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First o the days searchin, first o Fatum
They call me all a madman, a goon willin te risk er neck fer an ol wifes tale.
I be telling ye, tis naught a tale, tis real, I did saw it with me very own eyes.
But nahvermind that, tis too lat ter turn back anyway, we be on the hunt fer a
Feudworm.
I payed me mates good copper ter keep an eye out and described it as best as me can.
Yer see, the Feudworm be a crafty little thing.
It be many, many ryestalks long and be culored like the waves, but naught quite the same shade, fer it is blind and can only have the culor it be bourne with.
The one I did spaht was on a gaily autmn night, and the skyes be grayed with the wool o the heavens, and I be starting with me first bottle, when outa nothing a sparkly green shape emerged.
I be telling ya, twas a Feudworm in breeding, fer they turn like that ter attract mates, they be doing.
Anyhow, the first un I catch site of I'll give a pretty name.
So far however, just sailin on out ter the mating ground I spahted before.
Second day
So far still naught, but I new we had ter be prepared with such crafty things.
Eiles be off in the cabin getting some shut-eye,
Patrid be up on deck, checking the horeyson for any sines of motion, and I be keeping a watchful eye on the gadgets and gizmos down in the pang-room.
The engine been sturdy so far, and the life decetcor thing tha frendly
Horologist sold me is whirring away, decetering, as he said, any Feudworms that come me way.
I must say, twas a funny thing that the mating seeson be in Fatum, a month said to be an unlucky one, but I spuse it be unlucky for the Feudworms when I found em, nay?
Rations be nice, and we gaht some tasty fish fram the net, so thats a treat.
I wander what surprises be around the next sealine.
Bakers dozenth day
They tell me this number has a proper name, they do, but I cant think of no other word that means the number after a dozen and befor the second bakers dozen, but ah, me
Bard be a jolly lass and ah had only eyes fer er, naht the numbers.
Met a patrol ship yesterday, and that officer in command gave us a wish o good luck, which was mighty nice of im.
All good people, those
Imperial Custodians, even if they put some o us seafarers outa bisness.
Ah, tmakes me want ter have a nice drink back at the
Kraken's Arms, but nows no time fer being soppy, we have a beast ter catch.
Still nothing so far, and the weather was stormy last night, but ah didn't buy this fancy
Journal fer naught, and the casing is keepin all the water out.
The other two are keepin me fine company, and it be nice out here when the weather settels and the lite burst through the wool o the heavens, but when it gets all dreary I get a little wool in me head too, and I thinks o the Feudworm and that I han got it yet.
Fallenday
It be Fallenday terday, and me mates an I be sittin in the cabin an avin a
Biscuit, as yer do on Fallenday.
It remind me o the frendly captn on the navy ship, and ow he wished us good luck, but it feels it were fer naught.
The decetcor thingamabob stopped chattering, we think it be dead, and the rations are startin ter get a little on the hungry side.
It looks like weel be turnin back soon, poor lads.
Twenteth day
Grimmsnout be found!
We were making our ways aback ter
Penchester, and what do me gogglin eyes spaht but a Feudworm!
Right there it was, shimmering with its deep blue among the tossing waves, its white spine like the crest of a wave!
I was sober again the very moment I rest me eye on it, and I knew this was the chance.
We may be outa rations, but the fuel is still steady and if we can lay our hands on but a scale o this beast, weel have fame and riches on our hands, I be certain of it.
No more turning back, laddys, we be hunting proper now.
We be hunting Grimmsnout.
Twentehfirst day
We lost er, but I be sure we can getter now.
We may be starving, but we have water aplenty yet.
Ah sent out the
dove ter call fer help, but we'll have no time ter stahp so weel naht be hearing back fer a while.
The lads are getting squemish, they think the sun be getting a little bright fer them.
But if we turn back now, it be redicule fer the three of us, and I cant let that happen.
Twentehforth day
The water and the rations are all gone, Eiles be deadening and I had to tie up Patrid cause he was getting fussy.
But I aint a wuss, though the hunger and the thirs may cripple me, I aint be giving up so quick!
Twenteseventh day
The lads our dead, and though I be very sad at losing them, I bite back bitter tears I no I be saving their names in me heart and in the stories that come across.
I made sure to do with them as is only proper, and they'll keep me on me last legs.
Curse you Grimmsnout, yer goodfernothing, snaky blind twerlrib of a monser.
Me mates are dead and it be all your fault.
All information contained above is duly noted as authentic and untampered-with.
Document has been seized by Captain Simothy C. Phillenbow [M-00018273] Officer in command of the HMV Bulliot [V-00000582] patrolling between Queenbridge-in-Ampton [TIG-2901] and Plaise [FRE-0423] on the [4-Arbor-48] as court material [Juri-E-20193].
The offender Captain Viviana A. Prestcotton [C-00011234] was arrested under suspicion of cause of immeasurable harm toward citizens Patrid L. Seaverley [C-00019213] and Eiles K. Padman [C-00013921] through negligence and unspeakable acts [MP3-H] in case file [Juri-C-14231].
First of the days searching, first of Fatum
They call me all a madman, a goon willing to risk her neck for an old wive's tale.
I am telling you, it is not a tale, it is real, I saw it with my very own eyes.
But nevermind that, it is too late to turn back anyway, we are on the hunt for a
Feudworm.
I paid my mates good copper to keep an eye out and described it as best as I can.
You see, the Feudworm is a crafty little thing.
It is many, many ryestalks long and is coloured like the waves, but not quite the same shade, for it is blind and can only have the colour it is born with.
The one I did spot was on a gaily autumn night, and the skies were grayed with the wool of the heavens, and I was starting with my first bottle, when out of nothing a sparkly green shape emerged.
I am telling you, it was a Feudworm in breeding, for they turn like that to attract mates, they are doing.
Anyhow, the first one I catch sight of I'll give a pretty name.
So far however, just sailing on out to the mating ground I spotted before.
Second day
So far still nothing, but I knew we had to be prepared with such crafty things.
Eiles is off in the cabin getting some shut-eye,
Patrid is up on deck, checking the horizon for any signes of motion, and I am keeping a watchful eye on the gadgets and gizmos down in the pang-room.
The engine has been sturdy so far, and the life detector thing the friendly
Horologist sold me is whirring away, detecting, as he said, any Feudworms that come my way.
I must say, it was a funny thing that the mating season be in Fatum, a month said to be an unlucky one, but I suppose it is unlucky for the Feudworms when I find them, no?
Rations are nice, and we caught some tasty fish from the net, so that is a treat.
I wonder what surprises be around the next sealine.
Bakers dozenth day
They tell me this number has a proper name, they do, but I cannot think of no other word that means the number after a dozen and before the second bakers dozen, but ah, my
Bard was a jolly lass and I had only eyes for her, not the numbers.
Met a patrol ship yesterday, and that officer in command gave us a wish of good luck, which was mighty nice of him.
All good people, those
Imperial Custodians, even if they put some of us seafarers out of business.
Ah, it makes me want to have a nice drink back at the
Kraken's Arms, but now is no time for being soppy, we have a beast to catch.
Still nothing so far, and the weather was stormy last night, but I didn't buy this fancy
Journal for nothing, and the casing is keeping all the water out.
The other two are keeping me fine company, and it is nice out here when the weather settles and the light bursts through the wool of the heavens, but when it gets all dreary I get a little wool in my head too, and I think of the Feaudworm and that I have not got it yet.
Fallenday
It is Fallenday today, and my mates and I are sitting in the cabin and having a
Biscuit, as you do on Fallenday.
It reminds me of the friendly captain on the navy ship, and how she wished us good luck, but it feels it was for nothing.
The detector thingamabob stopped chattering, we think it is dead, and the rations are starting to get a little on the hungering side.
It looks like we will be turning back soon, poor lads.
Twentieth day
Grimmsnout is found!
We were making our way back to
Penchester, and what do my goggling eyes spot but a Feudworm!
Right there it was, shimmering with its deep blue among the tossing waves, its white spine like the crest of a wave!
I was sober again the very moment I rest my eyes on it, and I knew this was the chance.
We may be out of rations, but the fuel is still steady and if we can lay our hands on but a scale of this beast, we will have fame and riches on our hands, I am certain of it.
No more turning back, laddies, we are hunting properly now.
We are hunting Grimmsnout.
Twentyfirst day
We lost her, but I am sure we can get her now.
We may be starving, but we have water aplenty yet.
I sent out the
dove to call for help, but we'll have no time to stop so we will not be hearing back for a while.
The lads are getting squeamish, they think the sun is getting a little bright for them.
But if we turn back now, it is ridicule for the three of us, and I can not let that happen.
Twentyforth day
The water and the rations are all gone, Eiles is dying and I had to tie up Patrid because he was getting fussy.
But I am not a wuss, though the hunger and the thirst may cripple me, I am not giving up so quickly!
Twenty-seventh day
The lads are dead, and though I am very sad at losing them, I bite back bitter tears I know I am saving their names in my heart and in the stories that come across.
I made sure to do with them as is only proper, and they will keep me on me last legs.
Curse you Grimmsnout, you goodfornothing, snaky blind twerlrib of a monster.
My mates are dead and it is all your fault.
All information contained above is duly noted as authentic and untampered-with.
Document has been seized by Captain Simothy C. Phillenbow [O-00018273] Officer in command of the HMV Bulliot [HMS-B1T] patrolling between Queenbridge-in-Ampton [TIG-2901] and Plaise [FRE-0423] on the [4-Arbor-48] as court material [Juri-E-20193].
The offender Captain Viviana A. Prestcotton [C-00011234] was arrested under suspicion of cause of immeasurable harm toward citizens Patrid L. Seaverley [C-00019213] and Eiles K. Padman [C-00013921] through negligence and unspeakable acts [MP3-H] in case file [Juri-C-14231].
Hi Eye! Here's the notes from the feedback trade! :D 1. It might be worth adding some mention or hint about what a Feudworm is at the top of the article. The name is great and the background with the addition of boozing it up is hilarious. 2. "Both her crew-mates died" - her ship only had 2 other people on it? What kind of ship was it, for that matter? 3. It isn't entirely clear if Feudworms are something that generally exists, or if they only started being talked about after the good captain got drunk. I love cryptozoology, so either is good, but it was worth mentioning :) 4. It's also worth noting that while the accent is impressive, some people will have difficulty understanding some of the more accented speech 5. The writing in the document is flavorful and interesting; they could be entire paragraphs instead of individual lines though. Personal preference perhaps. 6. I would also consider adding an additional line break between the last line and the next date. 7. I'm not sure what it means when she writes "the rations are startin ter get a little on the hungry side", as I'm assuming the food-rations aren't starving. 8. It's a little unclear why they kept going even after running low on food; the captain's obsession could perhaps use to be highlighted a little more, as I'm not quite getting the Moby Dick vibe yet. It does get more clear towards the end, when she starts tying up her friend.. 9. On the starvation note, 28 days seem very low to run out of food *and* resorting to cannibalism. It's a little quick to turn to eating your friends. Overall, pretty excellent stuff and it was an amusing read. As I said, I'm a great fan of cryptozoology and I can see the captain getting a show on monster hunter or something for sure. ;D Hope it helps!
Creator of Araea, Megacorpolis, and many others.
Excellent feedback, thank you ever so much!