i considered morran's situation a bit more then talked with him then did some more thinking and the anger passed quickly enough
sure he's made some decisions in ways that baffle me and some of his behaviors are nerve-wracking but he's doing the best he can with circumstances somewhat worse than mine
for one thing he's been in hiding because announcing his presence would invite several different parties to take actions not in his best interest
lem and morran needed someplace to stay safe and hidden for at least until they could arrange something more long-term so zer' got to work psychically manifesting a temporary pocket-space that opens within the heart and hammer
morran required a few things so we ran some errands
spark and bell went to visit leali and ask if she could dig up morran's dissertation – his arcane healing schemata – out of the morgrave university library
relic and i revisited that healer who needed our help with the epidemic of dust-related injury
oh we certainly did staunch the flow of dust into the hands of the grown
in fact dust might not exist anymore if lem can't work out how to synthesize the component cinnabar was supplying but we didn't share that detail
anyhow she provided the book on house jorasco's healing spellcraft as promised so that's one more hurdle cleared out of the way
i was extremely looking forward to studying it once we got back but while we were gone lem and morran worked up another list of supplies
back when morran crafted his spells he didn't have to worry about the practicality of such a shopping list because he had free access to much of house cannith's resources
nowhere is it easy or inexpensive to get actual salamander bile
nowhere
medya and i spent several hours struggling to fill that list
after visiting every apothecary in the "everbright" district – and getting the "trying to pretend one isn't surprised by the sight of a unicorn and a gryphon" reaction from all but one – we managed to fill the list
we were enjoying a quick meal on the way back when medya noticed we'd been followed
they walked past us and dropped a note which read "you have friends; be careful"
and with that so-simple-it's-baffling statement we decided to hurry home
when we shared the note the others agreed that it was worrying but the h&h was well protected so that counts as careful
when we described the messenger lem was reminded of a daask lieutenant named "takrin" but she's dead so probably not? unless reanimated?
anyhow leali was there with morran's dissertation and she had to dig it out of a sealed archive so someone really wanted it not to be seen
probably merrix 1 – morran's grandfather
what a family
it seemed like a good time to autopsy cinnabar's remains
first i quietly apologized and thanked her because we obviously couldn't ask permission but she'd be helping us learn a lot
leali and lem took notes while morran shared his knowledge and bell and i set to it
she was at most twenty years old and morran was unfamiliar with some of the methods in her metamatrix but he said it looked like his grandfather's custom work
brief digression here since morran explained
d'cannith merrix 1 is widely credited for creating the "warforged"
what he actually did was take an existing schema he couldn't fully understand and fill in the gaps with awkward work-arounds
where'd he get that schema? he reverse-cast it from his son aaren's work on what he called a "forgeborn"
morran knew this forgeborn from his youth but couldn't bring himself to talk about that
more mysteries
i could ramble about cinnabar's shell and metamatrix for days but i'll skip to the most important part
zer' identified her core as being made of "mabaran obsidian"
"mabar" is the plane of night and the blacker-than-black crystal sure gave that impression
it was clearly the source of the "raw" cinnabar referred to in her journals and her core's casing still had some of the same purple glow
it felt like she was designed to operate entirely on spite
given her journals and what we learned in cinnabar's autopsy i think dust makes sense now
she wanted the stuff to be a gift of comfort to her fellow forged in the same way glitterreed is to ponies
but she may have wanted that primarily to spite the grown who would be attracted to the stuff and then become addicted to a painful poison
i'm glad whatever possessed her to do that is gone
i wish her life hadn't been defined by cruelty
bell said it best when she said "i feel like i'm putting together a jigsaw puzzle and i just found a fifth corner piece”
the manuals we found in eston were helpful but for anything to do with the core directly they reference "the whitehearth manuals"
"whitehearth" was the cannith family workshop in some other part of what is now the mournland
i wonder how many more puzzle pieces we'll find there
anyhow a good night's rest brings me to this morning
apparently transom came by to ask if the h&h was hiring and the answer was yes so now we have an administrative assistant who's learning the basics of forged renewal under bell
meanwhile i sat with morran to study the arm he made for himself
the good part? it's the very model of precision and functionality
the bad part? that's all it is
it's like he went down the checklist of every motion he needed it to be capable of but never put a single thought toward aesthetics or expression
he went on about how there was nothing wrong with his design and then in the same breath he'd complain about how it wouldn't do what he wanted
he said "the mana bleed is just feedback from the failing emotional response" as though that were just a symptom and not the root cause
he dismissed my current forelegs as not even being a worthy proof of concept
i told him i knew that but i made them to ease my internal disquiet before i left the everglow precisely so i wouldn't rush and make the same kind of mistake he had
he said his work was absolutely perfect and dared me to explain what was missing
i said "you don't love that arm like part of you and from the look of it you don't even love yourself and that's what's missing"
i must have hit a nerve because that's when he got up and stormed out of the h&h
spark and relic chased after him to make sure he wouldn't be wandering around alone
and that brings us to now
i've been working with bell on ideas to help him make the necessary leap of self-acceptance but right now i'm frustrated because he's the one blocking his own progress
so brilliant but so bucking stubborn