leandre met me after work and we talked shop for hours
part of this was a tour through their variety of swappable arms
wood and stone and crystal and dinosaur hide and rainbow-colored glass and polished metal and even some sort of startlingly clear resin filled with cotton batting like a cloud in a bottle
they were all beautiful and they had stories about the inspirations for each and the challenges in crafting them and what they each meant to them personally
then they brought me to one that looked so out of place next to the rest – carved wood and bare metal hinges with very little articulation and almost none in the hand
it wasn't even made to be ugly – it was made to be only just functional enough to be considered a limb
the first one they wore after their loss
why keep it? why display it?
"to remind me that it's all right to look back and be sad at what was there before it was lost"
...
oh
my original legs were central to memories like the warmth of thick legwarmers and the sweat of a long run and the numb tickle of having sat too long and the satisfaction of washing crusted clay out of fur
and the first time i put on the boots i wore before harmonization
... and the way they were taken from me
it's all right to feel all the ways i do about the past and still know in my heart that harmonization is the right path
i will keep these memories
i will be whole