Ever-Monday Research Facility

Monday already? I swear, it feels like it was just yesterday...  
— Subject E5-24601
Killing someone is easy, but killing an idea takes a lot more effort and disregard for human rights. The Ever-Monday Research Facility used to be a mid-tier corporate structure, where workers went about their daily lives as another cog in the corporate machine. It has now become the primary site of R&D for the Taskforce Monday in their quest to contain Mondays.   It isn't Mondays themselves that are the problem, but the idea of just how miserable they are have become a memetic infohazard, leading to billions lost every year in lost productivity and general complaining. To try and figure out the best way to fight against the Monday mood, the Taskforce has created a self-contained office in which it is always Monday so they can study its effect and attempt various harebrained schemes to fix it.   No one really volunteers for what is basically Hell, so the Taskforce have turned to unorthodox means of procuring test subjects.  

Basically Hell

LET ME OUT  
— Scrawled in blood on a whiteboard
Although the Ever-Monday Research Facility retains much of its trapping as an office, with endless rows of cubicles, unpleasant lighting, 'motivational' posters, and so on, it is a simulated groundhog day of Mondays. Subjects are put through a combination of drugs and brainwashing so they'll keep thinking that every day is another Monday, while researchers watch and perform experiments.  

About 10% of the workers are plants, Taskforce Members sent in to aid in those experiments and observe the herd up close.   When necessary, they also remove anyone who's broken through the programming and realized that something is going on.
  Subjects are categorized by a stability index with complicated names, but more informally named after the days of the week. Fridays are the most sane subjects, while those approaching Mondays are probably a danger to everyone around them.

Taskforce Monday

Everyone hates Mondays, but there's only one Taskforce trying their best to kill it. Sponsored by several Megacorps fed up with the profits and productivity lost on Mondays, the Taskforce Monday is a infohazard fighting force who's bringing the fight to Mondays.   They run the Ever-Monday Facility, and that should be your first hint that they're not really the good guys after all.  
Taskforce Monday Containment Specialist
Rank/Title | Aug 2, 2020

We all know Mondays suck, and the Corps finally doing something about it. I wouldn't get my hopes up, though.

 

Experiment Log

There's science to be done, if one is to defeat Monday.  

Test 17-A: Java Experiment

Excessive amounts of Java is sufficent to defeat the Monday Mood for a time, but soon lead to Javamania and the experiment was cancelled after three subjects were killed and eaten.  

Test 84-C: Sewer-Gator Motivator

What if subjects felt a terror greater than their fear of Mondays? Cancelled after the Sewer-Gator used in the test escaped and, again, ate three subjects.
This article has suffered from Monday Mood and will be finished at a later date. If you feel like you are dreading Monday even reading about it, please report for containment at your earliest convenience.

Comments

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12 Jul, 2020 10:32

OMG I laughed out loud reading this!

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes becomes a warning; it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
12 Jul, 2020 20:23

Success! That was definitely the goal! :D   Thank you so much for reading and commenting :D

12 Jul, 2020 10:41

Loving the links! I don't drink coffee while reading your articles any more I feel my laptop can't take any more coffee spurted over it!!

13 Jul, 2020 13:25

Ahaha, I'm sorry <3 But I am also so happy that you are enjoying them that much :D

Journeyman Sloqush
Sloqush the Sloqush
12 Jul, 2020 10:41

Another fantastic article Q :D   The combination of comedy and horror make for a really entertaining article.   Also, have they yet tried combining Java AND Sewer-Gators, I mean its just basic math that two negatives combined make a positive result, right?

Explore Sloqush's bleakdark sandox: Cenorad
13 Jul, 2020 13:30

Not yet, but they're listening, taking notes and nodding thoughtfully as you mention it.. :D   Thank you very much :D Megacorpolis is a fun comedy-horror thing that kinda happened by accident

12 Jul, 2020 10:41

They're coming to get us, Q. Here's the keys for the sewers hatch. Gators might get us, but is it a worse end than this?

13 Jul, 2020 13:27

If I had to pic between the maw of a gator and the endless parade of monday meetings, it'd honestly be a tough choice :D

12 Jul, 2020 11:09

LET ME OUT
I already have their next experiment lined up: unleashing that ever-awake/incessantly chipper Morning Person on the unsuspecting Monday subjects. Nothing could go wrong there, with a constant drip of joyously unaffected by days of the week perky cubicle monkeys to counter the Mondays. Terrific read to start a ...Sunday :D

13 Jul, 2020 13:32

I really biffed it with the day of release, but maybe that'll just heighten everyone's terror of tomorrow!   And they're taking notes; mwhahahahaha :D Thank you so much for reading and commenting

12 Jul, 2020 11:53

Q, I opened this excited for another Megacorpolis... I was not prepared!   I was laughing out loud before I made it even *halfway* through the article. To be fair, I got to this:  

LET ME OUT
  And said out loud, "Aww does someone need a flamethrower for a case of the Mondays?"   THEN I saw the Experiment Log and started crying from laughing so hard.   That last quote? Perfect. Just perfect.   I have to ask, has the Taskforce thought of sending in a "Cheer Squad" of Raptors?

— The wolf of Tales of Justice, Creator of Legends of Elohey, Star Wars: Shards, Fiven Chronicles and more!
13 Jul, 2020 13:35

They're thinking about it now, since you mentioned it! :D   And of course, flamethrowers is just a great fallback solution. If everything is on fire, all problems are solved (except the fire)   Thank you so much for reading and commenting <3 :D

12 Jul, 2020 14:53

The world you're building here is horrifyingly funny. I'd never want to visit it, but I love reading about it.

13 Jul, 2020 13:29

Don't look now, but it might be where we're heading.. Haha   Thank you so much for reading and commenting :D

Grandmaster Rynn19
Wendy Vlemings (Rynn19)
12 Jul, 2020 17:41

Okay. I love it all, but the last quote is by far the best part of the article! I literally laughed out loud.

13 Jul, 2020 13:28

Ahaha, when Monday breaks the 4th wall :D   Thank you so much for reading and commenting <3

Master Brinsmead
Caitlin Phillips
12 Jul, 2020 19:46

This gave me such a good laugh, thank you for writing this! It's taken the edge off my pre-Monday worries!

Cait x
13 Jul, 2020 13:28

Huzzah! That's good! Especially now that that Monday is here :)

Master Brinsmead
Caitlin Phillips
13 Jul, 2020 18:00

I successfully survived Monday without having to report for containment! :D

Cait x
13 Jul, 2020 18:28

Success! Time to write, then? :D

12 Jul, 2020 22:22

Q DON'T GIVE ACTUAL CORPS IDEAS, THEY CAN READ THIS!

13 Jul, 2020 13:27

Oh shi-

Grandmaster Serukis
Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull
14 Jul, 2020 08:21

This is great, I love the little disclaimer at the end (though I know it was partly true). Do you feel better about this article now?   I love the experiment list at the side. RIP test subjects.

Emy x   Welcome to Etrea!
16 Jul, 2020 08:33

I'll probably revisit it after Summer Camp, but I'm pretty happy because people seem to like it. :D We are sufficently removed from Monday, haha!   Thank you so much for reading and commenting <3 Your support really helps keep the forge lit