She blinked twice when she heard the sound coming from her son’s lips. Her eyes grew wide in shock as she saw the look of surprise and fear on his face, before finally recognizing the name.
“What do you say?” I wanted to stop, the overwhelming dread in the back of my mind making me wish for a way to flee. But no matter how hard I tried, the words just kept spilling out of my mouth. No one could hear them exempt us.
“Azrael?” I said with a whisper as I glanced over to her. It was so difficult not to breakdown in front of her. “You know…” The answer came from her voice, yet it sounded distant with malice, if she was far away instead of being by my side.
“You know…” She coldly repeated, her tone making me feel uncomfortable, even though I did not understand where the emotion or anger originated from. “Is there any meaning to your question? Or are you merely trying to avoid the truth?”
What is she talking about?
“I do not understand mommy, what are you saying?”
Her eyes grew wider and more serious than ever before, but her voice remained calm, “Adam, you know that name, don’t you? You know her name…”
I do not understand! Why is she so persistent in knowing who Azrael was?! Is it essential for me to remember such things now…?
My eyes shot open, experiencing dizziness and disorientation for a moment. But once again, my thoughts were interrupted by a new feeling of apprehensiveness. This time around, the sensation was different, stronger and harder to ignore. The pressure on my chest felt like it was going to crush me from within. As if something unseen was forcing its way into me through my very own flesh!
There is no choice of escape. There is only one option left. One path that would lead me away from all this madness; staring at her face.
It was wrong, everything is wrong. Lilith’s face was not appearing to be the angelic and kind look that she always appears to be, instead a monstrous and cruel visage of evil intent had been cast upon her features… A demonic presence that will make me shudder in fear as it comes closer.
The next instant, she grabbed my hair with an evil smile, looking down at me with a contemptuous expression. Her lips were horribly wide, filled with some unknown attention. She looked down and grinned, “ah, I suppose you know already? It is too late to run, Adam.”
She slowly bent over to kiss me. The moment our mouths met, the feeling of terror overwhelmed me.
This is not right. What is she doing…? How can this be happening?! No! Don’t let her get near me… Please, God! Not now! Stop it!
I pushed her away and jumped back to my feet, trying to regain control of myself.
“Adam,” Lilith said in an eerie voice, “why must you run from mommy? Do not be frightened. I will be gentle.”
What did she say…?
Her hands reached out for me again, but before they could touch me, I leapt forward and punched her hard on her nose, causing Lilith to stumble backward onto the ground. But instead of her feeling remorseful or apologetic for what she was about to do, Lilith’s eyes grew wider and darker than ever before, but still remained calm. In a sense, it was almost terrifying to see.
“You cannot run forever Adam,” the voice of the once sweet motherly woman turned dark and sinister, her tone appeared to echo throughout every part of the room. “If you want to feel the warmth of your mother’s skin, then come closer. Closer…”
I have to find somewhere safe!
Faster than my body can move, I run like hell, heading where the stairs that leads up to my bedroom before immediately closing the door and locking it from inside. As soon as the latch clicked into place, I felt relief wash over me as if something that has been holding down my throat finally released itself from within.
My relief turned to horror when the voice of my father returned, gloating and laughing manically at my expense. “It is always fucking hilarious to see you squirm and run like the sore loser you are. How pathetic! It really brings joy to my heart whenever I hear a child scream because he could not stand up for himself!” He laughed with a madman laugh, even though there was no one else around me.
Shut up! SHUT UP!
Father’s voice continued, “I remember now, this is what happened the last time. You were so terrified, so scared of your own shadow. I had to make you the way you are today… Oh yes, little Adam, you will always have that fear of being alone. That is why I raised you. I know exactly where to hit to keep you in check.”
The memories of his words came back to haunt me, making my stomach turn. The fear and terror from that night was replaying in my mind all over again.
“But do not worry, she will fix everything…”
In an instant, the door swung open and a figure stood there, Lilith smiled as she approached me. She reached out for my neck, pulling herself closer to my face and said, “You cannot run from me, not anymore. Not after I fixed you.”
The voice bellowed with growing laughter in the psyche of my brain after she touched my neck. The world around me appears to distort reality, causing everything in my sight to become warped and unnatural to how it was before. My eyes widened in shock, but nothing could be seen through her blackened pupils that made them appear to be glowing embers burning hot red like flames of hell.
All I can imagine is the darkness that would soon envelope the innocence I still cling onto in this cruel world when she spoke. “Adam, honey… Do you feel the warmth of my love?” Her cruel voice spoke in my distorted perception of reality, trying to convince me that something was going on around me while simultaneously hallucinating.
It took me a moment to realize what she meant by warming me up. But when I tried to realize the meaning, my mind could not handle the reality of what she was doing to me as the darkness slowly covered my vision with pitch-black.
Only darkness remained, only the fading distance of my father’s echoing laughter before I let out a scream of pure terror and agony of losing myself into the darkened abyss of my mind, continuously wailing in pain before it finally consumed me.
