Session 21: Allies Who Let Themselves Be Turned into Wererats, Smart but Boring Decisions, Giant Feather-Covered Lizards, Frog People, Strange Caches, Pissed-Off Gorillas, Finding Out This Was All Probably Pointless

General Summary

Always I have been saying that they are bunch of assholes, you know this. Always with their questions and accusations and expectations and all that business, right?
But, lately I have come to hate them, well, maybe not so very much as before. I mean, still they are assholes, but not like asshole assholes, if you are understanding my meaning. Like still I will kill them if situation requires, of course, but maybe I will be feeling bad about it afterwards. For little while.
That is where I was at with my thinking, even just this afternoon.
But now it is night time and I am here, in middle of jungle with Grandfather, running ass off and being chased by bunch of freaky looking half-rats who are wanting to eat us, and I am saying to myself Next time go with gut thinking, Alyona! This is how you keep guts inside where they belong! I will not be forgetting again such important life lesson, I can tell you. Assholes are assholes, and everyone is asshole who is trying to kill you. Everyone.
Truly, only thing which keeps me from just turning around and beating crap out of all of them right now, is that then it will be just me and Grandfather stuck on stupid bird island alone with no way off, which is not so good of idea. So, you see why we must run away, like couple of pussies.
Grandfather is very slow, and it is painful to have to go at same speed with him. Also he cannot run through shadows like I am being able to, so I am forced to stay close to him now, and use my ki to hide us from stupid assholes. But then he goes and makes spell that lets him run so much faster than usual, and I am like, why does he not use this spell all of time so I do not always have to be waiting around for his old ass? But it does not matter because Ingoria (who is very gross cat-rat thing now) catches up with him even though he is much faster than usual, and tries to eat him. He makes undignified squawking sound and does another spell that makes him disappear, which is leaving me alone now in jungle with hungry assholes.
Cool. Thanks, Grandfather.
Whatever. If I do not have to stay with him it is simple matter to move through shadows and stay out of reach of wererats. I circle back around to camp and spend uncomfortable night up in tree. Finally assholes give up on having delicious Belov snack, and head out into surrounding jungle where I hear all kinds of terrible noises as they are doing whatever it is that is fun times for rat-people. I have had worse nights, of course, but not many that have been so annoying. I do not start next day in good mood like I am usually doing.
In morning, everyone returns to camp, and nobody is rat anymore, but still they look like complete shit and are all confused about what has happened. Grandfather and I explain it to them, and I am thinking, if only I had spell like Grandfather! I would spend all day making myself look like them as rats, so they will know just how embarrassed they should be. But I am not magic person, so I will just have to use my excellent words to describe horrific image. At great (and maybe little bit repetitive) length.
Skreek misses out on all this though, because he is up in air looking all around. He comes down from sky and tells us he has noticed there is patch of clouds off in distance that has been patch of clouds for many days, even when weather is changing everywhere else. This is interesting, of course, and we would like to go take look at it, but we are not able to because huge, fucking feather-covered lizard thing comes barreling out of jungle chasing two little frog guys. Frog guys jump into big hole in ground, leaving us to deal with pissed off lizard.
Do not worry though – we do not die in fight with lizard thing, not even Grandfather. We have kicked ass of much nastier things than stupid lizard! But, I do get wonderful new experience, which is being chewed on by thing big enough to swallow me whole. It is not maybe so painful as trying to have open, heartfelt discussion with Grandfather, but it is not what I am calling fun time. I cannot recommend, even to escape jungle full of assholes.
And once we manage to kill big lizard, then we are jumped by frog guys with annoying tongues! By this time I am very tired, and would very much like to have small sit down, but instead I have to kick their asses too. There is one funny thing though. Grandfather shoots at one of frog guys and frog guy pulls trick with catching bullet (which I keep trying to tell everyone is no big thing but still they act like it is so impressive). Anyhow, frog throws ball back at Grandfather who has to use magic shield to block it and he is yelling “I will not be hit with my own bullet!” and he is so huffy and offended that I am laughing as I chase down last one and murder it with my fists.
We decide to take little break in rope trick hole, and watch as many, many things come out to start chewing on lizard (now you know how it feels, asshole!). Nothing is eating frogs though, which is weird.
After resting, we take time to look down in hole where frogs were hiding and see that there is something down under water. When we bring it up we find out it is stash of some fermented fish crap that has been wrapped up in so many layers to keep it dry. Skreek eats some up right away, because apparently nobody has taught him that maybe you should not eat up whatever crap that you find lying around in bottom of sinkholes underwater. He doesn’t die though, so, whatever.
We keep walking all day and when finally we are ready to make camp, jungle decides to come at us again. This time it is couple of pissed off white gorillas. We kill them, of course, but highlight is definitely when gorilla throws huge rock at Skreek and he is splatted by it. Baermek heals him up, because that is kind of thing he does, but still, splat! Feathers everywhere!
Finally though jungle keeps its bullshit to itself for few hours and we are able to sleep, and nobody turns into rats or anything, so that is what passes for good these days.
It is next day and, as we keep exploring, we see signs of frog people. Not frog people themselves, but other people that frog people have killed and stuck on sticks to warn away others. Bodies are too decayed to tell what it is that they are, but message is very clear.
Skreek and Edgar go flying out ahead of us, and when they cross river, some arrows are shot at them from out of trees, but they cannot see who it is that is doing shooting. They come right back because they are scared by these arrows. We are all thinking this must be territory of frog enemies. Guess it is case where enemy of our enemy is still going to be enemy. Which is usually case, let us be real.
Rest of day is quiet, and when we make camp we are still in frog territory. Next morning though, we cross river, and Skreek and Edgar fly out to look at area that is always cloudy. Edgar is able to tell us what it is he is seeing by talking to Baermek in his head, which is weird if you think about it, but everyone is like, sure whatever, and I do not feel like I have lots of room anymore to say assholes are doing weird, unexplained shit. Mostly they have left me alone about little time I spent dead, so I keep judgments to journal where no one will ever be reading them.
Anyway, we are getting reports of what it is they are seeing and it is weird and mysterious and all that shit. Apparently, it is not clouds in the sky that we have been seeing, but mist that is falling down off of huge plateau that is 150 feet above jungle floor where we are. Edgar goes over to check it out and sees enormous sinkhole with waterfalls that pour into it, and areas with lava down at bottom. On edges of sinkholes are little bit of buildings that looks Sylvan. So, I am thinking we have found what it is we are looking for. I would be excited, maybe, but it sounds like most of city is gone, fallen down into big hole, which means probably cryptoporter room is also down at bottom of big hole all crushed up, and we will have to hike back through jungle and figure out other way off stupid island, which means dealing with bird bullshit.
Oh yeah, and then something zaps Edgar with spell while he is flying over sinkhole, and he is dead.
So there’s that.

Report Date

09 Mar 2023