Throughout the trip of heading back home, the silence in our car was deafeningly evident. Clover’s stare were filled with anger while Eve looked rather calm like usual. It appeared that neither one wanted to say anything, as they were both staring straight ahead from their seats.
Clover was rightfully upset at me for not even thinking about helping a victim who was being on the verge of getting violated, raped and possibly on being killed if we had not stepped in. But then again, what could I have done? Sure, call the cops but none of that is my business. The only thing I can do is let them handle it themselves.
With the cigar still in my mouth, I chuckle cruelly at the thought, being worried about those I barely know would slow me down and hinder my progress in living the way I want. Yes, that is how the world works, isn’t it? Because at the end of the day, most oncoming passerby would just ignore the crime being presented towards their eyes.
But why should I care anyway? This is nothing more than another unfortunate incident that always occurred in this forsaken world. A substantial number of people die every single day, whether they are human or animals; it does not matter to me because this will happen all the time no matter – its mother nature.
I continuously drive through the snowy roads, the sky became darker than before in this city. After the sun slowly set and darkness crept into the horizon. Night finally approached, so did the temperature and coldness of the air. Although, I cannot complain since the heater still worked well enough to keep me warm from the bitter chill of the wind.
My gut feeling says that we are close to home, which is a good thing considering how tired I am. The whole trip back was exhausting and taxing on me physically and mentally. Clover is mad at me for not being good samaritan, but Eve on the other hand…
Taking a short quick glance at the outline of her empty face, I noticed a small important detail from the way her eyes display from looking at the side of her mirror, empathy for something..or someone. What could she possibly be thinking about? Does she have some sort of deep feelings towards the victim or the event that transpired?
No, her empathy was not directing towards any of them but me instead. But that cannot be right, why me? Eve should be angry or hell, upset with me for being such an inconsiderate person. Even Clover is already pissed off and mad, which I deserved after what I had done.
However, Eve…she was not mad or disappointed at me, in fact, she was considerate about my well-being.
“Tsk,” I quietly groan under my breath, I do not deserve such compassion for what I done. I am a selfish asshole who does nothing but hurt others and myself whenever I feel like it. Yet, why cannot I take my eyes of that?
After long silence and trip back home, we eventually reached to our destination as I parked the vehicle in the opened garage before turning off the engine and unlocking the doors by pressing the button on the keychain. Getting out of the car and throwing the cigar on the snowy ground, I released deep fresh air while walking up the steps leading to the entrance of my house.
Eve and Clover followed suit, the anger towards me from Clover was noticeable through his quiet scowls. He has been glaring at me since he got out of the car, even though he did not say anything directly, it was clear enough for me to know that he was unhappy with me, obviously.
Entering the warm house, I am both glad and happy that we are all finally home at peace without having any more dangerous situations occur. However, I still feel uneasy because of the way Clover looks at me, especially after hearing him mumble under his breath. “Lad…”
“Clover?” I turned to him, having heard his mumble just now.
He turns away from me as he walks somewhere in the house, not saying a word or wave. It was an unpleasant feeling of experiencing someone close to me being hated by another. It is just like being with my abusive father…the memory of long forgotten past that I wish to forget about it but nonetheless still lingers with me whenever I least expect.
As Clover left, Eve went to find him before saying something under her breath that I barely even hear over the sound of the peaceful snow outside and my intrusive thoughts, probably asking where he had gone off to or whatever.
All of that leaves is me, alone in this room with no one else around. I can sense that there is an empty feeling inside me as I continue to stare down at my feet. It feels like I am stuck here and nothing will ever change for the better until I discover what to do next.
I need to rest, that is what I have to do now. To take a long sleep and have the sweet darkness to lull me into slumber. I should go to bed, get some good night’s rest and then wake up tomorrow morning to start a new day.
Going up the stairs to my bedroom despite the heavy feelings carrying down my shoulders, I enter the dimly lit room as I lay myself on the soft mattress of my bed. I close my eyes and try to relax, but I am unable to. My mind is too preoccupied with the worries and problems that are plaguing my head.
“Why…why was I even born in the first place?” I ask aloud as I turn to look at the ceiling above. “I am not special or unique like what my adoptive father thinks I am. I just exist because I am needed.” My hand reaches towards the side of my bed and touches upon the familiar shape of hand from someone I know.
My head slowly turn to the side, meeting a unexpected smiling woman – Azrael.
“What the hell?!” I immediately got out of the bed and faced her before rubbing my eyes as if I am hallucinating. However, she is still there. She looks different though, somehow more mature than when we last met each other back in my recent dream.
Rather than screaming or running like any normal person would do when a stranger appeared in someone’s home, I just stood gawking in surprise and uncertainty about what to say.
She chuckles lightly, “Relax dear, it is me.”
“Azrael…” I whisper under my breath as my heart beats faster for no apparent reason.
“Yes, Adam~” Azrael spoke in flirty tone, she stretched out her arm towards me. “It has been a long time since we last met. Why don’t you lay down at the bed with me?” She giggled lightly and pouted.
I did not understand what was going on, why are things getting weird? Did I sleepwalk again or something? Was this all just a nightmare that I experienced while I was sleeping and I am only dreaming now, but in reality I should be awake right-
“Come on, don’t be shy…I know whats going with you,” her statement suddenly snaps me out of my state as I realize that she is indeed here in front of me. “You are unsure of your life, are you not?” Her voice sounds so familiar, almost like I have heard it before.
Nodding, I lay back on the bed with her, staring at the ceiling together with her cold hand gently touching mine. “Yes, I am uncertain of my life,” my somber voice whispers. “Everything appears to go wrong for me.”
Her smile becomes bigger, “Why do you think that way?” She whispers. “Do you think that you are worthless because of the choices you made and how you were raised by the life that was given to you?”
My head slowly turns towards her, meeting those beautiful silver eyes that appear so familiar yet different than what I remember from when we last met each other. However, I cannot recall why I should even care about her anymore nor anything at this point.
“Yes…” I whisper under my breath as my heart beats faster for no apparent reason, returning my focus to the ceiling again, “this life I was handed with is nothing more than a curse.”
Azrael sighs lightly, “What do you mean dear?” She questions. “It does not feel like that at all.”
“I have lost everyone I cared for dearly, my two fathers, my childhood friends and the woman I was about to be married were all perished because of my existence,” I speak in a low tone as my body shakes from the pain of remembering their faces. “All because of me.”
She pouts softly, “That is not true Adam. You had nothing to do with them dying, you are innocent.” Nodding, I look away to the side, “They did die because they associated with me and it led to their deaths. Their lives ended due to my own actions…”
“Your life has brought you to where you are now,” she speaks up as I slowly turn my head back towards her, meeting those gentle silver eyes. “The world you lived in is a harsh place filled with corruption and violence, but you managed to survive against all odds despite the many obstacles you faced. Your life has brought you to this point, where you can see the light of hope at the end of the tunnel.”
The encouraging words make me smile softly, “You are right…” I say, “My life has been difficult so far and yet, I am still here. There is something worth living for.”
Her lips curl into a small smirk as she reaches out to stroke my cheek gently, turning her whole body to my side, “Yes, you have yet to find your purpose in this world. Although the path may be rough, you will soon find peace within yourself once you accomplish what you want to do.”
Find peace within myself? Is there peace for me ahead? Is that even such a thing? Peace? Where was the peace I long for, where did it go when I needed it most?!
Azrael whispers softly, “You need to face the past and let go of the pain before you can move forward dear. Otherwise, you would only suffer from self-doubt and anxiety over things that happened to you in the past.”
The insightful words were touching, but not enough to help me overcome my inner turmoil. My mind continues to swirl with painful memories, causing me to feel overwhelmed and hopeless. I do not know why I cannot just get it together.
The haunting memories will always stay with me as I said before, the thought of trying to remove them is pointless. However, there are some events that should be remembered and cherished as they have shaped who I am today…
“What’s wrong Adam?” Azrael asks while her hand strokes my cheek. She appears concerned about me, which makes me smile softly, “Are you alright my dear?”
I can feel her soft and cold hands caressing my face…it feels nice to experience this feeling again after all these years. Her gentle touch is so comforting and reassuring as she looks deeply into my eyes with those warm and soothing eyes.
I nod slowly, “I think so,” turning my head towards her, locking eyes with each other and staring at one another, “why do you care anyway?” I ask curiously.
Azrael smiles softly, “Because you precious humans mean a lot to me,” she turn on her back, holding my hand once again as we stare at the ceiling, “out of all the humans I seen, you are the most interesting one so far…”
Did she not brought that topic before?
“Hey, didn’t you-” When I turned the side of my head, she was gone and so to the warm and comforting cold hands. “What…?” My voice echoed inside my skull. Was everything that happened now with that mysterious woman a hallucination or just a weird fever dream?
The answer came with a knock on my bedroom door, resulting me to stand up and quickly walk towards it. I opened the door and found myself staring at Eve, much to my surprise. “Eve?” I say as she enters the room, shutting the door behind her. “Can I help you?”
Eve lower her head down, “can…we speak outside in private?”
What is this all about?
