EULAs

Terms and conditions apply.  
— RFID tag on a bag of carrots
  Once restricted by a sort of common sense "hey, come on now" approach to law when governments were still in charge, End-User License Agreements (or EULAs) have now become part of an arms-race between corporations. Even the EULA for a pack of peanuts can fill enough pages to put a fantasy trilogy to shame, and that's just getting started. When you sign the dotted line, the corporations make damn sure they have what they want.    

There's Always A Catch

  Pretty much everything in the Megacorpolis has a EULA attached to it, from software to cybernetics, to services and using the local Javamat. It's only gotten worse with time, at the same pace as signing the damn thing has gotten easier - with AR overlays, it's done automatically for the consumer's "convenience" most of the time. Some guns will even fire an automatic EULA with every pull of the trigger, and consider it signed when the bullet burrows into flesh.   Crafting EULAs have become a full industry in its own right, complete with viral marketing campaigns and everything for particularly well-crafted agreements.
WARNING   FAILURE TO READ ATTACHED EXAMPLE EULA ABOVE IS CONSIDERED A VIOLATION OF THE EULA FOR READING THIS DOCUMENT   BY READING THIS WARNING, YOU HAVE AGREED TO THE EULA TO THE EULA
 

Comments

Author's Notes

Remember, by reading this article, you've agreed to it's EULA.


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8 Jul, 2020 19:20

This is easily one of the funniest articles in Megacorpolis, and that's amazing because Megacorpolis is full of hilarity :D This is sooooooooooooo good!   I love all the references to your other SC articles sprinkled among the jokes in the actual EULA itself. Great stuff :D

Cathedris, the world of God-Husks and New Magic, welcomes you.
9 Jul, 2020 07:24

I wasn't sure it was going to work - my good friends joked that I had written the thing nobody ever reads - so I'm very glad it did :D   Thank you for your support Stormy <3 It means the world to me

8 Jul, 2020 19:44

I was going to say short and sweet, but then I read the actual article! A fun read as always!

9 Jul, 2020 07:24

I was definitely worried people would miss the document, which is why I added the warning. :D   Thank you so much for reading and commenting :D

8 Jul, 2020 20:24

I will have nightmares about this. (I love it.)

9 Jul, 2020 07:25

It's not too far from what we already have, so pleasant dreams indeed . :D   Thank you so much for reading and supporting my crazy writings <3

8 Jul, 2020 21:01

Imagine getting shot with an End User License Agreement. The horror!

9 Jul, 2020 07:25

Not sure which is worse - the bullet wound, or having to read the entire EULA get came with it. :D   Thank you so much for your support <3

8 Jul, 2020 21:21

Thank you for writing this article... By writing this article you have automatically been entered into our grand prize pool of other Summer Camp articles, which can win you a chance at a chance of ownership of a part share in this article ALL OF YOUR VERY OWN! *as well as automatic enrolement in the corps.   By writing this article you agree to the terms of subsection C543833582hf2-a in addition to artiles 1 through N+x.   Congratulations again on securing work for the next N+x generations of your family [at least] in article writing :). They will toil and grow without the burden of commercial hardships as they will be working on a voluntary basis that they can stop at any time (Please remove all oxygen from bloodstream for a period of 90 days to automatically withdraw from the agreement [Oxygen remains the property of Summer Camp Corps unlimited and should be returned in a paid official container]).   Please read thoroughly the rest of this document including sections up to N+x.   Do not move from your current location, our local representatives are just rearming and will be on their way to your location shortly. Any overtime generated by having their collection duties impeded will be appended to your bill.   - “Join the mobile Summer Camp infantry corps and save the worlds – service guarantees citizenship. Would you like to know more…?”

9 Jul, 2020 07:26

Ahahahah, Summer Camp Corps - that might end up becoming one of the prompts! :D

Grandmaster Serukis
Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull
8 Jul, 2020 23:31

"Use the Product to locate, extricate, immolate, detonate, or obfuscate the entity known as Fancy Ben." Hahahahaha   Brilliant.

Emy x
9 Jul, 2020 07:27

I forgot to add that this EULA is for like a spatula or something, so there really is no escape.   Thank you so much for the support :D

9 Jul, 2020 08:26

Your writing is so engaging and amazing wow!

9 Jul, 2020 09:19

Aw, thank you so much <3 :D

9 Jul, 2020 11:16

OMG! I'm dying! A Megacorpolis EULA article ... *with an actual - full - Megacorpolis EULA document*.   Ok, this has to be the *best* one you've written yet. The easter eggs in this one to all the other articles... the jokes.. just... *cries with laughter*.   You didn't break the "4th wall". You lovingly ambushed it, took it out for a cup of Java, then formally adopted it as part of your worldbuilding... and then stamped it with a EULA!   You. Yes, you... Qurillion... have just made my morning.   ( raises a cup of Java in salute )

16 Jul, 2020 08:36

Ahahah, thank you so very much <3 I am glad I could make your morning! I was nervous about this one, because I did write the thing people literally never read... So who knows how that it could have gone :D   Thank you so much for your support <3

9 Jul, 2020 21:33

I can't say it any better than the lovely people who have commented before me. This was hilarious.

Author of Fillimet, bright fantasy land of possibilities
13 Jul, 2020 14:37

Thank you very much <3 I appreciate every comment

12 Jul, 2020 21:41

Some guns will even fire an automatic EULA with every pull of the trigger, and consider it signed when the bullet burrows into flesh.
  BIG TF2 COMICS VIBE. Very similar to the auto-blog gun from the mac issue, love it!

16 Jul, 2020 08:35

Not familiar with that one, but sounds like a great thing there too :D

Journeyman Sloqush
Sloqush the Sloqush
1 Aug, 2020 07:41

Use the Product to locate, extricate, immolate, detonate, or obfuscate the entity known as Fancy Ben
  Damn how did they know, I was gonna use a toaster to "toast" the entire city D:

Explore Sloqush's bleakdark sandox: Cenorad
2 Aug, 2020 10:33

Big brother knows everything, and is selling the data to every spammer who'll buy it!