i don't remember adding the word "falling" to this journal but there it is
i'd better explain
after we got word from zhakil that cazha planned to bait us into an ambush i made some preparations in the form of spell-infused tokens for medya to carry but the whole time i was lining up what i would say to her when we got there
i even managed to trim it to a very short lecture before i sensed lem's alarm token
i refined it further as we travelled to "malleon's gate"
there was a crowd around a large natural pit in which cazha and zhakil and four others stood waiting
i layered a couple defensive spells on myself and we descended the ramp
cazha stood there with a very large maul resting across her shoulders
i walked up to what seemed a safe distance and explained why it was in her best interest to release lem and avoid a fight she couldn't win
i honestly expected i'd get some sort of verbal response from her
there was a burst of motion so fast i didn't even have a chance to react
she dashed forward and swung her maul at my legs
i felt more than saw the magenta flash as the spell matrix of my sculpted shell collapsed
i definitely felt everything go very wrong with the flesh and bone of the legs i grew up with
and then before i could begin to process and fully commit to panic she caught me with a second swing and i lost track of gravity and then consciousness
zer' healed me and teleported me out of harm's way but i missed that part
the next thing i knew i was very groggy and on my side near the rim of the pit and i heard shouting
i tried to stand up but i couldn't get my front legs under me so i pushed myself with just my hinds so i could see
cazha wasn't visible but i saw that spark was in very bad shape so i focused and cast my renewal spell and somehow it worked even though she was at least a dozen strides away
then i saw an archer nock three large arrows at once on a very large bow so i pinned them to the pit's wall
medya swooped at them with her crossbow and ... she's a good shot
i was still in shock so it didn't occur to me in the moment but that's the first time she's ever taken a life
part of me wishes i hadn't seen that
she did the right thing but i can tell she's affected by it and we'll have to spend some time working through those feelings
oh medya i'm so sorry
then the fighting ended and our group was alive so that part was good
medya and zer' got me home safely so i'm journaling this now in case memories get fuzzy later on
i learned so much today
i now understand the minimum safe distance for lecturing
i have a new appreciation for what directions one can fall in
and it's a good thing i already prepared the casting molds because i'll need my new front legs a little more urgently now
this pair doesn't work right anymore