Sitting inside my lonely bedroom on a chair at this early morning of the day was nothing new for me. The day continues on and on, but nothing happens, not like it should.
Every moment of my waking life, I dread losing my close friends or family. I miss them all; and so, this fear of having to experience it again was driving me mad, to the point where it felt like a never ending nightmare that is stuck in my head. But I tried not to think too hard about it and simply focus on living the life I wanted to.
Yet, why do I still feel like there is something missing? Something is off, though I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is. It feels like a part of me is not working properly and that there is a void that needs to be filled. And because of that, it is making me uneasy but sometimes it even makes me want to scream and cry.
Is it a lack of hope? Or maybe that is it. Maybe it is the hope that is gone and that is causing me to be depressed.
“What the hell am I thinking again? What’s wrong with me?…” Trailing off under these thoughts, I stood up and went to a window, seeing the beautiful rising sun across the horizon of the city as it slowly ascends.
“The sun…I can’t always stop thinking about it whenever this time of the year comes around; it is like I am cursed or something.” Sighing to myself, I gazed out the window of this high rise house with nothing but glass between me and the public streets below.
At least Eve and Lilim are sleeping together in their own bedroom. I hope that the kid sees Eve as her genuine mother instead of that demon. Loud knock abrupted my thought process as the door opened, causing me to flinch away from the sight of no other than the big bad wolf himself; Skoll.
“Your door is unlocked,” he said with a stoic expression, which was like a slap to my cheek. Yet, I did not expect that he came here and decided to visit me at this hour of the morning.
Why is he here, anyway? Or did he come to talk about something else entirely? Better just to ask him what he wants instead of leaving him in the dark with unanswered questions.
“Oh, it’s you Skoll. Do you need something?” I asked him as he closed the door behind him, but he only shook his head in response. He is the same old grump that always acts like the aloof badass; that is how he has been acting ever since he joined our side.
The werewolf then opened his mouth and spoke: “It’s been a while since we have talked to each other, Adam. Do you mind walking with me in this fine mourning?” He gave a little grin, yet, the only thing I can conceive right now is getting back to sleep like the lazy ass I am.
Although, why not?
“Yeah, sure,” I shrugged my shoulders and replied to him, even if the cold air and snow is always present, there will be no better cool friend than him. Besides, we don’t often interact with other that much. Heading downstairs and outside the house, we stood on the sidewalk as passing vehicles mindlessly zoomed by us with loud screeches and honks. We are not too far from the highway, but it is still peaceful to be outdoors.
Taking the turn to start a conversation, “where do you want to chat, Skoll?” I asked. Although, it appears like he is the one that needs to speak first.
With his hands on his waist and the wind blowing on his face, he sighed, “anywhere far from here, somewhere that is only just the two of us,” Skoll replied with his gaze looking to the ground, unbothered. His tone was serious; not a hint of amusement. Noticing that the werewolf is deep in thought, I decided to give him time.
I decided to suggest an alternative, “what about we just sit on the front porch? You know, the, uh, stairs that leads up to the door?” His ears perked up slightly from the mention of my simple proposition.
Having Agreed with my suggestion, we unexpectedly head back to the front porch of our house before sitting on the stairs, where in the far horizon is the ascending sun and the snow is still raging like never; it appears like there is no end to it.
“Do you have a dream?” Skoll’s voice was quiet and solemn as if he is trying to be heard from afar.This question was unexpected because he did not ask this before. I scratched my cheek for a second as I ponder what to answer, but it is not like there are rules or regulations that state he has to be asking me this, so why not tell the truth for once.
“Ah, you mean if I have dreams whenever I sleep…right?” I cheekily responded with a chuckle. He sighed in annoyance, but still answered, “not like that.” Then, he looked to the sky and continued, “what I am implying is that if you have a end goal in your life; something you wish to achieve, even a vague idea of it will suffice.” He paused for a moment as if he is waiting for me to continue, staring straight at me in anticipation.
I nodded my head and chuckled again. “I suppose so…”
Standing up and taking a couple of steps forward away from the stairs as I looked at the beautiful horizon, “a dream? Yes…I do have a dream. My dream is to live a peaceful life with a family of my own; to be happy of one’s mission in life, and to be free from all the darkness that throws us. That is the dream I desired…”
I laughed out loud to myself, knowing that this was not exactly the type of life that most people want to lead,” s-sorry if I sound like I am out of my mind. It is just that, even though I have a comfortable home and family; there is still the danger that lurks around us, and it is not easy to find safety in this world.” I pointed out to the falling snow.
Silence fell between the two of us as he stared into the distance with his hands clasped behind his back.
Eventually, he turned to face me, and with his mouth curled upwards and eyes twinkling in amusement, he gave me an amused grin, and said, “If there is one thing that I find you interesting, it is how you are plain and simple. There are many people in this world that is too ambitious and arrogant to the point that it is ridiculous. They will become a victim to their own delusions. They will be led to destruction, misery and even death.”
He stood up before stopping near my shoulder, conjuring an ice axe on his right hand before rising it towards the sky, “for all my life, I have been raised and taught of only killing no matter what reason. That was the only purpose I was given to serve. To keep swinging these axes of mine; to kill or maim anyone that dared to oppose my cause. However, what itches me daily is my desire to be killed by a worthy opponent through combat.”
Understanding his intention, “so that is your dream? To be beaten by a strong opponent? What about the weaklings that surround you?” My answer came immediately out of my lips, “do you see them as worthy opponents, Skoll?”
Making his axe disappear, he snorts from my question, “the weak? Do not get me wrong. Of course there are those that are weaker than you and me. But, they are not worthy of fighting the strong. Only the strong are capable of defeating the strong,” the logic he uses made me shiver from the cold; and it reminded me of the old world where people like him ruled the lands.
Nodding in agreement, “perhaps your right on this assumption,” taking out a cigar from my pocket before lighting it up, and exhaling a puff of smoke from my nose, “but no matter how you call these types of people weak, their endurance and perseverance of trying whatever options they have left is admirable, do you not agree?”
My speech placed him into silence for a moment, until finally, he responds with a small chuckle, “well human, I guess you have a point there.”After saying that, the door opened; resulting in the sight of exhausted Clover, “aye! I have been looking all over you two,” he panted from the exertion of searching for us, “and what are yer doing here in the open?”
We took a short glance of each other before standing and facing the short leprechaun, “we were just hanging out,” I answered for the both of us.
“Oh, I see,” he responded in a gist, “you guys might want to take a seat inside in the kitchen. Eve wanted me to tell you that breakfast is read,” directing us to the doorway; and we obediently did as he says.
Reaching back in the house, a faint aroma of food and warm stove greeted us. The atmosphere was inviting with bright colors everywhere, and the sunlight shining through the windows was quite captivating.
Entering the kitchen, I saw a moment that I would never forget in my entire lifetime.
My love of the woman-Eve, is happily feeding Lilim with spoon like mother and child. Their eyes were locked together, gently feeding the little girl. Eve looked so peaceful and happy while watching Lilim eat and spoke. It was something that I wished to be in that very moment.
These two…are really my family now; it felt like an odd thought to be thinking but it is the truth. Seeing Eve this happy of bonding with our child is simply the greatest thing to happen in my life.
Stepping closer to them, the duo noticed our presence; especially myself included as Eve and Lilim happily greet us with smiles, “daddy!” The girl sprinted toward me at blinding speed, which made her leap and embraced me tightly.
However, what I did not expect is that I did not faint nor feel hallucinate. In fact, I just feel the normal hug of my own daughter without getting severely frightened of being touched like a ghost. Because of that, I could not hold my tears.
She looked up at my teary face, confused of why I am crying suddenly, “daddy? What’s wrong?” Lilim asked concernedly; with a sweet voice that reminded me of the sound of snow falling on the ground.
Clover and Skoll was confused about why I was crying, but Eve understood. She interacted in the same sediment as I am; placing her hands over her mouth in a sobbing gesture of herself, overjoyed of able to hold my daughter’s hands without losing myself to the phobia of the past I carried with.
In trembling lips and voice, I told her, “I’m sorry, Lilim. It’s just that I am so proud of you.” My daughter let of the hug, tilting her head at the side in confused and curious, “why are you thanking me daddy? Don’t cry! It makes it hard for me to see you like this when you are sad,” she said in a cute and innocent voice.
I laughed in not out of despair, fear or anything bad. I am simply laughing because of how happy I am feeling right now; it was such a strange and beautiful sensation of pure happiness to be able to feel the touch of someone I considered to be family.
For the hope for me, and my new family. If I can hold my daughter’s hands, to raise her like a loving father would and support and guide her through the stormy path that lies ahead of her; then that means I could reach this dream of mine.
Yes, a dream I spoke with Skoll. That dream of living in a peaceful and boring life with only those who I am close with. A life where no one would come to hurt or betray us. No more fighting, no more struggle—just living the life of quiet bliss, with no worries, pain or suffering.
And if that is possible by taking this first step, then I must start doing it now.
