Mandatory Happiness Mobile

EMPLOYEE 147-B, YOU ARE DISPLAYING INSUFFICIENT LEVELS OF PASSION FOR YOUR WORK, PREPARE TO BE ENCOURAGED.  
— Common Mandatory Happiness Mobile message
  In a perfect world, corporations expect workers to go to work with a skip in their step and a song in their hearts, no matter how many meetings they're forced to endure or even if it happens to be Monday. But no matter how many corporate slogans they invent or motivational posters they plaster on the walls of their office, some employees just can't seem to get the hint.   It is for such cases that every corp retains a fleet of what they call "Mobile Motivation", but everyone else has come to call Mandatory Happiness Mobiles. Though they might vary in appearance depending on what corporation they belong to, Mobiles all fill the same purpose - to bring joy to the working force, whether they like it or not.          

Smile! (Or Else)

WORKERS REJOICE! PRODUCTIVITY HAS INCREASED BY 0.054%! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!  
— Common Mandatory Happiness Mobile message
  Mandatory Happiness Mobiles usually take the form of large vans, dressed in corporate colors and laden with speakers, Javamats, aerosol drug dispensaries, antennas, and motivational posters. The interior is filled with storage tanks and an elaborate setup of computers to handle all the data collected both from the Mobile and its corporate handlers.  

Thus armed, the Mobiles drive from work site to work site, speakers blaring and extolling employees to work hard, monitor for sufficient levels of enthusiasm, and the artificial enhancement of that when it is lacking.   The first strike is always an auditory assault of corporate slogans, jingles, voice clips from the CEO, followed by plastering the workplace with "inspirational" items. These range from posters to pictures of the CEO to reminders that they can get fired at any time, including right now, if they don't turn that frown upside down.
  Should such brilliant techniques somehow fail to motivate the despondent employee, the Mandatory Happiness Mobile will escalate. The crew will exit the vehicle, dressed in costumes of the corporate mascots, and perform while the van sprays the area with aerosol encouragement (i.e., drugs). Java is also available for employee consumption, with a special blend that can get even a corpse back to work.    
No, no! Stay away! I'm feeling better, I promise! Ahahah, I'm having so much fun! I love my work so much, you have to believe me!  
— Employee 56-32-A2
 

A-VR Vehicles

The corporations haven't forgotten those who do most of their work inside an augmented or virtual reality, sending digitalized representations of the Mandatory Happiness Mobiles to inspire those who are found wanting.   These are run en masse either by simple AI or batched together in programs. As such, they tend to be a lot less varied in their approach but make up for it with volume.  
Such computerized mobiles will usually just recycle a few lines of praise or feedback endlessly.   Sometimes, it will find an employees' personal social media account to continue the encouragement there.
     

Mandatory Reactions

If every effort of the Mobile fails or an employee reacts particularly poorly, every Mobile comes equipped with a containment cage for removing them. Showing signs of the Monday mood usually leads to a quick trip to the cage.  
Just in case, most Mobiles have pink-slip cannon for showering mobs of ungrateful employees.
 

Mandatory Murder

Sometimes, some people just don't want to be cheered up, and the grating, non-stop attack of corporate slogans have been known to lead to riots.   For this reason, the Mobiles themselves are often armed with automated weapon systems, while the crew carries everything from shotguns to Shockpikes.

Comments

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13 Jul, 2020 10:43

*laughs* Ok... just *wipes tears* ... wow..  

Java is also available for employee consumption, with a special blend that can get even a corpse back to work.
  Then the quote by 'Employee 56-32-A2'... and 'pink slip cannons'?   Love it!

16 Jul, 2020 08:38

Pink Slip Cannons, for when you need to fire an entire office at once, in a drive-by style :D   Thank you so much for reading and commenting :D

13 Jul, 2020 16:12

EMPLOYEE 147-B, YOU ARE DISPLAYING INSUFFICIENT LEVELS OF PASSION FOR YOUR WORK, PREPARE TO BE ENCOURAGED.
  This whole thing is just gold. I loved it. Honestly, the best thing to wake up to and I'll be saving this for encouragement. Really, great job on this. XD

What would an ocean be without a monster lurking in the dark?
16 Jul, 2020 08:39

Thank you so much <3 It's nice to hear it's encouragement (in fact, it is mandatory that it is, we all signed the EULA) ;D   Thank you so much <3

13 Jul, 2020 17:42

Not so loud, please, you might give my company an idea.   Is their path random, or are they told which ways to go?

Admin of the World Anvil Codex & Discord | Director of Ethnis | My Ko-Fi | My Twitter
13 Jul, 2020 18:01

Whichever is least convenient for the employees, I imagine. :D   Thank you so much for reading and commenting <3

13 Jul, 2020 18:06

A little too close to reality for comfort, this one... I mean, it's hilarious, don't get me wrong, but do you have any idea how many jobs I've been fired from for "not having the right attitude?" Or how many times in my life I've been told to "just smile, why do you frown all the time, you need to smile, you're so much prettier when you smile..." I mean, I *had* that poster on every classroom wall in high school, I think... *laughs with nervous sweat on my face*

Author of the Wyrd West Chronicles and the Toy Soldier Saga Eater of pickles, Friend of nerds, First of her name
13 Jul, 2020 18:27

Sounds like someone needs a visit from a Mobile! Don't worry, one is on the way...   But yeah, that's been a running theme with Megacorpolis. "Funny cuz its true" and occasionally also very painful at the same time. I've worked for places with some really infuriating, artificial slogans. I'm very happy with my current workplace though.   Thank you so much for reading and commenting... And sorry for bringing those memories back <3

14 Jul, 2020 01:00

When my fiance heard this prompt, he suggested I create a tank that shot darts of dopamine at people. I'm so glad to see someone actually went this direction.

Reading Circle Temple Because magic isn't just fiction
16 Jul, 2020 08:40

It seemed sufficiently dystopian and/or hilarious, especially in mascot costumes and singing corporate slogans. :D   What did you end up writing for it? :D

16 Jul, 2020 14:57

Mine is more or less a hyper real magical-VR-haunted house, which I feel wasn't super creative. I came up with better ideas after I published it, but The Imagination Game has existed in my universe longer than I've been on WA, so I guess it made sense to put in an article about it.

Reading Circle Temple Because magic isn't just fiction
Grandmaster CoffeeQuills
CoffeeQuills the Coffee Quaffer
14 Jul, 2020 07:00

I feel like I should have some Java in my workplace... although, the idea of a Dalek shouting "Celebrate! Celebrate! Or Exterminate!" makes me laugh (a personal mandatory happiness machine). Have a great Monday!

16 Jul, 2020 08:41

Some days, Java seem like it would be nice - I'm not sure I'd like these mobiles around, though.   Thank you so much for reading and commenting :D

Grandmaster Serukis
Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull
14 Jul, 2020 10:06

Firstly, that header image is amazing.   Secondly, this is terrifying. Very much in the same camp as 'you can cure your depression by just changing your a t t i t u d e!' people.  

No, no! Stay away! I'm feeling better, I promise! Ahahah, I'm having so much fun! I love my work so much, you have to believe me!
  Huh, Corp doubts your sincerity Employee 56-32-A2.

Emy x
16 Jul, 2020 08:44

And they can change your attitude by a wide-range of workplace injections! :D Hurrah! Thanks, Corps!   Thank you so much for reading and commenting <3

15 Jul, 2020 22:23

Sometimes, it will find an employees' personal social media account to continue the encouragement there.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
So funny--and so painfully true. XD I will admit to squinting longer than I should've at the org charts bc I couldn't read the text, so those mightcould have another look, but otherwise, another great article!!

16 Jul, 2020 08:42

I'll have a ponder about them <3   I'm glad it was a good read :D Thank you so much for reading and commenting - it was a lot of fun to write!

30 Jul, 2020 03:12

This, this is amazing. It kind of reminds me of a scene from Brave New World, actually, but you've added a perfectly tuned aura of dystopian cynicism and self-awareness onto it. I can definitely picture these things, and they tell me a lot about your world.

3 Aug, 2020 10:04

Oh, thank you so much! <3 That's very high praise indeed :D   And I'm very happy to hear they tell you about the world. It was a very good camp for Megacorpolis, and I can't wait to keep working on it :D