“Adam?!”
My vision returned as I turned to my side, seeing a worried Bobby sitting beside me. “W-what.” I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck as the sudden movement of turning woke me from the daze.
His face softened, frowning as the cold wind in the mountain breeze blew passed. He then looked at me again, concern still showing in his eyes, “are you okay?” His question lingered in the air between both of us as he placed a hand on my shoulder.
Alice, sitting on the other opposite side of mine, spoke with a sad on her lips, “you have been silently staring at the horizon for a few minutes Adam… are you alright?” She asked, worry on her expression.
I nodded slowly, “yeah, I am fine, just tired, got a bit of a headache…” That was a lie I told, because of how much it hurts not to tell them the truth, it would be better for them not to know about my abusive father. “How about you head home Adam?” Bobby suggested, “We should too, it is getting late already, we should be heading back before it gets dark.” Alice added.
“Yeah, you are right,” I agreed, nodding in response.
Bobby stood up, offering a helping hand to help me stand, “okay then, let us go. Once we head back in the village, we should all go to bed, it is going to be a long night ahead of us tomorrow. We need to be rested so that we will not get lost or fall asleep while walking,” he said, smiling.
Can’t argue with that.
“Oh, okay…” I accepted his helping hand as he helped lift me up, then followed Alice.
“Thanks Bobby!” Alice happily replied, “come on guys! Let us go now!” she called out as the three of us started to walk towards the path that leads to the village. Our walk back to the village was eerie but peaceful. The cold weather kept the silence as the snow continued to fall gently on the ground.
“You really do not look well,” Bobby commented as he glanced at me.
“I-It is nothing, just a little tired is all. It will pass soon,” I answered, causing him to sigh.
“Well, that is good, because we still have some things to talk about,” he paused for a moment, “we have not talked in quite a while actually,” he said, looking at me with his bright blue eyes. “Tell us about your mother,” Bobby began.
“What about her?” I questioned.
“Anything, just anything about it,” he insisted, “you never talk about her, so why not now, it does not hurt to share it with us,” he smiled softly.
“Yeah! Come on, tell us about your mother!” Alice cheerfully asked, “what type of person is she?”
I think they are talking about Lilith, yeah that must be it. Although, what exactly can I tell them? Mommy is strict and harsh, even strange at times, but she was overly kind for adopting me as her own child.
“She is…good person.” I said with uncertainty, ” Mommy sees me as her own child, taking care of me, giving me food, shelter, clothes, even a roof above my head. She always gave me something to eat.” My words reached into their ears, Alice nodded, “oh, that sounds like a friendly person indeed,” she responded, “she sounds very caring and loving, just like our own dear mother,” she added with a smile.
“Yes,” I chuckled, “that is how she present herself to be, yeah.”
However, Bobby did not agree with my sentiment, especially when Lilith hurt his little sister from a simple handshake. “That is not true,” he argued, “your mother is not a superb person,” he stated bluntly, “she is an awful woman, that is all,” he shook his head.
Bad person?! There is no way mommy is a bad person!
“She is not a bad person Bobby!” I shouted at him angrily, “you are wrong!”
He furrowed his brow, “no, you are not listening to yourself,” he sighed, “how many times do I need to repeat myself for you to understand?”
“No, that is not true,” I denied, “Mommy is a good person,” I repeated, “she is a wonderful person.”
“No, that is not possible, because you are not a good person,” he retorted, “if you were, then you would not let her hurt my little sister,” Bobby looked away, “you are a liar,” he mumbled, “a terrible, unpleasant, evil liar,”
“I am not lying, Bobby,” I cried out, “you are the liar, not me,”
“Why do you keep saying this, Adam?”
Alice intervened in their argument, standing between them, “guys! Please no more fighting! You are both friends with each other, right? It hurts to hear such things.” Bobby and Adam continued to glare at each other, glaring back and forth.
“I am telling the truth, Adam,” Bobby growled at me.
Shut up, shut up, shut up! How does he know about mommy?! He knows nothing about her!
“Bobby, stop it, okay,” Alice pleaded, “my brother doesn’t mean it, he just got angry, that’s all,” she reasoned with me, “it’s all right, Adam, it’s all right, really,” Alice continued, hoping to desolate the situation between us.
“No, you are not!” I screamed, “You do not care about anything but your stupid little sister, that is all you think about, and that is why you do not have any friends, because we are too different, and it is all because of that bastard of a father that abandoned had abandoned you!”
They froze, shocked at hearing that, “what do you mean by that?” Bobby coldly said, growing more angry as he continued to stare at me menacingly.
“Adam, please calm down,” Alice begged again as she stood in front of me, “we need to apologize and-“
“SHUT UP!” Without any warning, without any hesitation or thought of what I just did, my hand simply moved on its own as I angrily slapped her, causing Alice to fall on the ground, knocking herself unconscious.
“Alice!” Bobby ran to her, kneeling as he panicked to check on his little sister, “please..please be okay!” He continued in tears, “Alice wake up, come on, please…”
W..what have I done? Oh my god, what did I just do?!
I shakily look at my opened palms, seeing blood dripping down from them.
“Are you happy now?!” Bobby tearfully yelled, “are you happy that you harmed my sister, again?!” His eyes turned red and his face became twisted, as he glared at me, he gritted his teeth while holding his sister.
No..no I am not, “I did not mean to-“
“Bullshit! You did this! You keep hurting my sister, my family because of you!” He loudly roared, “you are the reason that our father left and never came back, and that is all because of you, Adam,” he cried out as he tightly held his unconscious sister.
I lowered my head in shame, feeling terrible for everything that happened. “I am sorry..please..I swear, I just lost control.” I apologized as I began to cry, “I did not want to hurt anybody, I am sorry…I will not ever do this again, so please forgive me..”
He shook his head, “there is no way that I could accept that,” he replied in a firm tone, “you were never good friend to begin with. In fact, I should not become friends with the likes of you!”
A sharp string hit my heart from hearing those harsh words, “Bobby,”
“Please just leave,” he sighed, “and stop bothering us anymore,”
My hands felt like they were on fire, “b-but, wait, Bobby, listen to me,”
“Get away from us,” he ordered, “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM US!” His voice reverberated throughout the entire snowy forest, “or else, I will be forced to do something drastic to get rid of you, Adam,” he threatened as he clenched his fist at me.
Nodding in shame, I ran back to my house as the terrible memories of all the things that happened flashed before my eyes. “I am so sorry,” I whispered as I continued running, crying.
It hurts so much, knowing that I almost had this new life of mine but it was all ruined because of me!
“He is right you know,” a voice echoed in my mind, the voice belonging to other than my deceased father, causing me to stop from running as I stood in shock of hearing him again.
“What do you want,” I angrily demanded, clenching my fists at my father’s voice, “why are you even still here?” Hatred seethed inside of me, as I tried to ignore the sound of his voice.
The voice of my father chuckled, “why am I still fucking here?! Ha ha! Good one son, you must be so happy that they are gone, so now, it is just you and me, isn’t it? How does it feel, Adam? It feels so good to be alone, doesn’t it?”
I am tired, just tired of everything. “I do not care anymore,” my broken voice said as I turned to look at the sky. “You should care though, Adam. You should care about your own life. Do you think that this world would be so kind enough for you to be alive after what you did?” He taunted me, as he laughed, “do you really think that this world is so forgiving to let the likes of a murderer to live peacefully and happily ever after?”
“I am not a murderer!”
He continued laughing, “you killed me son. You murdered your own flesh and blood. Why do you think that this world has given a second chance to a killer to live his life freely, Adam?”
I could hear the cold wind howling around me, blowing across the trees and bushes as I stood in my spot.
His not real, his not real, his not real.
I repeated in my head as I looked down on the ground.
The voice of father continued in my head as it got louder and more frequent, as well as stronger. “I am a real boy and will always be real until the day you die.”
“Shut up,” I growled, looking away from his face as he began to laugh loudly, “shut up shut up shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”
I violently swing my arms, mindlessly striking at the air around me, “get out of my head,” I screamed, “GET THE HELL OF OUT MY HEAD!”
Father’s voice continued to laugh at my demise, “you will never be free Adam. Never. No matter how far you run or hide or even try to pretend like none of this happened to you or that it did not happen to those precious people that died, it is all still going to follow you wherever you go.”
My hands shook as I took a step back.
“I am not a monster,” he roared, “but neither is this world. We are all monsters, Adam. All of us, every person that walks the Earth, we are all monsters to the rest of the world. And you, my son, are a monster.”
“Shut up,” I grit teeth, trying to fight off his voice, “SHUT THE HELL UP!” I clenched my head as the voice became unbearable and loud.
“Why do you think that you hit little Alice? Or why do you think that you allowed the cabin to burn to the ground while I was burnt alive?” He asked, “You did it because you are always my piece of shit and a loser that is incapable of doing dirt. It is because you are weak, pathetic, and a coward that does not deserve to be here.”
“Mommy! mommy!” I fell on my knees, sobbing like a little child, crying for my mother to save me as I continued to clutch onto my own head. “Get the hell of my head, get the hell of my head, get the hell of my head,” I cried, holding onto the collar of my shirt as the tears rolled down my cheeks.
