Baps, barms, buns, rolls, cobs, baguettes... bagels? Beers? Where does it stop?!Leavenisiae baps, known more colloquially as lifebread, animate rolls, or did that fucking bread just move, are sentient and sapient beings formed from magically-activated yeast in the middle of a horrible accident in the kitchens of the royal Aletheian palace. They terrorised the Empire's borders for three months during the early reign of Emperor Aneirin, proving that their lives were much longer than standard yeast used for baking, before finally being defeated through a combination of Clancy Foodle's baking and combat prowess, and through their natural lifespans gradually reaching their end via starvation. The species is currently considered extinct due to the end of its brief reign of terror, but significant study is underway by those unnecessary to the war efforts - and particularly by students attending Liese's Tower of Learning in Ironfalls - to recreate the experiment that first spawned them. Liese Celadrion is hopeful that by recreating the baps, they will be able to create tameable versions - or at least to have something new to send to the Medimian Empire's kitchens to wreak utter havoc. The Emperor is personally sponsoring these research efforts, and has amended his ongoing contract with Clancy Foodle to encourage the legendary baker to continue to with with Celadrion.
Look, we all need a bit of levity in these times. If it'll get a rise out of Medimia, then it's worth it.
Dietary Needs and Habits
...fascinating. It's like sourdough, but weirder.
Leavenisiae, like sourdough, requires regular intake of a mixture of flour and water to maintain the cultures of microorganisms that give it life. Whilst it was too challenging to analyse how much the initial leavenisiae baps needed, post-mortem analysis suggests that daily feeding is required unless the animated source material - analogous to a sourdough starter - is kept in cold temperatures that extend this life to approximately a week. If assuming the leavenisiae is like sourdough, then for twenty grams of the base material, one hundred grams of flour and water are needed. This could likely be scaled up if neededed. Experiments are underway with different breads, starters, and magical infusions to determine if this will hold true for the next revival of leavenisiae, and particularly to determine if this future living bread will need the addition of some magical element - perhaps direct conjuration magic - to survive long-term.
I'm happy to experiment, of course, but we need to be sure it's safe! Nobody is allowed to feed them necromantic magic! We do not need to face the Night of the Living Bread!
Geographic Origin and Distribution
Wait, the traders left this morning? Don't tell me they collected the bread. Fuck, they collected the bread.
The animate rolls were first discovered in the kitchens of the Aletheian palace in the heart of Aletheia, yet they were not to remain constrained. They bided their time as their yeast was split into jars and traded away, and their brethren were shared to traders - for there was simply too much for the small group of people in the palace - to share throughout the nation as a product of the capital's finest bakers. The largest amount of this new baking yeast and bread arrived in Ironfalls for critique and sampling by the legendary baker and winner of realmwide bake-offs, Clancy Foodle. Much of the bread made its way to Undria and Celesthem Temple; fortunately, it didn't have a chance to make it to the frontlines of the ongoing war against Medimia. When the bread revealed its true, animate nature, some was already in the process of being turned into beer.
You could say all of our plans for the next few weeks went... a-rye!
I'm beginning to suspect everyone who's around these things gets afflicted with a condition that ensures they'll make terrible puns.
Absence of the Lost OnesUsually, the would be the ones to handle situations like the attack of the Leavenisiae; indeed, Ironfalls is the town they founded, and they are close allies of the Emperor's. Unfortunately, the sudden appearance of the bread occurred in their great absence. It would later be learnt that they were fighting the Unbroken March during this time, and were thus stuck in an area of warped time. In keeping with the spirit of things, though, Ashlyn Alarian did manage to fight and capture some animated popcorn during their most tense of frays.
Helping stop this mess is the yeast those idiot mages could do!
If you squint hard enough, the bags kinda looked like a dog, so I tricked myself using my own perception into letting me cast Awaken!