We peacefully walked side by side through the neighborhood in dead silence of this beautiful starry night, the only sound was the wind blowing and rustling leaves of trees. It is peaceful and quiet with lump posts acting as our guides while the street lights illuminate us from afar. The moonlight shining brightly upon this neighborhood of city gave me a sense of nostalgia from somewhere.
However, that sense of nostalgia is currently not in my mind as I wondered why Eve wanted to take a casual walk with me in the middle of the night? What could be so important for her to drag me out like this? She even unexpectedly caused Clover to stalk us, just to learn what were doing or planning of.
I took quick glances from behind, feeling the presence of him disappearing to one location and another, but that did not cause me much alarm as I have no intention nor interest in involving myself into having a conversation with him, not wanting to cause any more damage in our relationship between us.
If that Irish midget wants to know what he is doing in the middle of the night, so be it; let him ascertain for himself. But the main lingering problem is – why? Sure, I could study her in hopes of finding her intention, though that is unnecessarily and rudely intruding on a personal matter. And the last thing I want to do is make things worse for both of us, because there are many things at stake here that are beyond my control.
From our ceaseless walking, she came to a halt, alarming me in the process as I turned to my back to examine around in confusion before looking straight to meet her eyes. “What’s wrong?” I asked with caution. “Why are we stopping?”
She simply stared blankly at the sky above us for a moment, a distant thought crossing her mind while she turned to face my eyes. “There is something…I need to tell you. Something important, and we should have this conversation over there,” she dragged her arm to point at her right, which my eyes followed to see an empty urban park in short distance with numerous icy trees standing in its midst.
“Okay…” I nodded and started following Eve to the other side of the street where the sidewalk ends, making way through thickets of snowy bushes and shrubs that line up in front of a concrete barrier. It was only a few meters away until we reached the grassy area which is packed with snow like always. There were also benches and tables placed around for people to rest or enjoy their time alone in this endless cold weather, but there was not anyone else here except us.
“We sit,” Eve blankly pointed at a bench. “You will understand soon,” the last statement brought a raised eyebrow on my face as I continued to look at her with suspicion. “What are you talking about? What did you want to tell me?”
Her silence is answer enough for now, so I sat next to her, feeling tense up while she stares down at her feet. After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, she finally broke the ice and started to speak. “Adam, I have something important to say.”
My eyebrows raised once again in curiosity as I looked back at her with a neutral expression, “and what would this be?” I inquired, not sure if she is going to spill out any secret information from her past or whatever she is planning to say. But there is no harm in hearing it all. Perhaps, there is something useful to know that can help me make my life easier.
Eve sighed before looking up at the sky, letting her gaze wander around the park as though lost in her thoughts. “I am…wondering Adam…why are you sad all the time?” Her eyes were now fixated upon the ground and she remained silent for a moment before continuing. “Are you really happy living the way you are?”
“W-what are you talking about?” I stuttered, my voice sounded hollow and nervous because of how weird this conversation is becoming. It felt like Eve had just asked me an extremely personal question that I never expected her to ask. “Why are you asking me this?”
Her face became serious as she stared directly into my eyes, “Because I care.” She paused briefly before continuing. “And I feel bad for seeing someone who is always unhappy. Can you tell me why?” Eve questioned while staring at me with a worried expression on her face as I stared down at my feet.
It is true that everyone has their own problems to deal with, but what made me so unhappy? Many things made me unhappy, the loss of my abusive father, the sexual abuse from mother and the unfortunate deaths of those I cherish. Moreover, the smell of death and despair permeating through the air everyday, the constant coldness, the lack of hope and motivation to live in this world, these were all contributing factors towards making me feel miserable.
All of this happened when I was just a child to adulthood. It fucking hurts knowing that my entire life is ruined by such traumatic events and memories. The pain is unbearable at times. Sometimes I wish that I could just end everything myself rather than live like this for another minute. Even though I want to escape reality because of how depressing my life is, there is nothing more frightening than the thought of not being able to wake up tomorrow morning.
I just can’t…I cannot do this anymore, why am I even alive? That always bothers me whenever I think about all the suffering and hardships I have gone through in my life. Why did I survive if it is only going to be more hellish and painful after surviving? Is my purpose in this world simply to suffer until the bitter end of my existence?
“B-b-because,” my stupid crying face turned into a sobbing mess as I raised my head to look at her, “I have nothing,” I managed to say through tears, continuing as I looked up at the starry sky, “since the day I was born, I never known who my mother was…”
“Your mother?” Eve asked while furrowing her brows in concern, “What happened to your parents? Are they still alive or-“
I shook my head furiously before covering my mouth with both hands, trying to stop myself from bawling like a baby, “They are dead.” I whispered between sobs, feeling terrible guilt and shame because of what I said, “she died from the moment she gave birth to me. My father did not overlook that and so he…abused the hell out of me. Blaming his wife’s death for everything wrong that has ever happened to him. He blamed me for being useless, worthless, and a weakling!”
I shouted in anger, clenching my fists tightly together as I felt the pain inside every fiber of my body, “but I still fucking love him! I did everything like any good boy does, cleaning the house and cooking his food but you know what he does instead?!” I yelled louder, shaking my head furiously, “he abuses me! He makes fun of me, telling me how pathetic I am, calling me a disgrace, how disgusting it is for me to exist on this planet, and worst, how stupid it is for me to be alive at all!”
“Adam-“
My tantrum continued, standing up as I took a couple of steps forward, “Oh! You want to hear more! Okay, I will give you more! After the fatal fucking accident that caused the house to be burnt in smithereens, then a bitch who calls herself ‘Lilith’ came to the rescue and adopted me as her son! And you want to know the truth? Her kindness was fake, it was all an act to make me trust her! She had no intention of helping me with what she done!”
Silence filled the scene as Eve sat there motionless while listening to me rant about my past experiences, “And the best part!?” I looked up as the warm shedding tears from my eyes froze onto my cheeks, “she raped me! That woman I once called a mother had sex with me!”
Eve’s face turned into shock before turning away.
“Why?!” I asked, confused by why someone would do such a thing to another human being, “Why the hell did she do that to me?! When she was done with me, that demon then killed all the people in the village, including my friends when they sacrificed themselves to help me escaped.”
Tired, angry, and frustrated, I felt like hitting something until it breaks or falls apart. The only reason I didn’t is because there isn’t anything left for me to hit in this forsaken place anymore.
“I was saved and adopted by someone again,” I continued, my voice quieter now, “but it was not just anyone, he was a kind and adoptive father of mine that raised me when he found me. He loved me so much, even though I am not his biological son but treated me as one anyway. However, after this new life, I once again lost him as he died from bombing incident, including a woman that I was previously engaged with.”
Again, silence filled the air, except for my heavy breathing. Even if I am tired, I can never stop thinking about these things, as it constantly consumes my mind without rest.
“What’s worse?” My whole trembling body turned to face Eve, her hand covering her mouth in a look of shock and sorrow, “to lose everything or to have no future at all? What is more important than survival in this world!? It is either death or living a miserable life where you cannot find happiness anywhere!”
In a blink of eye, the sudden warm and comforting embrace of Eve enveloped my cold, freezing body. She held me tightly as she whispered into my ear, “I’m sorry… Adam…I did not know you went through this misery…”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, trying to ignore the feeling of sadness that welled up inside of me, “what matters is that I’m still alive at this moment.”
Eve gently wiped away my tears before looking back into my eyes. A hint of concern was shown on her face as she asked, “That is why you are like this, right?”
I nodded silently, not wanting to admit anything else. As we stood there in silence for a while longer until finally Eve pulled out her embrace, kneeling before stabbing the ground with knife, resulting me to take a step back from the sudden action of hers, “Eve?” I questioned, confused by what she was doing.
Her head turned to look up at me, a genuine smile gracing across her lips, “when you have something to cry on, I shall always listen. If there is an order you want, I will follow it. Now former assassin, you will be my sheath and I will be your blade. Do you understand? I am now part of you, until the end of the days, I shall follow you in this world before our lives come to an end.”
I did not answer immediately, but after thinking over her words, I slowly nod my head in acceptance, “I accept, Eve.”
She smiled once again, her eyes gleaming brightly with hope that I never would expect to see her like this, “thank you…thank you for bringing me into your life, Adam. Thank you…”
For quite long time after the recent deaths of those I cared, I deeply wanted to shut myself in and avoid seeing people as potential friends, or even more importantly, lovers. I was afraid of being hurt again by losing them. But now, there is someone I can rely on. Someone who has given me a reason to live better.
As that thought entered my mind, I returned the smile to Eve, “you are welcome, Eve.” When I said those words, she stood up and we embraced again, our beating hearts filled with comfort of each other’s presence.
While reveling in this embrace, I notice a standing dark silhouette of Clover laying on his back at tree with arms crossed, appearing to have been listening to everything that was happening between us. His eyes were half closed as he stared blankly down upon the ground without any emotion shown through him.
“Clover?”
