Information package regarding the summer interviews for the yearly research funding applications
We are now approaching the summer months and those of you who have passed the first selection round of our yearly funding attribution program will now be looking towards your summer interviews. Preparation for them should be well underway. However, for the inevitable late and disorganised individuals, here is yet another reminder regarding our application procedures.
Summary of the funding application process
Template
Select the right template for the funding you want to apply to—even if the funders demand that we use a hundred different templates for no reason except to make them feel important by taking so much of our time.
Writing
Write up your research proposal. Answer all sections of the application no matter how irrelevant.
Submission deadline: the New Year. No late entry accepted!
Preselection
Round of preselection. The results will be announced by the government in April.
Do not humiliate us by losing at this early stage!
Interview
Every summer, representatives of the government interviews all applicants.
You will have to give a presentation of your project and answer all questions asked by the selection panel.
More interviews
First selection, followed by more interview and selection rounds as you meet people that are more and more important.
You might even meet the
king himself if your research topic is important enough!
Results
Results revealed by the end of August.
You will have just enough time for mad celebrations or drowning of your sorrow so that you can be all fresh and ready to welcome your new
students in September.
How to successfully prepare for your interviews
The interview phase of your application is primordial to decide what amount of funding you will receive—or if you will receive any at all! Remember to put a lot of care in preparing for your presentation and the questions you will be asked afterwards. Anyone who humiliate the guild by showing up unprepared will not be received kindly. Remember your Cs!
Content...
Concise
Do not bore everyone with useless details, get to the point! (But do not skip actually
important explications.)
Conflict
Present a terrible problem that your research is going to miraculously solve!
Citation & Contribution
Cite your source & collaborators. You do not want to create long-lasting enmities!
Conclusion
Do not just trail off awkwardly, tell people what to remember & end with a punch! (A
metaphoric one...)
...and format!
Calm
No stress & not so much excitation that you tire everyone by them just listening to you.
Care
Put care in every single minute details to show the quality of the work you can produce.
Cordial
Manners are primordial! Do not be condescending even if asked inane questions!
Creative
Essential to stand out and highlight important aspects of your work!
And since this inevitably comes up every year, here is
exactly what we mean by "creativity".
Creativity
Good creativity
a presentation that uses storytelling to highlight relevant links between the sections of your presentation rather than a simple list of boring unrelated facts,
drawn schematics or 3D models to help explain relevant mechanisms and plans,
using an unusual but relavant angle to highlight another aspects of your projects or of the potential applications.
Bad creativity
making useless vibe-based collages,
theatrical performances,
anything unworthy of the rune guild and its members and that would humiliate us!
Gift giving tradition
Finally, do not forget our
gift-giving tradition. Everyone better come prepare with enough gifts—falling one short and deadly offend one of your interviewers would seal the end of your carrier!
As parting words, I would like to remind everyone first that the guild will not provide any pity funding or salary for anyone who failed to secure their own, and second that members of the guild are required to present innovative artefacts or publish one research paper every year to maintain their membership. Anyone who fail to do so will be summarily dismissed and no manner of pleading will convince our
Lady Director to show some inexistent mercy.
I've been sent tumbling back into academia. (Except the... um... bribes.)
What, you mean you didn't try to ply your PhD committee with chocolates and cakes for the whole length of your PhD??? ... I swear I totally did not do that and it's not my fault my group took a coffee break every day with the group of one of the guy on my committee, we only ever talked about work I swear XD
Hahahahahaa.