The Ballade of Fancy Ben
Once there was a time, When nukes were all around, And Ben was always happy, With kin and kind about,The Ballade of Fancy Ben is the story and legend of the world's last nuke. It was first popularized by the Nukéteers and has since seen countless covers, remixes, and even a movie or two. There was a video game, but no matter the technological advances made in the Megacity, games based on movies still don't have a great track record. The Ballade is a retelling of Ben, from his humble origin as one nuke among many to the last of his kind.
But then some people said, Hey Nukes, what's your game? And suddenly they feared, A big ol' boom to hear,
The Ballade was originally a piece of counter-culture, meant to show that despite the corporations' concentrated effort, they'd ultimately failed at what they set out to do. But when the song turned out to be a real hit, the band quickly changed their tune and joined forces with the corps to really make a profit.
Right about that time, The nukes were comin' round, Cuz war was always near, And that's the time to run in fear,
The end was growing near, With mushroom clouds oh everywhere, When some boring asshole said, 'Hey maybe let's not do that here!'
With corporate support, the Ballade went from sleeper hit to city-wide bestseller, showing once and for all that selling out works wonders. With that, Ben became a pop-culture icon. He'd appear in commercials, in children's cartoons, movies, and games. There are Ben-themed lunch boxes, the whole nine radioactive yards.
And so Fancy Ben lives on in the hearts and minds of Megacorpolisians who have somehow managed to forget that he's still an active nuclear device. There are even rumors that the Nukéteers are planning a reunion tour, and they plan to set Fancy Ben off as part of the show. If they can't profit from Ben anymore, then no one can.
That was that for poor ol' Ben, With all his kin put in the bin, And soon Ben was all alone, With all the nukes all but gone,
Fancy Ben, the Last NukeBen is a Mark VI nuclear bomb, and he's the last one around. After market analysis concluded that nuclear detonations would negatively impact earnings, that's all she wrote about nukes. The corps rounded them up and melted them down to make commemorative trinkets. Ben escaped the nuclear purge and lives on as a cultural phenomenon and also an active, live thermonuclear device.
Fancy Ben, The World's Last Nuke
Item | Jan 1, 2022
After Ben, there'll be no more nukes. Here's to hoping he doesn't go out in style.
Merchandise!Some believe that the reason the real reason why Fancy Ben hasn't been tracked down yet is because he's still pretty profitable. Besides the songs, movies, and endless documentaries about nukes where he inevitably becomes the star, there are Fancy Ben mugs, stickers, computer cases, and anything else you can think of. Centurion Arms & Armor even sell bombs designed to look like miniature Ben's, and if you buy three, you get a plushie version of the Fancy Ben as a bonus.
There's even a brand of Java called Ben's Favorite Brew that probably isn't slightly radioactive.
by Ron Cobb