Enjoying ourselves in this public and empty park; we were all so comfortable with each other.
Clover is sitting next to me, smoking and facing one of the dead trees that are currently around us. The gentle wind blowing in our hair, whispering of the past and the memories of the people and the events that led us here.
The park is quite empty, especially on a day like this. Everyone are in either at work or school, except us of course. It’s grass is entirely covered with patches of snow on top. There are sparse people passing by, but they all avoided us due to the ruckus of Skoll and Lilim.
The duo were sparring as we enjoy our cigars, Eve was merely standing near direction in a display of studying their moves; not participating in the battle but observing and keeping an eye on things.
The werewolf and kid are what happens when an unstoppable object meets immovable force. Skoll is unable to be hurt by the physical blows of Lilim, while she herself are unbothered by pain and is capable of regenerating her missing limbs within a couple of seconds.
They are like two juggernauts with no mercy—two giants of destruction with no end in sight. One that is trying to kill the other with their claws and teeth.
What is most impressive of all in their fight is their superhuman stamina; having fought for a few hours straight to the point that Eve, Clover and I had to do other things as they keep ongoing on and on. It was rather entertaining to watch them brawl.Flickering the cigar to the side of my mouth, I exhale smoke out of my nose. We were able to relax in this place, enjoying the company of one another’s company and watching the pair of them duke it out in front of us.
Although it sounds wrong to letting a kid of mine brutally battle out with someone, she is no ordinary child and in addition that she does not feel pain, I suppose I will allow this to happen for the moment; it still feels like a crime.
Standing up from my spot, Clover turn to look at me along with raised question, “where ya going lad?” He asks, smoking the cigar he borrowed from me.
“Just going to find a private spot to pee,” I respond, wearing a tired expression.
Clover eyes me curiously before answering, “ah, alrighty then. Don’t take too long lad,” he says. He turns to walk away while holding his cigarette in his mouth.
Knowing my cue, I begin to walk inside one of the closed dead trees in this short forest, enjoying the birds chirping and the crisp air of this area until spotting a peculiar large tree that is unlike the rest. This tree is different; it is like its body is covered with snow, while the trunk of this tree is covered entirely in ice. Its branches are also frozen over.
For a moment, I do not need to pee; not right away at least. Approaching the frozen tree, I sat on one of its exposed branches at the ground, leaning against the cold bark of this tree. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath in.With the sound of my heart beating loud in my ears, I let out all of the stress and worries in this world that’s been haunting me. The cold and numbness of the tree’s surface is nice as it was soothing to the skin of my hands.
This peace of tranquility is not like the peaceful nights when everyone slept with the soft and gentle breeze blowing through the cold air. Rather, it was something else; it’s the sort of silence that is only felt by the deaf. No, it is not silent as the world is still moving around us, but it is a calming sensation that is not heard by anyone and the only thing in this world.
Loneliness.
Most of my life, I suffered that accursed word; it was always there, lurking around in the back of my mind, threatening to devour me from the inside. To be alone. There was no other option but to be alone, to face my own personal hell and bear it with the sanity intact—to suffer the torment and loneliness of life.
However, this is different. Here, there were no more problems of being alone, because I was not alone anymore. The warm reminder of this family I just have quells all of it to nothing but the thought of being loved and cared for. That is all. Nothing more than the simple hope that I will be able to survive and live to the end of my days.
That is why this is so important for me.
“Can I sit here?” Eve’s voice snapped me back to reality, and I slowly opened my eyes; glancing her way, she is stand not far from my side, “please my love?” She smiled at me as if trying to assure herself of how much of an idiot she was to have asked such a question. For a split-second, we looked like a pair of lovers. Then, it faded into the background as Eve took the seat beside mine while not touching each other’s skin.
Smiling in return, “my answer would be yes,” I answered honestly. However, a bit of hesitation seeped in from the corners of my lips. It was only for a few seconds before a small frown appeared between those red lips of hers.
“If she can touch you…could I hold your hand once more?” Her question was hesitant; she appeared to be afraid even to ask me this. But, it was only for a few seconds that this notion crossed my mind. My smile became wider, and then, it turned to a grin.
“Let’s try that.” With my final answer, our fingers intertwined and held hands together like two couples holding each other.
At first, the pain and memories came back. Memories of the past, and of the time that will never come again. A lot of emotions rushed through my head: fear, anger, regrets, and sadness. Everything that made me the person that I am now—everything that made me a man out of touch with my own inner emotions.
My heart was pounding hard, the breathing is fast; I was sweating profusely. But I did not give in, no I refuse to!
With all my strength, I manage to suppress these dark thoughts and pressure inside my head, to focus only on the warmth of Eve’s hands. Even if it is just a mere illusion of something normal and familiar. A comfort from the world that is beyond reach for the rest of us, a promise that everything will be okay in the future and that things will get better.
This is the moment of hope.
This is the moment where hope exists.
As long as I can still remember.
I managed to pull myself together, like pulling a band-aid off a wound, only for the pain to be worse. A little part of me still felt ashamed; the shame that is embedded within one’s heart—the pain, the guilt, the fear, the confusion, the doubt, the frustration, the betrayal, the regrets.
And as I try to defeat them, they still kept on coming back.
Suddenly, they disappeared after she let go of my hand, shamefully looking down in shame and guilt of what she done, “I thought this would be different.” Her voice sounded like an apology.
“I know Eve, I know. I was also hoping that this will be different. That things might be better. But I am sure that I will overcome this darkness and soon, we can hold our hands again,” my eyes looked into hers; a small glimmer of hope. For her, and for me. “I want to be with you. I want to be with the both of us, including with our daughter.” It was the honest and most truthful words that ever came out of my mouth.
She began to sob, wiping her own teary face with the back of her hands, “Then please, just stay with me—stay with all of us. Just like this. Together. No, don’t say anything else, it is enough. Just to be together…” Together? I always wanted to be together with her, with everyone. To run away from all the problems that plague us; to live happily together in the future. So, I decided to come with conclusion, to end all of it, to forget about all of these lies and bullshit.
“Perhaps…I should quit my job,” I said to myself.
Eve finally stopped crying. She slowly look up to meet my gaze. A single tear was rolling down the corner of her left eye. My heart pounded faster and harder than before as her lips opened, “you…you want to quit? But how can we financially sustain ourselves?”
There are many ways we can sustain ourselves without having to do job, one of them is winning the lottery and the other, having Skoll do the dirty work for us. Albeit, trying to win a lottery is our better and more legal option.
“You don’t have to worry about that, I will figure that out by myself,” I assured.
Eve wiped her tears with the palms of her hands; she then put them on the edge of her skirt, “When? When are you planning to leave your job?”
As soon as possible, “today, I will just give them a call and say that I want to retire. That is pretty much it. Everything after that is my responsibility,” the wheels were turning inside my head. Not only about the financial aspect, but also about the possibility of getting caught or the repercussions that it may cause if I resort to illegal methods.
I did not like this, but I had no choice. If this is the only way to be with the woman that I love and being with my family, then so be it. Besides, I can always convince my problems or worries to the power of psychology.
“There you two are!”
The voice of our daughter brought us full circle, returning to reality. Eve’s eyes were filled with happiness and excitement; mine with similar feelings. We both sighed in relief as the little girl hugged us both, “I was looking all over for you two!”
Preparing to sit between us, Lilim continued speaking, “daddy, did you saw what we did back there?! Mr.Skoll and I fought, and he chopped my head off and-“
Interrupting her with a wave of hand, not wanting to go graphic of their spar, “that is amazing, but can I ask you a question?”
With a curious tone, she asked back, “what is it, daddy?”
I cleared my throat, “do you consider Eve as your mother?” The question made her frown, humming in deep thought as she looks down at her own two feet before finally giving out her answer, “yes! Yes I do consider her as my new mommy!” Our daughter’s answer brought Eve and me joy; a smile from ear to ear as Eve responded, “thank you for that sweetie.”
As daughter and mother embraced together, I feel my heartbeats moved in a calm rhythm, seeing Eve and my child happy with each other is like watching the stars align into a perfect pattern. A single moment of silence is enough for me to imagine the future for us together.
Yawning, I stood up from the seat and motion them to come with me, “come on you two, Clover and Skoll is probably thinking that we left them,” they both got up from their seats in compliant.
We walked, Lilim’s hands grabbing ours as she trek between us, happily humming a tone through this small forest.
For a tedious time, I never felt this amazing and good about something in this world. There is an inexplicable warmth, like when I was with Doctor Sol; but there is more to this sensation than just the fact of knowing that there is people I can rely on.
No one is going to break my family apart, not God or the devil. For once, it feels right. For once, it feels real. Not because of the past or the present. Not because of the people that I met. Not because of the friends that I had.
Because I feel loved and wanted.
