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Author's Notes
This article is the first organization article in this world, completed for the Alliance Challenge. For those aware of the contest, I'd appreciate any advice you have towards following the prompt.
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Sep 12, 2020 22:13
Hey Jac Really nice article! Lots of neat little pieces of information. Some feedback since you asked for it: I have a hard time reading the full dates at a glance. Padding with zeros would probably already help a lot.
As a small, split power nation, Nämit Âlgis is generally peaceful to all otherI would replace split power with federated or rephrase it so you can use separation of power in some way. You sometimes use Limark Castle instead of Keep.
However, Nämit Âlgis also posesses several small trade pacts, making up only about 15% of the trade economy, between other nations such as Gitadara or Tolupato Nations.I am not sure what you want to say here? Do the 15% relate to the total trade volume of the other nations?
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Sep 12, 2020 23:01
by Jacob Billings
Thanks a bunch for the comment. I've implemented the changes; they were super helpful. Thanks again!
Sep 13, 2020 04:34
by Lyraine Alei
Just gonna go wipe my chin from the pretty CSS and layout now. XD
I am curious as to what drove the individuals clans into joining the alliance (you suggest it was out of fear of an Empire coming through and conquering, but sometimes in such cases, governments would flock to join the conquering forces to try and avoid bloodshed). I'm also curious if anyone has left, how members leave (if they can), how new members can join (if they can). Are there alliances within this alliance, and/or members who depend more on the alliance than others? Depending on how old the alliance is, have there been any attempts at dividing it?
I'm not one who's much for going in an seeking out typos and grammar errors, and more of a consumer of lore than format and grammar. I really enjoyed reading this (took me a while because I kept getting distracted by everywhere else), and like how the sections were kept short and snappy while also visually separate when they were supposed to..
Lyraine, Consumer of Lore, She/Her, primary project: Corive
Sep 13, 2020 04:57
by Jacob Billings
Wowza. The Lore Witch strikes again. I DEFINITELY don't have the words to answer those in-article, so I'll just answer you here(though, some of them will be a bit difficult to rationalize because they're not things I considered). What drove the union? The 19 clans joined for one main reason: because they were too weak on their own and each clan didn't want to give up their power to Anéginnis. Technically, it was also mutually beneficial for their economy and the trade industry. Can/Will clans Join/Leave? Nope and nope. While illogical, neither will happen for two main purposes: the clans are based off families and thus no new clans will form(a fact supported by the Border Act) and the peaceful agreement of citizen. No Clans will leave because they all benefit from the union and are mostly left to their own devices. Are there alliances within the group? Technically, yes. But that'd require a diplomacy web and articles for each clan -- something I don't particularly want to do. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much; also, I'd love to return they favor when your article is out of the outline stage -- go ahead and shoot me a message.
Oct 6, 2020 11:45
by Chris L
This is a very detailed article and I like the layout very much. FYI, the font-size is small and black on dark gray makes it just hard enough to read that I have a headache after reading it. Question, after reading through the article, I'm not sure what kind of world this is. Is it fantasy or sci-fi? What are the people like? What kinds of weapons were the wars fought with?
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Oct 6, 2020 13:26
by Jacob Billings
Hmm. That’s not great; I’ll see about implementing a high contrast version for those who’d prefer it. I didn’t really do much more than allude to the setting type for those that read the world, so that’s expected. My world is a high fantasy with a fairly large magic system (which is how wars are fought). As for the people, that’s something I’ve not really considered yet since it’s based on culture so I need to built those out first. Thanks for the comment. I’ll get to your article as soon as I have a chance. But, at first glance, it’s very pretty.
Oct 15, 2020 12:59
by TC
That article was really detailed! Although just like kitopoy I had a little trouble reading the text, between the small font and low contrast. The layout is incredible though, the information flows really nicely and makes the content really easy to grasp and understand. As someone who also wrote about an alliance of clans (eight, in my case), I'm astonished by the fact you've actually managed to flesh out all 19 clans, that must've been a lot of work! Kudos to you :)
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Oct 15, 2020 16:43
by Jacob Billings
Thanks do much for the kind words. I’ll give your article a read as soon as I get a chance.
Oct 17, 2020 19:14
by Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull
This article is so detailed! I love the information of the economy and trade, and then all the detailed history. I also love the explanation of the currency - cute little spheres! :D
Oct 18, 2020 06:27
by Jacob Billings
Thanks for the kind words, especially coming from you considering how wonderful your own article was. Thanks for the follow as well :)
Oct 22, 2020 02:27
by Barron
This was a well done article BrokenJac! I especially liked the breakdown of the flag and the in-depth evaluation of the economy! These are a couple of things I didn't see many others covered! I do feel like I missed something in regards to history. I am assuming that the founding of this organization came after the conquest of the Anéginnis. But it is not really stated if they came together and fought them off. I think a sentence or two establishing the first coming together would have been cool here. Great job BrokenJac again!
Oct 22, 2020 03:06
by Jacob Billings
Thanks so much, I appreciate the kind words. In regards to the informational history, I had a slight major oversight as I apparently never explicitly stated how they planned on dealing with Anéginnis. Thanks again for the kind words.
Oct 30, 2020 04:11
by R. Dylon Elder
Dude, so sorry I missed this. Lots of good stuff to unpack here. I always like it when someone goes out of there way to explain the flag. The symbolic meaning behind colors and the like is an excellent touch. I like how their is a nice balance between their independence and codependalence. It's nice to have something binding groups together other than "their army is bigger" You even have economy and trade down. Beautifully done. I love the little sections, from the quotes to the little fact boxes. It adds a lot of depth. My favorite bit here is the history. You clearly thought a lot about it. I think its kind of interesting how the borders needed to be made a lot more clear in the border act. It shows the alliance is growing and learning, adapting. It's alive like real organizations would be. Well done.
Oct 30, 2020 05:17
by Jacob Billings
Thanks. The whole idea of the flag was interesting to me, especially to attempt to derive meaning from a flag I had made first (backward, I know). I felt that was a better reason to have them come together. War alliances have been known to cause problems(WWI, anyone?). I'm glad that it worked to take a collection of city-states and combine them into an isolated nation. Thanks, those boxes are my lifeblood. They're the best part about writing this kind of thing for me. And it makes it easier to sneak extra information in. Thanks for reading.
Oct 30, 2020 05:34
by R. Dylon Elder
Can't believe i forgot the like. oof. Sorry. Kids XD i fixed it. Onwards!
Dec 15, 2020 12:40
by Rafael Martin
I know the dilemma of where to put sections. The history is indeed very long. Perhaps a summary at the top of the article could help, which roughly describes the features one should know as a context while reading the details. (Perosnally I just jump to a section that feels like I have to read it first so I personally understand the rest better, but I do this in wikipedia articles, too. Perhaps the perfect layout that exists for everyone doesn't exis, haha) My favorite part was the section in which you explain the flag. Sometimes I forget that flags are designed with specific meanings in mind, even the seemingly random color bars are. Your explanation feels very authentic.
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Hi BrokenJac! As I already told you, this article is astoundingly pretty, a delight in the eyes of a simple template-user like me. I apologize as I am not professional enough to give a more in-depth critique of the literary aspect of it, but I found some details that you may find of use:
Thanks so much. The comments were super helpful, especially considering I usually can't find my own typos. I did refrain from moving the history section. While I understand the suggestion to move it, I feel that it's too long and would be out of place higher up as it would disrupt the article's flow. Thanks again!