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N O T I C E : : m e m o r y _ s t r e a m _ l o c a t e d
I D : : P h y s i c a l _ C o n f r o n t a t i o n
T Y P E: : R E C O L L E C T I V E
Egh... The thought of physical confrontation has always terrified me. I was never any good at it even pre-transition: I didn't get into any serious fights as a kid, and so I don't have any clue how that kind of thing is actually meant to work. The few times I did try to hit people, it was usually with objects, and I don't think I ever did any actual damage to them.
Six years into HRT, though, and I've got the strength of a twig nowadays; with the endurance in some regards to match. Part of the reason I don't go outside much is that I get anxious any time I walk past a man on the street. I know it's irrational, but I can't help but thinking that if they were to attack me, there wouldn't be anything I could do about it. It doesn't help that local laws in
Gliese outlaw virtually every form of self-defense; even stuff like capsaicin spray. Amusingly, I could actually go out dressed in full metal armour - there's no law against that - and punch someone with a steel gauntlet, then claim I was on my way to a LARP convention and did it in self defence, and that'd probably actually pass in court; but after a lot of thinking I decided it'd probably be too impractically warm, and also mail has bad sensory when worn under a shirt. Lots of clinking.
It probably wouldn't be so bad if I was anyone else, but being me, I do an amazing job of pissing
ch'ikan off just from simple interactions. I think they can probably sense how neurodivergent I am, and it triggers some sort of murderous instinct in them I'm fairly sure. I don't know if that's a real thing, but it certainly feels like it a lot of the time. The amount of times I've said something slightly unusual - not even rude, just outside of the script - and had people start looking at me like they were about to throw hands is... more than zero.
The other thing I don't like is how my heartrate
spikes any time someone raises their voice. ...I probably got that one from my father. He used to shout a lot when I was a child. Well, the good news is, I don't go out; so that means I don't ever have to hear anyone speaking loudly. I also avoid voice chat with strangers for the same reason; male voices make me uncomfortable even if they're at a normal volume.
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N O T I C E : : m e m o r y _ s t r e a m _ t e r m i n a t e d
