Chapter 42
Chapter Length: 7,400~ words
"Alright! Here we are!"
Raqi exclaimed gleefully as she pulled open the twin doors to her display cabinet.
Punica stood behind her, having shrunken her form slightly in order to fit within the lower ceiling of Raqi's room, and was peering curiously over her xeno's shoulder.
The display cabinet itself was relatively unremarkable, standing at around five and a half feet tall, and made of what the affini could tell was some kind of faux wood. Two glass panels had been installed into the upper half of it, through which she had caught glimpses of a variety of colourful objects, but her view had been fixated upon Raqi until now. Now, however, she could see inside to the rest of the cabinet. It had six shelves in total, four of which were covered exclusively in what appeared to be a selection of minerals. The density of these coverings varied by layer, with the bottom shelf being virtually invisible from how tightly packed all of the rock specimens were, while the items on the second and third were more evenly spaced out, and the fourth shelf was mostly still empty.
"Behold! My shiny rock collection!" Punica's xenosophont was beaming up at her with an unrestrained glee greater than any she had seen before. Even from these words alone, she could tell that this collection meant a great deal to her... not-pet- she was struggling a great deal to figure out what to think of Raqi as right now- and so she quickly decided that her response needed to be sufficiently validating so as not to disappoint her. She therefore knelt down in order to get a better look at the objects, and began examining them in great detail.
A quarter of a minute passed in silence as Punica continued observing, before finally, she turned to Raqi and spoke: "These are indeed very shiny rocks." /
genuine-appreciation/
It was only around a thousandth of a second after the words exited her mouth that she realised she knew absolutely nothing about minerals. Geology was not a very large part of the affini curriculum; it had come up mostly in her "How to Survive Being Dumped On An Uninhabited Planet" classes, and there the focus was on learning how to identify the materials needed to build a transmitter. Beyond that, information on how to identify minerals by sight was reserved for the architectural and geological electives; neither of which she had opted to take. She worried for a moment that Raqi would be disappointed by her lack of knowledge-
-but her fear was short-lived, as Raqi's smirk widened even further upon her response. "I know, right? Here!"
Immediately, Raqi reached into the cabinet and procured a particular specimen, taking great care not to bump it against any of the other items as she retrieved it, then turned and held it out towards Punica. "This is one of my favourites! It's a piece of
hematite- or, uh, iron for non-nerds." The rock in her hands was vaguely rectangular, and textured with a mass of small outcroppings that varied from a dull grey to a reflective silver. Small pockets of rust-red growths could be seen between some of the outcroppings, and Raqi rotated it in front of Punica to allow different parts to catch the light. "I like this one because of the red bits; they contrast really nicely with the silver. The other reason is, it's the only one of the rocks I actually got myself."
She sounded tremendously proud of herself as she continued: "My parents took me on a space cruise once, when I was about twelve, and we got to mess around in zero G as part of it. Normally they set up these anti-debris fields and clear out the little pocket that they let you go in first, so that you don't get hit by any dust or anything while you're out there- but apparently they must have messed up, because I saw this little guy floating around out there!" She grinned at Punica. "I managed to smuggle it back onto the ship with me, and I've kept it ever since."
Punica did not respond. Instead, she spent the next several seconds staring at Raqi in an almost-trance.
Oh, sun and rain... She is just so, so precious... She was almost overcome by the urge to reach out with her vines and squeeze Raqi like some sort of plush toy, but she was getting better at fighting it down. This time, it only took her three whole seconds to pull herself back together enough to nod politely and say: "That is a wonderful story; and what a precious memento that must make for. I do agree that the colours compliment each-other well." /
warmth-???/
Raqi noticed an emotion in Punica's response that didn't quite compute for her; but the overall statement seemed genuine, so she didn't worry too much about it. "Yeah!" She then put the rock back away and picked up another one. "Anyway, so, moving on to ones that I bought:
This one came from my partner,
Locke. A whole bunch of these are actually from the
Andelisiya; they've got this big mineral museum next to where he lives, and once a month, they do this exhibit thingy where they convert the museum into a shop, and a whole bunch of people set up markets there to sell rocks."
"Intriguing." Punica peered more closely at the rock. It was about the size of Raqi's palm, and dark black in texture. One side was polished to an almost mirror sheen, and as Raqi rotated it, it
caught the light at certain angles and began to glow a brilliant blue. "Ah, I believe I recognise this one. The Terran name for this mineral is 'Labradorite', I believe?"
"Yeah, that's right!
Tetrupanki in Saltiltomeyin." Seeing the curious look on Punica's face, she added: "Doesn't translate to anything, I don't think. Like, it's not a word; just the name of the mineral."
The plant nodded. "If this was procured upon the Andelisiya, how did it come to be in your possession?" /
curiosity/
"So basically, me and Locke have this tradition where he goes to the museum, and he takes pictures of all the rocks and sends them to me, and I look at them, then pick one each month to buy. Then, he buys the rock, and I pay him back later for it, and he posts it over to me some time later!" Raqi pulled the labradorite back, then presented another rock. This one, Punica recognised immediately, on account of its ubiquity in Terran space: The primary material was a piece of translucent white quartz that had been shaped to resemble a tower with a pointed tip, and contained inclusions of what could have been copper- but was probably not- inside of it. It was held within a piece of resin that had been shaped to look like wood, which gave it a rather ornamental appearance.
"We don't get to see each-other in person much, so it's one of the things we do to kind of like, hang out together," Raqi elaborated. "It's kind of our special thing."
"That sounds adorable," Punica spoke before she could stop herself. Seeing the flustered look on Raqi's face, and having not meant for once to tease the girl, she quickly added: "In the sense that: It sounds as if you and this Locke have a very close relationship." She smiled warmly. "I am glad that you have such people in your life, Raqi." /
warmth-pleased/
"Oh, yeah!" Raqi recovered quickly, and nodded again. "We've known each-other for about half a decade now, so I'd say we're pretty close, yeah." She put the quartz back away, and pulled out yet another rock. "So anyway, this one's a garnet on matrix. I don't know what the matrix rock is, but it makes it look really funky; kind of like some sort of fucked up meat rock, in a way. Crazy thing about this is that it only cost about 30 réal; I always thought garnets were way more expensive than that, but..."
The show-and-tell session continued for roughly another twenty minutes, before Raqi seemed to have run out of particularly noteworthy rocks to tell Punica about. In that time, the affini continued to do her best to sound appreciative; while also fighting off the urge to smother Raqi in affection every time the xeno grew particularly excited. She added another note to her ever-lengthening mental to-do list to contact a geologist when she did eventually arrive back on the
Longbough, in order to inquire about acquiring specimens for Raqi.
"-so yeah, that's basically all of the best ones," Raqi finally concluded. "Also: None of these are compiled, they're all mined from asteroids or planet-side. Compiled rocks are lame and I don't like them; they feel fake."
"Understandable." Punica nodded. "We tend to prefer hand-made goods over compiled ones for similar reasons. The circumstances behind an object's creation and acquisition can play an integral part in its meaning." /
agreement/
"Mhm! Definitely."
The conversation fell into a momentary lull as the exchange concluded, and Punica took the opportunity to get a better look at the other parts of Raqi's room. The room itself reminded her of the so-called 'studio apartments' she had heard of existing on Terra prior to the Affini taking over; it had a small kitchen bolted onto one side, what looked like a glorified cupboard which she knew contained a toilet, and a shower cubicle that looked like it had been unceremoniously dumped in the space next to the toilet.
The other half of the room in which they were currently located was much more interesting. Beyond the rock cabinet, there was a bed, a chest of draws, situated on top of which was what Punica presumed to be Raqi's computer, a wardrobe, and a desk and chair. What caught her interest, though, were the walls: She had noticed the first time she had entered this room that the walls were covered from base to ceiling in what appeared to be close on a hundred posters. Each of the posters depicted something radically different, but they all contained what Punica presumed were digital illustrations. She had seen some of these made by Terrans before, and it had always struck her as an interesting medium of art.
She therefore decided to inquire as to the meaning of the posters. "You have a great deal of posters, Raqi. It is not uncommon for Terrans on the
Longbough to have one or two in their habs, I am told, but I have not heard of anyone having quite this many before. What prompted you to decorate this place in such a manner?"
"Oh, right. So basically-" Raqi turned to look at the nearby wall. "A few years ago- I don't remember at this point what prompted it- I just decided my walls were really boring? Like, they were plain and white and just... didn't have anything on them to look at. I think it bothered me because: I spend all my time here, right? And whenever I wanted to look away from the computer screen, there was nothing to look at except bland-ass wall. So I think I eventually thought: 'hey, why don't I make this place look less like shit?'" She turned back to Punica. "And the most obvious way that it occurred to me to do that was to put posters on it."
There was something about this answer that intrigued Punica. "Hm, I see. Is this not rather a lot of effort to go to simply for that reason, however?" /
curiosity-intrigued/
"Hm?" Raqi began to frown. "Whaddya mean?"
"Simply that: I believe most xenosophonts who considered their rooms 'boring' would stick perhaps one or two decorations within them. I do not think many would go so far as to cover almost three entire walls in decorations." Her gaze tracked over the posters. Each was held up with between four and six pieces of an unknown blue substance which Punica did not recognise, and many had been placed higher than Raqi would have been able to reach unaided; suggesting she had needed to stand on something to put them up.
That could not have been easy for her, given her physical disability.
Raqi's frown deepened, and she turned back to the wall once more. "Yeah, I... I have no idea why people
don't do that, actually?" She stuck her lower lip out. "Like, I don't understand how people can cope with having houses that are so bland-looking. The average middle class flat on the Gliese that I visited had like, a clock, a couple paintings, some random knick-knacks - pottery, or sculptures, or dried flowers, or whatever the fuck - and that was basically it. I honestly don't understand that at all. To me, it's like: you have all this space, why wouldn't you want to decorate it?"
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Raqi had not noticed, but Punica's vines had begun swaying more quickly, and in broader arcs. "It sounds as if it bothers you when a space is insufficiently decorated," the plant observed.
"I guess it does, yeah," Raqi conceded. "It bothers me when places are empty looking. I'd never really thought about it before, but..." She stopped. "Yeah, no, I don't have any idea why. But now that I think about it, it's always just kind of... not-that-good, when there isn't much stuff in a place. I don't... I don't like it." She shook her head. "Again, no clue why. I can just remember there being this sort of background discomfort, back in my family's old dining room. Hm." Her tone turned pensive. "I always liked the kitchen walls more, though, because they were painted red. I wonder what's up with that."
At this, it finally clicked for Punica. "Raqi. Are you familiar with the term 'synesthesia'?" /
inquiry/
The xenosophont's demeanour grew surprised. "Huh? Yeah?"
"I believe what you are describing may be a version of, or at the very least adjacent to that," Punica stated. "When I was within your mental landscape yesterday, while sharing thoughts with you, I noticed that you seem to associate colours with emotions. While this is not rare in and of itself- most Terrans for example tend to associate anger with red, sadness with blue, and illness with green- you appeared at times to actively think of these colours when I was speaking. I thought it coincidental, at first; but I eventually noticed that the colours seemed at least partially consistent, and that they appeared to correlate to the emotions in my voice when I spoke." /
explanatory-informing/
Raqi stared at her with undisguised shock on her face. "W- Really? I- I did?"
"You did, yes. I thought little of it, at first: but your rock collection and what you have just told me about your reason for having these posters prompted me to wonder if there might be a connection between the three." /
prompting/
The moment she finished speaking, Raqi's expression went completely flat. "What? These are like, the three least related things ever. I- I don't understand how you are drawing a connection here- or what in the void it could possibly have to do with synesthesia."
"Allow me to elaborate, then." Punica gestured towards Raqi's rock cabinet. "When describing the rocks in your collection, you have focused mostly on visual information pertaining to them; reflected in your naming of them as 'shiny rocks' in particular. I take it, by this, that your primary interest in them is for the visual stimulation that they provide you with?" /
prompt-answer/
"Y... Yes?" Raqi answered, a little hesitantly. "I like them because they're pretty?"
This was a topic she was actually slightly nervous about. Raqi was aware that she was embarrassingly ignorant when it actually came to the subject of geology: there were a number of specimens in her mineral cabinet that she couldn't even name, and of those that she could, she knew virtually nothing about them beyond that. Her interest in rocks was limited purely to what they looked like and whether or not they were poisonous and-or radioactive, and she was conscious that this left her open to accusations of having only a base-level interest in her hobby.
"Mhm. As I expected." Punica turned once again towards one of the walls. "The same, then, likely holds true with these posters." She extended vines from her body, and began pointing at a number of the posters. "I have noticed that, of the posters you have chosen to put up, only a minority have plain backgrounds. The vast majority feature high-contrast colours, and there is only a single poster that is purely black-and-white. This, combined with your stated dislike for undecorated spaces- and particularly, your discomfort with the colour white, but preference for red- suggests to me that you likely have a form of tactile-visual synesthesia that is interacting with your attention deficit condition; specifically the portion of it which imparts what I assume is a neurological need to remain stimulated at all times." /
explanatory-mild-excitement/
Raqi just stared at Punica. "what."
The plant took on an illustrative tone. "Have you found that, since putting these posters up, you have felt less restless while within your room, Raqi?" /
prompt-answer/
"...Maybe, yeah; I guess? A little bit?"
"Mhm. And do you find that observing your rocks has a calming effect upon you?"
She watched as the girl's eyes gradually started to widen. "Y- Yeah. I do. I keep a bunch on my desk so that I can look at them whenever I'm bored, or need a break."
The plant nodded again. "It is my hypothesis that you find the act of observing brightly coloured objects and surfaces to be mentally stimulating. This, in and of itself, would not be necessarily indicative of synesthesia; but I have noticed another correlation between your preferred type of posters- those with contrasting colours and high-detail backgrounds- and the specimens in your rock collection. Very few of the latter are flat or polished, and those that are polished are stones like the labradorite; which contain complex textures within their interiors. Would I be right in assuming that you do not find flat colours nearly as interesting as contrasting ones, and that the same also applies to smooth, untextured surfaces?" /
prompt-confirm/
Raqi felt like her brain was short-circuiting. They had gone from having a relatively normal conversation to Punica using what amounted to moon logic to diagnose her with a new condition; and worst of all, she was starting to think the plant was right.
How? How the *fuck* could she have seen connections between all this stuff? Everything she's listing is borderline completely unrelated. To have not only drawn connections between them, but to use that to conclude that I've got synesthesia...
She felt a small tingle of cold creep down her back. Up until now, Punica had felt for the most part like a person to her. An incredibly powerful, borderline-magical person, sure- but still a person. This, however, was not person behaviour. This was something else.
She eventually replied with a voice that had become very small all of a sudden. "Um... yeah. I like rocks that have textures to them. I've got a few geode slices, and I never really liked them that much even though they've got nice colours, because they're really flat."
"As I expected would be the case. Lastly: Have you ever felt as if you could 'feel' an object or surface that you looked at?" /
inquiring/
Raqi nodded immediately. "Yeah. I- I don't know how to describe it, but yeah."
Her plant nodded. "Then that settles it. I cannot speak with absolute certainty, on account of a lack of familiarity with landamaeri biology, but my tentative conclusion from this would be that your sensory pathways experience a slight degree of overlap in certain areas, which causes you to be able to 'feel' certain colours and textures in the right combinations. This, in turn, is perceived by your brain as pleasantly stimulating; which leads you to crave colourful objects in order to sate your high need for stimulation. Hence why you have filled your room with posters, and why you opt to collect shiny rocks rather than anything else." /
satisfied-pleased/
"That, uhm... Yeah." Raqi had no idea what to say. "That... sounds probably right, yeah." She stared dumbly at Punica. Somewhere in the last five minutes of conversation, she had started feeling incredibly submissive, and she was now finding that her usual habit of avoiding looking at Punica's eyes had ceased entirely.
The plant did not fail to notice this, and her lips curled up into a smile. "It would also explain why you find my eyes so mesmerising. Affini hypnotic centres are both high-contrast and textured; being designed that way in order to be eye-catching to even xenosophonts without synesthesia. For one who does have it, however..." She leaned just a little bit closer, the corners of her smile twitching further upwards. "I can only imagine that the experience of gazing into them must be downright captivating." /
teasing-light-predatory/
Raqi turned bright red, and for a moment, she did indeed find herself captivated by Punica's eyes. It was only for a moment, however, as embarrassment soon won out over the urge to continue staring, and she swiftly turned away. "Inos..."
There was a note of discomfort in the way she said it that quickly drove the teasing intent from Punica's demeanour. "Is everything well, Raqi? I apologise if that was a step too far."
The girl turned back to her and shook her head. "No, no; it's fine- it wasn't the teasing. Just made me think of something else." She broke eye contact, and her tone grew pensive. "This has all felt kind of surreal. Like, in the first place, I've had barely any time to sit down and process all the stuff that's happened since we met, but the few times I
have done it, it's struck me how... how just-" She shook her head. "I- I don't have a context for this. What I mean is: Your existence, just... breaks all the rules of the universe, as I was used to living in it until a few weeks ago."
The swaying of Punica's vines gradually slowed, and her voice grew troubled. "What do you mean, petal?" /
concerned-compassionate/
Raqi let out an uncertain noise. "Well, at first it was the shape and the drugs. The way that you could just do stuff with your body that- being real- should not be possible." She quirked an eyebrow. "I mean, that form of yours is bullshit; no offense. I do not know how the fuck you exist. The way you move and the fact that you can just Manifest Drugs practically from thin air was bizarre to start with, but then there was all the biorhythm stuff; the reblooming- which is also fucking insane, and I have not even
begun to wrap my head around the implications of there being an actual immortal species in the universe- but then you just..." She made a vague waving gesture. "Walk in here, take one look at my rock collection and my posters, and diagnose me with a new condition I'd never even considered having, but that I'm pretty sure now that I do."
She met Punica's gaze once more, taking a few moments to find her voice. "It's not... any one thing. It just occurred to me, I guess, that now that you exist, I'm going to have to sit down and redefine how I think about just about everything." Her expression grew discomforted, and her gaze turned downwards. She seemed for a moment as if she might continue speaking, but she ultimately remained silent; appearing to have thought better of it.
Punica flinched, her vines falling momentarily still. "Raqi, are you..." She hesitated, reluctant to even voice her concern for the sheer discomfort she felt at the idea. "Are you worried that the disparities in our capabilities somehow render you lesser than me?"
The girl slowly nodded. "Yeah... I guess kinda."
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Immediately, Punica's vines started writhing against the floor. "Petal, no- Absolutely not, that is- That is not even remotely the case-"
"No, no-" Raqi interrupted her. "I know- I know it doesn't work that way. I already understand that both intelligence and capability aren't good measures of philosophical worth or personhood. It's something I've thought about a lot: This problem already exists just within the landamaeri population, the issue of 'how do you define personhood?'" She straightened up and faced Punica once more. "We spent a lot of our history doing it intellectually. Even to this day, there's a sort of bias towards intelligence as a sign of moral purity and superiority- same with beauty, ironically; but most people don't consciously believe that any more, it just seems to be a weird biological holdover. But no, it's like-"
She began pacing. "My existence as a sophont- the things that matter the most to me- is defined by stuff that has all happened inside of my head. Very little of it is external. Because of that, when I was younger, I tended to dismiss other people as 'less than me' because I knew they didn't have as much going on inside their heads as I did." She stopped in front of her window. "But then, there was... there was this kid in my village on the
Gliese. He was disabled- I don't know exactly what condition he had, I never spoke to him so I was never able to ask- but it was a very severe learning disability. He couldn't talk, he had this funny kind of hunched posture; he honestly looked a little bit like a fantasy ogre, to be up front about it."
For a moment, Punica was horrified by the callous way in which Raqi described the person she was speaking of. But in contrast to the dismissive and derogatory words she used, her rhythm emanated immense discomfort rather than anything resembling judgement.
"I watched him walk past me from my window, on the other side of the road," she continued. "He always had both of his parents with him. And every time I saw them, they looked like they were having such a blast with him... They seemed so happy; and so did he." Her voice wavered for a moment. "I don't think he could understand much of anything. It seemed like he could communicate with them, but I mean- I doubt he could grasp complex concepts. But at the same time, I looked at him and I just- I realised that any model that suggested that he shouldn't have personhood couldn't be correct. I could not believe that anything I was doing was inherently more valuable than what he was doing; than the experiences he was having. Even if my lived experience- the phenomena surrounding my consciousness- were more complex than his, ultimately, what did that even matter when what he had seemed to be so... good, in its own right?"
She shook her head. "The answer is not at all."
Punica remained silent. She could sense that Raqi was not yet finished, and a moment later, the girl resumed speaking. "In spite of that, though, I never actually found a way to apply this conclusion to my own life. I've always been absolutely terrified of getting a brain injury, or of anything else that messes with my cognitive capacity. I've never been able to stop believing that, if I stopped being as smart as I am, I wouldn't... stop being me. I..." Her face contorted, and a hint of desperation entered her voice. "I've always been so preoccupied with worrying about whether my existence actually holds philosophical meaning. It was the one thing I had to cling on to, when all the
ch'ikan around me had made it impossible to have anything else. They had money, jobs, happiness; I had the fact that I was more of a person than them." Her jaw had begun quivering. "But now, I don't- know what it means; if you exist. If you're just... more, than me." She turned a quivering gaze upon Punica. "Do I- Do I look like that boy to you?"
The moment that those words registered to Punica seemed to stretch on forever to the affini. The fear and hesitancy that she heard in Raqi's voice and saw in her gaze ate at her roots, yet it was not the emotions themselves which hurt; it was the source from which they came. This xenosophont, the one whom she now considered the light of her world, had for all her wondrous qualities still lived her entire life in a civilisation that had poisoned her with false ideals and beliefs. How much venom had she swallowed or had forced into her to corrupt her into worrying about these things, Punica wondered? How deep did the rot that her civilisation had infected her with run, and what monumental, or perhaps even lifelong effort would it take to clean it all out from her?
She didn't know, but in a span of time that Raqi would have registered as roughly one fifteenth of a second, she had concluded that in time, she was going to purge this girl of every single one of these false anxieties. She would, at some point, strip Raqi of the qualities that she was so fond of, and give her the chance to live as the type of existence that she was so afraid of; and in so doing, show her that it was not nearly so frightful as she believed it to be. Not only that, but she would show her that she would still love her just as much, no matter what form Punica changed her into. That way, she would come to understand just how futile and pointless such considerations ultimately were.
But that would have to wait for much later, and in the mean time, an entirely different part of Punica's mind was bristling at the mere implication that her beloved xeno would ever worry that she might think of her as lesser. In contrast to the part of her mind that had rationally assessed how she might go about addressing Raqi's unhealthy beliefs, this part squirmed and wrenched with instinctual discomfort; possessed by an immediate need to do whatever was necessary to alleviate the discomfort her not-pet was clearly feeling.
Vines extended from Punica's lower body and gently cupped Raqi's head underneath her chin, while at the same time, Punica stepped forward and knelt down before the girl. "Raqi, I believe this may be an area where your civilisation's lack of technological advancement has influenced your philosophical views. Within the Compact, it has long since been determined that consciousness does not function the way you posit it to. For starters, most scientists agree that it is simply not possible for one subjectivity to be 'more' than another." /
confident-correcting/
She watched as anxiety gave way to confusion. "What do you mean?" Raqi asked, her brow furrowing.
"To start with the criteria you spoke of earlier: It is true that some sophonts experience a wider range of emotions than others do, and it is similarly also true that some sophonts experience a greater intensity of particular emotions than others. When viewed through this metric, affini do generally experience a wider variety and depth of emotions related to caregiving and affection than most other sophont species. However, there are other emotions that we simply do not experience at all." She briefly turned her gaze away from Raqi as she recalled a memory. "I once spent some time reading through the work of a researcher in
Triangulum, which dealt with this exact subject. In zeir fifth book, zei discussed zeir experience with attempting to create new neural pathways in zeir core to simulate the emotions of over a hundred xenosophont species; in an attempt to have as wide a breadth of emotional experience as possible."
"The primary issue which zei eventually ran into was one of subjective overflow. Beyond a certain point, zei came to possess such a wealth of nuanced emotional responses that even trivial events would bombard zem with immense amounts of emotional feedback. There were also certain emotions that were associated with similar situations or circumstances; for example threat responses. Many xenosophonts experience the four common threat responses of fight, flight, fawn, or freeze; but did you know this is only a fraction of all those that exist? Other animals that have developed toxin-based self defense mechanisms, or who rely on intimidation to ward off predators, commonly have completely different responses from the aforementioned four when threatened. When the researcher in question tried to combine all of these responses into one subjectivity, the response was that any time zei came under perceived threat, zeir consciousness was overwhelmed by so much sensory input that zei became unable to do anything at all."
"They also reported that even when combining emotions from multiple different species, there was only a difference in intensity and texture; rather than any fundamental difference in overall subjective experience. This evidence suggests that, as far as emotions are concerned, the subjectivity of 'feeling' is relatively uniform across all sophont species." She paused for a moment, as if thinking. "Ah, and there was also the matter of phenomenic satiation-"
Before Raqi knew what was happening, a vine had wrapped around her wrist, and was insistently pulling her arm forwards. "You are no doubt familiar with the way that sensation is lessened when it occurs over a wide surface area; or at least, I presume it works that way for your species as well?" When Raqi nodded, she continued: "Commonly, sensation focused on a single point is much more intense than that spread out across a single area. This represents a reality of subjective existence: that there is an 'upper limit' on sensation strength. In most sophonts, this limit cannot be naturally reached outside of extreme circumstances; however it can be easily induced in florets using xenodrugs, or with the aid of a
Haustoric implant. There comes a point where, after a certain 'height' of stimulation, additional stimuli is either not registered at all, or is not perceived as being 'more intense' than previous stimulation; instead only differing texturally."
As if to illustrate what she was describing, Punica coiled several more lengths of her vine around Raqi's arm, and while it felt more noticeable at first, by the time the third loop had finished wrapping around, there really was not that much of a difference between the prior way she had been being held and this.
"Wait, so- Hold on a sec." The discomfort had now fully faded from Raqi's voice, and she was looking up at Punica with undisguised interest and curiosity. "If that's the case, then, does this mean the
affini still haven't found out the source of consciousness? Like, why sensations are the way they are; why we perceive things as one thing rather than another; why there is anything at all rather than nothing?"
At this inquiry, Punica began to smile broadly. "Your guess is correct, little one. There are some things that even we affini do not know, and the cause of subjective experience is one of them. It is well within our capability to create consciousness, to measure it and to change it; but we can not explain
why we are able to do so, or why any of the techniques that we employ work. Our knowledge of what creates subjectivities and why they exist in the first place is still limited to pure speculation."
"Huh... I... That's kind of reassuring, I guess?" Raqi tilted her head. "It's sorta nice to know that there are some things even you can't figure out- or, haven't yet, I guess."
Air whistled through Punica's core and set her leaves rustling in a way that sounded remarkably like laughter. "There are so very many things that we have not yet figured out, Raqi; and some - like the nature of subjectivity - that we perhaps never will. But, to return to my earlier point: The significance of this limit on subjective experience is that it reinforces that no one sophont's cognition is inherently 'better' or worse than another's. It is possible for a sophont to have more, or less experiences than another sophont; but this is in essence where inequality ends. This itself also serves as a poor basis upon which to measure worth, on account of the fact that it is possible to exist for a thousand years and have few if any meaningful experiences; while inversely, one can exist for mere decades and have more worthwhile experiences in that time than in entire lifetimes. In conclusion-"
She paused to drag a vinetip affectionately through Raqi's feathers, watching as the look of intense focus on the girl's face was interrupted by a delightful pout and a series of embarrassed grumbles. "-while I may experience more things than you on a moment-to-moment basis, I do not believe this in any way makes me 'more' than you. If anything, it makes the limited quantity of experiences that you have all the more precious; because you have less of them than I do." /
warmth-softness/
Punica had intentionally not touched on the fact that she was immortal and Raqi was not: Many affini believed that the mortality of xenosophonts gave their lives infinitely more meaning than their own timeless existences, simply because they would only be able to have a finite number of experiences, whereas an affini would never stop experiencing. Punica, for her part, held mixed feelings on this matter; ones she pointedly did not want to investigate right now, while she was in the middle of having some of the most fun she'd had in memory.
"You ruffling my feathers while you say that makes it hard to take you seriously," Raqi complained, to no avail. Squirm as she might, she was unable to escape from her plant's ministrations; and she was soon forced to roll her eyes and accept the pats being applied to her.
"On the contrary, petal: It is because I see you as an equal that you are worth asserting control over. Were you a plant or a fungus, or some species of animal lacking sufficient intellectual capacity to appreciate what I am doing to you, then I would be far less interested in doing it. It is precisely because you are my philosophical equal that I enjoy eliciting these responses from you." /
deep-affection/
Raqi had turned bright red mid-way through Punica's sentence, and by the time she had finished talking, she was staring with a partly-open mouth and glassy eyes up at the plant, her chest hitching as she forgot to let out a breath. "Fuck, that's... pretty hot." She finished her sentence with a small whimper; which was in turn rewarded by a curl of the vine over one of her ears, forcing out another such noise from her. "S-s-stop! You're gonna- hmhn!"
At her request, the vines withdrew immediately; though a smile remained on Punica's face. "As you wish." /
playful/
It did not disappoint her in the least to have to stop doting on Raqi; for the look of obvious disappointment the moment the touch ceased was in fact more rewarding than the touch itself.
She is already starting to crave my touch in small amounts. For a moment, she couldn't help wondering how long it would be before that craving turned to an addiction, and the thought sent a shiver through her core.
Ah, what a thing to imagine...
Just then, however, there was a noise that made both Raqi and Punica jump. They turned in almost exact unison towards the door at the back of the room which they had come in from, and developed similarly confused expressions as they watched it open on its own. The only difference was that after a second, Punica's expression remained confused; while Raqi's turned to one of familiar annoyance.
"Oh,
masal tun siya," Raqi exclaimed, slipping momentarily into her native language. "It's doing the thing again. Hold on a minute." Before Punica could respond, she made her way over to her chest of drawers and began rootling around in it. A moment later, she let out a small 'ah' noise, then promptly emerged with a pair of secateurs in her hand.
Upon seeing the article of gardening equipment, the affini froze bodily; her eyes losing all colour and turning an almost pitch black. "R-Raqi? What are you-?" /
confusion-fear/
"Just a sec," the girl replied nonchalantly, not even making eye contact. She proceeded past Punica and out towards the doorway- failing to notice the way that the affini's vines pulled back whenever the secateurs got too close to them- then headed promptly through it.
It took Punica a moment to regain her bearings.
By the Everbloom... She released a shiver of built-up anxiety.
No, what a ridiculous thought. Of course she would not have been about to suggest that. There is little chance she even knows what pruning play is. Several of her flowers gingerly opened themselves back up, and she let herself relax once more. Curious now what else it was that Raqi had grabbed the secateurs for, Punica directed her form to follow Raqi, and headed out into the hallway.
When she arrived at the door, she saw Raqi stood just outside, wielding the secateurs to snip at something above her head that was hidden from Punica's line of sight by the edge of the door frame. Filled with mounting curiosity, she called out: "What is it that you are doing, Raqi?" /
intrigued-curious/
"Oh, it's just- the fucking plants-" the xenosophont replied, still not looking at her. "They get like this every now and then. I thought I'd cut them back already this week, but I must have forgotten. If I leave them for too long, some of the vines get over the door sensor, and it starts opening and closing at random. Bloody annoying."
Punica lagged mentally. She was failing to comprehend why Raqi seemed to be referring to a plant that had vines but was not her. She was relatively sure there should not be any such organism on the ship, and so this was not parsing. She sent one vine forwards, intent on using its visual receptors to get a look at what Raqi was doing, while simultaneously asking: "What plants are you referring to?" /
confused-perplexed/
"Oh, you know-" Raqi began to reply.
At the same time, Punica finally saw it. Running across the ceiling of the outside corridor were half a dozen thin, fibrous green growths. They seemed to extend all the way down the corridor, and she could not understand how it was that she hadn't seen them before; the only explanation she could think of being that she had been too busy looking at Raqi. Each of the vines was covered in small yellow flowers that had grown out of it at irregular intervals of once every three or so feet, and the longest of them- which Raqi was presently in the middle of snipping with the secateurs- had grown to cover a sensor on top of the ceiling.
"-the ones that grow from the affini biotech I found."
Punica's core fell to a standstill.
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