Happy YetiCon Day!

Happy birthday, big guy... Where-ever you are.  
— Dr. Devon R, Yeti Re-Discovery Group
  Turns out, Bigfoot was real all along, and the inevitable march of progress finally found a way to expose them to the world. In the frenzy that followed, humanity promptly hunted the Yeti into extinction, everyone trying to get a slice of the Yeti-pie. With everything from taxidermied corpses to yeti fur coats to bigfoot burgers, the Yeti's discovery led to a short-lived and violent economic boom. When the dust settled, the mythological creature was nowhere to be seen.   But they can't all be dead, right?   Since that would make for a much too depressing truth, many have turned to the belief that they are still out there, hiding and waiting. And what better way to say "I'm sorry for causing the annihilation of your kind" than a birthday party?   YetiCon is the birthday of the last known Yeti in captivity (called Pete, if you were curious). It is celebrated every year with the hopes that the party will bring the Yeti back out of hiding, presumably to join the fun.    

Happy Birthday!

  YetiCon Day is on the 10th of December, celebrated from about lunch to midnight in the Yeti Truth Convention Center. There's cakes, balloons, and more merch than you can shake a very big foot at, with everything from sasquatch plushies to Bigfoot-themed cybernetics. Cosplayers and Yetipunk bands entertain crowds, hold competitions, or all-around make a good big ol' laugh out of the whole extinction thing.  

Though previous YetiCon Days banned merch like stuffed specimen or Yeti murdering memorabilia, these rules loosen every year that goes by without an appearance from Bigfoot.  
Some people are even starting to get nervous - if the Yeti ever does return, that won't be good for their profit. We can't have that.
   

A Day Of Fun And Feet

  Besides buying useless junk, the YetiCon day is full of various festivities and/or scams to be enjoyed. Such as...    

Lectures!

Ever wanted to know about the Yeti's nocturnal habits? The chemical composition of their droppings? What snacks they prefer?   Every year, there are countless lectures and talks of dubious value, all attended at different stages of sobriety.

Games!

From carnival games to full VR fun-houses, the YetiCon hosts a whole range of fun activities for the whole family*   Only about half of them are rigged, and the other half are expensive.   (*Terms and conditions apply)

Food!

Celebrating the birthday of a murdered species is bound to work up an appetite. For that, the YetiCon is filled with vendors and stalls.   The special Bigfoot Brew of Java is said to be the Yeti's favorite, usually by the people selling it.
         

Find the Yeti!

A game of hide-and-seek, where a poor employee is dressed up as a Yeti and forced to hide from mobs of rampaging, intoxicated Con-goers.   Recent years have armed said mob with paintball rifles, for "authenticity". Participants are charged by the pellet, so intoxication is encouraged, and full-auto fire available.

Music!

The Yetipunk genre of music, blending the vocalization of the Yeti with various instruments and a general lack of talent, has its day in the sun during YetiCon.   Live bands play all day through the venue, with frequent fist-fights breaking out between bands about who gets the best time slot.

Movies!

It has become a tradition for most movies about the Yeti to be announced during YetiCon, if only for the free advertisement.   Everything from action movies ("Yeti's back, and he's out for revenge") to teary-eyed documentaries about their demise is shown back to back without the slightest hint of irony.

The Legend of "The Legend of the Yeti"

Not everyone believes that the Yeti are all dead. If they avoided discovery once, maybe they can do it again.   That is the essence of the new version of the Yeti myth, and its adherents (many former bigfoot hunters) now seek for any evidence of survivors.      

Yeti Cake

Over a thousand pounds in weight and made out in the crude approximation of a Yeti, the Yeti Cake is the highlight of the event.   Any trace of symbolism as a hoard of citizens descend on the Yeti to tear it to pieces and devoured is thankfully lost on participants.      

Attack of the Clonefoot

Despite all natural Yetis being extinct, clones exist - you didn't think the corps would let such a profitable thing stay dead, did you?   Yeti Clones lack whatever metaphysical cloaking capability their wild kin had that kept them safe for all those centuries. As such, more Foot purists don't think of them as the 'real thing', but that doesn't stop them from having a few around for the YetiCon, though.  
Any rumor of Raffleraptor on Yeti blood-sport being hosted in the dark hours of the day probably isn't true, but there's talk about it in some boardrooms.
 

Hiding In Plain Sight?

Some claim that the YetiCon will never succeed, not because the Yeti is dead, but because they were there all along.   According to this particular conspiracy theory, YetiCon was in fact started by Bigfoots. With all eyes dazzled by the shiny things, no one could dare to imagine that the organizers behind it all were Yetis, hiding in plain sight.  
Don't worry, we couldn't have gotten 'em all. I mean, it's highly unlikely. Probably.   They'll be back, and soon I think.  
— Dr. Devon R, Yeti Re-Discovery Group

Comments

Please Login in order to comment!
13 Jul, 2020 20:04

This is super super fantastic! :D The section on all the events you get to partake in during YetiCon is my favourite -- "Recent years have armed said mob with paintball rifles, for "authenticity". Participants are charged by the pellet, so intoxication is encouraged, and full-auto fire available." is so unbelievably Megacorp :D   How much are tickets to YetiCon? Thinking a trip might be in order, I gotta try me some Yeti Cake!

Cathedris, the world of God-Husks and New Magic, welcomes you.
16 Jul, 2020 08:46

Full-Auto-Financing might be a term I'll start using in MegaCorp, too. :D But if you charge by the projectile, makes sense, right?   Thank you so much for your support, it's incredibly motivating :D

13 Jul, 2020 20:08

*laughs until crying*   Hey, nothing says birthday like a big banner that reads:  

I'm sorry for causing the annihilation of your kind
  Woot! Sign me up for YetiCon! Save me some of that YetiCake!   *laughs*

— The wolf of Tales of Justice, Creator of Legends of Elohey, Star Wars: Shards, Fiven Chronicles and more!
16 Jul, 2020 08:54

Just sign the EULA right here and we'll get you right in.. ;D   Thank you for all your support <3 It really does so much to help keep the Megacorpolis forge full of fire :D

Master Brinsmead
Caitlin Phillips
13 Jul, 2020 20:12

Do you think I could have a Yeti Cake at my wedding? XD "Every year, there are countless lectures and talks of dubious value, all attended at different stages of sobriety." This spoke to me on a spiritual level. Honestly, if the Yetis don't emerge for this event, they're just being ruuuuuuude.

Cait x
16 Jul, 2020 08:47

Rude, or wise to the scheme - security is armed at this place, and they're not gonna let a yeti get away again!   And absolutely! Do you want a 3-ton cake, though? ;D   Thank you so much for reading and commenting :D

13 Jul, 2020 21:08

Awesome article, Q! Absolutely looks like a real convention's webpage!

13 Jul, 2020 21:13

Of everything, it was the Find the Yeti that killed me the most. "...intoxication is encouraged, and full-auto fire available."   Because why wouldn't it be?

What would an ocean be without a monster lurking in the dark?
14 Jul, 2020 18:07

If it increases profit margins, off we go on even the worst idea :D   Thank you so much for reading and commenting :D

Grandmaster CoffeeQuills
CoffeeQuills the Coffee Quaffer
14 Jul, 2020 07:06

"Since that would make for a much too depressing truth, many have turned to the belief..."- Yep, I can 100% see and believe that. Poor Yetis!

14 Jul, 2020 18:07

Poor, poor Bigfoot. :D   Thank you so much for reading and commenting <3 I always appreaciate it so much!

14 Jul, 2020 10:26

Ah, humans. Even if the yetis weren't extinct and reappeared, they would soon be actually hunted to extinction.   Loved all the little details like the games and the yeti cakes. :D

Emy x   Welcome to Etrea!
14 Jul, 2020 18:05

The Devil-Yeti is in the details, as they say.   And yeah, there's a *very* good chance that they'd get nuked again if they appeared, so they're probably wise to it... :D   Thank you so much for commenting and reading <3

15 Jul, 2020 22:48

I require audio of music made in the Yetipunk genre. XD


You can do this! I believe in you!
To Do List Adventures: RPG + interactive fiction for your goals
Luridity (Luridity's romance, so unlike TDLA, 18+ and nsfw)
16 Jul, 2020 08:48

Ooof.. I'll see what I can do! :D