Omnifaith Inc

No god too great, no devil too small.

— Omnifaith Inc Slogan

Let's face it: religion has had a tough few decades. Between a near-brush with the end of the world and the inexorable march of science, belief has run the real risk of being trampled underfoot. Yet people continue to believe in a higher power, of something more than we can see and film to put on TikTok. Call it a longing deep in the human soul for something ascendant or irrational... Omnifaith calls it a business opportunity! Omnifaith is there to cater to all your spiritual needs and wants at prices you can afford.
Omnifaith is a Megacorp that trades in faith, barters with baptisms, and sells the sacred. In their view, all religions are equally true in the most important way - they all have money to spend, and Omnifaith is where to spend it. From religious paraphernalia to renting out places of worship to hosting rites and rituals, Omnifaith has it all... At prices so low, it ought to be sacrilege!

The Church of Capitalism

There are some things money can't buy - but with us, you can rent it.

— Omnifaith Marketing

Omnifaith operates a chain of faith-themed stores, ranging from all the world's major religions to the "miscellaneous cults" section. All the usual stuff is there - from vestments to incense, crystals, holy books, ancient relics for the discerning faithful, and hand-signed matters from the pope and that ilk. If you need to go a step further, there are AI-run confession booths at every reputable Omnifaith facility and auto-flagellation devices for those of you who really feel the need to bleed for your faith. Martyrdom is just $199.95 away with Omnifaith.

There's no better way to find community than through faith - become an Omnifaith Convert today!

There's something here for everyone, including programs and tours for those who don't have a belief yet, but you're pretty sure you'd like one. Omnifaith experts are available for consultation and can sell you on a wide range of religions that'll fit you just right. Not in the mood for something mainstream? Not a problem - Omnifaith knows every esoteric secret society and the oddball cult that's ever been, and they're happy to tell you all about it on a subscription basis. Really, what is a subscription if not a tithe?
For the discerning consumer (with deep pockets), Omnifaith offers teams of world-building writers and theologians to make a religion that is unique to them, tailored to their whims and what they'd like their beliefs to be. It comes with a 30-day guarantee that you'll be converted or... Well, you don't get your money back, but entry into another existing religion of your choice. With eternal damnation as the possible alternative, can you afford not to?

by Midjourney

Thanks to the miracles of modern science, citizens of Megacorpolis don't have to go far to visit the holiest sites in the world. Most have been airlifted away from their original homes and put down somewhere in Megacorpolis for your convenience.

In addition to all that, Omnifaith also rents out real estate for religious gatherings of any and all kinds, catering to every sort of rite and ritual. If that's outside the budget of some faithful flock, Omnifaith also offers buy-in and subscription services to ongoing events hosted by them. The higher tiers even let you play the part of high-ranking clergy, while a certain random element in the subscription will always surprise you.
If there's a particular mass you'd like to attend, well, better hope god is on your side because the math isn't. Some worshippers buy several subscriptions to raise their chances, with Omnifaith's carefully programmed algorithm tracking each and every one for completely wholesome purposes.

Entrepreneurial Evangelium

Touch the Divine at a discount!

— Omnifaith Marketing

Omnifaith itself has become a recognized religion in Megacorpolis, a sort of mish-mash of gung-ho capitalism and free market advocacy combined with a handful of tenets grabbed from other faiths. Unlike many belief systems, Omnifaith is uniquely flexible - it changes with monthly updates and every financial quarter, discarding what it deems of low capital value and investing in the best return on investment. Like some sort of god-eating shark, it keeps moving forward and consuming. Market shares become imbued with the mystical, and profit is subject to prophecy. Belonging to the Omnifaith Church isn't a requirement to work there, but it does help your career.

by Midjourney

That is in itself not exactly true. Omnifaith Inc started with the question: What is faith, and how can we get it to work for us? Omnifaith religion is the market research arm of that question... Including the employees of the corporation.
No, what Omnifaith wants, their true business, is to mass-produce fanaticism and create on-demand zealotry. Fandoms were a good start, overriding people's sense of reality with devotion to imaginary figures, but it was unreliable.

Every convert to the cause, every ritual, and confession, every part of their vast business is a cog in a grand machine with which they hope to squeeze out the very essence of the human soul so they can sell more merch in the next quarter. Only the board members know the true purpose of their business but are quite happy to profit from everything Omnifaith does in the process.

by Midjourney

Crisis of Faith

Well, it was close there for a while. Between climate change and an almost incomprehensible gulf of income inequality, it looked like we were all going to die there for a while. We were staring down the barrel of a gun, and more people than ever was convinced: this is it.
In the end, no end game. No trumpets sounded, no seals were broken, no demons descended to do battle with angels - many religions had bet it all on black, that this would be their vindication. When that all fell apart and life went on, if reduced, the disappointment was terrible. It's still a bitter refrain from the clergy that remain: the apocalypse would've been so much better. Then they'd all still believe!

Of course, some Apocalyptic-apologist cults look at Megacorpolis today and conclude that we all really did go to hell.

by Midjourney

Near Debt Experience

Religion has always been a reliable way to extract wealth and power from the masses, and that hasn't change - but the power dynamic certainly has.
Most world religions in Megacorpolis have been heavily mortaged by now, with the Catholic Church being an almost wholly owned subsidiary of Omnifaith Inc. Every system of faith is copyrighted by someone, and if you thought the devil was a stickler for contracts, meet the Omnifaith lawyers.

by Midjourney

Greater profits will come, that they know. They are assured of things hoped for, with conviction of things not seen.

Catalogue

From Sinner to Winner: Omnifaith's Got Your Spiritual Journey Covered!

No matter how keen the longing in your soul or how deep your existential crisis, Omnifaith has just what you need. Belief in a higher power at affordable prices, with free shipping within Sectors 3, 5, 6, and 10!

Pre-Packaged Prayers

Too busy to find the right words to honor the god of your choice? Not sure how to best tell them what it is you, their faithful servants, need help with? Pre-Packaged Prayers takes care of it all in a range of options to suit your needs: from Fast-Track Forgiveness, Speedy Serenity, and Prosperity Gospel Delux, there's a prayer for everything.
Just open Omnifaith's patented, eco and spiritually friendly containers, and praise the lord/lady/gods/satan/etc.
Terms and conditions apply. Gods are fickle, and Omnifaith cannot guarantee your desire will come true. By buying this product, you agree to waive all liability of Omnifaith Inc and its subsidiaries. Happy praying!

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Excommunication Experience

You'll never really know the true joys of community until you've been on the outs with one. Experience the thrill of being ostracized but without the social fallout. Great for parties or as a surprise birthday present! If you're feeling especially heretical, get the Excommunication After Dark Experience, which includes costumes, whips, and everything else you and yours might need to punish you for your sins.
Terms and conditions apply; Omnifaith Inc is not liable for any permanent damages or ruined relationships.

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Celebrity Sermon Subscriptions

Each month, receive an exclusive sermon written and delivered by a celebrity. It's a surprise every time, so you never know who you'll get. Previous guest clergy have included such famed figures as Dimitris Eikonikós, Cutter Charles, or Raffleraptor Prime Janet!
The CSS comes in Silver, Gold, and Platinum tiers, with higher tiers promising more impressive and important celebrities, thinkers, and business people. Take advantage of this unique opportunity to hear from the best of humanity, those blessed with success!

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Apocalypse Insurance

According to 74% of polled religions, the End Times are night. The veil will soon draw across the sky, the sun will go out, trumpets will sound, and giant scary spider-things will eat every sinner... But that doesn't have to happen to you!
With Omnifaith Inc's Apocalypse Insurance, all your post-apocalyptic needs will be taken care of. The Survivor Tier gives you access to pre-arranged stockpiles of food, water, and survival guides, while Wasteland Warlord includes weapons and ammunition. Don't just survive the apocalypse; thrive in it!

Heaven can wait, but this sale can't! Choose Omnifaith Today!

DIY Altar Kits

Craft your sacred space with this handy kit that includes a miniature goddess statue, athame, pentacle, and an array of customizable altar cloths. Omnifaith Inc's patented Vegan Ritual candles are infused with ethically-sourced essential oils; these candles promise to boost your spell power without harming any animals.
Assembly instructions and blessing spells are included! Black cat costs extra. Pointy hats are sold separately.

by Midjourney

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Virtual Sabbat Gatherings

Can't make it to Stonehenge for summer solstice? Are you stuck in the office during Samhain? Worried the black mass will go on without you? Omnifaith Inc has your back.
Join in on the live-streamed ceremony from wherever you are and feel the touch of the divine from a distance! Share that special time with thousands of faithful, unfettered by your miserable, office-bound flesh!

Rent-a-Clergy

Have you sinned and don't know what to do? Need religious guidance but not sure where to start? Does some piece of theology puzzle and haunt you? Are you, your loved ones, or your belongings possessed by an otherworldly and evil entity? Never fear. Omnifaith is here.
Our certified clergy are available 24/7 for video consultations, spiritual advice, and ceremonial services. Terms and conditions apply.

Do you want to find a higher calling in life? Do you want to bring others into the fold? Do you possess any of the following qualifications? Contact Omnifaith Recruitment and join our family of faithful at a competitive salary with generous benefits, and divine protection.

Reincarnation Retirement Plans

Your life may be a miserable, endless grind from here to the grave... But your next one doesn't have to be. Invest now for your next life with Omnifaith's certified* reincarnation retirement plans, guaranteed** to bring you comfort and security in the next life. Choose the right life for you, from Royal Rebirth or Born into Wealth, all the way to the families of specific celebrities and corporations!
* - Terms and conditions apply
** - Please see our EULA

by Midjourney

Subsidiaries

Your Faith, Your Way: Omnifaith - The Future of Belief

Like any Megacorp, Omnifaith Inc is a sprawling and tentacled monstrosity with dozens, if not hundreds, of smaller corporations underneath it. Each is a cog in the corporate machine that grinds relentlessly towards greater and greater profit, serving some specific niche of their market or serving as a good place to dump toxic assets. Being solvent is sacred.

Sacred Grounds Ltd

Sacred Grounds is the real estate arm of Omnifaith inc, leasing or selling sacred land and locations or even creating new ones. Their teams of ghoulish scavengers roam the world outside Megacorpolis to rob ancient graves or holy sites to bring back to Megacorpolis, either intact or in pieces. Some are reassembled inside the city, while others are sold off piecemeal.
For Megacorps, owning such a part of the old world is a matter of considerable prestige, and the current bidding war over the scavenged Kashi Vishwanath has a body count well into three digits.

The Lost Pilgrim Adventure Tours

Marketed as a unique and ancient experience once done by countless generations of our ancestors, the Lost Pilgrim Adventure Tours offer travel packages and tours to holy sites around Megacorpolis and the world.
These tours combine the thrill of adventure with the promise of spiritual enlightenment, carefully curated to make anyone leave with a greater appreciation for the divine and an even greater willingness to open their wallets for more of it.

by Midjourney

HolyFoods Inc

Catering to the dietary restrictions and requirements of various beliefs, HolyFoods Inc offers halal, kosher, jhatka, vegan, and other specialty foods. No matter what your faith might demand of you, HolyFoods serves all without discrimination other than 'income.'

All Words Are Holy Publishing House

The publishing arm of Omnifaith Inc, All Words Are Holy specializes in publishing scripture of every kind. From books to magazines and various digital publications, All Words Are Holy seeks to educate the masses on something new to spend their money on.

Omnifaith Inc in Megacorpolis

Omnifaith Inc: Where Sacred Meets Success

All things considered, Omnifaith is doing pretty well for itself. It serves a niche that most other Megacorps have left alone - or at least, exploited less successfully. While their products sell well, their research into human behavior and ways to turn consumerism into a cult reap even greater profits when traded to other corporations. Omnifaith has at least a couple of bloody fandom wars under its belt, and its employees follow the next like a football game. Betting on the outcome is not against Omnifaith's tenets, either.
Omnifaith considers its position among the top 10 Megacorps to be secure, confident that absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong with turning people into ravenous zealots.

Enemies

Because of its relatively niche market, Omnifaith doesn't have a lot of enemies... But some people know better than that.

Legendary You Inc

The secular mirror of Omnifaith, Legendary You, is one of the few in direct and deadly competition with Omnifaith over market share. People who are content in their faith tend not to buy their products, and vice-versa.
Legendary You recently opened a whole new black-ops subsidiary dedicated to arguing with people online to try and logic their faith away, which is going about as well as you'd expect. As Omnifaith climbs in the corporate rankings, so too does the number of assets Legendary You is putting into fighting them.

Sinners Syndicated

Many religions have a problematic relationship with sex to begin with, and a corporation that deals almost exclusively with it was bound to butt heads with Omnifaith. Like Legendary You, Sinners Inc competes with Omnifaith over commodifying basic human needs.
Protests outside Sinners Inc operations are an almost daily occurrence, almost certainly funded by Omnifaith to disrupt their rival. Sinners Inc has expressed its displeasure in turn using the universal language of high-explosives on a number of Omnifaith offices.

Allies

For the same reason they have few enemies, Omnifaith has few friends - as much as any corporation has any friends. Everyone deals with them, but no one really trusts them, which is probably wise.

Centurion Arms & Armor

If it is one market that intersects nicely with unfettered fanaticism, it is weaponry... And Centurion Arms & Armor are happy to see their sales grow with every new, insular cult compound or desperate doomsday cult that springs up in Omnifaith's wake. While not exactly an ally, Centurion has taken Omnifaith's sides on several disputes to protect this growing market, so it's close enough for hand grenades (which they also sell to said zealots).
And hey, if things go bad, Centurion know one thing for sure: they still have a lot more guns.

We understand that the human spirit craves more than just material sustenance - it seeks the nourishment of faith, the warmth of belonging, and the solace of spiritual communion. With us, your belief is not just a whisper to the universe; it is an investment in your divine journey.
Omnifaith - empowering believers, one soul at a time.