session 13

Three days with the eldertrees and I think I might actually be only a partial failure at magic. With their energy Jana and Nual’sha seem to be back in balance with their body. I wake up in my circle and hear Nual’sha hungrily devouring a pot of rations and travel biscuits and Jana seems to be angry for some reason. She even stats she wants to talk to me when free based on something I did. I am not certain what I did. I know she is not happy that John is with us, but he asked Luka and Ignaci if he can come not me. I want to ask him about his brother, but I think that would be inappropriate, also he is hard to understand.
 
I then redo the ritual to channel the eldertrees so Jana and Nual’sha can discuss their questions for the eldertrees. Now that more people are looking of course I can’t cast the ritual alone and have to have others save me. We discuss the ideas of magic theory and how to determine if someone or something is using necromancy. Once again someone else has to inform people of my skill set. Obviously, I am not good with communicating to those in contract as me. The other option is that I am just not good enough compared to everyone else since they completed their apprenticeships and I have not. Since I have often just failed in protecting animals I guess it makes sense that no one listens about my magic.
 
When we do leave I just decide it is worth it to quietly travel. When I am asked a question and answer I get about 3 words in before someone knows they can answer better. So, I just am not going to speak up much for now except for when I am trying to explain the application of magic augmentation to length the time spells can function. At least there is a long time I can be quiet and just listen to Cynica explain the theory of pedagogy. Unfortunately, like everything else I try to learn I just am a poor student. Maybe when I have to apply this information I will be better at it. I do wish I could be home with family around me more than ever now. It is lonely just travelling through hills and plains without them. But at least in a few days I will get the chance to two of my friends soon.
 
While travelling through on the next set of mountains we have a fairly calm experience. It just brings home more that these people are self-sufficient without me much and I would be better at tending to being in an assistant in as scullery aid, some stocker, or just physical labor. Maybe I should be like Jana and plan for far in the future. As I see it Jana could be this countries High Priestess, Zahra could be the Treasurer, Catalina could be the Marshal, Ignaci would be a great Warden or Royal Enforcer since he likes to fight so much, Nual’sha could be a Viceroy in the wilds or maybe a spymaster since he knows how to change shape, Luka could be a general, and Shirin could easily be the roll High Diplomat since she likes to meet and talk to everyone, and Nasrin would be a good High Magi since she can always seem to cast her spells without failure. I just am not certain I am at their level or liked any more. I mean Cami liked me until she got possessed and afterwards she stopped talking to me like a friend but more like a distant acquaintance you know and see but only out of habit say hello and move on. Then no one else talks much to me or has similar interests as me I notice. I just wish I was with one of my 3 other friends right now.
 
Well I decide to try and get out of my head in this walk now. I think I did something but not sure what and no one will tell me. I am not certain how to ask about it. So instead to by time I decide to continue teaching Cynica how not to offend the Janni and let his body channel their energy better to make longer spells. In trade he tries to instruct me on how to be a better teacher. The problem is I am not a great student and I am a bit cross current in my head. I did not get too much. Maybe at some point soon I can figure out why Jana does not think of me as a friend.
 
After travelling for the day we find a large lake with a nice soft shore. Cynica again tries to again ward us with offensive efreet spellwork and it fails badly. So as usual we must put it out and this time I have water to use instead of dirt. After powering as large as possible of a spell I teleport a massive waterfall onto the flames putting them out. Then when we get things set up a crocodile seems to come looking for food. I try to talk to it but everyone seems to aggressively attack him. When I try to talk a second time calmly Rhylock bites into its head as I try to scare it with my wild magic spell, but everyone assumed Cynica cast the spell instead of me. After the innocent animal is killed I help to make certain that its soul’s last rites are completed, and the body is not wasted.
 
The next day we explore around and find nothing else of value around this lake, except there seems to be lots of crocodile tracks fish. During the night nothing seems to happen to us, but the next morning Ingacio seems to have acquired a pet 2-headed lizard he calls “Little Buddy”. Janna then cooks for everyone the first time since not being back in balance with we body. The food is really good and with 1 bite I get memories of my home and can even smell and hear it. I do what I can to not tear up and create rain on my face. I stop eating after the first bite and have to just eat rations and other foods instead. Jana again looks even more upset with me, and when she asks me about it I just can stutter and only seem to make things worse. Now I am certain Jana is not going to want to be my friend any more from how silent she is and how mad she is always looking at me. This makes me again just really wish I was spending time with my friend from Greenwood Outpost as I miss the warm smile or if nothing else spending time with Servius or Netski.
 
Then after travelling through more plains for 2 days we come across a tall isolated tower with some sheep that Luka scouted out. The first thing we hear about it is how he likes the person so I doubt the owner of the place is friendly. When we get in the first thing I feel is this woman just does not feel right to me, but no one else seems to notice. She says her name is Pur-ah. The first thing she asks me about is if I will sell Sagir to her for research. That is the marker to say I do not trust her. She claims to worship the god of magic. She also does not like Duran and claims negative comments without him being able to explain and defend himself, also a reason to not like this woman. The group but me seems to like her and trust her, they even invite her to the Homecoming Festival and puts me on the bow point to accept and explain even though my body shows I do not want her there, and I can’t say no since that would be rude. Once the group talks of being her currier service and she heads up to get a list of items needed; I decide to just step out and think of what to do next as I do not want to be in her place at all since I was the only one not to partake of her hospitality.
 
When outside and have a chance to breathe I start to think of my place with them and for this land. I decide I want to talk to Jana but if she will not talk or is able to talk, I am not going to worry about it. I will make certain more that my friends here like me and trust me more. I will make certain people seem to enjoy and like us being here as best I can and focus more on the people than those sent here. I would hope none of this focus interferes with the groups, but I am not worrying if we completely agree all the time. I do want to work out issues calmly and stay friendly with the current party, so we can support each other. It will be great for both groups to have a shared goal and communal focus but work from each side and move together. We need to determine places that that are unsafe and avoid as needed, or shift the energies, like the Circle of No. We could get well trained people and then build around and design a calm happy place to influence and then safely shift it. Once shifted could then go and look. I think I have learned enough now that I should not have to care if I am a professional master in trade like everyone. I can do a bit of everything, and I have someone who trusts me to teach them. I just wish I could use the real formal title of wizard but if not; I don’t think it matters for him.
 
So, I decided once the group leaves the tower to pull Jana back and try to get her to talk with me. I know she is the captain and I do not want to cause a mutiny against her. I know what the captain feels and commands everyone must follow and do. I know she is a good captain and means well even if it means we are no longer friends but coworkers. I bet she will talk and we can be friends. Then as friends work to prep for Homecoming and get the chance to talk again with Servius.
 
I pray to The Brothers that my last thoughts are right, and I think I understand these people better. Maybe I can find out from Jana if some of the issues I have is my garb and dress verse theirs. I also hope she understands that even with Henry wanting to make a communal home for all of us, I can’t just live with everyone as we are not family and I think hearth styles will not mesh well. I want to help make a neighboring building to be in with a nice observation roof like home, so I can stargaze and watch people and culture around me.

I wonder if I should also talk to Yondali and really listen and try to best explain worries to see what she thinks. Also, to see if my letters and requests have been heard and responded to. The message that Luka gave made no sense since I already knew that the Greenwood family would be going to the Homecoming Festival.