Things Alyona Hates

in Session Reports

World Codex

Session 1: Sylvans, Prison Carts, Losers, Trogs, Big Squids, and Mysterious Ruins

Report | May 18, 2022
Session 2: Mechanical Spiders, Cave Frogs, Black Rock Falls, Mushroom Beer, and All Gnomes Except GG

Report | May 18, 2022
Session 3: Midnight Creepers, Wanted Posters, Motherfucking Kisha, Anarius, Sylvans, and Horrors

Report | May 18, 2022
Session 4: Lightkeepers, Freehold, Banks, Missing Junkies, Theme Bars, Dwarf Bars, Blackhand Douchebags, and Medical Experiments

Report | May 18, 2022
Session 5: Urchins, Shopping Episodes, Some Dude Called Aleorman, Familial Duty, Confessions - but not Paying Gigs or Ambushing the Ambushers

Report | May 18, 2022
Session 6: Captain Morgan, Rowing, Grandfather, Ogres, Flying Lava Monsters, Lapidary Run, Trolls, Memories

Report | May 18, 2022
Session 7: Sylvans, Grandfather, Jungle, Boredom, Boris, Undead Tower, Wisps, Hungry Compost Heaps, and Ancient Sylvan Bullshit

Report | May 18, 2022
Session 8: The Past, Familiars, Big Holes, Mages, Torturing Sylvans - No, wait, I like that bit and also Stealing From Assholes

Report | Mar 19, 2022
Session 9: Concern for Others, Little Hobgoblin, Not Enough Potions, Returning to Jungle, Underwater Breathing Hat, Water, Ghosts, Dissertation Defenses, Angry Floating Eyeballs, Dangerous Unidentified Potions, Elementals, Psychos

Report | May 18, 2022
Session 10: Righteous Anger, Destroyed Bridges, Spooky Towers, Pooping on People, Zombies, Necromancers, Big Angry Brain in Jar, Memories

Report | May 18, 2022
Session 11: Fucking Memories, Bellaluna, Golariel, Questions with One Word Answers, Stubborn Hobgoblins, Failed Ambushes, Horrors, Tragic Last Stands, Automatons, Mysteries, The Fucking Sylvan Emperor, Traps, Engineers

Report | May 14, 2022
Session 12: Little Shadows, Big Shadows, Debriefings, Elbows, Ancient Rituals, One Word Answers, Strange Magical Jewelry, Oleg, Knives, Ambushes, Poop, Sylvans in General, Golariel in Particular, Public Humiliation, Eating People, and Baermek

Report | Jun 4, 2022
Session 13: Life

Generic article | Jun 11, 2022
Session 14: Being Fucking Interrogated, Hot Women Toying With My Affections, Hot Women Threatening to Eat Me, Mysterious Revelations, Last Minute Changes in Plans, Mushroom Farms, Pointed Looks, and Low Level Thugs Who Don’t Know Jackshit

Report | Aug 13, 2022
Session 15: Overly Dramatic Descriptions, Help, Horace, Owing Debt of Gold & Honor, Taking My Shirt Off For Very Not Sexy Reasons, Interrogating Someone When I am Feeling Poorly, Crushing Despair, Being Flat Broke, the Jungle, Big Blue Flying Guys

Report | Aug 14, 2022
Session 16: Kisha, Half-Orcs with Fabulous Hair, Shame, Sylvans, Yehlan, Teaching Birds How to Play Cards, People Who Do Not Listen to Good Advice, Jonothon and His Stupid Outfit, Drugs That Are Not Glow, Shadows, Dario, Grandfather, No Plans, Bad Plans

Report | Aug 28, 2022
Session 17: Optimism, Rolling Poorly, Rivers, Shadow Hounds, Pajama Guys, Sewers, Naive Birds, Dwarves with Weird Shadow Fists, Shadowy Mages, Guys with Big Swords, Saying Things I Did Not Say, Ingratitude

Report | Sep 10, 2022
Session 18: Sewers, Ratguys, Overconfidence, Incompetent Hired Thugs, Pools of Acid, Statues That Shoot Fireballs, Nightshades, Insane Birds, Shadows of the Past, Doors That Won’t Open, Near-Empty Syringes, Triskian, Magic Portals, Waiting

Report | Oct 20, 2022
Session 19: Sylvan Swarms, Missing Half of Conversation, Revealing Secrets of Secret Organization I swore to Keep Secret, Death, , Resurrection, Being on the Run, Sylvan Patrols, Boats, Tropical Islands, Lizards that Turn You into Rocks

Report | Nov 15, 2022
Session 20: Splitting Up, Teenagers, Giant Mysterious Footprints, Political Crap, Grubs, Biting My Tongue, People Ignoring My Good Advice, Weird Jungle Shit, Cliffhangers

Report | Dec 18, 2022
Session 21: Allies Who Let Themselves Be Turned into Wererats, Smart but Boring Decisions, Giant Feather-Covered Lizards, Frog People, Strange Caches, Pissed-Off Gorillas, Finding Out This Was All Probably Pointless

Report | Mar 12, 2023
Session 22: Jungle, Being Bored, Not Knowing if Stupid Bird is Alive or Dead, Traitor Bird People, Curious Monkeys, Stupid Lizard People, Gross Torture Not Committed by Me, Climbing

Report | May 7, 2023
Session 23: Climbing, Waiting, Camping in Cold, Zombie Barfing Plants, Cross Cultural Communication, Going Wrong Way, Locks That I Can't Pick, Jumping off Cliff Tied to Assholes, Weird lava Bubble Thing, Time Constraints, Czerno, Fucking Mysterious Shit

Report | Jul 8, 2023
Session 24: Ancient Sylvan Cities, Sun Knights, Mysterious New Magic Powers, Being Blown Up, Time Loops, Intermediary Forms, Doors That Won’t Open, Exploding Chests, Death, Talkative Sylvan Guy with Plans, Wait…What?

Report | Jul 8, 2023
Interlude: Alyona Belov, Fucking Messenger Girl

Report | Sep 10, 2023
Session 28: More Unseen Bullshit, Dead Hobgoblin, Bathing in Bloodwater, Feeling Little Bit Bad That I Am Still Wearing Ring, Being Broke, Kisha's Voice in my Fucking Head, Stupid Divination Spell, GG Being Executed in Five Days

Report | Nov 5, 2023
Session 33: The Fact That I’m Still At This Party, Mysterious Meetings, Hot Guys with Dumb Names, Giving Shit Away Because I’m Dumb, Cryptic Fortunes, Feeling Useless, Cocktail Weenies

Report | Apr 16, 2024
Session 25: Being Crappy Caster, Devil’s Bargains, Weakness, Getting Yelled at For Putting Cracks in Dome Like I Had Anything To Do With It, Planning, Clones, Clones Talking in My Head, Being Left Behind To Die, Nightshade Bullshit

Report | Aug 20, 2023
Session 29: Kisha and Everyone Who Stands Between Her and Death, Being Patient, Lightkeepers, Adsmir the Admin, Zippy the Lawyer, Tilvum the Other Admin Who is Probably Working For Kisha, Two Enemies in One

Report | Nov 24, 2023
Session 32: Boredom, Sassafrass, Rich People, Long List of Ridiculous Jobs, Winging It, Useless Chit-Chat, Everyone I Can See, Gambling, Dancing with Grandfather, Peregrine Fucking Tumbledown, Grandfather’s Judgment

Report | Mar 10, 2024
Session 31: Being Interrupted, Tylvim, Wasting Cool Line and Looking like Idiot, Sassafrass’s Timing, My New Nemesis, Snooty Tailor Shops, Weakness, Useless Sendings, Surprises That Have Last Name Senenova

Report | Feb 24, 2024
Session 30: Lawyers, This Tylvim Bitch, People Who Resist Fast Friends, Swords From Nowhere, Bleeding, Cowardice, Using All My Magic on Something Other Than Murder, Jail, Interrogation, Telling Fucking Truth, Wasted Fucking Effort

Report | Jan 14, 2024
Session 27: Skreek Squawking in My Head, Cure That is Hurting More than Injury, Confessing to Grandfather, Excellent Plan Not Working, Bartley and Idiot Lightkeepers, Someone Fucking with My Gnome, Kisha, Bloodwater, Kisha, Unseen Monk Assholes, Kisha

Report | Nov 4, 2023
Session 26: Varan, Missing Important Clues, Clones Who Are Total Fruitcakes, Order, Varan, Poison Bolts, Stupid Unbreakable Artifacts, Useless Ideas, When Grandfather is Right About Something, Lost Time, Anya, Also Varan

Report | Sep 5, 2023

Player Handbook

Things Alyona Hates

World Codex

Session 1: Sylvans, Prison Carts, Losers, Trogs, Big Squids, and Mysterious Ruins

Session 2: Mechanical Spiders, Cave Frogs, Black Rock Falls, Mushroom Beer, and All Gnomes Except GG

Session 3: Midnight Creepers, Wanted Posters, Motherfucking Kisha, Anarius, Sylvans, and Horrors

Session 4: Lightkeepers, Freehold, Banks, Missing Junkies, Theme Bars, Dwarf Bars, Blackhand Douchebags, and Medical Experiments

Session 5: Urchins, Shopping Episodes, Some Dude Called Aleorman, Familial Duty, Confessions - but not Paying Gigs or Ambushing the Ambushers

Session 6: Captain Morgan, Rowing, Grandfather, Ogres, Flying Lava Monsters, Lapidary Run, Trolls, Memories

Session 7: Sylvans, Grandfather, Jungle, Boredom, Boris, Undead Tower, Wisps, Hungry Compost Heaps, and Ancient Sylvan Bullshit

Session 8: The Past, Familiars, Big Holes, Mages, Torturing Sylvans - No, wait, I like that bit and also Stealing From Assholes

Session 9: Concern for Others, Little Hobgoblin, Not Enough Potions, Returning to Jungle, Underwater Breathing Hat, Water, Ghosts, Dissertation Defenses, Angry Floating Eyeballs, Dangerous Unidentified Potions, Elementals, Psychos

Session 10: Righteous Anger, Destroyed Bridges, Spooky Towers, Pooping on People, Zombies, Necromancers, Big Angry Brain in Jar, Memories

Session 11: Fucking Memories, Bellaluna, Golariel, Questions with One Word Answers, Stubborn Hobgoblins, Failed Ambushes, Horrors, Tragic Last Stands, Automatons, Mysteries, The Fucking Sylvan Emperor, Traps, Engineers

Session 12: Little Shadows, Big Shadows, Debriefings, Elbows, Ancient Rituals, One Word Answers, Strange Magical Jewelry, Oleg, Knives, Ambushes, Poop, Sylvans in General, Golariel in Particular, Public Humiliation, Eating People, and Baermek

Session 13: Life

Session 14: Being Fucking Interrogated, Hot Women Toying With My Affections, Hot Women Threatening to Eat Me, Mysterious Revelations, Last Minute Changes in Plans, Mushroom Farms, Pointed Looks, and Low Level Thugs Who Don’t Know Jackshit

Session 15: Overly Dramatic Descriptions, Help, Horace, Owing Debt of Gold & Honor, Taking My Shirt Off For Very Not Sexy Reasons, Interrogating Someone When I am Feeling Poorly, Crushing Despair, Being Flat Broke, the Jungle, Big Blue Flying Guys

Session 16: Kisha, Half-Orcs with Fabulous Hair, Shame, Sylvans, Yehlan, Teaching Birds How to Play Cards, People Who Do Not Listen to Good Advice, Jonothon and His Stupid Outfit, Drugs That Are Not Glow, Shadows, Dario, Grandfather, No Plans, Bad Plans

Session 17: Optimism, Rolling Poorly, Rivers, Shadow Hounds, Pajama Guys, Sewers, Naive Birds, Dwarves with Weird Shadow Fists, Shadowy Mages, Guys with Big Swords, Saying Things I Did Not Say, Ingratitude

Session 18: Sewers, Ratguys, Overconfidence, Incompetent Hired Thugs, Pools of Acid, Statues That Shoot Fireballs, Nightshades, Insane Birds, Shadows of the Past, Doors That Won’t Open, Near-Empty Syringes, Triskian, Magic Portals, Waiting

Session 19: Sylvan Swarms, Missing Half of Conversation, Revealing Secrets of Secret Organization I swore to Keep Secret, Death, , Resurrection, Being on the Run, Sylvan Patrols, Boats, Tropical Islands, Lizards that Turn You into Rocks

Session 20: Splitting Up, Teenagers, Giant Mysterious Footprints, Political Crap, Grubs, Biting My Tongue, People Ignoring My Good Advice, Weird Jungle Shit, Cliffhangers

Session 21: Allies Who Let Themselves Be Turned into Wererats, Smart but Boring Decisions, Giant Feather-Covered Lizards, Frog People, Strange Caches, Pissed-Off Gorillas, Finding Out This Was All Probably Pointless

Session 22: Jungle, Being Bored, Not Knowing if Stupid Bird is Alive or Dead, Traitor Bird People, Curious Monkeys, Stupid Lizard People, Gross Torture Not Committed by Me, Climbing

Session 23: Climbing, Waiting, Camping in Cold, Zombie Barfing Plants, Cross Cultural Communication, Going Wrong Way, Locks That I Can't Pick, Jumping off Cliff Tied to Assholes, Weird lava Bubble Thing, Time Constraints, Czerno, Fucking Mysterious Shit

Session 24: Ancient Sylvan Cities, Sun Knights, Mysterious New Magic Powers, Being Blown Up, Time Loops, Intermediary Forms, Doors That Won’t Open, Exploding Chests, Death, Talkative Sylvan Guy with Plans, Wait…What?

Interlude: Alyona Belov, Fucking Messenger Girl

Session 28: More Unseen Bullshit, Dead Hobgoblin, Bathing in Bloodwater, Feeling Little Bit Bad That I Am Still Wearing Ring, Being Broke, Kisha's Voice in my Fucking Head, Stupid Divination Spell, GG Being Executed in Five Days

Session 33: The Fact That I’m Still At This Party, Mysterious Meetings, Hot Guys with Dumb Names, Giving Shit Away Because I’m Dumb, Cryptic Fortunes, Feeling Useless, Cocktail Weenies

Session 25: Being Crappy Caster, Devil’s Bargains, Weakness, Getting Yelled at For Putting Cracks in Dome Like I Had Anything To Do With It, Planning, Clones, Clones Talking in My Head, Being Left Behind To Die, Nightshade Bullshit

Session 29: Kisha and Everyone Who Stands Between Her and Death, Being Patient, Lightkeepers, Adsmir the Admin, Zippy the Lawyer, Tilvum the Other Admin Who is Probably Working For Kisha, Two Enemies in One

Session 32: Boredom, Sassafrass, Rich People, Long List of Ridiculous Jobs, Winging It, Useless Chit-Chat, Everyone I Can See, Gambling, Dancing with Grandfather, Peregrine Fucking Tumbledown, Grandfather’s Judgment

Session 31: Being Interrupted, Tylvim, Wasting Cool Line and Looking like Idiot, Sassafrass’s Timing, My New Nemesis, Snooty Tailor Shops, Weakness, Useless Sendings, Surprises That Have Last Name Senenova

Session 30: Lawyers, This Tylvim Bitch, People Who Resist Fast Friends, Swords From Nowhere, Bleeding, Cowardice, Using All My Magic on Something Other Than Murder, Jail, Interrogation, Telling Fucking Truth, Wasted Fucking Effort

Session 27: Skreek Squawking in My Head, Cure That is Hurting More than Injury, Confessing to Grandfather, Excellent Plan Not Working, Bartley and Idiot Lightkeepers, Someone Fucking with My Gnome, Kisha, Bloodwater, Kisha, Unseen Monk Assholes, Kisha

Session 26: Varan, Missing Important Clues, Clones Who Are Total Fruitcakes, Order, Varan, Poison Bolts, Stupid Unbreakable Artifacts, Useless Ideas, When Grandfather is Right About Something, Lost Time, Anya, Also Varan

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