It Takes Time <To Be Properly Taken Apart> - Chapter 40
Chapter 40
Chapter Length: 8,400~ wordsNegotiations With Shaking Vines
Raqi Marr wandered idly through the corridors of her high school, glancing with interest through the glass panels that lead into the various classrooms. It felt strange to return to this place after so long. She couldn't be there without feeling the constant background memory of the endless fear that she had lived under while there, but as she was now, it only filled her with a firm determination. She was not Materas Marr any longer. She was Raqi Marr, and something beyond even that when she needed to be. Though the people here had spoken words that had harmed her greatly, she was no longer afraid of their voices. I doubt they could even imagine it, she thought to herself. How much stronger I am now. One of her worst fears was that, despite everything, they would still find a way to laugh at her. What if the metamorphoses she had put herself through somehow proved not to be enough? After all, for all that she was happy and fulfilled now, she was still jobless; still single; still devoid of any qualifications; still living with her parents. All things that it would be terribly easy to mock her for, and that she knew that for all she wanted to say she did not fear them, the thought of being confronted by any of these things filled her with dread. At that moment, she felt a presence nearby, and turned her head upwards in that direction. A familiar figure regarded her; short and tomboyish, with equally short blood-red feathers upon her head, and brown eyes that seemed to suck Raqi's gaze into them. She had the most beautiful, enticing face of any person Raqi had ever seen, and she could only guess at the hours she had spent sneaking glances at her when she thought she wasn't looking. The girl snickered at her.
"Go out, with you? No offence, but, I'd rather die than that."
That was how she had learned the age-old lesson that every landamaeri had to learn; that beauty did not correlate with virtue.
This time, however, the words did not cut through Raqi's heart. Instead, she simply smiled softly.
"I visited you, two years ago, to see how you were doing. You lived alone in a flat that was filled with the smell of muripa smoke. The first thing you spoke to me about was how your ex from our high school had gotten fat in the time since then, and the next was how you thought I behaved 'very kuruki' back in high school. A little bit later, you bragged to me about knowing how to get drugs, with the same look in your eye that you always had whenever you lied to me."
She took in a small breath, her expression remaining peaceful. "I wouldn't go out with you, either."
Then, she turned her head away, and proceeded down the corridor without another word.
She wasn't overly worried about what might happen while she was here. If worst came to worst, she could simply leave again, after all. She was the Firebird; unable to be bound or held down in one place, no matter how hard anyone might try. It had always been her way to fly away from her troubles, and she would do the same if they grew too difficult for her here. Such was the way of a migratory creature like she. Spotting an empty classroom to her right, she made her way into it. She didn't really know why she did it, but after a few moments spent inside, she noticed three boys outside. They began laughing and jeering, taking turns pointing at her. She could sense immediately what it was that they wanted, but the thought of it stirred little within her. A few moments later, they made their way in through the door, making their way over towards her. Before they got a chance to speak, Raqi spoke first. "You ought not to stand before me. It will not end well for you if you do." Her voice was calm to the point of being near emotionless. It was a genuine warning, not a threat; she knew what would become of them if they opposed her, and it was her responsibility to at the very least make them aware of the fate they were courting. They were saying something, but she couldn't make out what. She no longer remembered very well at this point what those types had said; only how it had made her feel. Ah, but she was far beyond such things now. It wasn't for these sorts of people to make her doubt herself. No, she would never again experience that crushing sense of despair and hopelessness; the feeling of being inadequate as a person. She knew better how to defend herself now, and she would never allow herself to become easy prey again. She reached down to her side with her left hand, a white cloak fluttering in the wind. In a leisurely motion, she took hold of the sword that rested there and drew it from its sheath. A moment later, she placed her other hand on the first individual's shoulder, her face still devoid of emotion, and ran the sword through his chest. The world around her seemed to stutter as she did. There was a feeling like something was fighting against her; as if she was trying to push the sword through an incredibly dense object, but she was used to it now. A part of her mind she had no word for tensed, and she imagined the feeling of her limbs pressing forwards. After another short moment of struggle, the blade dove clean through the man's torso. She stepped back without pulling the blade out, still wreathed in calm, and turned to the other two. "I suppose I'll have to incinerate you, then." With a momentary impulse, she snapped her fingers, and the remaining two men burst into flames. They began to scream, flailing their arms and legs wildly in the air before crumpling to the ground a few moments later. Nothing about their appearances actually changed from the fire, but it was to be assumed that they were dead. She took a moment to observe the three corpses as they each lay unmoving upon the ground. It was unfortunate, but there was no way around it. This was the fate which she would inflict upon anyone who dared to try and harm her, as a necessary matter of self-preservation. She made her way out of the room shortly afterwards.
Raqi sat down in the classroom and took out her laptop. She was surrounded by other students, but she wasn't paying much attention to what they were doing. Her friends were talking to her on Intersidera, and that was much more important than the content of any lesson. It wasn't like she wanted to be here, anyway; school was fundamentally unpleasant for her. She was disinterested in performing more than the minimum level of playing along to keep the teachers off her back, and sometimes not even that. "Materas." That wasn't her name any more, but she looked up nonetheless. "Get off of your laptop." She looked the teacher in the eye. "No. Why should I?" "Stop playing games in class, or you're expelled." "Mm. So be it, then." She took hold of her laptop and stood up from the chair, holding it under the crook of one arm and making her way towards the door leading back out to the hallway. Every other student watched her as she left, but she didn't turn to look at a single one of them. If that was how it was to be, then she had no intention of cooperating. Rukhmar did not require society's approval to survive, and she would not debase herself in order to acquire it. She was free to live as she wanted, and no one could ever take that from her. If it meant becoming an outcast, then so be it; she would gladly pay that price for her dignity. No matter how little others understood her, how much they called her rude or disrespectful, she would not care. She would continue doing what she thought was right; no matter how lonely it made her. Perhaps, one day, she would encounter someone else while she was on the road. Then, maybe, she would have someone else to walk with. It had been more than ten years, and no such person had yet turned up. But maybe one day.
Raqi stirred in her bed, the parts of her brain responsible for providing a sense of self and context becoming active once more. The last few seconds of her dream remained etched into the surface of her mind, and she spent the first few seconds of wakefulness pondering upon it. Been a while since I had one of those, she thought. Dreams about her time in school or college were somewhat ubiquitous. They were a feature of the vast majority of landamaeris' lives from what she could tell; commonly as recurring nightmares. Hers were relatively tame by contrast. Once every month or two, she would have a dream like this where she returned and confronted one figure or another from that part of her life. Usually, the confrontation was fairly mundane, and consisted of her rejecting whatever they spoke to her, then leaving. This time, though- She recalled the way she had run one of the men through. The memory prompted her lips to curl upwards into a yearning smile. If only I could actually do that. The ability to make use of physical force really does make things so much easier... It was never going to happen, though. The twiggiest of twigs that was Raqi Marr could not fight off another girl; let alone three men. And besides, Fleetgov law frowned upon murdering people in self-defence; even in situations like that where it should most definitely have been allowed. Alas. But that is what dreams are for, I suppose. Feeling remarkably non-lethargic this morning, she kicked her cover off and got out of bed, intent on starting her exercises. As her feet made contact with the ground, her thoughts turned once more to the end of the dream, and a small pang of longing ran through her. It does suck, though... For all that I'm glad I didn't have to stay there, I do miss getting to socialise, at least a bit. They were the wrong type of people, I know, but still... She knew it wasn't really the friends that she missed, though. She spent a moment remembering what it had been like to actually share a physical space with people whom - even if it would never be more than a fantasy - she might want to be intimate with. It honestly barely parses any more. It's been so long since that was a possibility that- She shook her head. Now, there were people that she would have wanted to be intimate with, and who would have wanted to be intimate with her, but they were all so very far away; thousands upon thousands of miles, separated by expensive shuttle tickets none of them could afford, and immigration restrictions that were impenetrable to the disabled or the unemployed. I can't really remember what it was like, to actually wish for that kind of thing. It's been so long since I even saw other people in-person, other than occasionally walking past them on the street. She remembered when she had visited Maria upon the Spytkyza, at the time when she had seen a particularly pretty landamaeri walking past her. For a few seconds, she had been struck by a deluge of feelings and sensations that she had entirely forgotten the existence of. And then, three or so seconds later, the two had passed by each-other without making eye contact, and the feelings had vanished. So strange... It must be so strange to actually share space with other people; to have people there, in front of you, and find them attractive. It was an entire facet of landamaeri existence that she just didn't have, and never would have. Her thoughts turned again to the white-cloaked figure on the dirt trail. There isn't ever going to be anyone like that. She took a step forwards, but then felt something strange under her foot. She glanced down to see she had trodden on a dead leaf. Her expression blanked. She pulled her foot up and removed the offending piece of foliage, wondering how in the void it had gotten there- And then she remembered. Oh. In an instant, her emotional landscape shifted completely. A shiver ran down her spine, and the feelings of nostalgia and distance inspired by her dream were blown away all at once, to be replaced instead with a feeling of soft tenderness. Her mind was filled with memories of bright yellow and green leaves; the most gorgeous, beautiful smile she had ever seen in her life, and a voice that set her heart at ease. She blinked, and the leaf fell from her hand. She felt dizzy, but not in a bad way. I- She kept blinking. I have that person now. The thought took a few seconds to register. As they did, her chest began to fill with a docile, loving warmth that rendered the edges of her vision soft, rather than spiky. All of a sudden, all thought of doing her exercises was lost upon her. The strength in her knees gave out, and she let herself fall backwards onto her bed with a soft 'plop', bouncing lightly for a moment on the mattress. Her gaze was fixed on nowhere, no thoughts running through her mind. Her focus was taken up entirely with memories of yesterday's events, as well as the constantly increasing sense of comforting smallness that was blossoming in her chest. She was hyperaware of the feeling of her breath going in and out through her mouth. Raqi had an idea of what her 'baseline emotional state' was like; in essence, what 'neutral' felt like to her. It was tactile-visual in nature, and so not something that she could easily put into words, but it was everpresent at all times in her awareness; to the extent that she didn't normally pay much attention to it. Now, however, that background emotion had changed. In place of her normal, robust self, she felt timid, and what her brain instinctually labelled as vulnerable. She kept blinking. Her chest felt warm and tingly, and the skin all around it craved touch. She wanted her plant. She wanted her plant. Her plant. Hers. Nobody else's. Nobody else's plant. Just hers. There was a moment in every Domestication Guide story where the main affini went from being 'the affini' to 'their affini'. And as Raqi thought of this phenomenon, she realised it was what had just happened to her.
Is it... wise, to accept this?
I don't know. But her chest felt so good. She felt so warm, and so soft, and so in need of someone to hold her. And for all that the voice in the left side of her head was telling her she ought to be more skeptical of this, she didn't want to fight it.
How many times? she spoke back to it. How many times have we felt this way, only to have no one to hold us?
There was silence.
I don't care if it's foolish. Her mindvoice was quivering. I won't let this pass by me again.
She felt so, so small. She was so sick and tired of trying to be big. It hurt so much every time she had to try and do it, and the thought of doing it this time was more than she could bear.
She knew what she needed. The thrumming in her chest wouldn't let her want anything else.
She opened the door out of her room and made her way at a jog towards the garden.
Punica rested in a pile of vines and foliage in the middle of the dirt-pit that had once been the Rending Talon's garden. She had not slept at all in the time since putting Raqi to bed, nor even managed to fall into hypnagogia. Instead, she had spent the entire time alternating between restlessly vibrating, testing out new form compositions to see which she deemed the most 'den-like', and reviewing the former day's events. The best word to describe how she was feeling would probably be ecstatic. Yesterday almost didn't feel real when she looked back on it; some part of her was convinced that she must be imagining it. When she had finally awoken after finishing reblooming, she had expected her reunion with Raqi to be difficult at best, and quite possibly catastrophic at worse; but instead, every part of the day had gone better than she could possibly have imagined. She didn't know if it had been quite perfect- she had spent at least an hour cursing herself for minor mistakes she'd made during her attempt to 'interrogate' Raqi, as well as for doing that in the first place- but if it hadn't been, then it had been close enough that she didn't care to nitpick. Presently, she was staring off into the distance with an almost dreamy smile on her face; her vines swaying carelessly from side to side in long sweeping motions. The look upon her face when she climaxed... Oh, I have never seen something so wonderful. Her core shuddered. I could feel it, too; the way it all echoed throughout her entire body in the lead-up. The way her muscles tensed before the moment; every precious little twitch she made... Sense memories ran through the particular vine that she had coiled around Raqi's length, and she found herself unconsciously mimicking the motions she had used to pleasure the girl last night while phytotoxin pooled in some of her injectors. I need to see all of it again. I *need* to. She would have to wait until Raqi was ready again, of course. Allowing for some time between bouts of physical intimacy was probably a good idea regardless; there was a very high risk that the xenosophont would end up getting conditioned by it otherwise. The thought of that sent several of her vines squirming, but she was able to drive it from her mind with unusual ease. For once, Raqi's eminent domesticability was not actually the topic at the forefront of Punica's mind- or, not directly at least. Instead, she had found herself preoccupied with all that she had seen of the inside of the girl's mind; her 'wonderland', as she had called it. Every one of the sights she had seen there - from the sunlit forest where they had first entered, all the way through to the sword belonging to Raqi's former headmate, Straessa, that she had been shown - was each a source of near-limitless curiosity for her, and she found herself equal parts astounded and fascinated by the matter. And that other identity of hers; Rukhmar the Firebird. As she spoke the words aloud in her mind, she felt a tiny shiver run through her core at the memory of what she had seen. An idealised version of the self, created both in order to survive, and to assist her loved ones... She had genuinely no idea what to make of it. The concept was incredible on so many levels, but it - like so many other things she had learned about Raqi - mostly just shocked her that such a thing existed in the first place. It is such an utterly unique way of responding to adversity. Of all the ways I have seen sophonts adapt to strife, never before have I seen- or even heard of one choosing this route as an approach. She knew far more about the nature of the challenges that Raqi had faced growing up now after their conversations yesterday, but she still had little understanding of what forces had compelled Raqi to go down this path, rather than choosing any of the multitude of far more common coping mechanisms that presumably would have been available to her. There was one thing she knew for sure, though: She was now absolutely certain that nowhere else in the universe could she find another Raqi Marr. Whether as a floret or something else, she had to have this girl. There was no longer any question about it. After what she had seen yesterday, she knew she would never be able to have those experiences with any other sophont, and that had cemented in her mind that she would not allow herself to be separated from Raqi. She did pause for a moment after thinking, though. The question of whether she would take Raqi as a floret had once again somehow managed to become even more complicated. Her mind focused in on the story that Rukhmar had told her, and the excitement that had been filling her dimmed somewhat, as she began to grow pensive. I can understand much better why she is so afraid of becoming domesticated, now. Her other half... How would Rukhmar survive as a floret? Even if I were to give her as much autonomy as she wanted, there is simply not the space for that personality to exist within a creature that is not an affini. She would not have the opportunities that she so craves to be able to help people; such tasks are our domain, and even florets who wanted to help would not be entrusted with those sorts of responsibilities. The thought ate at her. She understood why it was this way; it was because of the capabilistic difference between affini and xenosophonts. Said difference was there between her and Rukhmar as well, and it made sense that the latter should be encouraged to spend their time on leisure, rather than wearing out their mortal form through strenuous work. However... That striving to achieve the most efficient standards of care would preclude the development or existence of sophonts like her is... Her vines slowly fell still. That is not right. No, surely- surely there must be something I am missing. But- The reasons why caregiving duties are only given to affini are cut and dry beyond dispute... No, but, still- This... This feels wrong. This line of logic- it can't be right. The correct conclusion cannot be that Rukhmar, as an identity, should not exist. If that is what a line of reasoning suggests, then that reasoning must be wrong. There was no underlying logic to her words, but she knew inside that her conclusion was correct. Something as fantastic as her xenosophont's other half simply could not be bad; the idea was inconceivable. Any system or idea that posed that Rukhmar should not be able to exist could therefore only be flawed, and that included the Compact's proscriptions upon the roles of xenosophonts. She rumbled. It is not as if xenosophonts are not allowed to care for each other at all. Many do still look after the simple needs of their fellows; it is only particularly damaged xenosophonts or those with complex or difficult-to-meet needs who are put into our care. Even as she thought the words, though, she knew this was a farce. These cases were exactly those that Rukhmar had spent her life working with up until now. To force her to use her talents on people who only needed a small bit of help adjusting to Compact life would be an utter waste. The more she tried to reconcile these two positions, the more agitated she became. Try as she might, she could not find a satisfying way to resolve the problems caused by Rukhmar's existence under current Compact strictures. Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of footsteps from the hall leading to the garden. Punica quickly gathered her vines up and reformed the rest of her humanoid body in preparation for Raqi's arrival, turning her attention to the door as she watched it slide open. "Ah, Raqi. Good morning. I hope that you were able to sleep-" She saw the look in her eyes. Punica's vision shrank to a pinprick. All else fell away from her awareness as her attention was fixed wholly and completely on the xenosophont standing in the doorway, the creature's own eyes fixed on hers in an expression of breathless desire. The girl's rhythm was- no, it wasn't her rhythm itself. That was unchanged, thank the Everbloom; it seemed as if the symbolic defence they had created had worked. It was just- she was radiating submission out towards Punica on a level the affini had never felt before. The look in her eyes was one of adoration and rapture that bordered upon worshipfulness. What in the stars had brought this on in he- Punica was kneeling down in front of Raqi. When had she gotten there? She had one hand on top of the girl's head, and- oh. Oh, oh Everbloom. The emotions she could feel flowing in through her vines- Deference. An overriding desire to feel lesser than Punica. A baring of the heart, pleading for it to be taken care of and lightly held. Something almost akin to a self-induced trance state, born from the severity of the yearning that the poor thing was currently feeling. She had primed herself right to the edge of trance, and was now begging for Punica to push her the rest of the way over. She wanted it so badly that it had become a physical sensation, and was now driving her every action almost automatically. A finger slipped under the xeno's chin, and her head was tilted upwards. A voice began to speak, one that did not feel like Punica's. "You poor, poor thing. You are not designed to be without this, are you?" /desire-pity/ The creature's eyes widened. "How much has it been hurting you?" Her voice was near a whisper. "How much pain have you endured, from trying to deny yourself this?" /???-disarming-coralling-???/ Its breath hitched. Its heart beat faster. "You were never meant for resistance." /statement/ Her voice dropped even lower. Her eyes started to swirl and pulsate with colours, and her mouth filled with toxins. "This. This is what you were meant for, isn't it?" /reducing-???-demeaning-affectionate-???-loving/ She ran her fingers through the back of the creature's hair, and felt how its body twitched; began to shake with need. "Yes. This suits you so, so much better... Raqi." /???-???-dominance-???-love-ownership/
<Touch me; take me; make me yours>
<Make it so I never have to feel this way ever again>
There was a hole in the centre of her heart. It had existed for as long as she remembered, torturing her day and night with a feeling of incompleteness. She wanted it to stop. She begged Punica to make it stop.
<Make it so I never have to feel this way ever again>
"Punica..."
She had the prettiest voice. The prettiest voice of any living being, xeno or sophont.
"Yes, petal?"
"I... like this... s-so much..."
She loved her. She loved her so much. The sound of her voice when she was this drunk on pleasure.
"But... not... all of the time."
Punica's core ached. Her injectors burned. Her vines were twitching, flailing by her side, half of them already primed to coil around Raqi's body and begin touching her the moment she injected her with the drug.
She- she-
She hurt like she had never hurt in all of her life, as she fought against the instinct.
Once, she thought, teeth bared in an expression of rage, turned inwards upon herself. Only once. I will not make the same mistake twice!
With the most terrible wrenching she had ever felt, as if she were pulling a very part of her soul out, she removed the injector from Raqi's flesh.
She stopped the pulsating in her eyes. Slowly, she lowered Raqi down to the ground. She could feel the confusion emanating from the girl, the lack of comprehension, and it ripped through her with even more agony than the initial act of resistance had caused. Her vines thrashed against the ground, desperate to escape from the sensation, injectors flailing against the inside of her arm in an attempt to get free; but she would not yield.
"Raqi." Her voice sounded, and felt like ash. "We should-" Somehow, without even the anatomy to do so, she choked mid-sentence. "-discuss, exactly what it is, that- that you want- before we go any further." /wrongness-???-???-pain-???-self-denial-???/
There were two ways the xeno could have reacted. If she had responded by growing more upset, Punica thought she would probably have gone mad. She would have lost all control over herself and injected the girl, and then spent the rest of her life regretting it.
But fortunately for her, for all that she looked it in that moment, the woman she was courting was not just a heartbroken girl who desired nothing more than to be saved. For all that she rarely had it in her to call herself by that name, she was Rukhmar the Firebird. And she was very, very used to abrupt changes of pace. "Oh! R-right, yeah!" It took less than a second for Raqi to go back to normal. She had been on the verge of breaking, ready to let herself be broken, and Punica had gently reminded her that maybe no; this wasn't a good idea. She could have cried over it. She could have felt like she was being rejected. But instead, she just felt slightly silly for getting ahead of herself, and almost immediately concluded that this would not have been a brilliant idea to go ahead with. So it was that she quickly gathered her wits back together, blinking the haze of desire that had very nearly consumed her away, and faced her plant as an independent sophont; rather than an animal one word away from becoming a pet. And the moment she did, all the pain that had been tearing Punica apart vanished in an instant. She looked down at the awkwardly smiling face of her beloved xenosophont, and she knew that the moment was over; they had survived. She let out a long, shuddering ripple in her leaves. For half a dozen seconds, she stood there motionless, just letting her body recalibrate to the fact that she was now safe, her pet- ...her Raqi was safe, and that the situation was no longer urgent. "Um." Raqi slowly tilted her head. "I have kind of a sense for these things, and- you look a bit like you just died."
████/exhausted-drained/
"I think I very nearly did," Punica replied, too exhausted to conceal her emotions.
"Oh dear." Raqi immediately began frowning. She reached out for the nearest available vine and pulled it close, squeezing it comfortingly. It didn't take her long to put two and two together, and realise she had probably maybe being honest definitely just tempted Punica into florting her. This time, it was unequivocally on her for doing this, and she really should have known better than to show up broadcasting 'please turn me into your pet' at an affini. As such, she decided it was on her to fix this. "I'm really sorry. Um, do you need me to stop feeling subby? I can do that-"
██████████████/attempted-reassurance-exhaustion-discomfort/
"No, no, petal- I do not require anything from you. I am quite fine-"
Force, force... Lend me force...
The strength to hold my pieces together,
just for as long as I need to...
Her plant looked up at her. She could feel the nervousness radiating out from her, and she squeezed tighter on the vine. She urged her to answer, to say what she needed to say.
The strength to hold my pieces together,
just for as long as I need to...
█████/concession-discomfort/
"It would help me quite a bit, yes," she finally admitted.
That was all she needed to hear.
Come together, come together, come together...
Every emotion had to go in the right place. It was necessary, and she could do it. She knew how to move them around, how to bend them to her will; just as Straessa had taught her to. Please, please, do as I tell you... She reached out and cupped them in her hands, drawing them closer, urging them to shift and change. Calm. She needed calm, and the strength to stand in the face of what was happening. She needed to be the right person for Punica, and she would twist the very fabric of what she was to achieve that. Please go into the right place.
They did. The last ounces of submission faded away, and her emotions stabilised. She took in a deep, steadying breath; then smiled up at her plant. "Is this better?"
Raqi's emotional state had settled down entirely. There was no discomfort or any other negative emotion to be found in it, aside from a subtle, almost invisible sense of tension buried deep beneath the surface, and instead it radiated confidence and a sense of reassurance.
Punica was shocked by how quickly Raqi had been able to make the change, but she couldn't deny that it was working. Already, she felt Rukhmar's emotions flowing into her through her vine, and she felt herself starting to truly and properly settle down again. "...That is astonishing, Raqi. Yes, I feel much better now, thank you." She paused for a moment, then added: "Is this what you meant yesterday, about your system's skill being with manipulating emotions?" /curiosity/
The girl nodded. "Yeah. Straessa has her sword, I have... this. Rukhmar the Firebird." The way that she referred to what Punica had been sure until just now was an identity as if it were a tool threw the plant for a loop, but before she could ask for clarification, Rukhmar continued. "This is a much better demonstration than the one I pulled off yesterday," she said, suddenly sounding irritated with herself.
Punica frowned. "Whatever do you mean?" /confused/
"Well, like; y'know." Interestingly, as Raqi spoke- more interestingly, she noticed she had gone back to thinking of her as Raqi mid-sentence- Punica could feel the unusual aura about her dissipating; her presence returning to its usual self. The steadfast confidence she had been exuding drained away as if someone had pulled the plug, and her emotions became the usual mixture of mild discomfort and awkwardness that she frequently expressed when speaking about herself. "You summoned me as myself after all that spectacle, and like... I didn't really do anything; except, like, yap about stuff." She was wincing now. "It was a bad demonstration. I- I didn't do it properly, not like I am right now, and because of that, it probably looked stupid."
After the last word exited Raqi's mouth, she suddenly became aware of a new element in Punica's rhythm, one she had never felt before: /disapproval/. The sensation made her wince immediately, a slew of emotions rising up within her own form in response.
"You should not speak of yourself with such disparaging terms, petal." Punica's voice was sterner than Raqi had ever heard it before. "There was nothing 'bad' about your demonstration, and it was most definitely not stupid. I will not have you referring to anything which you do in such terms; least of all something as special as that." /stern-reproaching/
Raqi's brow furrowed. A tightness had formed in her chest at Punica's words, and there was something akin to an itch at the back of her brain. She wasn't quite self-aware enough to realise it, but her plant's response had triggered her PDA, and she now felt compelled to disagree with her. "It was wrong," she muttered in a pouty voice. "I didn't do it right." The two sides of her head were grinding against each-other again, causing agitation and discomfort to creep into her voice. "It didn't convey any of the things that it was supposed to convey! It- it has to be done properly, or else it's stupid, and I end up looking-"
Before Raqi could finish her sentence, she was cut off by the feeling of vines wrapping around her arms and legs. Her eyes widened, and she let out a yelp of surprise, but before she could even try to resist, she was yanked through the air until she was barely more than a foot away from Punica. She instinctively looked up towards the plant's eyes, and a shiver ran down her spine as she saw the look which her affini was giving her.
Punica's eyes shimmered with deep purples and brown-reds. "You are not to speak of yourself in such a derogatory manner. You did an excellent job yesterday, and I will not allow you to diminish your accomplishments." /warning/
It was somewhat ironic that just a few moments ago, Punica had been worried about going too far with the girl, and now here she was threatening to discipline her. Seeing her xeno refer to herself in such a manner had awoken something in Punica, and that something responded with the utmost disapproval to hearing Raqi speak so poorly of herself. For all that she was willing to continue being lenient in her instruction of the girl, this was a behaviour she would not tolerate. There would be no self-deprecation allowed of her for so long as she was Punica's ward.
Raqi, for her part, bared her teeth and grimaced. She really should have known better, but in the moment, she was still too caught up in her own insecurity, and made the same mistake that every other submissive in her position always did in the stories. She opened her mouth and said: "But-"
/Disapproval/ struck her like a physical object, cutting her off before she could speak another word. She shrank backwards into the vines, her defiance disintegrating under the force of foreign emotion-
Vines pressed up under her chin, forcing her gaze back upwards. Two shining rainbow kaleidoscopes looked back down at her, and Raqi instantly found herself captivated by them. Her eyes widened once more, and this time, stayed that way as she was rendered completely unable to look away. Her struggling ceased on the spot, the colours already starting to seep into her consciousness, painting it shades of blue, green, orange, red, and yellow, and more.
"I will brook no disagreement in this matter, Raqi." Punica's tone radiated /Authority/. "You are not - and could never be - stupid or dumb. Foolish or ill-informed, perhaps, in other circumstances; but absolutely not yesterday."
Raqi found herself physically incapable of disagreeing. Her mind couldn't even move in the direction to attempt to find objection in Punica's words, and mid-way through her trying to, a finger started running through her feathers and scattered every ounce of concentration she had left.
"The reason that I placed you in that situation was that I knew you had the strength to stand before me as your true self, even in spite of how afraid you were and how much you were doubting yourself. Perhaps you do not understand how impressive it was that you were able to do that, but I do. And I will not allow anyone to dismiss the accomplishment you made in conquering those emotions; not even you, yourself." /disciplining/
She leaned down, coming closer until the swirling multicoloured orbs of her eyes had taken up Raqi's entire field of vision. "Do you understand?" /prompt-answer-yes/
Raqi's breath hitched. She shifted position ever so slightly, and then spoke in a breathless, captivated voice: "Yes, mistress."
Punica's core lurched. She very nearly dropped Raqi as the tidal wave of satisfaction caused by hearing the sophont refer to her by that title flooded her body, causing her vines to curl in on themselves, and her injectors to fill with xenodrugs once again. It took her a second and a half to pull herself back together, stop her eyes from glowing, and speak the following two words: "Good girl."
Raqi was deposited back on the ground a moment later, looking nearly as red as she had last night, and feeling nearly as melted after the words of praise. When she finally pulled herself together again, her first action was to look timidly up at her plant. The look on her face made it clear that she was waiting to see whether Raqi was going to try and countermand her, now that she was no longer under the influence. Raqi, in turn, quickly looked away in order to indicate that she had no intention of doing so. It didn't matter that she wasn't fully convinced by the argument Punica had made; it just felt so good being deferent to her that, for the time being, she didn't care.
Seeing this, another wave of pride and delight ran through Punica's core. She felt as if she had just seen a glimpse of the future to come, and she liked the shape of it very, very much. However- She mimicked clearing her throat. "We have gotten rather far off track. Raqi." Her xeno immediately turned to look attentively at her, which she also approved of. "You do not look as if you have actually eaten yet today." /observation/
"Uhhh." The xenosophont immediately shrank again. "This is true; I have not yet consumed nutrients."
"Then we ought to do something about that. We can continue our discussion over your meal." /statement/
Raqi nodded. "Okay, sure; that sounds like a good idea. Berry time then." She tilted her head upwards. "Straessa, bowl please."
"Error: User possesses insufficient privileges to operate Chimera module. Please speak to your local system administrator if you believe this is in error."
Raqi blinked. "...Oh shit, right- that affects that too." She slowly pursed her lips. "Ffffuck. Oookay, making breakfast has now become significantly more annoying. Uh, shit, how am I gonna deal with this..."
Punica's vines began swaying faster, and she tapped one of them against the ground to call Raqi's attention back towards her. Once the girl had turned her gaze upon her, she spoke: "Raqi. You remember that I am an affini, yes?"
The girl tilted her head slightly. "Y-yes?"
"If you start complaining to me about not wanting or knowing how to make breakfast, what do you think I am going to do?"
The xeno's expression went blank for a second. "Oh! Right, I forgot you all kink off of feeding people stuff. Okay, uh- I do actually know how to make my own breakfast, though; I was just getting stuck on figuring out how to actually compile utensils without the Chimera module, but I guess you could just make vine ones yes. Either way though, we're still gonna have to go actually get the food though; unless that new form of yours grows sanchum berries."
Punica quirked an eyebrow. "I could make it grow them." /offering/
Raqi stared at her, her cheeks reddening ever so slightly. "...That might be kind of neat."
Her plant smirked. "Something to look into another time, then." She liked the idea of feeding Raqi breakfast grown directly from her own body. "For now, though; come." Without waiting for Raqi's permission, she scooped the xenosophont up and drew her onto her shoulder, eliciting another slight yelp. "Tell me where you store the berries, and I shall fetch them for you." /enthusiastic/
Raqi realised belatedly that even if she was still independent, the dynamic between the two of them had definitely changed.
Book 2
withering away :: The Prism System :: Intoxicants :: Plurality :: please believe me :: Landamaeri Domestication Guide :: Hypnotic Centres :: The Domestication Initiative :: Affini Maturity :: bullying :: Memory Maker :: chronic fatigue syndrome :: Uplifting :: lingo :: optimisation :: Digitisation :: Iterations of the Self :: Conflict :: eat :: Grooming :: Attractivity Conditioning :: the nature of pleasure ::
Book 1
TerraTranslate :: Raqi Marr :: Punica Granatum :: The Affini Compact :: Landamar Mobile Fleet :: Hormone Replacement Therapy :: The Chimera Module :: Affini :: Intersidera :: Posters :: Magnesium :: Wonderland :: The Hundredth Time: Part I :: Communication :: aftermath :: Physical Confrontation :: Garments :: Interspecies Comparisons :: Touch :: Equality :: Hypnokink :: Speaking :: ahftrojn,lpijmnhfkg :: Pretheya :: Magic :: scared :: Materas Marr ::