It Takes Time <To Be Properly Taken Apart> - Chapter 41
Chapter 41
Chapter Length: 4,600~ wordsWhat Comes Next
"Y'know, I really could have thought through the whole 'removing my administrative privileges' thing a bit more, in hindsight," Raqi spoke through pursed lips, as she knelt down with a dustpan and brush. "I kinda... didn't think about how much stuff I use the Chimera module for; other than attacking you with it." "That is not true, petal. None of your uses of the Chimera module in relation to me come anywhere near qualifying as an attack." Punica issued a correction, while holding a broom in one of her vines and a dustbin in another. She continued diligently sweeping the errant clumps of dirt still left on the garden floor into piles on the ground' which for all her limitless dexterity and perfect accuracy of movement, she could still not do very fast due to only having one broom. "You have only ever utilised it for self-defence, in order to protect yourself; which is as far from an attack as it is possible to get." /corrective-unconcerned/ Raqi's pout grew larger. She considered starting a semantic debate over the meaning of the word 'attack', but after how her last attempt to argue with Punica an hour ago had gone, she was not currently feeling like pushing her luck. "Fair. It's still annoying, though." "Could you not simply restore your ability to use it via the console? I believe I recall Straessa saying something about that." /inquiring/ The landamaeri paused for a moment to look up at Punica, basking in the surreal spectacle of watching a member of a precursor race from a post-scarcity society use a completely ordinary broom to sweep the floor. As it turned out, for all that affini vines were incredibly useful for a myriad of tasks, sweeping up dirt off the floor was not one of them. Punica had initially tried using her vines to pick pieces up, but had found that the dirt invariably either slipped through her vines and fell back onto the floor, or got stuck onto them and could not easily be removed without Raqi coming to brush it off. Raqi let out a noise that was half-hiss and half-groan. "I can't. I still don't want to risk accidentally atta- committing fully justified self-defence at you with it." When she saw that Punica was not buying this, she added: "Also, the last time I had to set it up, it took me nearly an entire day, half of which was spent alternating between searching error codes online and asking Marya for tech support; neither of which I can actually do right now. I can probably get it working again eventually, but like, I don't wanna deal with that shit right now; this is genuinely less bad." At this, Punica relented. She did have a limited amount of experience with Accord technology, and she knew how famously byzantine and nigh-impenetrable some of their comptuter programs could be to interface with; particularly those which had what the Terrans had once called 'digital rights management' features. Presuming that the trend of the Landamar Mobile Fleet being similarly awful as the Accord in most ways held, Raqi probably wasn't exaggerating with any part of what she had just said. "Very well, then." She let out a contemplative rumble, and halted momentarily to give her xeno an appraising stare. "However, I still believe it is entirely unnecessary for you to assist me with this, Raqi. I am perfectly capable of handling all of these tools at once, and I am worried you are hurting yourself by doing this." /concerned/ Raqi broke eye contact. Punica had a point; her back was already starting to hurt, and she'd only been dusting for about five minutes in total. This kind of bending down was really not good for her, in spite of all the exercises she did to stretch and limber up in the morning. She had wanted to try and help so that it didn't seem like Punica was the one doing all the work, but in the end, she had just ended up being reminded of why she had never done much housework when she had still lived with her family. Fucking ridiculous that my mother, who is three times my age and doesn't exercise in any way, could do this shit for like an hour and be completely fine; and I can't manage it for more than five minutes. Inos, this body is so shit. She let out a sigh of defeat, then held out the tools for Punica to take. "Yeah, alright. I'll let you take over." Vines quickly reached out to take the dustpan and brush from her. Probably sensing the displeasure in her voice, Punica spoke to reassure her: "There is no need to feel bad about this, petal. Species with forms like yours are extremely poorly suited to this type of labour, and that goes doubly on account of your condition. Menial labour is also simply not something that any xenosophont should ever have to do in the first place; regardless of their physical suitability for it. So please, leave this to me; and do not worry yourself over it." /affirming-reassuring/ Raqi noticed the way Punica said that no xenosophonts should be doing this work, rather than all sophonts. I've always wondered if there are any shit jobs left in the Compact, or if they've automated everything to the point where there's no such thing as unpleasant work left to do. She presumed that there had to be some kinds of unenjoyable labour left- it just kind of seemed hard to believe that even the affini could make everything fun- but she equally wasn't surprised that they would be completely allergic to the thought of letting their pets do it. It's definitely the kind of thing they'd take care of themselves, if it did exist. She knew from reading Domestication Guide stories just how futile it was trying to argue with the affini that you should be allowed to do things that they viewed as a 'chore'; which was literally anything that could be considered vaguely exerting and/or that they'd just enjoy getting to do for you (cooking fell into this category, since some people found that fun but the plants apparently loved cooking for their pets.) Raqi was not about to make her stand on the 'we're equals so I should do an equal share of the work' hill; she'd read about sophonts far more physically able than her getting domesticated atop it. There had definitely been a point in her life where she'd been insecure about her inability to contribute physical labour, but she considered herself blessed to have never really fallen for that particular brainworm. For whatever reason, it had been relatively easy for her to accept that her physical disabilities meant she couldn't do anywhere near as much cooking or cleaning as other people, and so it hadn't been a particularly long journey from realising she was less physically capable than other people to being mostly okay with it. Besides, in this case, not having to dust gave her time to think about more important things; such as where she wanted her relationship to go with Punica. If there had been any doubt left after last night, then the events of the morning had made it very clear to Raqi that the two of them were not going to be continuing in a platonic relationship with each-other. The way that she had walked into the garden and frozen at the sight of Punica, then not even tried to resist when the plant wrapped her up in vines and with all the subtlety of a jackhammer asked if she wanted to be domesticated also made it fairly clear what the nature of their new relationship was going to be; which was one where Raqi was Punica's pet. This was not only not a problem to her, but was in fact the exact thing she had wanted since shortly after meeting Punica; and so her primary emotion regarding this development could be summed up as 'overjoyed.' She had spent nearly the entire morning trying to figure out when would be the best time to ask Punica if she could be her pet, and every hypothetical answer to this question invariably dissolved into needy fantasizing that left her playing with the hem of her dress or rubbing her thighs together. The only issue was the question of how that pet-owner relationship was actually going to work. Presuming that the garden wall is in fact working and I am not getting cooked by her biorhythm, then that implies this is a completely normal level of subby for me. ...and this is without any xenodrug usage, and no hypnosis beyond light up-and-down stuff; no triggers, no suggestions, no conditioning, most definitely no brainwashing. Her face slowly grew tighter. How the fuck am I going to manage to not beg her to domesticate me at some point? Like, even if she does *nothing* except just play with me like she did last night... On one hand, Raqi genuinely believed Punica when she said that the plant didn't intend on domesticating her. Punica clearly wanted to do... some things with her? She- she really wasn't sure what the extent of that was, actually. Punica had definitely expressed interest in doing intimate things with her, had said that one time that she loved her, and was doing everything that Raqi thought affini normally did when they wanted to take someone as a floret- but she also seemed almost confusingly invested in not actually doing that? If she doesn't want me as a floret, then, what does she want from me? All of a sudden, Raqi felt lost. There's never been any situation in any of the Domestication Guide stories I've read where an affini just, like, pursued a non-floret relationship with a xenosophont. Is- do they actually do that? ...Does only Punica do that? She stared at her plant. ...is she, like, the affini equivalent of kuruki and that's why this is all so weird? ...Shit, that'd actually explain, like, virtually everything about this if she was. Raqi didn't know if affini actually had neurotypes and neurodivergences, but she supposed they probably did? It struck her as if it would likely be hard for them not to. Okay, if she is in fact their version of neurodivergent, then the fact that she does not behave at all like the ones I've read about in stories makes perfect sense. It also meant, she realised somewhat more discomfortingly, that she had no functional model upon which to predict Punica's behaviour. Nnnggh... I guess the smart thing to do here is just ask her what she wants from me up-front. I don't think I really have anything to lose by being honest with her, at this point. Certainly, their recent attempts at clear communication with each-other had vastly improved the situation over what it had been in the days prior to Punica's dea- reblooming, and she felt confident that trend would hold. Mm. I'll ask her, then. "Raqi." /prompt-focus/ Just as she had been about to open her mouth to ask Punica a question, the affini got there first. Raqi's head immediately perked up, and she turned towards Punica. "Yeah?" "There is something that has been on my mind since yesterday." Raqi watched as the plant affixed her with a curious gaze. "When we spoke during your dream, you spoke of me 'summoning' your other self purposefully. In truth, while I had guessed that there was a split present in your personality, I had not expected my actions there to draw it forth. I have since begun to wonder why it was that the scenario I presented you with provoked such a strong reaction." /curious-intrigued/ She tilted her head upon finishing speaking, clearly waiting for Raqi to reply. For a moment, Raqi said nothing. Her expression grew tense and uncomfortable, and she hesitated as she tried to formulate a response. Seeing the xenosophont's hesitation, Punica decided to continue. "At the time, I found myself pulled into your presence, as had happened before when you were in the middle of a stream of thought. I find that it is difficult for me to remember the specifics of these times, but I seem to recall you mentioning something about the situation being familiar to you?" /inquiring-prompting-curious/ Raqi pursed her lips. This was not a topic she particularly wanted to talk about, but she couldn't see any way out of it that didn't involve straight-up refusing to answer. She decided it wasn't worth it, and that it would be easier just to tell the truth. "Yeah, so... I've actually had a lot of dreams like that. For about as long as I can remember, every now and then - maybe once every couple of months - I'd dream of..." She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Having a partner, I guess. Sometimes it was just sex, sometimes it was romantic- didn't really make much of a difference." She kept her eyes fixed on a wall to the far side as she spoke. "The dreams were always nice. But then I'd wake up afterwards, and..." Her eyes lidded. "It'd be one thing if it was just, like, hanging out with a person; kissing or cuddling with them or whatever. But when you get hypnotised by a mermaid's singing or a pluyalti casting a spell on you, it kind of just felt like being tortured. Because I'd wake up and realise it wasn't real, and never could be real, and it'd just feel like my brain was tormenting me with stuff I couldn't have for no reason." She moved her eyes even further to the side, until she could only see the edges of Punica's form at the very corner of her peripheral vision. "I guess it happened enough that it kind of became system lore. Straessa and I used to talk about it a lot, way back when. As for why it made me shift into Rukhmar..." She shook her head. "I don't know. Probably because of associations. I tend to go into that form any time I'm upset- presuming it's not the overwhelming kind- and I guess that's what happened there." "Oh, petal..." All of a sudden, Punica's leaves had turned downwards. "I am so terribly sorry for subjecting you to that. If I had known this, I never would have-" /sorrow-regret-pain/ Raqi raised her hand to interrupt Punica, shaking her head dismissively. "Nah, it's fine. This time around, it didn't really bother me that much. The circumstances of what was happening there were different enough that it wasn't really upsetting in the same way." At the time, Raqi had been much too fried by what she presumed to be Punica's hypnotic influence and also the context of being inside her own head to really ruminate on any element of the experience. It was only a short while ago that she had even remembered her appearance changing to that of Rukhmar's; which she had been entirely unaware of at the time. Punica did not seem entirely convinced, but her leaves did return mostly to their normal orientation. "Still... That does not sound like a pleasant experience to have had to endure throughout your life, and you have my condolences." /genuine-sympathetic/ The girl nodded. "It's... On one hand it was painful, but on the other hand-" Her gaze suddenly became distant, and her tone turned wistful. "I think it's just another part of who I am. The frustration of being presented with things I knew I could never have only drove me to try harder to get those things. And..." She gave her head a small wiggle. "I kinda like that, I guess." A moment later, she turned her gaze back to Punica. For a few moments both of them were silent, as they stared into each-others' eyes. There's also the fact that... I can't really say I don't have such a person any more, Raqi thought. As she continued looking at her affini, she found that it still didn't feel real. Most of her mind, it seemed, still couldn't bring itself to accept that this was actually happening. No surprise, after all that time telling myself it was impossible... "Mm. I think that perhaps I understand what you mean by that, now." /???/ At this, Raqi's eyes narrowed, and she tilted her head subtly. What's that supposed to mean? "Anyway." The plant's demeanour relaxed, and the empathetic discomfort faded from her words, her tone returning to one of simple curiosity. "I have noticed that, when you have become Rukhmar, the altered state you enter seems to be relatively unstable. Earlier today, you seemed to fall out of it after only a few seconds, and returned to your usual way of acting." /observation/ "Ah, yeah." At this much less personal line of inquiry, Raqi's tone also relaxed. "Rukhmar is... kind of hard to get into. Like, I can do it on command- as you saw a minute ago- but it's, like... hard to do. I have to be in the right mental state for it; it's sort of this matter of- collecting 'pieces', if that makes sense?" She shook her head. "Probably doesn't, but that's how I conceptualise it. Anyway, they're not all within arm's reach all the time, and even when I get them there, it's a struggle to keep them in place for long. They start slipping away the moment my emotional state falls out of the 'parameters' in which Rukhmar can function- so like, if I find something funny, or get too upset, or just lose confidence in myself- and then the whole thing breaks apart." "Hm, what a fascinating mechanism." Without really noticing it, Raqi had found her eyes drawn to Punica's vines while the affini was talking. She wasn't sure when she'd become aware of it, but she had at some point realised that Punica's vines moved in time with her words. The way that they swayed would change subtly to match both the cadence and rhythm of her words, and more importantly, the emotions underpinning whatever she was saying. When Punica was relaxed, her vines seemed to move in smoother motions that covered a larger distance; whereas when she was stressed, they seemed to coil in on themselves, and start moving both slower and in smaller circles. When she was excited, the movements sped up, and sometimes her vines started acting independently of each-other and broke the pattern if she got into it enough. It felt odd, but Raqi realised she could actually tell more about how Punica was feeling by watching parts of her body other than her face. Maybe it's because she can make her face look like whatever she wants it to, but the other parts of her body she doesn't micromanage as well? She wasn't sure. Part of it was probably also that she still couldn't look Punica in the eye without feeling herself start falling into trance, so it was necessary to find somewhere else to place her gaze while they were conversing. "To clarify a matter that I inquired about earlier; you do not consider Rukhmar to be a wholly separate identity, in the way that I presume Straessa was?" /inquiring/ Raqi shook her head. "Nope. There's some sort of separation, but I am Rukhmar, and Rukhmar is me." She began to frown "...I think, at least. It admittedly feels pretty weird on an internal level; the experience of becoming her is a lot like switching was with Straessa, and- like I said- there is a distinction, but also... ehhhhh." She wiggled one hand uneasily. "I honestly don't know what to call her. She doesn't feel like an alter, but she also doesn't feel quite like me, either. In my time in the plural community, I never met anyone else who had anything like her, so I don't know if there's a word for things like her, or if she's something unique to my system." "I would presume that there are other sophonts who experience similar phenomena, but it may well be somewhat uncommon," Punica agreed, her vines continuing to make broad circles on the ground. "I certainly have never met anyone who has shown such a model of behaviour. I would guess that it is, at the very least, quite rare among most species." /pleased-approving/ Punica noticed how Raqi's demeanour seemed to suddenly grow excitable at the assessment she had just made. Her comment on the rarity of the girl's behaviours hadn't even been intended as praise, but it had clearly been interpreted as such. It seems as if she enjoys being acknowledged as unusual. I wonder why? Whatever the reason, Punica found it very, very adorable; and also extremely justified. She was, after all, completely one-of-a-kind.
The conversation fell quiet after that. Punica returned to sweeping, and Raqi occupied herself updating various time tracking programs she kept on her tablet. It had been weeks now since she'd checked some of these, and it felt almost surreal to be doing something normal for once. I have not had a single 'normal' day since I met this plant. The thought gave her pause, and she lowered the tablet. "Hey, Punica?" Her affini stopped what she was doing to turn and face her. "Yes?" "So, uhm..." She hesitated for a moment. "What are we actually gonna do now?" The plant took on a quizzical expression. "I am not certain quite what you mean. 'Do', in what regard?" /noncomprehension/ "Well, like..." Raqi shifted around in her seat. "We've kind of been, like, in 'conflict'- for lack of a better word- with each other ever since we got here. ...But that's over now, or so it feels now, anyway. And, uh, I guess I was suddenly wondering, like... what happens now?" A hint of nervousness crept into her voice. "Like, I still technically kidnapped you; even if it was entirely intentional. Do you not, uh- need to go back to the Longbough, or something? Like, yeah, hold on- Aren't there probably a bunch of affini worried about you? It's been a couple weeks now since what happened, after all." Punica let out a contemplative rumble. "I am conscious of that possibility as well. I have been thinking about it, and, if I had to guess: My assumption is that they are likely not 'worried' about me, so much as wondering what has become of me." She fixed her gaze upon Raqi. "Given your track record of not harming or killing sophonts, I suspect that concerns about my health would have been dismissed quite quickly. What they are more likely confused about is why I have not found some way to take over your vessel and re-establish communications by now, I expect." /explanatory/ Raqi paused for a moment. "...Yeah, that does make sense, given what affini are like." She tilted her head. "But, you do still have to go back at some point, right?" "At some point, yes." Punica nodded. "But there is no particular rush. You are, I presume, familiar with the way affini society is structured around avoiding the concept of 'essential workers'?" /inquiring/ The xenosophont blinked. "Uh, what?" Punica began to gesture illustratively. "Essentially, all affini ships, planets, stations, and other settlements are structured in a manner where any individual worker has several degrees of redundancy built-in to their work. What this means is that, in the event that a given affini decides they do not wish to do their job- for, say, a week, a month, or indefinitely- there will be no consequences for the rest of the structure at large." /unconcerned-explanatory/ Her tone remained entirely neutral, even as she continued describing the most insane piece of bureaucratic planning Raqi had ever heard of. "Even should the captain of the Longbough have decided to resign on the spot, someone else would just have stepped up to take her place. I am even more easily replaced, on account of how my work was purely research-oriented. If I take a break from my work, it simply means that the work does not get done for a while, and there are no other consequences. Ergo, no; I do not have to return to the Longbough, if I do not want to." She paused, and her eyes flicked to the side. "Although, yes- if I was to simply not return for a number of months, I imagine questions would begin being asked, and I expect that scout vessels would eventually be dispatched to look for me..." /displeased-irritated/ Why does she seem so annoyed about that? Raqi wondered. "Still," Punica continued quickly, "that is very much a long-term concern. In the immediate future, there is no pressing need for me to return to the Longbough." Before Raqi could have a chance to ask her any further questions, she decided to turn the subject upon the xenosophont. "And what of you yourself? I presume you do not intend to continue attacking affini ships any longer." There was a hint of something in Punica's voice that made it clear she was telling Raqi this was not an option any more. Yeah, I can't exactly keep doing that with you on-board... She shifted once more. "I don't plan to, no. I don't really have any reason to do so any more, anyway. I, uh..." She was about to say that she had gotten what she wanted, but she realised that doing that would open her up to all manner of teasing. "Yeah, uhm- I don't really know, to be honest. Uh. If you're gonna stay here, and we're not fighting any more, then, uh..." She stared blankly into space for a few seconds. "I guess I'll just go back to playing computer games?" "'Computer games'?" Punica raised a curious eyebrow. "I believe I have heard some Terrans speaking of these before. Your civilisation has a similar form of entertainment?" /inquiring/ "Mhm! Not just similar, but identical, actually. 'Computer games' as I use the term mostly refers to Terran games that we got as xenofiction. The LMF doesn't really produce actual screen games any more; everything is either holographic, or VR-based." She scowled momentarily, but then seemed to perk back up again. "Oh, that makes me realise: I haven't actually shown you my room yet, have I? Not properly, at least; when you weren't a few minutes away from dying." There was a forced humour in her last sentence that suggested Raqi was not sure if this was a topic she should be joking about. Punica smiled at her, directing a small amount of /reassuring/ into her rhythm. "I would be very happy to have you show me around, were you willing." She glanced momentarily down at the broom still clutched in her vines. "The rest of this can wait until later." "Hm, sure." All of a sudden, Raqi's eyes lit up, and a moment later, a large grin formed on her face. "Ooh, I know what we can do! I'll show you my rock collection!"
Book 2
withering away :: The Prism System :: Intoxicants :: Plurality :: please believe me :: Landamaeri Domestication Guide :: Hypnotic Centres :: The Domestication Initiative :: Affini Maturity :: bullying :: Memory Maker :: chronic fatigue syndrome :: Uplifting :: lingo :: optimisation :: Digitisation :: Iterations of the Self :: Conflict :: eat :: Grooming :: Attractivity Conditioning :: the nature of pleasure :: Dreams ::
Book 1
TerraTranslate :: Raqi Marr :: Punica Granatum :: The Affini Compact :: Landamar Mobile Fleet :: Hormone Replacement Therapy :: The Chimera Module :: Affini :: Intersidera :: Posters :: Magnesium :: Wonderland :: The Hundredth Time: Part I :: Communication :: aftermath :: Physical Confrontation :: Garments :: Interspecies Comparisons :: Touch :: Equality :: Hypnokink :: Speaking :: ahftrojn,lpijmnhfkg :: Pretheya :: Magic :: scared :: Materas Marr ::