Session 7: Sylvans, Grandfather, Jungle, Boredom, Boris, Undead Tower, Wisps, Hungry Compost Heaps, and Ancient Sylvan Bullshit
General Summary
2/21/22
But, there is no time for such pleasant memories. Bunch of assholes jostle me as I pause at top of stairs. Why in such rush? I look around and see nothing worth being so excited for. Beach, farms, buildings built into cliffs. Meh. It is nothing.
Memory of Mama begins to fade and I am all of sudden tired. Many years now, I am swept along from place to place, by people, by events. Each new place, same as last, only details change. Underdark, Overland, family, strangers – does not matter. Nowhere is safe. No one can be trusted. These are truths that do not change. I step to side and let assholes pass. I let memory pass too, but I fear something may have been lost.
We go to Inn called Weary Bones. It is dump, but there is ale, and that is all I care about right now. When we enter, Innkeeper calls out, “Hey Hobgoblin guy, been long time. Things good on homestead?” Everyone perks up the ears. Some of us are nosy. Some of us are group of fucking Sylvans in corner. One of them makes “joke” in Sylvan bibble babble and others laugh. Yeah, I bet it was fucking hysterical. Hobgoblin says, “No” and Innkeeper says “I was afraid of that.”
Let me make clear, I do not care about these people. I do not want to know where they come from. But person’s past is never something that stays quietly behind them. It always is following, just waiting for right moment to snatch and devour. I do not want to be standing next to anyone when their past grows hungry. So, I pay attention.
But not much more is said. Hobgoblin follows Innkeeper out to yard to talk and I do not care enough to try to follow. Out front, I can just see Grandfather through front window. He is sitting on small wall keeping watch, Boris next to him. Young kid approaches him shyly, gestures to Boris, asks questions. Grandfather looks down at him with kindly expression on face, smiles when he answers. Kid smiles back and leaves, curiosity satisfied.
Such kind man, Grandfather. So excellent with the children.
It is early afternoon by sun, but much later for us and we are tired. We order food. Hobgoblin tells us that Sylvans have been showing up here every few months to gather supplies before heading back east to excavations. Not just random assholes then; these are assholes we are looking for.
We take hour or so at local shop called Devil’s Bargain to get supplies for trek into jungle, then get rooms for night. I am sleeping with Cat. This is my request, I admit, as she seems best of possible options. So, I have two observations to make about sleeping in same room as Cat.
I would rather stink like troglodyte than lick myself clean at night and
She purrs in sleep, which is annoying, but also not worst thing I have heard when sharing sleeping quarters.
I bet she dreams of killing people while they sleep. I hope for good dreams too.
But, of course, Drow do not dream. In morning, when I come out of meditation, Cat is licking self again, which, honestly, just seems excessive. I grab things and leave room in disgust. Next time I share room, I will go back to asshole I know. Grandfather is many things, but buttlicker is not one of them… at least as far as I know. Shit… I will not think about this further.
Next morning Sylvans are regretting overly friendly relations with jungle juice last night. I make fun of them to Grandfather and laugh VERY LOUDLY. This pisses them off, so I give them playful wink to make sure they stay pissed off.
Our group notices that leader of Sylvans is wearing strange medallion. Hobgoblin tells us that he used to live in area, and that necklace belonged to his former employer – woman who was arrested by other Sylvans, leading to Hobgoblin’s sudden, but very welcome, unemployment. But these were not soldiers that arrested her, so why is medallion hanging from his neck? Another mystery. What joy.
Sylvan assholes leave and we spend next several years trying to agree on plan. (If GG asks again for group name, I am suggesting Decisive Bunch of Assholes). But, it is miracle! Decision is reached before Grandfather dies of old age. We will follow Sylvans, staying two or three hours behind. Bird will track from sky to make sure we stay on course. They will lead us to ruins.
So, for two days we follow. And, in case you are thinking of taking special vacation trip to follow assholes through jungle, I can not recommend. Jungle is terrible place, filled with unpleasant, sweaty people – at least bit of it I have seen. It is hot, boring, and only people available for killing, I am not supposed to kill. I entertain myself by using stick to knock rotten fruits off branches onto grandfather’s head. But this loses luster after seven or eight times (not that I stop, of course, but now it is more out of sense of duty).
On early evening of second day Bird sees stone tower up on top of high cliff. There are figures moving around, but no fires or lights in tower. From one side there is a thing that hangs down, maybe 100 feet long. This is intriguing, but Bird did not get close enough to tell what it was. What use is scout who does not actually tell you what is out there?
Hobgoblin tells us it is home of former employer. Figures moving around are zombies. There is many gasps of surprise. Was she necromancer? Perhaps, he says. Well that would explan why he is always talking to skull, like fucking weirdo.
At night, I make sure Grandfather and I split watches so we are together as little as possible. And here I make little confession – I miss talking to Grandfather. He is family, and there are things only Belov will understand. So, I have to ask myself, why do I hold things against him from so very long ago? It really should not have come as big surprise, what he did. I would have done same, perhaps. I certainly did similar at Academy. But it is stupidity that makes me so angry. Grandfather is not stupid man – how could he have made such stupid mistake? It is unforgivable. But, then again, I do not want to forgive; I just want to talk to him. Too bad he is asshole.
By day three everyone is tired of slow movement through jungle. Conversation leaves something to be desired, and we have established that sing-alongs are not good fit for group, as enthusiastic as Bird might be. I am now contemplating what would happen if I dropped fruit on Cat. I feel like this provides service – nightly bath would have far more interesting flavor – but suspect she will not see things from my point of view. I am curious who would win fight, me or Cat, but let us be real. I would, as long as I am awake at time.
Frayed nerves, off-key singing, murderous impulses barely controlled – it is past time for taking of action. Let us go kill Syvans! We know where we are heading already, so following them is unnecessary bullshit. We hold vote and it is unanimous for murder. Hooray!
We go that night. Come up with excellent sneaky plan to surround camp and slaughter them like pigs. Unfortunately pigs heard Boris clanking along, so less surprise than would be ideal. Still, plenty of enjoyable violence. Bird got knocked out of sky twice. Fell on bad guy second time, so at least he was useful there. I am forced to give him one of my few healing potions, because I am now somehow his fucking guardian angel. How did this happen?
A few exciting minutes, and world is brighter place (except for Sylvans, who are no longer gracing world with their presence). They leave behind three mules, some armor, medallion (has name on back, “Hanayama”), 35 gold and brand new toy for Grandfather. It is very loud weapon that puts holes in things from far away. He is like child on Name Day. I do not think he has stopped smiling since he picked it up, and this is fucking creeping me out.
Good mood lasts… well… not very long. Next day we get off trail. Perhaps we were premature in killing of Sylvans. But it was fun, so whatever. We decide to make camp for night and head back to original trail in morning but while we are setting up, we see blinking light in distance. It flashes at us for a bit, then disappears. Another one appears briefly and then disappears. They dance around us, keeping their distance for now.
It is bad. Hobgoblin recognizes them from former employer’s work. They are will o’ wisps, some kind of undead thing. They can suck life out of you and are very hard to hit. We pack up camp and start moving down trail in dark. This is not great idea, but it is at least idea, and only one we have at moment. That is, until we see suspicious pile of compost on trail in front of us that was not there when we passed this way earlier. Hmmmm… blinky lights or compost? We make to turn around, but wisp appears behind us and tries to attack Skreek with lightning bolt thing. Second one appears next to me and I swing at it like I am champion stickball player (of course I never actually got to play, because Overlanders are fucking bigots). Hurt it bad and Grandfather finishes it off. In meantime, compost pile has started moving toward us, which is… a sight. I run forward to hit it. Then it hits me and I have quick lay down to gather thoughts. I see stars, but all is not blackness, so that is good. I jump up, hit it again and get hell out of there. Compost has seriously pissed me off, but I am not stupid.
Much fighting. Little wisp bastard keeps healing compost which is exceptionally annoying. Compost SWALLOWS Boris which is fucking hilarious in hindsight, though less so in middle of fight. But we conquer compost and wisp fucks off. Inside compost we find some junk and a wand, which is not junk. Oh yes, and Boris, in many pieces.
We spend very unpleasant hour stumbling through jungle in middle of night before making camp again. Then we wake up and Hobgoblin identifies wand as Wand of Detect Magic, which is useful to someone, I suppose.
We have lost maybe a day getting off trail, which is unfortunate, but then we get lost again, because we never should have left Underdark and jungles are stupid. I hate this place so very, very much.
But finally, by day 6, we have reached cliff, and we make our way up switchbacks near waterfall. Bird scouts ahead and sees evidence of Sylvan camp, as well as one active excavation site, and two seemingly abandoned ones. We decide to skirt along coastline and approach one of abandoned sites from south, hoping to avoid detection.
First site we enter we find something amazing – cryptoporter gate! Like one in Anarius. Sylvans have cleaned out room and we can read name on base: THANE. In four corners of room are large statues – warrior with sun symbol, scholar, mage type with moon, mysterious spooky guy. I waste no time in sending message to GG to tell him of discovery. I warn him not to pee pants, but I suspect it is foregone conclusion.
Thank God we have found gate. Maybe we will not have to go back through jungle. If it doesn’t work, though, I am considering letting Sylvans kill me.
Report Date
24 Feb 2022