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N O T I C E : : m e m o r y _ s t r e a m _ l o c a t e d
I D : : G a r m e n t s
T Y P E: : R E C O L L E C T I V E
I have spent
so. fucking. long. assembling the collection of clothes I have. People do not believe me when I tell them about the amount of time I spent scrawling through independent vendors' sites to find all the garments I have (this isn't true, but like, for emphasis y'know), but I assure you; it is a phenomenal amount. I'm talking I think five days straight, at one point? Like I just woke up in the morning, pulled up my fleetnet browser and went through probably more than a hundred pages of stuff before it was the end of the day, went to bed, woke up again, and repeated.
Okay, but seriously though: Cultivating a personal aesthetic was one of the most important parts of my transition for me. I know that a lot of transgirls, particularly
yuyayni who aren't interested in being traditionally femme-looking, don't really go for a very 'out there' style; or if they do it's a more
ankalti or
menshjran type of thing. I think the reason why is that a lot of them want to fit in and, you know, pass? I definitely understand the desire... but also, Inos, how can they live with themselves looking so
plain???
I
need to look as gaudy and unreasonably vain as it is possible to look. I need to embody an aesthetic that makes people look at me and think: "did this bitch just walk out of a fantasy holovid?" I require a level of sheer, undiluted vanity excessive enough to be capable of warping the universe around me to project an aura of distilled
yuyak. I need outfits so fucked up that anyone who sees me will take one look and go 'neurodivergent queer.' and also, like, 'turbosub bottom' because everyone who dresses up in as much ornamentation as me and isn't a hyperdomme is the subbiest sub to have ever lived but that's besides the point
It's not really just about looking fancy, to specify: I would drop dead if you put any of that atrocious "bling" stuff I've seen some people wear on me, and not in the good way. I very specifically want to look like a fantasy character; I just love that kind of pre-
Data Loss aesthetic. It's hard to pin down exactly what I mean, but just like, almost everything from historical recreations and traditional high/low fantasy dramas set on planetside tends to appeal to me. Terrans do an
amazing job with this; I've seen some of the outfits they've come up with in xenofiction movies, and they are
astounding. So many cloaks and robes and tunics and uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu needddd
Perhaps that's what I like about it, come to think of it: it's the sense that dressing up this way gives me of being someone who's 'out of time.' Someone who isn't from the present period; who openly looks like they don't fit in, and doesn't belong there. I think that it helps to set expectations: Anyone who sees me dressed this way can immediately tell that I'm not normal and that I'm not part of 'normal people culture', because no one who was would ever dress up like this. In that sense, I guess you could actually go so far as to consider it a sort of advance priming? I do it in an attempt to instill into people an appropriate set of expectations as to how they ought to treat me, by communicating part of what kind of person I am through intentionally breaking multiple social norms around clothing. That has the effect of telling them straight away that I'm not a conformist, and that I've gone out of my way to craft an outfit that makes me look individual; rather than trying to blend in with all the people around me.
Overall I love it, and I can't deny that having my own style has made me much happier, but it's also something that I feel very
strange about at times. There's so much in the trans community about learning not to let yourself be defined by your appearance, and here I am, so proud of having learned to make myself up and strut around like a Terran peacock. All of the above considerations aside, I like it in no small part because of how attractive it makes me look, and I can't at all deny that. I
do really like being hot... and I worry sometimes that I place too much importance on that, even knowing that I ought not to.
I suppose some lessons are very hard to unlearn.
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N O T I C E : : m e m o r y _ s t r e a m _ t e r m i n a t e d
