Session 2: Mechanical Spiders, Cave Frogs, Black Rock Falls, Mushroom Beer, and All Gnomes Except GG
General Summary
8/22/21
It is good thing I am natural leader because we are standing around ruins with thumbs up asses and nobody is doing anything, just talk talk talk. This is fine. I go out and climb up to second story of promising looking building. It is complete mess. Looks a bit like Grandfather’s old laboratory after someone released owlbear inside (I was elsewhere at time; there are witnesses).
There is desk covered in crap, piles of moldy old fabric in corner, some kind of strange bulbous clockwork shape on pedestal and, saints be praised, large chest. Pedestal looks like something Grandfather would be interested in, so I yell out window for him to get wrinkly ass up here, then turn to more important matter of liberating chest of contents. Unfortunately, there is no lock on chest, just a stupid glowing square thing. Searching through desk for clue to opening chest, I find strange triangle made from some kind of white metal, and many small disks, about size of large coin, convex on both sides. What are they for? Who knows? In to pocket they go.
By this time more assholes have shown up and we all start looking for puzzle pieces. Then, like children, we start trying to put puzzle pieces in glowing square. Even though we fill square up, square is little bitch and spits pieces back out. Try another way. And another. Finally, success. Chest opens. Inside is thoroughly debateable amount of gold and gems which I put in my bag. Building looks unstable and I would hate to have to leave them behind in emergency. Cat meows a bit but I ignore.
Grandfather and others have discovered similar glowing squares on sides of pedestal so we spread out looking for more pieces. I head downstairs and take quick moment to hide half of loot before Cat joins me. I will not get away with taking all of it, but nobody knows how much there actually was. Voice of priest says “share”, Voice of experience says “mine.”
Cat comes down and we commence search for puzzle pieces. I notice she is looking at me with strange expression and am briefly worried that she has found loot, but no, it is just small mechanical spider things all over my back. Note to self: when finding strange metal disks in future allow others to pick up; stick to gold.
“Get them off!” I yell, but there is now much shouting from upstairs and Cat leaves me to go help others. Additional note to self: Cat now at bottom of the list. I make way upstairs, taking moment to smash some of spiders off against wall as I climb rubble.
Well, now this is interesting development. It appears bulbous shape on pedestal was also clockwork spider, only much larger. What is deal with this long dead asshole and spiders? No time to contemplate motivations, large spider is chewing on Grandfather and metal discs that were all over desk and floor have turned into smaller spiders which are currently swarming Hobgoblin. We commence fighting and surprisingly, nobody dies this time.
Once everything stops crawling, Grandfather immediately starts scavenging pieces from large spider and I distribute other half of loot. Small pang of conscience perhaps, or is that indigestion? Rations are highly questionable so probably indigestion.
Grandfather and I try to leave group behind as we head into Underdark but they cry and ask to please come with us, so we take pity and let them. They will probably fall in hole or be eaten by giant cave frogs soon, so is no bother.
For two days we make way through tunnels into Underdark. Grandfather and I have many skills between us, but navigation is not among them and there is fair amount of wrong turns and backtracking. Fortunately there are mushrooms to eat. So many mushrooms.
On third day we hear rushing water ahead of us and tunnel opens out into large hole with waterfall plunging down one side. Hole itself is maybe 60 feet wide and there is no sign of top or bottom. Across the hole stretches a single rope, in relatively good repair.
This is when bird loses freaking mind and starts flying all over the place like total idiot. There had been much whimpering for days about being underground so it is not surprising that he feels need to stretch wings. The crazed cackling seems ill advised however.
As the rest of us contemplate rope crossing there is startled squawk. Look over to see Bird wrapped up in slimy tongue of cave frog. Called it.
A second frog joins first one and we shoot arrows, cast spells and throw darts until nasty things fall down into endless hole. Nobody is actually eaten or falls down hole with frogs, but after better part of three days with these assholes I have every confidence it is only matter of time.
Bird flies down impressively deep hole to investigate and tells us there is third dead frog down there. That, along with rope bridge, hints that there may be another party a short distance ahead of us. Also bloody trail is pretty good indication.
We follow trail for several hours, then come to place where trail leads up wall to tiny ledge. Cat climbs up and is rebuffed by gruff voice making threats. Gruff voices making threats happens to be one of my favorite things, so I also head up and make friendly chit chat with potential murderous thug. Once I hear sound of crossbow being drawn I am particularly intrigued; Grandfather has been talking about needing a crossbow lately and, while generally I would not piss on him if he were on fire, heavily armed crazy old man is useful thing.
It is thus very unfortunate that Hobgoblin decides to be nice and offer healing in exchange for directions. I guess murderous thugs were not so murderous after all, because they jumped at opportunity to get rid of us without bloodshed. Some days it is hardly worth getting up in morning.
We follow Bodur’s (name of boringly peaceful thug) directions to entrance of Black Rock Falls, a complete dump peopled mostly by dwarves and other losers. At entrance is trap designed to repel so-called Horrors from entering town. Everyone seems scared of Horrors. Probably more frogs.
We enter town and make our way to tavern called The Drowned Dragon. It is mostly empty and has depressingly small selection of alcoholic beverages. The barmaid seems to know Grandfather and I shudder to think what that might mean. She slips him note which is child’s play to grab from him.
I am bored. Look around tavern and spy funny little gnome sitting at table by himself. Give him wink and he nearly pees little gnome pants, gestures for me to join him. Dream big, Little Man. Ah well, why the hell not? Probably an asshole, but at least he’s a new one.
His name is some gnome bullshit but he says to call him GG which is acceptable. I tell him my name is Sally and mention being raised above ground and he believes me. Ok, so he is credulous asshole. Things are looking up. He is impressed by our mighty party of losers and wants to hire us for job outside of town. I question his judgment, but timing is perfect and I could certainly use money.
I wave over rest of group and he explains that he is member of organization called Lightkeepers, collectors of random historical crap. He is searching for ruins of some old city called Anarius out in area where Horrors live and wants someone to scout out location of city and then escort him there if we find it. Simple. Money isn’t bad and it will get us out of Black Rock Falls. We notice GG has no shadow and he tells us that he and his companions were attacked by Horrors and he was killed. Upon resurrection he no longer had shadow. That’s weird.
Here is where things turn really funny though. That city he is looking for? As he describes what to look for it becomes very clear that it was most recently serving as troglodyte toilet. Name is familiar too. We go upstairs to rooms to talk privately and after checking letters we found in satchel, we confirm that Anarius is the name of ruins and that we are already in possession of some highly valuable items of historical significance.
Some of us suggest that we not tell GG we already know location of ruins so we can soak him for finding it, but this is voted down by disturbingly ethical remainder of party and instead we invite GG up to our rooms and tell him we know location of city and show him gold coins and ancient spellbook. We have decided to keep satchel, ring and documents to ourselves for right now.
Now I am certain he has peed little gnome pants. He starts hopping around and jabbering with excitement. He needs to consult with Lightkeepers but should be able to buy items from us for good price and offers to pay just to look at anything else we might have found. He hires us to take him there (25 gp/week), with an extra fee mentioned if it is necessary for us to remove any Sylvan presence (250 gp “danger pay”).
Kill Sylvans and get paid for it? This is my kind of job!
Report Date
28 Aug 2021