Session 23: Climbing, Waiting, Camping in Cold, Zombie Barfing Plants, Cross Cultural Communication, Going Wrong Way, Locks That I Can't Pick, Jumping off Cliff Tied to Assholes, Weird lava Bubble Thing, Time Constraints, Czerno, Fucking Mysterious Shit

General Summary

This is me, all ready to start climbing up cliff. It is only afternoon, and there is plenty of time to make it up to top, which is only maybe five hundred feet or so. But others, they say no. They say let us climb up when it is morning. It is like they have no rush at all to catch sylvans! But if I am being annoyed by delays, it is nothing compared to Skreek, who is very disgusted with us and whole “no wings” situation, and is complaining with many, many words and loud squawks. So we camp, and Drow take turns with watch as is usual, with Edgar there to make it maybe little bit less boring, but also it is much more annoying. And while we are sitting there staring at each other, pervert and I hear crashing through trees and then loud thud. I tell him to go over and check it out, and he says it is body of lizard guy, who is all messed up, and not just from taking shortcut off of plateau. Lizard guy also shows signs of burning, and all of us are immediately thinking of Sylvans and their bullshit.
When it is morning but before it gets too light out, I hop my way up most of way up cliff, moving through shadows. But, when I get maybe it is ⅔ of way up, mist gets too heavy to see any further ahead, so instead I sit down on little ledge and wait for company.
Skreek and Ingoria have stayed below to help old men make it up cliff face. Far down below I can just make out little ants that are Grandfather and Baermek starting to drag old bony asses up side of cliff. Much time passes and there is no progress that I can see, but eventually I am given little entertainment when ants fall off cliff. Tiny little frightened yells reach my ears, but then one or other of them cast spell to make them fall slowly, so it is only brief joy that I am feeling.
Edgar appears next to me and tells me that they will be camping below so Grandfather can prepare spell to help them actually make climb tomorrow. Well, shit. I am being so fucking bored. I climb rest of way up, and soon Ingoria and Edgar join me to camp up top. It is cold and wet and reminds me of caves. Not in good way.
Next morning, I am looking back down and see little flash of light down at bottom of cliff. Maybe one of them exploded. But no, Edgar goes down to take peek and then comes back and says there was parrot that was busy spying on them so Grandfather shot it with firebolt. Any regular stupid bird, or one who is little pet to sylvans, would have been blown up by spell like that, but this parrot flew off very fast. Big mystery.
And finally, after so much delays, Grandfather and Baermek come up cliff face, moving like they are spiders, which is fucking creepy thing. But at least it gets them up here, so if they want to look like creepy spider guys, that it their business, I guess.
Now we are finally all up on top so we start heading toward where we think big hole is. It is very hard to know if we are going in right direction because mist is so heavy, but we send Edgar up above mist to try to keep us on right path.
All around us are ruins of very ancient city. There is almost nothing left, just low stone walls and piles of broken rocks. If there were any carvings or whatever, they have been worn away by time and weather. It is strange feeling walking through such dense cloud, stumbling over broken pieces of past great city, normal sounds of jungle muffled and maybe even little bit spooky. And that is before we see bodies.
In around little walls we see them, three dead bodies, all of them who look like they were probably Sylvans. As we are busy standing and staring at them like big dummies, they twitch and begin to get up off of ground. Man, is it just me or do sylvans love to be undead?
We start beating up on zombies, and then this big plant sort of tumbles over one of walls. In it are many bones and skulls and that nonsense and it has long tentacle vines that are whipping around being all threatening. It attacks Boris and then it barfs up another zombie, which is unpleasant thing to see. Ingoria and I jump over wall and run up to make it stop barfing up zombies and it hits both of us very hard, and then, just to be insulting, barfs up another zombie right next to me. This one is not Sylvan; it looks more like maybe it was lizard guy. Bad plant then barfs up another zombie, but we take out plant and its little zombie pets without too much problem. Going through remains of plant monster, we find little bit of gold, one small clay figurine with some pretty rocks in it, and some other stones that have lots of carving on them.
Ingoria is poking around in ruins and finds fresh blood trail which is leading away from where plant monster lived. It is just one creature who is bleeding, one who walks on two feet. We follow trail until we find it ends at big tree. Edgar tells us we are only maybe 100 feet from hole now. When we look up in tree it is hard to see because it still has kind of magic that hides it, but wounds are hard to hide, and there is lizard guy, barely alive.
It is decided that maybe being friends with lizard guys could be good idea, so Baermek heals it. Skreek takes its spear and helps it out of tree. Ingoria can understand it little bit when it starts talking to us. They hiss back and forth. Ingoria tells it “friends.” Skreek returns to it its spear and Ingoria says “friends” again. It studies us for long time then drops spell that hides it from being seen, and makes strange little rolling, dipping move that I think is supposed to be bowing. It has green scales on most of its body, but belly and crest on top of his head are orangey-red. When we ask it its name what it says is just crazy hissing noise, so we decide to call it Redcrest, even though I think it looks more like it is named Ivan. (I knew guy called Ivan once. He had red hair like this guy and was not terrible person. It was not really his fault I had to kill him; he was just unlucky guy. So maybe I will not name lizard Ivan, because it turns out it is very lucky we are so nice.)
Now that Redcrest is feeling little bit better and Ingoria is getting hang of language we are able to able to ask it what caused injuries. It makes big description, but what Ingoria is able to make out is “shiny,” “hard-shelled,” and “fire thrower.”
Sylvans. Ok now! Let us get party started!
Redcrest tells us Sylvans have been here for long time, long before they even got permission from bird queen – two moons at least. When we ask it what Sylvans are doing, it tells us lizards make some kind of pilgrimage to “world egg” down in hole, but way is blocked by camp full of Sylvans. Lizards got chased off by Sylvans, and Redcrest got separated from two other lizards it was traveling with. It only is still alive because it led Sylvans toward where there was “death blossom,” which is probably zombie barfing plant. Smart guy for lizard!
Redcrest stays with us while we are making circle around top of hole, looking for Sylvans or other interesting things. From what Skreek and Edgar tell us, whole mesa is maybe 3 miles across, and hole is about 500 feet or so.
We go to edge of hole and look in and we see it is maybe not so cloudy inside. Down way below, maybe two miles down, is dull orange glow. But what we are not seeing is path to get down there.
We make it most of way around hole before we must camp for night. Ingoria finds us good place to camp, but still it is cold and miserable. I almost miss hot jungle, but not really. Redcrest goes hunting and brings back lizard food to share with us and we share also with it. Aren’t we all very nice and friendly people?
I realize it has been many days since I have sent message to GG, so I pull out sending stone and tell him, “We have found ruins of Iallon. They have fallen in crazy big hole. Also Sylvans beat us here. Jungle still sucks.” He right away sends back,”Exciting! I miss the exploration. When do you think you can return to the library? I am hoping we will be able to debrief before…” Next time we are back in town I am going to give him little lesson on how to count numbers that are more than just fingers and toes.
Next morning we continue with explore and spend more time looking down over ledge into hole. Skreek and Ingoria look down and see little bit of black and white checkerboard floor that we have seen many times before. There is even pedestal that looks like it is ok. Only problem is, it is couple hundred feet below ledge and hanging sideways. Fuck. I hope we can find another one of these down below because I do not want to have to make trip back through jungle.
Ingoria and Skreek go down for closer look and scratch around base of pedestal to get code. Now we have code for porter that is hanging sideways couple hundred feet down cliff. Very useful information. Also they see that there is cut in checkerboard floor, like arc that is super smooth, like it was cut with sharp knife. But also they see many openings in cliff face that look like they are remains of ancient sewer system. This news is much more interesting. Sewers are disgusting but useful places! We wonder if maybe Sylvans are hiding inside sewers, which would be just like them.
There is also more time for talking with Redcrest. It tells us that lizard people leave polished stones and other little craft projects as offerings for world egg. And down in hole we might see big spiders or bat-like creatures and even what it is calling “living flames” which does not sound like fun thing to tangle with. We also find out (and Skreek is feeling very bad about this) that lizard mages can turn into birds and monkeys and stuff to spy on people. Redcrest is maybe not so happy that we were shooting them with arrows and spells and things, but we explain that we thought they were Sylvan spies and then it is not looking so mad (I think it was mad; it is hard to tell with lizard people how they are feeling).
And then, once we are almost all way around rim Edgar, who is up in air scouting for us, tells us he smells smoke up ahead. Fuck, I told them we should have gone clockwise – we could have been already kicking Sylvan ass yesterday! Grandfather sees bootprints and even though there are many and it is little bit confusing, we are able to finally find Sylvan camp, and it is big one!
It is, of course, Cat and me that are going up and spying on sylvans. Edgar goes with us, then makes himself invisible and flies over camp itself to see what is what. And what he sees is lots of little tents, maybe 20 sylvans, two big pavilions and what is sounding to us very much like one of sun knights and one of lunar knights! Sylvans are not fucking around here — whatever it is they hope to get from Iallon, it is very important to them!
Uh oh! Sun knight seems to somehow know that Edgar is spying on them and starts yelling orders and all of Sylvans start running around like crazy looking for intruder. But Edgar ducks behind tree and they find nothing so they settle back down again after fifteen minutes or so.
Then knights head over to rim, and Edgar follows to see what they do. They jump in hole! It looks like they have spell like Grandfather and Baermek can cast, and they are floating slowly down. But what is this? They stop and go over to look at pedestal which is hanging out of cliff face. They see that someone has been scraping around base where code is written. Well, now they know for sure that we are here. Guess we have to kill them all. I am being heartbroken at prospect.
After they check out pedestal, sylvans keep going down and Edgar follows them. He reports back that hole is perfectly round and very smooth. When they get down near bottom, there are openings to caves, maybe Underdark. And at bottom is big bubble made of lava, and all around it are cracks in ground which are showing lava underneath.
On top of dome, at center, is patch that is blacker than blackest black (this is what Edgar says, I am not sure what he means) and on top of black is some kind of structure. It has mostly open sides, and looks like maybe couple of people can fit inside. There are crystal rods and tanks and things too. This is where sylvans go.
Meanwhile, Ingoria and I are doing thing at which we are best – sneaking into camp and taking all their stuff. First we go in sun knight tent. There is disappointingly empty desk, but there is also very exciting locked chest that we cannot get into, even though we are both very good at picking the locks. It is no matter. We stuff whole chest into Grandfather’s satchel that we have brought along for just such circumstances, and go to other pavilion. This is belonging to lunar knight and he is much more of slob than was sun knight. And also he has chest, but this time we do much better job at picking lock. Inside is coins, one book, and a case full of potions. We put them all in satchel and run back to where others are waiting for us.
Edgar tells us that as soon as we went in sun knight tent, Sylvans started coming back up as fast as they could. Ha ha idiots! You are too late! When they reach camp, sun knight makes some kind of explosion happen. It is very loud and bright and all of mist for long way is burnt off just like that. It is good thing that already we are further away then spell can reach.
With little bit of help from Redcrest, we find good place to hide from sylvan search and go through things we have found. Grandfather is able to open chest that we could not (he gives me stupid smug look and I give him very rude gesture) and inside is bunch of papers, some scrolls and fancy wooden box. Inside box is glowing orb little bit smaller than fist, and two pieces of metal, one black, one silver, that look like they might fit together. Potions in box are type that make you extra lucky when you try to do something. There are ten of these! We, each of us, take two. Very handy! Scrolls from lunar knight chest are scrolls that let you find objects, like Skreek used when we were looking for Aleorman’s hideout, before we got exploded. And Baermek reads all of papers, because that is thing he likes to do for some reason.
Turns out, though, that papers are very interesting. One of them, it tells about Sylvans finding big lava bubble at bottom of hole and how lizards are chimeral species like Birds and Cats. Most importantly it says, "Multiple Tier-one artifacts were detected within the bounds of the anomaly." Why are we even waiting another minute?! Let us go!
Second one, it talks about plan to get inside bubble. They think there is a portal inside and maybe many cryptoporters (GG will be so very happy and we will be so very rich!) Strange bits we found in chest back at camp are needed to enter into anomaly. Sylvans at camp are cowards though and are waiting for tougher sylvans to go inside and turn whole thing off and deal with anything dangerous, so rest of them can go inside.
It is very obvious to everyone that we must beat Sylvans into lava bubble, to get all of old stuff. Pissing off Sylvans is sweet, sweet bonus. So, we make little plan that we will tie us all together with rope and then jump off side of cliff. We will let ourselves fall, fall, fall until we are almost going splat on ground and then Baermek will cast on us feather fall and we will land down at bottom with all of our insides still inside. It is great plan!
I am so surprised to tell you — plan works!.We even brought Redcrest with us so it could finish pilgrimage (although I do not think it had much faith in plan and did not seem to enjoy falling so very much). We make it to bottom and Grandfather right away starts working on putting all of pieces into contraption that is there.
Fuck! Edgar tells us that Sylvan knights are on way down. They must have had spell to tell them when people are fucking with their stuff. Go faster Grandfather! No, not like that! Look at all those sparks and noises that are happening. That is not right. Put it, no, try turning…
Grandfather slides pieces back in, there is click, then light.
In one moment we are standing on top of lava bubble yelling at Grandfather, next minute we are standing on outside street where it is sunny and there are many Sylvans walking around like it is normal day.
But there is moment in space between two moments, where I am not standing in bubble or street, where time stretches and everything is dark and I feel familiar chill of Czerno. Voice says to me, hissing in my ear, it says, “Ты идешь в место, в котором мне было отказано на протяжении тысячелетий. Я даю тебе эти благословения, чтобы еретики могли научить, что нет ничего вне досягаемости Черной Руки Смерти. Уничтожь это отвратительное чудовище и передай им мой поцелуй*,” and I feel delicious coldness seep into me from darkness, and body tingles all over.
Then time is back and light is bright and we are all staring around us in amazement. Suddenly, there is loud thruuuuuummm sound and barriers come down all around and Sylvans go crazy, running around like hair is on fire!
I pull staff from back and smile. I can feel cold pouring off my skin: if you were stupid and tried to touch me, your fingers, they would be frozen.
I am having no idea what in fuck is happening, but it looks like fun.

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Report Date

06 Jun 2023