now that we're headed back to sharn i feel like journaling
we stopped emmer sykes from hurting anyone ever again
we did a good thing and i no longer feel conflicted about my part in it
but it's still hard to let go of just how out of control i felt
the last time i screamed like that was when i was foaled but all it took to console me then was a warm meal
after sykes i pushed through the rest of the mission but then i was a shaky mess for the rest of that night
the first day of mining didn't net me much quartz – i kept thinking about medya's arms then having to take a break to regain composure
the next day i made up the difference and then some in large part by channeling my frustration and anger into getting the materials to not just remake but improve and refine those arms
the physical and emotional hard work burned away the worst of the doubt and shame
there's plenty i could have done better but i didn't do anything wrong
on our last evening in the blackcaps we met a couple of krayg's associates who'd also been mining
i recognized one of them from the distant exchange in fairhaven where we shared a bit of reedpaste so we repeated that indulgence while we chatted
we had a great time until they spoke of finding the church of inspiration then sang a hymn ... in perfect unison
the worst part is that i couldn't even warn them of the danger they're in
i don't like secrets but here we are
on the subject of secrets i plan to dig through the tome sykes was carrying
a quick glance shows nothing fiendish so it should be safe to study ... though it does detail his research on the "rust" spell and the "rust plague" that caused so much harm to so many forged during the war
bell refuses to have anything to do with it – she doesn't want that spell in her head and i respect that
but zer' and i hope to learn enough to come up with a way to undo that damage
sykes also had a enchanted silver ring to enhance his speed and focus when casting
it's on my horn now
i promise to make much better use of it
mainly in defending the friends who've been so patient and supportive these last three days
and especially medya
she wasn't physically hurt and she's cheerful as ever and as for remaking her arms she reminds me of what my dad always says about having to redo ruined work
make the new a tribute to the lost