optimisation
N O T I C E : : m e m o r y _ s t r e a m _ l o c a t e d
I D : : o p t i m i s a t i o n
T Y P E: : E X P E R I E N T I A L A L E R T : : m e m o r y _ s t r e a m _ c o n t a i n s _ m u l t i p l e _ p a r t s
I D : : o p t i m i s a t i o n
T Y P E: : E X P E R I E N T I A L A L E R T : : m e m o r y _ s t r e a m _ c o n t a i n s _ m u l t i p l e _ p a r t s
Vasco - Intersidera
Vasco
GOOD MORNING KURUKI BIRD
how are you today!!!!!!!!!!!
how are you today!!!!!!!!!!!
Raqi Marr
GOOD MORNING VASCULAR SYSTEM
i am doing Moderately Well!!!!!!
just got done having a conversation with emhyl about some neurodiversity theory stuff
i am doing Moderately Well!!!!!!
just got done having a conversation with emhyl about some neurodiversity theory stuff
Vasco
oh?
what kind of stuff
what kind of stuff
Raqi Marr
basically just to do with like
explaining that the reason her life sucks ass isnt because of a skill issue and more has to do with environmental factors that arent inside of her control
also spent a while discussing potential things that could be done to address some of them
explaining that the reason her life sucks ass isnt because of a skill issue and more has to do with environmental factors that arent inside of her control
also spent a while discussing potential things that could be done to address some of them
Vasco
oooooo
that sounds very good! :>
that sounds very good! :>
Raqi Marr
it was yeah, was pretty neat
Vasco
it interests me how you seem to have those conversations with quite a lot of the people in the server
Raqi Marr
well yeah
refuge has a very high concentration of people in need of problemsolving lmao
refuge has a very high concentration of people in need of problemsolving lmao
Vasco
average community full of neurodivergent people
Raqi Marr
exactly lmfao
honestly it feels a lot of the time like those convos make up most of the stuff i talk about with people
once i get to know someone, we mostly just spend our time talking shop about how to fix shit
its pretty fulfilling i guess, feels like youre actually doing something rather than just hanging out or whatever
honestly it feels a lot of the time like those convos make up most of the stuff i talk about with people
once i get to know someone, we mostly just spend our time talking shop about how to fix shit
its pretty fulfilling i guess, feels like youre actually doing something rather than just hanging out or whatever
Vasco
that definitely makes sense yeah
i can imagine that would be pretty satisfying
i can imagine that would be pretty satisfying
Raqi Marr
yeah
thinking about it, youre kind of the only person i dont talk about that stuff with very often
in spite of how long we've known each other for
thinking about it, youre kind of the only person i dont talk about that stuff with very often
in spite of how long we've known each other for
Vasco
hm
that is true yeah
i do not recall us having many conversations like that at any point
that is true yeah
i do not recall us having many conversations like that at any point
Raqi Marr
yeah i think it's kind of just never come up
like its never felt like there's really been an opportunity for it
you do occasionally talk to me about stuff thats bugging you, but you mostly just end with 'oh well' or 'what can you do i suppose'
like its never felt like there's really been an opportunity for it
you do occasionally talk to me about stuff thats bugging you, but you mostly just end with 'oh well' or 'what can you do i suppose'
Vasco
that sounds very accurate lmao
i am NOT very good at actually addressing my problems (known issue with people running vascOS v1.0)
i am NOT very good at actually addressing my problems (known issue with people running vascOS v1.0)
Raqi Marr
gdfhnbratiohnrmstiothfsg
honestly its not too surprising
from what i recall of your situation youve never really had any reason to contemplate it
and its a lot easier to just keep doing the same thing if it isnt bothering you that badly
honestly its not too surprising
from what i recall of your situation youve never really had any reason to contemplate it
and its a lot easier to just keep doing the same thing if it isnt bothering you that badly
Vasco
yeah honestly, that does sound about right for me
i suppose ive just, never really had reason to think about that sort of thing all that often?
i suppose ive just, never really had reason to think about that sort of thing all that often?
Raqi Marr
it makes sense tbh
the reason for that i think is that, you've had a life that's been very permissive in a lot of ways
like for all that you're neurodivergent, you've had just enough structure and support in your life that, to my knowledge at least, you've never had any kind of event that has actually forcibly knocked you off the path that was set out for you
for as much as you've struggled with things, you made it through school and college for example; you never actually had to stop and go "shit this isn't working"
so because of that, you've mostly just been able to focus on things like getting a job and other, like, normal life trajectory things
as opposed to me, marya and charyl whom that really just didn't work out for
if given the opportunity, landamaeris will basically always choose the path of least resistance, is the thing
at a species level, we are naturally averse to change; we want things to stay the same
if shit is working out for us, we don't have any reason to change anything
and so because youve been able to get away with the medium level of discomfort and bleh-ness that youve had in your life for the past however many years, it just hasnt posed enough of an incentive for you to actually do anything beyond that
its like that for a lot of people honestly
the reason for that i think is that, you've had a life that's been very permissive in a lot of ways
like for all that you're neurodivergent, you've had just enough structure and support in your life that, to my knowledge at least, you've never had any kind of event that has actually forcibly knocked you off the path that was set out for you
for as much as you've struggled with things, you made it through school and college for example; you never actually had to stop and go "shit this isn't working"
so because of that, you've mostly just been able to focus on things like getting a job and other, like, normal life trajectory things
as opposed to me, marya and charyl whom that really just didn't work out for
if given the opportunity, landamaeris will basically always choose the path of least resistance, is the thing
at a species level, we are naturally averse to change; we want things to stay the same
if shit is working out for us, we don't have any reason to change anything
and so because youve been able to get away with the medium level of discomfort and bleh-ness that youve had in your life for the past however many years, it just hasnt posed enough of an incentive for you to actually do anything beyond that
its like that for a lot of people honestly
Vasco
that makes sense
you are right in that, i do really seem to just not think all that often about things
when i've had discomfort it's been much easier to just numb myself to it and not really try to address it
i mentioned earlier my having lost interest in biology and i think this may be a part of that
you are right in that, i do really seem to just not think all that often about things
when i've had discomfort it's been much easier to just numb myself to it and not really try to address it
i mentioned earlier my having lost interest in biology and i think this may be a part of that
Raqi Marr
i think generally not thinking that much is the default state for most people tbh
contemplation in general appears to only be a response to adversity/failure to achieve desired results
its only a behaviour you engage in when things dont work out the way you want them to
contemplation in general appears to only be a response to adversity/failure to achieve desired results
its only a behaviour you engage in when things dont work out the way you want them to
Vasco
yep, exactly
though i have had a fair share of things not going my way in my life, and i've never ended up reflecting on them all that much?
i do wonder what is up with that
though i have had a fair share of things not going my way in my life, and i've never ended up reflecting on them all that much?
i do wonder what is up with that
Raqi Marr
there are a couple reasons that could explain that
in the first place, minor discomfort doesnt really prompt this response; as youve seen its easier to just dismiss it outright
the aversive stimuli has to pass a certain threshold or else the brain just doesnt consider it worth acting on
its like
ive got this throat condition right, where i end up with mucus in the back of my throat that makes me need to swallow like every minute on a lot of days
i know i can fix this because i used to have a throat spray that did it for me, but i dont have it any more and id need to go to the doctor's to request it
and the thing is, making a doctor's appointment is so aversive that like
the bar the continual low-level discomfort has to clear to make the major discomfort of making that appointment worth doing is disproportionately high
in the long run, the discomfort caused by my throat will massively outweigh the discomfort of making that doctor's appointment
im pretty sure its probably bothered me for what like, 200 hours now? maybe more?
and the minor discomfort accrued from all of that is probably worth like 40 doctors appointments or even more
but ive now been putting that appointment off for like six months and i cant see myself getting around to it any time soon
in the first place, minor discomfort doesnt really prompt this response; as youve seen its easier to just dismiss it outright
the aversive stimuli has to pass a certain threshold or else the brain just doesnt consider it worth acting on
its like
ive got this throat condition right, where i end up with mucus in the back of my throat that makes me need to swallow like every minute on a lot of days
i know i can fix this because i used to have a throat spray that did it for me, but i dont have it any more and id need to go to the doctor's to request it
and the thing is, making a doctor's appointment is so aversive that like
the bar the continual low-level discomfort has to clear to make the major discomfort of making that appointment worth doing is disproportionately high
in the long run, the discomfort caused by my throat will massively outweigh the discomfort of making that doctor's appointment
im pretty sure its probably bothered me for what like, 200 hours now? maybe more?
and the minor discomfort accrued from all of that is probably worth like 40 doctors appointments or even more
but ive now been putting that appointment off for like six months and i cant see myself getting around to it any time soon
Vasco
YES oh my god i absolutely fucking hate that
i despise that phenomenon so much
ive been dealing a bunch with that too lately and
even when i recognise that im doing this and tell myself 'ok i should really just take the time out of my day to do this, its really only going to take me like five minutes to do that and otherwise im going to spend an hour being uncomfortable'
it does not fucking help whatsoever and i still end up not doing it
i despise that phenomenon so much
ive been dealing a bunch with that too lately and
even when i recognise that im doing this and tell myself 'ok i should really just take the time out of my day to do this, its really only going to take me like five minutes to do that and otherwise im going to spend an hour being uncomfortable'
it does not fucking help whatsoever and i still end up not doing it
Raqi Marr
yeah it is extremely annoying lol
Vasco
i really do find it incredibly frustrating
coming face to face with stuff like this and realising that like, this is what you are as an organism is
coming face to face with stuff like this and realising that like, this is what you are as an organism is
Raqi Marr
certified biological machine moment
Vasco
yeah exactly
the fact that you can be aware of the stupid thing you're doing and it does nothing to help with it feels really depersonalising
the fact that you can be aware of the stupid thing you're doing and it does nothing to help with it feels really depersonalising
Raqi Marr
it is yes
honestly its kind of funny because like, ive also come to a lot of those realisations lately on account of reading LDG stuff, and they actually didnt bother me nearly as much as i thought they would have
the reason why is that in the past, i already lived through the practical side of a lot of this stuff with being plural and trying to figure out "what the actual fuck is going on inside of my head am i going insane or what"
and i went through the whole experience already of questioning if i actually have free will/how i exist on a philosophical level and that shit got so confusing with alters
so ironically, when i got into LDG and started learning about biochemistry shit and realised we are all basically just chemical soup
it was actually extremely reassuring lol
because instead of worrying about 'are my alters real people or am i just talking to myself' i got to go 'oh sweet im not real either so who gives a shit'
honestly its kind of funny because like, ive also come to a lot of those realisations lately on account of reading LDG stuff, and they actually didnt bother me nearly as much as i thought they would have
the reason why is that in the past, i already lived through the practical side of a lot of this stuff with being plural and trying to figure out "what the actual fuck is going on inside of my head am i going insane or what"
and i went through the whole experience already of questioning if i actually have free will/how i exist on a philosophical level and that shit got so confusing with alters
so ironically, when i got into LDG and started learning about biochemistry shit and realised we are all basically just chemical soup
it was actually extremely reassuring lol
because instead of worrying about 'are my alters real people or am i just talking to myself' i got to go 'oh sweet im not real either so who gives a shit'
Vasco
fucking lmao
N O T I C E : : m e m o r y _ s t r e a m _ t e r m i n a t e d
A L E R T : : c o n t i n u a t i o n _ a v a i l a b l e