[spotify:spotify:track:1xrfci6PJJIBzCbKTmfuX3] Victor was sitting in the belly of the war canoe, hunched forwards, clutching his head. His hands were shaking; not from fear or shock but something far, far worse.[br] [br] [i]Damn Ferlan Held. Damn him to the nine hells. I wanted to hurt him. Beat him, kill him, for what he'd done. For what he is. I knew he was a threat, I damn well knew it but I was trying. Trying to find.. some other way. I've been trying so hard for four bloody years... And just like that, Jaggerjaw chews his head off like he's a piece of meat.[br] [b]I can still taste his blood in my damn mouth[/b][/i][br] [br] Victor got to his feet and with shaking hands went to wash the blood off himself. It was on his hands, his face, the front of his coat. As guests on the ship they'd been given clean water for drinking or washing, but he used the river water meant for scrubbing the floors. It smelled stale and rotten, and Victor felt no cleaner for having used it. He doubted he'd feel clean for a long time.[br] It wasn't anger that made him pale, it wasn't shock that made his hands shake like that.[br] [br] [i]Four years. Gods forgive me, I was relieved.[/i][br] [br] He returned to the crate by the wall, once again cradling his head in his hands. He wanted to scream, to break things, to rip something apart and it took all his willpower to stay seated, to remember to breathe. The shaking was slowly fading, as the release of tension when Held had died was running its full course.[br] That's what L'huuna had taught him, years ago. Count 'em: five in, seven out. Each breath, count the seconds, focus on breathing.[br] [br] [i]I wanted to hurt him, so badly. Maybe if I'd hit him it would've come loose, I would've felt better, but I missed. I'm getting old... too bloody old. Too slow.[br] Is this what I am now? Just some old soft bastard who can't protect his crew. Can't do what's needed.[br] Halvoh wash me clean, I was holding so much back. Jagsy just... did it. No guilt. And it felt good to see it done, Gods forgive me. Sweet, sharp relief, like a cramp going away.[/i][br] [br] Victor sat in dark thoughts for only a few minutes but it felt like hours before L'huuna came to speak to him. Thoughts like that take up a lot of space in a man's head, stretch time out to impossible, torturous lengths.[br] [br] [i]That old monster, Victor Salt... Can I ever be rid of him?[br] And without him... do I have what it takes to protect my crew?[br] Do they need the old Victor, not whatever bag of bones I am now? They sure as all Hells needed Jaggerjaw today. I needed him.[br] Maybe Primewater was right. Maybe all I've ever had to offer that was worth a damn thing was the violence.[/i][br] [br] And for just a moment, that decades-old anger seething inside of him had sharp teeth, and cold shark's eyes...

I need to apologise to Luna. Or... do something. I've so much to make up for already I don't know how to add another thing to it now.[br] Sanbelet was a monster, worse than I ever was, but I don't know if killing him was the right thing. It was Luna's hand on the sword but I directed it, I told her it was allright to take him out. Out of all the nightmares I have, me changing her to be more like me instead of the other way around is one of the worst.[br] Maybe it was necessary but isn't that one of the ways it goes down? You say one death's necessary and then another doesn't feel so bad...[br] [br] And now we're... what? Saving the world?[br] I don't understand any of this death magic stuff, and I sure as bones don't know how to talk to any of these lizard folk, much less a queen... But I do get that my crew is getting themselves deeper and deeper into a whole lot of danger, and I understand that they don't seem to see it.[br] So let them be heroes, let them save the world, and I'll just watch out for them. Make sure they don't leave any enemies at their backs.[br] Halvoh preserve them... And Halvoh help me protect them without any more killing.

[i] Halvoh's breath, was I ever this young? This must be what, 25 years ago? [/i] (first concept art by [url=https://www.instagram.com/toni_trauner/]Toni Trauner[/url] )

[i]I feel like I'm drowning.[br] [br] Not actually drowning, but like how it is in dreams. Don't know which way's up, nothing but more water everywhere you turn.[br] That's how it feels. There's no way out for me, Mr Primewater holds all the cards. It's his deck, for gods' sakes.[br] He's like a current, sweeping me along. Thank Halvoh I have [url=Lhuuna-Phascarian]Luna[/url] here, she seems to have some hope at least. She said she wouldn't give up on me, even after she found out... How was I so stupid that I thought I could just not tell her? Of course she'd find out. And of course it matters. I can say all I want that I didn't do anything myself, my ship wasn't a slave ship, I never clapped anyone in chains, but I was there for it. I knew, I saw it, I worked for the man who did it. I was no better than him.[br] I knew he'd be angry with me but not like this. I've never seen him like this, or maybe I've just never been on the receiving end of it. He's taken the ship, said he'd take the crew along with it and the only way out is to ruin... everything.[br] I was hoping he'd at least just take his anger out on me, but he's making sure everyone near me feels this. He's giving me an out for myself, noone else. Expects me to take it. Cut and run when things get hard. It's what the old Victor would do. He could laugh at me, trying to act like I've changed, like I could ever get away from this place.[br] I don't want to kill all those soldiers on that first rate ship, but I can't let my crew end up here in his claws. I dragged them back here, and worse than that this is all my problems. My past. Whatever I do, they have to make it out. [br] My instinct is to find some way to make Mr Primewater let them go, some deal I can strike. I'll stay, he can do whatever he wants, I'll kill whoever he says as long as they get to leave. But Luna's right. He won't honour it. I just don't know what else to do.[br] Two days, he said, before they need to blow up the first rate. Storm's mercy, I hope Luna finds something. [br] I don't know what else to do.[/i]

[i]I'm not a scared person. Not scared of most things, at least. There's a few of them that'll do it. That bloody big dead kraken was one of them, I'll admit that. There's things out there you'd be a fool not to be scared of.[br] Another one's Gellan Primewater. If I still bet on things I'd bet the two of them are about as dangerous.[br] We used to be close, real close. Rumours were we were intimate, but that never happened. Not that I wasn't interested, but I wasn't his type. I was never a delicate person, even before I made the change. Gellan never did a damned thing he couldn't earn something off - money, influence, fear - and what he earned off me wasn't what you wanted from a wife.[br] Walking up through town to his mansion knowing he is as mad as he must be was one of the hardest things I've ever done.[br] Made me feel like I was twenty again, didn't know what I was doing. Like I had something to prove. And that's the exact feeling he wants people to get. Fear's easier, that's why I was doing it. He has a reputation, Mr Primewater. He's a merchant, a businessman, upper class.[br] He told me about it once, he said if you want to outsmart someone, you have to convince them that you're smarter. If you want power over someone, you gotta convince them you're more powerful. He said that way most people give up before they even start trying. He asked me, since I started beating people for a living, had I gotten into less or more fights? Had to think about it a moment, but he was right. Less. Once that became the thing I did for Gellan Primewater, nobody wanted to try me any more. Half the people I've faced down could probably have taken me, but I wasn't just me. I was Gellan's man. Fighting me was fighting him.[br] And then I said I wasn't his man any more. I embarrassed him. Betrayed him. And everybody knows about it.[br] I wonder who he has replaced me with.[br] If I come out of this alive I'll be on my knees thanking the gods for it.[br] At least now I understand there is a point in trying to fight. Probably not the lesson Mr Primewater wanted me to learn, but it is what it is.[/i]

[i][center]Four years ago, a man changed his life with a letter.[/center][/i]

[url=https://www.instagram.com/toni_trauner/]Toni Trauner[/url]

With all the trouble we have to deal with right now, with a broken mast, no money, a dead crewmember, a massive kraken risen from the dead in the water under us and whatever awaits us in Saltmarsh... my biggest worry is this damned Admiral. [br] I've met a few of them, in my years. Been arrested once or twice. None of them have been reasonable people, some of them feeling straight up familiar. Something about people who like killing rising in the ranks in any military. Either way, they usually have me figured out in the first five seconds, and that makes talking hard. [br] They'll see us dragging behind them sooner or later, even if we cut loose before the fog clears they'll see the massive ballista with a rope on it and maybe put two and two together. There's also us having a bunch of their people on our ship, I'm hoping that'll be enough to buy us some good will. [br] Either way I'm lucky I got Luna here. She knows how to talk to rich people. Officers. Fops. [br] I should just stay back and let her deal with it, the less of me they see the better...

So we're alive. Most of us. That's about the best I can say. I was hoping to get to Saltmarsh, find cargo and passengers, get out again. Hopefully earn enough gold that I won't be stabbed when I get back east, and leave quick enough that I won't be stabbed here. Now we're looking at weeks of repairs, thousands of gold. Still... if we hadn't hitched a ride on that ship, we might all be on the bottom of the ocean now. I wonder how much it'd take before Flick can make wind like that. Bloody useful. Bloody mages. Bloody Saltmarsh.

I hoped I'd be in a better mood today but it's raining into my coffee. You have anything today that isn't good news, take it with the First Mate.

Sailing west again, never thought I'd go back to Saltmarsh. Hoping the red sunset isn't a bad omen, I've spilled enough blood in that town. Desperation makes idiots of us all.

Not that I'm a vain man, but.. the brooding look does suit me.

Victor joins the ranks of Heroes!

Victor enters the scene of legendary heroes! Welcome to the family of the Eternals!