Dirtside Cantina



A Taste of the Galaxy!

Dirtside Cantina brings you favorite dishes from your first Port of Call, lovingly reinvented with local resources!



Nabooian Five-Blossom Bread…..7.99c

chewy rolls filled with dust honey, seasoned with grated celto

Alderaanian Stew…..6.95c

pickled bira-lizard chunks in a hearty vweilu nut broth

Pijali Mollusk Jerky Strips…..2.85c

vat-grown carnovian eel slices, dried in the Honloo,
rubbed down with nerfsteak seasoning before frying
Special sale price!

Main Courses


Gamorrean Roast Brognig and a side of Dynasian Sugar Peas…..5.99c

Aged gornt steak marinated in spicebrew before slow-roasting for half a day.
Available while daily supplies last!

Gruuvan Shal Kebabs…..4.95c

The most classic of classic Rylothian dishes, ours keeps the fried mynock while improving the freshness with chunks of locally grown Rodian peppers and vaporator mushroom. Spicy enough for a Mando!

Herd Ship's Bounty Salad…..4.85c

In the Ithorian spirit, we have a chopped salad composed from Dynasian Sugar Peas, locally grown Rodian peppers, vaporator mushrooms, matured haquat rinds from last season's enotus harvest, Kambezian cattle flakes, and Zinti nibble-bits. Tossed in a celto-vweilu vinaigrette.

Tapani Monte Vorcristo and a side of Zinti Nibble-Bits…..9.75c

A layered sandwich of sliced gornt alternating with strips of Byss cheese on emulsauce-soaked bread.
The whole thing gets dipped in blue milk custard. We skillet-fry your Vorcristo when you order it, dribble dust honey over it, and serve with Zinti Nibble-Bits.

Vrortic Cocktail with Kambezian Cattle Flakes…..8.99c

Practically the Kashyyyk version of herders' pie, we use a flatbread mash of potted wroshyr leaves and bestrum algae for our "nectar-soaked leaf layers" before baking it overnight. Pair with a bottle of Pine Tea!

Side Orders

Zinti Nibble-Bits…..3.70c
Kambezian Cattle Flakes…..2.60c
Dynasian Sugar Peas with Dust Honey Dip…..4.95c




Spherical caf-infused chocolate cake with creamy blue-milk custard center!

Corellian Ryshcate…..7.95c

That old classic pastry, barabel jelly in a flaky crust with whiskey-cream glaze

Coruscanti Barafuraha…..6.50c

Sweet, icy, and made with the best mintweed from the Xemki Highlands

Ugorian Dricklefruit Pie…..6.99c

Barabel pate filling with haquat sauce for added moisture and bite!


By the Bottle
Altusian Pine Tea…..3.20c
Cardeveran Brown Ale…..1.30c
Mandalorian Fire Juice…..2.99c
Navacon Leafwine…..3.20c
By the Pint
Bantha Blaster…..2.20c
Gamorrean Beer…..1.80c
Osskorn Stout…..1.95c
Taurian Blue Luminade…..4.50c
Vreetan Insta-Drunk…..3.10c
When my boss settled into his exile here in Etmar, I thought for sure we would finally get some variety in our -- admittedly, high-quality! -- weekly grub.
We tried out Dirtside Cantina during the construction of the estate.

Big miscalculation!

For at least the first few years, their carnovian eel was imported cargo. Frozen cargo, I might add. Derma threw the kind of fit that can get even a Hutt shot dead.
On the plus side, this means there's one place I can go for some peace, quiet, and a laughably bad plate of kebabs!
Trenloe, majordomo at the estate of Derma the Hutt
outskirts of Port Etmar

Purpose / Function

This prominent spacer's bar in the Port District of Port Etmar is not the closest cantina to the Port Etmar Docking Bays. It is not the cheapest. It is not on a direct line from the docking pads. It is not next door to the BoSS Office or even in direct line-of-sight from same, but close enough to that nexus of authority to make some deals unwise at this proximity.
It is still the most likely place to find your typical out-of-town visitor of dubious morality -- especially during the hours when most cheap spacer hostels evict all their renters for a droid-managed disinfection.


The entrance to the cantina is at the northwest, where a set of steps in an alley descend from street level to a narrow channel between two basements. Barred windows in the upper reaches of this wall let in what little natural light filters through the small gap between buildings.
Two additional barred windows of similar size are present in the southeast corner, one in the northeastern wall and one in the adjacent southeastern wall. No windows give a clear view of another window or of the main northwest-to-southeast hallway through the public areas. Someone standing within contact range of the southeast corner windows could probably see through the other southeast corner window at an oblique angle, gaining them a fraction of sight of either the next building to the southeast or of the district's primary through-street.
Like many surviving buildings in Port Etmar of the Freedworlds Republic Era, the entire building was constructed first from a recycled laminasteel framework, with plexalloy windows fashioned from wrecked starships' viewports. Floors, exterior walls, interior walls, even door frames and some counters, all were built of especially dense synthcrete rated to withstand minor orbital bombardments. It had to be so constructed, to survive frequent launches of Crimson Nova raiding fleets from the nearby docking bay!
In the cantina, all walls and floor (and the underside of the ceiling) were also sprayed with a layer of foamcast as a combination sonic insulator and water sealant. The walls in the public areas of the cantina were finished in a triple coat of low-gloss material -- ship engineers may recognize quick-dry mynock repellent applied by an experienced sprayer -- in a luxurious-seeming dark brown tint. The gridmarked blue flooring is lit from below by ship lighting recycled off of Ithorian and Kaminoan cargo freighters, as are the outer edges of the stage near the center of the northern wall and the rectangular bar in the center of the cantina.


  • Dirtside Cantina

    Set on a world whose biomes are mostly desert or desert-related, this cantina provides rest for space traveler senses by being decorated in silvery chrome and bright blues.


    That may well be the only comforting detail about the place!


    Map by patreon.com/kidneyboy in 2021 for the low price of three dollars. Used with permission. He offers a free version of the bar map here if you want to see the quality of his work for yourself!

Pub / Tavern / Restaurant
Parent Location
Characters in Location


Author's Notes

Traveler's Aid advisory:

While the menu items may vary with the flow of the piratical economy, one key theme will always be present at this establishment. Each individual selection is somehow, fundamentally in fact,


Order these culinary forgeries with caution -- possibly bordering on trepidation!
- Travelers' Aid Society,
Chalcedon Starport Desk

Please Login in order to comment!
29 Jan, 2022 20:51

I love that you included the menu! That's such a unique idea! I love the description of this place too. Awesome article!

29 Jan, 2022 21:49

Thank you kindly!   I have been finding that if I write a menu for a consumables business, complete with making up item names and descriptions, the little weasel in my brain who is normally Such An Obstacle starts having fun -- which means my brain cooperates with me, making the happy chemicals and so forth.   And since this is not so much the writing partner's thing -- he likes inventing ecologies and whatnot -- I can draw on his inventions to fill my own creativity up without stepping on any hemlines.