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not what i had hoped [session 10]
[prompt: how we're feeling/handling what just happened]
i thought we had a chance.
to save everyone. to beat the death thing. to maybe be the heroes we could be.
but then sarah lied to us in the last way i thought she would, and honestly from then on i probably should have seen how fucked we were. if we had let the election just play out, i feel pretty confident that kes and i could have healed the brew children's sickness as it came back- not 100% of course, but pretty solid belief. but i didn't say that in front of sarah, and i wonder if doing so would have changed the course of the night.
at what point do i accept the inevitable ridicule and upturned noses that come with being me? then again, i would have been revealing kes' magic as well and that didn't, and still doesn't, sit well with me. revealing that is no one's choice but theirs, and acting otherwise would be utterly shitty of me.
regardless, once tear said his whole "four outcomes" bit i think sarah had set her mind on giving herself up for her children, and nothing we could say would likely have changed that. in some ways, i can understand why she did what she did- sacrificing yourself to save the people who mean the most to you can be noble, and brave, and beautiful even. and it can also be stupid beyond belief.
i'm not sure which sarah's sacrifice is yet. i dunno if that's even my judgement to make, or if i want to.
would i do the same for any of the pups, or vaylan? probably. saving many is better than saving one, almost always. but its not something i would do without discussing it with vaylan if i could.
which is why i was so surprised that she didn't go tell sil like she said she was.
maybe we shouldn't have believed her so simply given she did spend the last decade lying to everyone, but it really seemed like she was going to tell sil. why would she leave that to us? feels like an insult to her marriage, to leave us to tell him of all her wrongs.
i don't know. i don't know what exactly i'm feeling, besides disappointment. after this election, i think it's going to be time to leave quickwater, or at least the city proper. maybe stay with elluin a few more days to see if he gets that word on vaylan so i have an idea where to head. freedom to run without fear sounds really good right now, and i hope that vaylan has it. it's been 85 days, and i worry.
Continue reading...
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dreams [oneshot]
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goblins cannot be reasoned with [session 1]
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coffee high [session 2]
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strangers? acquaintances? [session 3]
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how do i get the corpse smell out of my clothes now [session 4]
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more than wolf, more than woman [session 5]
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change, or else [session 7]
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date? no thanks [session 8]
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best hunter in the village [session 9]
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not what i had hoped [session 10]
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i run [session 11]
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vaylan [session 12]
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elemental control [session 14]
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shifting lessons [session 16]
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fuck capitalism [session 17]
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overall win [session 20]
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i like food [session 21]
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hot bunny [session 23]
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true stories only [session 24]
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really big [session 25]
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into it [session 27]
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regret is pointless [session 29]
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sex is like breakfast [session 30]
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i wanna know know know know [session 31]
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rings [session 32]
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is this like a party now [session 33]
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arms and abs [session 35]
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horny brunch plans[session 36]
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bitch babe [session 38]
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revelation [session 39]
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closer [session 40]
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most men are two headed [session 48]
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the pitch of the void [session 42]
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home is ... [session 45]
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dear nova, [session 55]
Find your way!
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