Session 92

Orrery Big Problem

General Summary

  • Each party member did their own routine shopping on their first full day in Ashport.
    • Dazki got a much-needed shave and haircut.
    • Grogery and Dwardazik learned that Tilda and Wendi have left Ashport to deal with some of Wendi's issues, so they found someone else to repair Grogery's holy symbol.
    • Kesmet had a strange encounter with a potion seller. He's pretty sure that he asked for 20 common healing potions, and Dazki is pretty sure that that's what he got.
  • They regrouped at the Horseshoe Road Inn, where Dazki revealed some of the information that he learned from the last chapter of The Book of the Mirage:
    • It mentioned a powerful entity called "Mirage Prime" who seems to be some kind of Turmoil-related deity of sorts.
    • This entity lends out some of its power to certain individuals in the material plane.
    • Baxton was actively trying to find a way to banish Prime out from the material plane.
    • Baxton ("M") and the others all have single-letter monikers, each one a letter of "MIRAGE". Vicra ("R") and "E" were the only ones who might join Baxton's mutiny. "A" was actively working on the opposite of that, "G" is somehow a lost cause, and he couldn't communicate with "I" (though he thinks that her goals might align with his).
    • Dazki thought that Baxton knew of the Red Desert, given his use of relevant metaphors, but Baxton insists that he does not (according to Grogery).
  • The next day, they went to the Undermart to respond to The Queen of Hearts's call, and also to get more information from Alfalfa. They started with Alfalfa.
    • Alfalfa has never heard of any individual named Barra'leth Kuuda, and she would definitely remember someone with such a crazy name.
    • Tilda and Wendi have indeed gone south: "somewhere peaceful", "probably the woods": "a lot of of mineral deposits have been showing up down there".
  • Alfalfa kept getting distracted by the Queen and Ten over at the bar. When the party pried into that, she revealed that some pieces of an ancient artifact (she called it the "Orrery") have been stolen as part of a feud between the House of Cards and The Hounds Guild.
    • Alfalfa had touched one of the pieces and has had some strange visions ever since.
    • In one of them she sees Marvin's father, "Marshall", who (she claims) is not a farmer, but a cosmonaut (a term which, here, means "one who travels the cosmos").
    • In another vision, she sees five figures silhouetted by blinding light; she believes them to be connected to Marshall, which is secretly why she's been sending Marvin off to join various parties: she's been wanting him to find these "Warriors in Light".
    • She had hoped that the mandolin would help her keep an eye on Marvin from afar — since it was owned by Baxton, and that was something he could do — but it didn't work that way. She gave it to Marvin anyway.
    • Recently, certain elements of Alfalfa's information have been conflicting with information that the House of Cards has, which has caused them to be suspicious that she might be the mole that led the Hounds Guild to their pieces of the Orrery, so Alfalfa needs the party to help find the real mole (assuming that it's not her).
    • She claims that she's frustrated that the party didn't go east — to Rotthaven in the Sundered Swamp — to deal with Dennis, since that's where she told them he was last time, and it would have cleared up this whole mess.
    • The party remembers it differently: she had actually told them that Dennis was far away in the west — on an island in the Waterscar — and that they would need to cause enough havoc for his Guild in Exignis in order to lure him over. However, Alfalfa is being entirely sincere that she remembers saying what she claims to have said — and remembers it the same even after paying 100gp for a greater restoration.
  • She had a few other pieces of other (reliable) information after that big drop:
    • Annu is actually an Archlich: Jim told Marvin himself. This actually makes his story even more confusing, because a being that powerful shouldn't have been able to get captured and bound by a small strike force like he was 200 years ago.
    • Information about Annu is extremely hard to come by (which is another part of why she wanted Marvin to go with the party — they're close to Annu, might be able to get more info), but it seems like Annu was locked up by Hestia before The Serpent War started, and working for the government after Scaldor ended the war.
  • They moved on to talk to the Queen of Hearts.
    • She thinks the actual mole is someone closer to her father than to her, but she's still worried that Alfalfa might have leaked information to that mole.
    • She wants the party to go to the casino and use Kesmet to sniff out the actual mole.

Full Recap

Grogery cast Word of Recall, designating the Cathedral of Light as his sanctuary, and then the party went on their way. They then discussed some of the minutiae of how to set up their house. The details are not recorded here, because this recap is not the source of truth for those details.

Solo Projects

The party then proceeded to do chores about town, mostly shopping.
Dazki, having recently aged 20 years, also stopped for a much-needed shave and haircut.
Grogery buys a pony keg of ale for Dwardazik, as promised.
Grogery: I do need to visit Tilda, to get my holy symbol fixed. And we should probably check on Wendi.   Dwardazik: Ugh, Wendi. She'd better not be up to no good. ...you know what? I don't even want to know.   Grogery: Wendi was probably in a very similar position as us, you know, with Turmoil stuff happening to her.   Dazki: Speaking of which, we need to talk about some stuff tonight. I finished the book that Baxton wrote, and it had a lot of information at the end that would be useful for us. I had to take some time to think about it and figure out what's what. Useful stuff.   Dwardazik: Hmm.   Grogery: OK.   Dwardazik: It would be good to be caught up. A couple of different brains thinkin' about it, we might notice something for the next guy.   Dazki: Oddly enough, it even mentions the initials of people who might be potential quasi-allies.   Marvin: How so?   Grogery: When you say "quasi-allies", do you mean people who might help us, or others in this whole Turmoil... extension... circle.   Dazki: People in this circle that want Turmoil to be locked out of this plane.   Dwardazik: Good to know.   Dazki: But we can discuss it more tonight, back where we're a little more private.   Dwardazik: Agreed.
Dwardazik managed to sell the reagents that were recovered from the Beholder; the rest of the party agreed that he and Marvin should split the proceeds.
Dwardazik: Hmm. That's mighty kind of you. More than likely, there's not too many more things that I need, outside of more magical gear and anything else that'll keep me alive.   Dazki: Maybe a bow?   Dwardazik: Heh. "Maybe a bow". I don't know if I'm gonna take that whole elf approach, but I do have to admit, it was nicer not having to reload so slowly. Hmm... let me think on that one.
Dwardazik: As I have a bit of a goal to get back into the merchant business, I have requested some clothing that may rival your own pretty little "outfits", Dazki.   Dazki: Well, good.   Dwardazik: So maybe we can get some "things" mobilizing, here. This is a trade town, after all.   Dazki: Yeah, well, we'll have to see what we can get — and where our priorities end up lying.
Dazki: You guys can go on to see Wendi and Tilda. I've got to do some shopping of my own, and then get my hair cut and all that. We've been on the road for a couple of weeks, I'm sure I look like a mess.   Narrator: He didn't.   Dwardazik: Honestly, you look more dwarven than you ever have before!   Dazki: I'll take that as a compliment, Dwardazik.   Dwardazik: Hmmph. You should keep the beard.   Grogery: You know, goblins don't really grow facial hair. Hmm.   Dazki: Yeah, I've never seen a goblin with any kind of facial hair, now that I think about it.   Grogery: It seems that, when you have the resources to adopt proper cleanliness habits and nutrition, then you can actually grow decent hair on the head. But no facial hair. Hmm.   Dwardazik: We can always buy you one of those fake beards, if you really want one.   Grogery: No, no, it would just present more questions.   Dwardazik: We could always get that Hat of Disguise. Nothing like using an advanced magical item to fake a beard!   Grogery: Uh... I'll be fine. I feel like I have just as many questions coming at me from the "you're a goblin with hair" angle.   Dwardazik, pointing to Dazki and Grogery: Look. I don't know what your guys' priorities are. But as long as it involves getting a beard, having a beard, or maintaining a beard, then I'm going to be supportive, OK?!   Dazki: Right now, it involves removing the... the scruff.   Dwardazik: You're dead to me.   Grogery: No, Dwardazik, elves don't grow naturally strong beards, so they have to upkeep it in order to make it look presentable.   Dwardazik: Don't take it so seriously.   Grogery: Maybe I should get a haircut too. I've always kinda had to cut my own...   Dwardazik: Perhaps it would be better if we don't speak about such matters so close to The Spire of Beasts.
Grogery: We can visit individual people in the following days, but let's just take today to get our normal, boring shopping done. ...I would like us to go visit Tilda and Wendi today, though. I do need to get my holy symbol repaired...   Dwardazik: Oh, absolutely!   Grogery: I was also going to try to buy some actual weapon and armor stands. I didn't see any in our basic furniture packs. I don't know about you, but my armor will probably do better if it's not thrown into a pile every single night.   Dwardazik: I... couldn't agree more. Surprised I didn't think about that — normally I just don't take the damn thing off. Except at night, of course.   Grogery: Yeah, Dazki woke up to you trying to take a piece off, and almost dying in the process.   Dwardazik: Hey, we all make mistakes! That was cursed armor, anyway, how was I supposed to know it was gonna poison me to death?! Rrgh... that entire place was nothing but cursed garbage. All right, let's go see Tilda!

Did the Hammer Fall?

Tilda and Wendi are not here. The blacksmith shop has a "closed" sign. A dwarf from the bar across the street, The Broken Drum, notices your interest and tells you what's going on.
Dwardazik: What's goin' on? Should be open!   Other Dwarf: Bah, Tilda thinks Wendi needs a break from all this "negative influence", so they've left town. Out of this chaotic port city. For now.   Dwardazik: What about the store?!   Other Dwarf: There's plenty of other blacksmiths for now.   Dwardazik: What about the building itself?   Other Dwarf: ...they'll be back.   Grogery: Is this a short-term thing? A few days? Is it, "they've been gone for two weeks and... who knows"?   Other Dwarf: Listen, man! We don't sit here and pry into each other's business all the time, all right?   Dwardazik: You tellin' me you don't know what's goin' on with Tilda, when she's over in this bar every single afternoon?!   Other Dwarf: She and her sister. Goin' to someplace more peaceful, for now. Somewhere down south. And, you know, once that sister of hers gets the sense kicked into her, maybe they'll be back. Or, maybe she'll give up on that little twerp, and then everything'll be fine!   Dwardazik: Hmm... thanks, lad. Let me buy you a round!
Dwardazik and Grogery look for another blacksmith who can do the repair, arriving at one who specializes in jewelry.
Dwardazik: So, how's business been, eh? The name's Dwardazik Stoneturner Boulderhearth, merchant and gem extraordinaire. Pleasure to meet ya! I see you've got quite a few fine works, here. My companion over here, his holy symbol is in need of repair. I'm looking at doing some business in town, and I really like some of your work.   Jeweler: Eh? You gotta speak up, lad!   Dwardazik: You mind fixing up this holy symbol?   Jeweler: Huh?   Dwardazik, banging on the table: Now, listen here! Pay attention, old-timer! Can you repair this holy symbol or not?   Jeweler: I can repair whatever it is! This is a jeweler's!   Dwardazik: ...right. So, how much?   Jeweler, after examining it: 3 gold!
Dwardazik and Grogery look at each other. Grogery seems to think that it's a decent price, since it would still cost more to buy one new, but (Insight: 22) Dwardazik gets the feeling that the merchant really just wants them to go away, so he quoted an outrageously high price. He gives the jeweler a stern look, and turns to Grogery.
Dwardazik: This guy's trying to rip us off. Seems like an asshole.   Grogery: Want to try going somewhere else?   Dwardazik: It's your call. Frankly, I didn't think his stuff looked that nice, anyway.   Grogery: I did have some gems to sell, but we can go somewhere else.   Dwardazik, talking loudly so that the old-timer can hear: I think we'll find another place that's a bit more reasonable with their extortion.   Jeweler: Eh, suit yourself.
They leave, and eventually find another blacksmith who can repair it, for 5 silver.
Kesmet, needing to restock his supply of health potions, is hauling around quite a lot of gold. He looks nervous. As he enters the bazaar, he sees a familiar face...
Knife Merchant, locking eyes with Kesmet: Ah, it's my favorite customer! I've changed your mind, haven't I! I've got so many extra knives that you haven't even considered, my son! You haven't even considered!   Kesmet: You know what? You're right! I'll be right back to purchase your finest knife, as soon as I do the necessary shopping. You know, groceries and shit.   Knife Merchant: No-no-no, you don't see! You're unsafe without the proper knives for a proper defense! Or proper offense — you know, the best offense is a good offense, you know what I'm saying? I've got all the knives you can need! Sharp knives, pointy knives, CURVED KNIVES!   Kesmet draws a silver dagger as he smiles and makes eye contact with the merchant (Intimidation 21).   Merchant: Oh, uh, that's a nice knife! All right, you have a fine day, son!   Kesmet: Bye.
The knife merchant scoops his wares into an unmarked sack as Kesmet finds his way into an alchemist's shop called "Victorious's Secret", where he strikes up a highly suspicious conversation with the shopkeep, in hushed tones, as if doing something irreputable — even, perhaps, illegal.
Kesmet: Hey, uh, my man. I gotta talk to you.   Victorious, meeting his tone: I mean, I'm a lady, but I'm still open to talk.   Kesmet: I need to talk to you real quick, come over here.   Victorious, meeting his tone: What's up?   Kesmet: So. I'm gonna need... twenty common health potions.   Victorious: ...that's a lot of health potions. You got a get-together goin' on? 'cause, you know, we do catering.   Kesmet: No, I'm just here for... takeout. If you know what I mean.   Victorious: ...that's a lot of guys to take out.   Kesmet: What?   Victorious: What?   Kesmet: Health potions. For... fixing things. Not taking out.   Victorious: Oh — so, like, actual health potions.   Kesmet: Yes, actual health potions — what the hell were you about to sell me?!   Victorious: ...fake health potions. For taking people out.   Kesmet: No! No, OK. Real health potions. No code talk or anything. Just real, regular health potions.   Victorious: So, like, the regular ones.   Kesmet: Yes. The regular ones.   Victorious: Well, that's not gonna take out anybody. Are you sure you're OK with that?   Kesmet: I am sure! This isn't for taking people out.   Kesmet: What is wrong with people in this city?!   Victorious: OK, I think I can do that.   Kesmet: To be clear, I am not speaking in code. I just want twenty regular health potions.   Victorious: You said eighteen before? Is that eighteen regular and two "special"?   Kesmet: No. Just twenty regular. No "special".   Victorious: Riiiiight. I gotcha.
Victorious leaves and comes back with a crate full of sawdust and several health potions inside. Probably.
Kesmet: So, the whole crate? Or do you want me to pick them out?   Victorious: How else are you going to hold twenty normal, everyday health potions?   (Insight 6) Victorious seems quite confident that the contents of this crate are exactly what Kesmet is looking for.   Kesmet: So the price is the standard rate?   Victorious: Yeah, yeah... plus tips for the barista, right?   Kesmet: Seriously do not sell me poison.   Victorious: Oh, I'm not selling you poison!   Kesmet: These are regular health potions, right?   Victorious: Regular, everyday health potions.
Kesmet looks at her suspiciously, then looks around a little to make sure nobody else is watching, then places 1000 gold on the counter for the health potions. Victorious matches his suspicious movements and quickly does the exchange, taking the gold and shoving the crate of health potions across the counter in one motion.
Victorious: Please do tell more people about the services rendered here. We do, so, like parties. We cater, you know!   Kesmet: OK. And here, for your troubles. (He slides an extra 1 gold her way.)   Victorious: Yeah. For "my troubles". You stay safe, now.
Kesmet takes the box of health potions (probably) and leaves to rendezvous with the rest of the party. When he sees Dazki, he pulls the elf aside.
Dazki: Yeah, what's up?   Kesmet: I resupplied a bunch of health potions at this slightly suspicious place that, I think, also sold some strange party favors? I'm not sure if they misunderstood me — because I was buying so much in bulk — can you double-check the health potions? They seem OK to me, but I'd really like a second opinion. Because the woman who sold me the stuff was acting very weirdly.   Dazki: Yeah, sure. I don't have alchemist's tools, and I'm not really good with them, but I can at least give it a sniff and see what I can tell.   Kesmet: You're, like, the second-smartest person I know. So, just, anything.   Dazki: Sure.
(Arcana 23) Dazki has seen many a health potion. These are twenty more of them. There is a slight smell of perfume or flowers. They might also be meant to be aphrodisiacs... or so the herbalists would claim (they're not actually aphrodisiacs).
Kesmet: So, are they, like, poison or something?   Dazki: No, no, they're perfumed healing potions. With a couple of extra ingredients that are meant to, uh, "enhance the evening".   Kesmet: So, boner potions.   Dazki: But they do heal.   Kesmet: Well, at least they do that. The way the lady was talking, it sounded like she was trying to sell me, like, something to assassinate somebody. And I had to specify, "No, I don't want to poison anybody. Just, like, regular healing potions.".   Dazki: Well, if it was a shady alchemist, then they probably do sell poison as well.   Kesmet: I mean, they can sell all the poison they want, I just didn't want there to be miscommunication with me. Why is it that people get suspicious of you and think you're up to no good, just because you're buying 1000 gold worth of healing potions?!?!   Dazki: That is... a lot of money to just drop on something like that.   Kesmet: Yes. I bought nearly as many, and we ran out in our last escapade. I don't remember what we did, but I'm all out of 'em, so I assume everybody drank 'em.   Dazki: Yeah, I'm not saying it's a bad purchase. I'm just saying, bulk purchases by individuals, typically, are not normal.   Kesmet: OK. So long as they're regular health potions. That's all I wanted to know.   Dazki: Yep. They will heal, just like any non-perfumed healing potion.

Regroup

The party regroups at the Horseshoe Road Inn.
Dazki: All right. So, this seems as good a place as any to go over some of the information that I got from the journal.   Dwardazik: ...at the tavern?!   Dazki: Who's going to be listening to us here?   Dwardazik: ...OK.   (They look over at the bar. Orson waves at them, and then goes back to cleaning a glass.)   Dazki: So, everyone got what they needed while shopping?   Dwardazik: Yes. All good so far.   Dazki: Marvin, what about you?   Marvin: Oh yeah, I went through town and took care of stuff. Figured I'd entertain the public before you guys got here.   Dazki: Good. So. Last chapter is much more chaotic than the rest of the book. Clearly written by "our friend" himself. It talks a little bit about this creature they have called "Mirage Prime".   Grogery: Spooky.   Dazki: Yeah.   Dwardazik: That's kind of weird... "prime" usually means the first of something, right?   Dazki: Yeah, he said it is perhaps a final form of some kind of Turmoil entity that could be considered a deity. People pray to things like Pelor for power, well, they pray to this Mirage Prime for power as well. It certainly seemed able and willing to lend out its power to physical bodies in this plane. It looks like Baxton and at least one of the other people were focused on allowing it to rule from outside of the material plane. So, finding a way to shunt it into another plane, where it might still be able to affect this one, but wouldn't be here directly — it would have to work through intermediaries. Sounds like someone has already gone through some research in finding other "accommodations" for this creature, a "Mr. E".   Dwardazik: "Mr. E"? That isn't any of the same monikers from that clan outside the wall, was it?   Dazki: Not that I know of, but there are also others that seem to be into allowing this creature to do what it wants. There's one that seems to be, as Baxton says, actively working towards the alteration of the material plane as well as the other fundamental forces. So, whoever "A" is, they're going to be a problem. I believe we have taken care of "Dr. R" — based on the notes, I think this was Lammergeyer's moniker. Then there is "I", who he was not able to get into communication with (seems to be much more into gaining power instead of being subservient to this entity). And "G", who seems unable to be of use, or make any effective decisions, given how affected she has been.   Marvin: Any reason why it's "M" and "R", like that?   Dazki: It spells out "MIRAGE".   Grogery: Because of course it does...   Marvin: Man, these guys think they're really clever, don't they!   Dazki: The reason why I think "R" is Vicra is because his notes about "R" said that R is deep into research, had some interest in the elimination of Mirage Prime, but not until his research was complete. That one seems to most accurately coincide with Dr. Lammergeyer's interests.   Kesmet: Also, he has lots of "R"s in his name.   Dazki: ...that, too. What does our friend have to say about this, Grogery?   Grogery: Baxton doesn't really feel like he wants to contribute.   Dazki: All right. That's fine, I'm sure I need to have a conversation with him sometime soon. Need to sit and think about this for a little bit longer, though.   Grogery: So, there's four others. "E" is the one who wanted to make a form for Mirage Prime to be able to exist in this world?   Dazki: No, that was "A". "E" wants to keep Mirage Prime out of this plane.   Dwardazik: So, "E" seems... useful?   Dazki: Potentially, yes.   Grogery: "A" wanted to make a form for Mirage Prime —   Dazki: "A" wants to alter the material plane so that Mirage Prime can exist here.   Grogery: "I" is not in contact.   Dazki: Yep. Might be able to be convinced, according to Baxton's notes here. "G" has... gone mad, maybe? Also, Baxton knows about the Red Desert.   Grogery: He did make that one remark that one time, about how someone traversing the desert is more likely to believe in the Mirage as some sort of escape, or whatever, rather than accept that there's a chance that there's no way out.   Dazki: Yeah.   Grogery: And "G" wanted to... make the body...?   Dazki: No, "G" is so lost that they're unable to be of use to the cause, but unable to make a decision. None of them want to create a body.   Grogery: OK, that's why I was confused. So, "A" just wants to allow Mirage Prime to enter the world, by whatever means necessary, even if that means changing the rules of reality?   Dazki: Yes, that seems like their active goal. To change the rules of reality so that this creature can come here.   Grogery: Oh, Baxton is pretending like he doesn't know about the Red Desert.   Dazki: OK.   Dwardazik: So, he does know? Is he faking it, or does he really not know?   Grogery: Either he's faking it, or he truly doesn't know.   Dazki: Based on what's written here, I think he has some idea. "What of a hopeless traveler lost in a mundane and repetitive desert?".   Grogery: Yeah...   Dwardazik: So do we have any idea what that place is? I've heard the stories of being sent to another plane by a god, or whatever, but... how can it just happen like that? Just "poof"? Then we're just... there, and then we're just... not?   Dazki: Whatever it is, it's the home plane of where Mirage Prime lives.   Dwardazik: Then what's triggering it?   Dazki: That other creature that is trying to get us to help. Or, who knows? It might be part of Mirage Prime itself.   Dwardazik: You're talking about that big serpent-looking thing?   Grogery: ...I think Baxton actually doesn't know!   Dazki: The thing with all of the voices.   Grogery: It occurs to me that Baxton didn't witness anything that happened when we were in the Red Desert.   Dazki: OK. Well, if he really doesn't know, then there is a lot of coincidence written in this chapter. Though, I suppose, "Mirage" and "Desert", using similar language wouldn't be too unusual. Also, let him know that I did read the note that he left at the end for me.   Dwardazik: So what do you think the voices are, then?   Dazki: I have no idea.   Dwardazik: So that creature. The black creature, in the desert. Do we think that that might be Prime? And, if so, do we think that maybe the voices are a rival deity?   Dazki: Some type of rival from the same plane, I imagine. Certainly with the power to take us there and send us back.   Dwardazik: But why us? If they're so powerful, then why do they need us? It's like they need us to carry the weapons and do damage? Why take something from another plane to then affect something in that plane? Seems weird to me.   Dazki: I don't know. Maybe if we find our way there again, we can ask.   Dwardazik: And probably get f̰̽o̰̚ü̳r̼̉d̨i̙f̧f̪e̞r̳ȩn͇t̠a͌n̎s̑w͂e͌r̿s̊ at the same time...   Dazki: Four answers is better than zero answers.   Dwardazik: Maybe. Who knows, maybe after I take a sip from this cup, I might — (He starts to, but then decides against it.) — eh, I'd rather not tempt fate.   Dazki: Fair. But yeah, that's a lot of the information that came from the final chapter of the book.   Dwardazik: Grogery, would you mind placing Baxton's ring on the table?   Grogery: Sure. (He does.)   Dwardazik: So, if I recall the map correctly, do we think we can associate any of these letters with one of these territories?   Dazki: No. We have no reason to associate any of them with anything.   Dwardazik: But maybe that gives us something? We have a location and an initial. We apparently have a personality. Using that information — and, you know, Dazki's ability to gather information — maybe we can narrow down something? Any rumors of a crazy person gone mad?   Dazki: Well, we do know some rather well-connected people who might have some information. I can certainly schmooze and see what I can find.   Dwardazik: I'm sure you're not talking about our little gang of heroes over there...   Dazki: No, I was referring to the House of Cards and the other main Houses of the city.   Grogery: We could also cross-reference this against some maps. See if there are any major cities, places of importance, near any of these dots. If we find that there's a city nearby, then we can look for news on that place in particular, without actually tipping anybody off.   Dwardazik: So we don't have any leads, huh?   Dazki: We have leads, just vague ones.   Grogery: It sounds like we definitely want to stop "A" here, but it might be useful to seek out "E", to get any additional help. And if we end up blundering our way into "I" or "G", then we can take action as appropriate.   Kesmet: So, which one of these guys is Dennis?   Grogery: I don't think any of them are.   Dwardazik: I don't remember a "D" in "Mirage"...   Kesmet: Yeah, but "Lammergeyer" starts with an "L", and he got "R".   Grogery: In that case, "Dennis" is both an "E" and an "I"...   Kesmet: So, he's the "I", then.   Dwardazik: He might be.   Grogery: So this island... dark, and offshore from the Yellow territory... that's the island that Dennis was on, right?   Dwardazik: Yeah, that was it. An island in the Waterscar.   Grogery: It might be worth going for one that's closer, so that we don't have to worry about running across unexpected combatants.   Dwardazik: Well, we already discussed that we wanted to take the river route?   Dazki: Sure, but the plan can change, based on what our research here in the city turns up.   Dwardazik: Not dismissing it — if we find better leads, then sure. But we do have a general idea.   Dazki: Yup. We probably want to see if we can get someone to sponsor the trip there. Long boat trips up the river wouldn't be cheap.   Dwardazik: Why don't we act as guards for a merchant caravan? You know, I originally came to Ashport to be a merchant, right? Obviously, I've done just about everything else but that. So, if you're talking about moving goods from one location to another, a ship's the clear way to do that. Even if I'm not getting any of the money from it, at least being a guard on the ship pays something.   Kesmet: You know, I also came to the city for something entirely different from what we're been doing: to recruit people into a circus. And, actually, I've sorta done that — except, I haven't recruited them, they just sorta gathered on their own. ...what the hell are we doing...   Grogery: I mean, I've already done what I came here for.   Kesmet: Yeah, no need to brag, Grogery...   Grogery: Wasn't nearly the way I envisioned it, but...   Kesmet: Yeah. It was probably way cooler!   Grogery: It was kind of way cooler...   Dwardazik: We're caught up in a web. And the only thing that keeps me going — (He holds up his cup of ale) — is this. (He drinks the rest of it and orders another. When Orson comes around with it, Dwardazik stops him.) Hey, Orson, have there been any rumors while we've been away? Anything interesting? (He puts a couple of coppers on the table.)   Orson: There you go again, thinkin' that people talk to bartenders and tell 'em cool stories! Gosh, I wish people would tell me cool stories, but it just doesn't happen! Oh, there was a new horse race, though. Wanna hear about that?   Dwardazik: Maybe some other time. But has anyone interesting come by? Instead of talkin' about 'em, has anyone actually been here? Interesting travelers? News around the city? Maybe not from the locals...   Orson: I mean, you guys are the talk of the town! Who knew I was serving up celebrities?   Dwardazik: Oh, we're celebrities, are we? What are they sayin' about us?   Kesmet: Might I guess, "felons"?   Orson: Well, nobody really... all right. How good are you guys at takin' bad news?   Dwardazik: We're fine.   Dazki: Trust me, the news you give us can't be any worse than some of the other stuff we've heard recently.   Orson: A lot of fellas are gettin' real worried with you guys around. Trouble just seems to follow you around wherever, and I mean... trouble gets people killed, or hurt, or fired.   Kesmet: How is this news?   Dwardazik: What kind of trouble, and who are these people? Just... people? Just an overall sense of unease?   Orson: It's what I'm hearin' when I'm not bartending.   Dwardazik: Are they talking about a ragtag group of people, or are they calling us by name?   Orson: Well, I mean, you guys, and, the stories — and, *whew*, they've got to be stories, let me tell ya — they're just so ridiculous! If I thought even, like ten percent of that was true, then I'd be worried stuff was gonna burn down my place, or mercenaries were gonna kick in my door, or a bunch of goblins or gnolls were gonna take over...   Dazki: Well, what's some of the stuff you've heard?   Orson: Ooooh boy. You were, like, fightin' guards, you were on the run, there were wanted posters, then you were exonerated, and you were working with the government... (really hard to figure out what side you guys were on)... and there was that fireball in the alleyway thing, and there was another fireball in the Spire, and there was a third fireball just down the road there — and that's a lot of fire comin' from just one group —, and then all the people that had money, they're kinda mad at you (but they're not mad at you) (but they're statues), and it's just all real confusing, and I think people would just like to live their lives instead of being near you.   Dazki: Yeah, that sounds appropriate. A lot of that stuff is at least based in some truth.   Dwardazik takes the coppers back... and replaces them with a gold coin.   Grogery: Bad news tends to spread faster than good news. Maybe eventually some of the good stuff we've done... maybe more people will hear about that sort of thing?   Dazki: That is, indeed, very optimistic.   Orson: I'm just sayin', I'm glad I met you before you did all that crazy stuff people are talkin' about! If I met you when you were crazy assassin / performer / government employee / criminals —   Kesmet: Now hang on. We haven't changed all that much. Just other people's perception of us. We've always been normal, we just had a string of bad luck, and some people are just not seein' us in the best light! That's all it is! We're fine, though. We're good folks.   Orson: I'm just sayin', first impressions, they're the most important impressions. You don't buy a horse without checkin' out the goods, you know? You gotta check it all over! Nobody's gonna buy a horse that's gonna kick you to death, you know?   Grogery: Yeah, but you don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth.   Orson: I don't see how that's relevant to our conversation. I like it, though — I might start using that elsewhere!   Grogery: No one bought us, we just arrived on circumstance. I don't want to sound too proud by calling us a gift to the city or anything, but...   Kesmet: Oh, we are not a gift...   Dwardazik: I dunno, I feel like I've done a lot of good for this city!   Kesmet: More like a minor plague. I mean, we tried to help, but we did blow up a lot of stuff...   Orson: I'm just sayin', a good ol' storm is good for the crops, but it's no good for the farmer, let me tell you! He stays indoors when there's a storm a-comin'. And I think a lot of these people think you're a storm!   Kesmet: Oh, I thought we were the crops. I need to get better at metaphors.   Dazki: We're much more like the wildfire.   Dwardazik: I thought we were the lightning?   Dazki: Anyway, so thank you. We do appreciate hearing what other people have said about us.   Orson: Well, I'm not sayin' any of that stuff. It's not a bartender's job to be spreadin' stories around.   Dazki: Of course not! Your job is to give people drinks and a nice place to consume them.   Dwardazik: Double me up! I'm gonna have another ale, on top of this one!   Orson: You got it, comin' right up! (He chuckles) Now, don't you go throwin' fireballs in my bar while I'm pourin' this one!
Grogery confirms that they're done with secret discussions and picks Baxton's ring back up.
Dazki: So it sounds like we have a lot of research to do and a lot of people to talk to with regards to this stuff. We should also go and see what the information broker knows about Barra'leth Kuuda.   Grogery: Oh. Yeah.   Dazki: But that can be a job for the morning.   Dwardazik: We should probably try to resolve that, if we're going to be gathering information that's 100% right. My intention is to check out some of the trade centers, maybe a trade guild, and how the merchants are going. See the flow of goods, how they're going upriver or not, and see if any of the destinations we're thinkin' about going have already-established trade routes. Just make contact with that. Shotgun spread out over the map.   Dazki: Sounds reasonable. I plan on going to talk to some people at the House of Cards, the House of Crystal, and the House of Gold.   Dwardazik: Ugh, a bunch of nobles. Navigating that's worse than navigating the darkest tunnels.   Dazki: Well, that's why it's always good to have a friend go with you, Dwardazik! Thank you for volunteering!   Dwardazik: I'll make sure I wear my new clothes, but don't expect me to suck up to... eh, frankly, I'd rather not get killed. (Sigh) Dealing with nobility...   Grogery: You've always gotta cater to the people with the most gold to spend, right?   Dwardazik: That is true.
The party returns home for the night, planning to hit the Undermart the next morning and then the House of Crystal to check in on how things are going with Baxton's victims. Dazki makes sure that the funds for the house are properly stored, putting the Silver Dragon Hoard Guardian Lock 2700 on the chest and giving Rosalin the key. He also makes it clear to Rosalin that she's going to be the overseer of the house, so she doesn't have to pick up after them if she doesn't want to (she can hire a maid, gardeners, etc.).
Dwardazik: So, Dazki, what are you doing with all your excess wealth? Are you storing it somewhere? Because I'm a little afraid that... you know, you have a group of thieves, and our house was just walked into. You got, like, a bank or somethin'?   Dazki: I've just been keeping it on me, and in my footlocker. But I'm sure there's probably a bank somewhere around here that you can put it in.   Dwardazik: Hmm. All right.   Dazki: I guess I've always just... you know, my family tended to have a vault where we kept most of our funds.   Dwardazik: Most of the time, if anything valuable was traveling outside the clan, it was escorted by a group of guards.   Dazki: Yep.   Dwardazik: Hmm...   Dazki: But I think between the lockboxes, and the locks we have here — as well as, potentially, hiring some guards to occasionally check in — we should be fine.   Dwardazik: All right.   Dazki: If you're really that worried about it, we can preemptively pay protection money to the House of Cards.   Dwardazik: Well, you're the one most familiar with it. Is that what we should do? I don't want to be extorted.   Dazki: We certainly shouldn't start off by doing that. Besides, we're on good terms with them, so they're probably not going to have any jobs lined up that involve stealing from us.   Dwardazik: Well, let's hope.   Dazki: There's no reason to be suspicious. Honor among thieves, and all!   Dwardazik: I hope that's true. I'm only familiar with honor among the clan.   Kesmet: I thought the adage was "There is no honor among thieves"...?   Dazki: "Is", "Isn't", it's all the same.   Kesmet: That sounds like some bullshit that I would say! ...is our stuff safe, or not?   Dazki: I have no reason to think it is unsafe. It should be fine.   Kesmet: ...all right...   Dazki: Oh, I've been meaning to ask, how much did you get for those Beholder eyes?   Dwardazik: In total, I was able to get 2500 gold. I can split that with Marvin, that brings us to 1250 gold each. I've already contributed 300 of that to the house fund. Now, the main thing I'm concerned about is traveling around with so much gold. Gold is useful, but it also has to be... used. For something. So I'd rather it not be stolen. A merchant holding onto money is nothing but a liability. So I'm just not sure what to do with it at the moment, but it's nice to have some capital in case we need to do something like charter (or even potentially buy and crew) a ship.   (Marvin also contributes 300 gold to the house fund.)   Dazki: Trade bars?   Dwardazik: That's very possible. I've got to look into all these things. Like I said, I've been too busy adventuring to actually read the logs from the trade guild.   Dazki: Trade bars would be my suggestion.   Dwardazik: Probably for the best. And when we go to the Undermart, should we dress lavishly or like rogues?   Dazki: Unless we're going to stop here after, we can wear our fineries. It should be OK. Keep an eye on your coin purse, but the rule is that there's no stealing in the Undermart. So while you're there, you should be safe.
They settle on these goals for the next day:
  • Find information about the areas on the map.
  • Find information about Annu's past (or where they can get that information).
  • How has the healing been going for people affected by Baxton's thing?
  • Try to figure out how to get attached to a caravan going upriver.
  • Find information about Barra'leth.

Next Day: Undermart

Dwardazik takes a bath (with soap!!), and then makes breakfast for everyone. Dazki reminds them of the rules of the Undermart:
Dazki: Don't start a fight. If someone else starts it, you can finish it, but don't throw the first punch.   Dwardazik: Oh, if someone throws a punch, let me join in! (He clangs his fists together, empowered by his new Insignia of Claws.)   Grogery: Marvin should get a drink from Deuce.   Dazki: So, let's make our way to the information broker.   Kesmet: Wait, was that the one that requires us to stand on her desk to deal with her? Or to speak in riddles, or something?   Dazki: She does not require you to stand on her desk. You just choose to, every time.   Kesmet: What?!   Marvin: I know it looks really enticing... it's just because she does it all the time.   Kesmet: Well, I didn't know the custom! I thought that was a thing! 'cause she was standing on the desk!   Marvin: It's her desk. She can stand on it if she wants to.   Kesmet: But where are we supposed to stand if we don't have a desk?!   Grogery: Just... sit.   Kesmet: On what?   Grogery: ...on a chair.   Kesmet: But she's not sitting, she's standing! It's rude if we sit while she —   Grogery: Then stand next to the table.   Marvin: Maybe she just wants to make eye contact with you, Kesmet. Since you're so much taller.   Kesmet: But I squatted down after I stood on the desk!   Marvin: Right, but then it still looks like you're talking down to her. She just wants to be on the same level as you, all right?   Kesmet: It's her desk, so she controls everything that goes on.   Marvin: Not when you're standing on it!   Kesmet: You know, it's like a submissive posture!   Marvin: ...you know what, Kesmet? Stand on the desk. Actually, I want you to stand on the desk. Please, stand on the desk.   Kesmet: Well, I'm not sure now! I thought I was doing the right thing, but it seems as though I've committed a social faux pas, since I'm not aware of how this city's weird underground works.   Marvin: If she doesn't want you to stand on her desk, she'll tell you, how about that? Actually, I think we should all take turns standing on her desk!   Kesmet: Yeah, I thought you guys were being extremely rude, by not standing on the desk.   Marvin: You know, I'm actually starting to get on Kesmet's side here! I think we should!   Kesmet: Well, I could have been wrong, that's the whole issue with this conversation. I could have been wrong about needing to stand on the desk as a form of submissiveness when dealing with a denizen of the Undermart.   Dwardazik: Now listen here, I'm not standing on no desk. They can come down and look me in the eyes!
They make it to the Undermart.
Random greeters: Welcome to the Undermart!   Dwardazik: So, I always forget how this place operates... tell me again?   Grogery: No real names.   Dwardazik: I know that much. Hey Dazki, what is Alfalfa's going rate?   Dazki: You know, we just always overpay.   Dwardazik: I understand that.   Marvin: Yeah, I would suggest you not do that anymore. She's actually kind of a con artist.   Grogery: Oh right, you had a thing with her at one point.   Dazki: To be fair, everyone down there is kind of a con artist. But yeah.   Marvin: Anything you can get from her, you can get elsewhere. Trust me.   Dazki: Fair enough.

Alfalfa

Dazki: Hey, been a while. How are you doing?   Alfalfa: Yeah, y'know... work's work, y'know?   Dazki: So, there's someone I'm looking for a bit of information on. Maybe you could tell me what you have, what the price would be and all that stuff. The guy's name is Barra'leth Kuuda. You heard that name before? I think he might've been a smugger or bounty hunter or something.   Alfalfa: I think I'd remember someone with a ridiculous name like that, but it's not ringin' a bell, no. I mean, I could try to ring those bells a little harder if you'd put some gold on my desk.   Marvin: ...really?   Dazki: OK, how much coin would be appropriate to ring these bells?   (Insight 20) Information is usually given out for single-digit quantities of gold... for some reason, Alfalfa seems distracted right now, regularly glancing over at Deuce's Juice, where The Queen of Hearts and Ten of Hearts are sitting.   Dazki puts down 2 gold.   Alfalfa: Bah, you can have 'em back. I still don't know anything. It's a ridiculous name, though.   Dazki: Oh. Fair enough. Did anyone else have anything to ask? Otherwise, I do have business with the Queen of Hearts over there.   Dwardazik: I have just a few short questions. What can you tell me about the whereabouts of Tilda and Wendi Hammerfall? Where they're going, and why? (One gold coin.)   Alfalfa: They've headed south. Apparently, Wendi keeps getting into trouble.   Dwardazik: Would you mind elaborating on what kind of trouble that is? (5 silver pieces.)   Alfalfa: Man, you guys certainly have gotten stingy since you've started dealing with Mister Mister here. Let's see... south, somewhere peaceful. Probably the woods, then, right?   Dwardazik, raising an eyebrow: Dwarves, going to the woods?   Alfalfa: I know, it sounds super sketch. But, actually, a lot of mineral deposits have been showing up down there, and a lot of tradesmen have been getting really excited about it. So, like, don't judge a forest for the trees, y'know?   Dwardazik: All right, thank you.   Grogery: So, Mr. Annu Adabra, pretty sure you've heard of him. We're interested in learning more about where this guy came from.   Alfalfa: You and me both. He's such an interesting character, y'know! He's got, like, such a complicated backstory, and he's got, like, a complicated present-story, and the future-story, don't even get me started on the future-story! Can you imagine the kind of ridiculous shit that guy's about to get into?! That would be absolutely nuts, given, like, what he is — like, he's such a unique individual, y'know?   Grogery: (5 gold on the table) We're particularly looking at stuff he got into before, you know, the whole "undead" thing. What his life was like before that, who he associated with, stuff like that.   Alfalfa: Why you lookin' into that fellow, though?   Grogery: ...aren't we the ones asking questions, here?   Alfalfa hands Grogery 5 silver.   Grogery: Well, it turns out that he doesn't have a lot of information regarding that, and we're attempting to negotiate with him a trade of information, so-to-speak.   Alfalfa: You sure he doesn't have any information? Like, what do you mean, he "doesn't have any information"? You're not being clear about that. You really gotta be clear with the stuff you say, y'know?   Dazki: The information has been removed from him, or else he's not allowed to access certain memories, due to some terms of his service to the government.   Alfalfa: Hmm... ... ...I'm a little bit conflicted, here.   Kesmet carefully moves the money out of the way and squats down on her desk.   Kesmet: How about now?   Alfalfa: OK, listen, man. I don't have time for your shenanigans today. Like, why are you still here?! I told you where to get your guy, and you didn't go get the guy! And I just don't understand why you're still here.   Kesmet: Oh, I'm with them.   Alfalfa: So, you didn't go to the swamp?   Kesmet: I haven't gone... yet.   Alfalfa: Why haven't you gone? You seemed to be gung ho about it. It's really weird to me that you're here. Like, physically on my desk, accosting me at my work.   Kesmet: Whaaaat? Accosting you? How am I accosting you?   Alfalfa: Like, why are you here? Your sole purpose was to, like, seek and destroy the guy that, like, the House of Cards and everybody else is trying to seek and destroy, right? I give you the location of where he is, and you're still here! You're still here, instead of out in the Sundered Swamp, dealing with the situation out there! And I thought that, like, when you left, you were very clear that that was where you were gonna go, because that's, like your sole goal in life, now, and it's, like, all you have left, right? I mean, your family's dead, you burned down your business, your friends don't like you, and then, like, so this is, like, your only way for happiness is to, like, go kill this guy in the Sundered Swamp, and you haven't done it yet.   Kesmet looks at her very carefully. (Insight 3) He must be more famous than he thought...   Alfalfa: It's, like, a really far journey from here. I'm surprised you're still here. Did you, like, fail? Did you, like, decide that maybe, like, life is worth living, to not, like, die at the hands of this terrible mastermind? Like, what? What is it? Tell me right now. (5 silver over to Kesmet) What? Go ahead! Tell me! Why? Why are you still here instead of fulfilling your destiny?   Kesmet: Why are any of us here? (Pushes the 5 silver back over) I'm sorry, I don't have the information you want. Why are you so keen on why I haven't used the information you gave me yet?   Alfalfa: Because, boy would it have saved me a lot of time if you had gone out there and done that!   Dazki: Why would it have saved you time?   Kesmet: She's just expecting stuff for free...   Dwardazik: What's goin' on? Is this guy causing some problems?   Kesmet: You assumed.   Dwardazik: OK, look, Alfalfa. It's pretty obvious something's on your mind. What the hell is going on? I don't need a huge amount of information.   Alfalfa: I told you exactly where he is.   Dwardazik: Is he, like, blackmailing you? What is it?   Alfalfa: No, but you should've gone east! Why didn't you go east?!   Dwardazik: Why was he gonna go east? Did you sell the wrong information to someone?   Alfalfa: I told you to go east.   Marvin: He's not gonna do everything that you tell him to do...   Alfalfa: You stay out of this, Mister!   Dwardazik: You sold our location to someone, didn't you?!   Alfalfa: No, I didn't sell your location to anybody!   Dwardazik: Yeah, you probably did! And now it's wrong!   Marvin: And that person probably wasn't too happy that that information was wrong. Your credibility was on the line!   Alfalfa: My credibility is just fine, thank you very much. I did not sell your location to anybody. We are loyal.   Dazki: She didn't sell it to anyone. OK. Why don't we go talk to some other people?   Alfalfa: No-no-no-no!   Dazki: No? Why not? We had a calling card left at our house. It would be rude not to return.   Dwardazik: You gonna tell us what's going on?   Alfalfa: I definitely think you should hear me out first. 'cause I think I know what she wants.   Kesmet: Who's "she"?   Dazki: Queen of Hearts.   Dwardazik: I'm listening.   Alfalfa: Ooooh... I do not want to do this...   Alfalfa: This is a really long and complicated thing, and I can only really tell you this stuff because I trust a subset of you here. And I definitely don't need the House on my ass.   Dazki: That's all right, this is just between us.   Dwardazik: That's just business. What do we got?   Alfalfa: I know you think you're manipulating me, but you're not, first of all.   Kesmet: We're not manipulating you. We're paying you, and asking you directly.   Dwardazik: You just seem so damn stressed, it's hard to ignore.   Alfalfa: All right, Marvin, I really —   Marvin: EXCUSE ME?!   Alfalfa: No, just hear me out, just hear me out, OK?   Marvin: Why? You just broke the first fuckin' rule of this place.   Alfalfa: Who is your father?   Marvin: I... are you also going to ask what he does, too? Do you need his birthday? His foot size? Eye color?   Alfalfa: Who do you think your father is?   Dwardazik: I think this is a rhetorical question...   Marvin: He's, you know, Mr. Undersky?   Alfalfa: The person whom you think is your father, is not your father.   Marvin: Oh, OK. OK, sure. And what does that have to do with anything?!   Alfalfa: This is a long and complicated story. I'm gonna need you to calm down here, OK?   Marvin: I'm totally calm! You're the one stressed out about all this!   Dwardazik: OK, Mister Mister? Let's just let Alfalfa say her piece, OK? Let's see what you've got, eh? And try to keep the rhetorical questions to a minimum. Let's not interrupt.   Alfalfa: Our relationship is built upon lies. ...originally. And I do regret that, because you're really a great guy, and at the end of the day, I really want you to do well, because you've had a lot of really unfortunate stuff happen in and around you, OK? But, I mean, it's either this or getting offed by the mob, so, I mean... if you like something, sometimes you gotta let it go and come clean and maybe, maybe, y'know, you'll still like me at the end of the day.   Alfalfa (cont'd): But your father is not the father you think your father is, all right? Your father's name is Marshall. He was a planar traveler — a cosmonaut.   Marvin: OK, that is his name, though... a "cosmonaut"? What?   Alfalfa: He travels the cosmos, the space in between planar dimensions. And I think you or your father might be the key to unraveling this whole problem I've been having, and I've gotten myself into a lot of trouble trying to unravel this. So... I touched a thing I probably shouldn't have touched, is what it boils down to.   Marvin: And that was...?   Alfalfa: The Hounds Guild and House of Cards have been fighting over pieces of this powerful artifact. An artifact that I definitely touched while smuggling. And now I have these strange visions that I can't seem to shake, and it's really bad for a really smart information broker to be obsessed with these prophetic visions, when prophetic visions are little more than metaphor and drugs. But I can't seem to shake it, and... I'm convinced that one of the visions is from your father. So I've been manipulating you, and I'm sorry.   Marvin: Um... OK?   Dazki: ...wow. All right... I have some questions, but Mister Mister, why don't you go first?   Alfalfa: ...and now, I'm in really deep shit, because the House of Cards has lost a piece of this, and since I touched it (I smuggled it), and they're sniffing out for a mole, and they're getting really close to me, and I don't know if I leaked the information or not! What if I did? What if this is all my fault? I mean, I don't think I did?   Marvin: Have you been smoking something?!   Dazki: OK. Let's say that you did accidentally mention the information to somebody. What are your options?   Dwardazik: Why are you so stressed out? Why don't you just run damage control?   Alfalfa: How am I supposed to run damage control? How am I supposed to do that? I've got the fucking Queen herself breathing down my neck, here, all right?   Dwardazik: So, you didn't tell this to the Queen?   Alfalfa: Are you kidding?! I don't even know if I actually leaked the information!   Marvin: You... don't know if you leaked information?   Alfalfa: I mean, I don't think I did, but what if I did?   Dwardazik: Well, I don't really know how your structure works here, but if the Queen has all the info, then you need to give her the information she needs to make the best decision possible, right?   Alfalfa: I tried speaking to her yesterday, but she's still super suspicious. And there's gotta be an actual mole somewhere. But who could be such a good enough mole to steal a piece of the Orrery?   Dazki: A piece of the — I'm sorry, what?   Dwardazik: Let's break this down. What is this thing that both the guilds are fighting for?   Alfalfa: OK, OK, follow me to my office, please?

In Alfalfa's "Office"

Alfalfa takes out a sign that says "Back in 5 minutes", places it on her desk, ... and then turns 180° on her desk. The party walks around to the other side of her desk to look at her, Marvin rolling his eyes as he does so.
Alfalfa: So, like, that whole thing about me needing information? It was really just to get the group together. I'm sorry, I just needed to —   Marvin: Someone instructed you to get the five of us together?!   Alfalfa: No-no-no, 'cause the visions, and then... this whole thing is so stupid.   Marvin: No, I agree with that. My father was a farmer.   Alfalfa: He wasn't! He wasn't a farmer!   Marvin: We were nomads, just going from settlement to settlement!   Dwardazik: The whole dimensional thing, that could be done by powerful magic, and who knows where you got that from. So what is this item that is so critical that both the Hounds and Cards are fighting over it? This "Orrery", or whatever? Why do you think you touched it, and why do you think it's causing whatever is happening to you?   Marvin: I'm sure it's infused with Turmoil or some shit...   Alfalfa: No, so there's these seven bits to this ancient artifact that this, like, one gnome guy built, y'know? He thought it was too powerful, so he split it up into, like, different pieces to scatter it. But the pieces themselves still have power. And the leader of the House of Cards has a lot of interest in collecting these, and I think that made the Hounds Guild also want to collect them.   Dwardazik: OK. So, you found one of these... or you were in possession of one, and were transporting it?   Alfalfa: Right. So, we had a piece being smuggled in, and I was involved in that, obviously. But I touched the thing, and I shouldn't have touched the thing —   Dazki: Who else was involved?   Alfalfa: I don't know, this was all kept, like, really secret and on the down-low.   Dwardazik: OK, so, you touched it. Why do you think that's causing something? Did you feel, like, a spark? Heat? Did your fingers melt off?   Alfalfa: I've been getting these weird visions, and it's not good for an information broker to have these vague visions, because that's all poppycock. I'm a person of science and knowledge and fact.   Dwardazik: Are you sure it's not just occupational stress?   Alfalfa: So I needed a way to, like, research and figure out if any of this was true or if it was false. And I was using Mister here to do it for me. And I'm sorry.   Marvin: ...excuse me?   Dwardazik: You were using Mister Mister to gather information, OK, —   Marvin: ...did you plant something on me?! Have you been watching me?!   Alfalfa: No-no-no-no! It's nothing like that!   Marvin: Wait, wait, no, wait, guys, wait a second. How strange would it be... you said this mandolin belonged, in some way, to Baxton? Someone getting a hold of this, would that be very suspicious?   Alfalfa: Well, just, I knew that guy had a lot of abilities to, like, look in on other people, and it turned out —   Marvin: Where the fuck did you get this mandolin from?!   Alfalfa: — it turned out that this thing couldn't do that, but I mean, I still really want you to succeed, y'know! So it was just, like, "now I'm stuck with this useless artifact that can't spy on people", so it was kinda useless to me.   (Insight 24) Alfalfa is chaotic, but completely honest.   Grogery: So you got it, and had the intent of using it to do visions, and so you pawned it off on this guy here?   Marvin: Is it the mandolin?   Alfalfa: I thought because, like, Baxton could spy on people, that maybe some of his artifacts would have the same properties. So I acquired this thing through some shady means, right? (Giggle) But, it doesn't do that. It doesn't do that at all! It's completely useless to me.   Dazki: Yep, Baxton used regular ol' scrying magic to do that.   Marvin: Where did you get this from?   Kesmet: Didn't we leave it in a pile of black goop after we fought those two guys that had it?   Alfalfa: It was just left unattended. I had some guys scrounging around looking for stuff anyway y'know?   Dazki: I think we're losing focus. I don't think the focus should be on the mandolin at the moment.   Grogery: At least it explains the mandolin.   Dazki: Yeah. So.   Dwardazik: Maybe you could help clear something up, though? So, why did you need Mister Mister to clarify something? What was that something?   Alfalfa: It's because of what I saw in the... (She puts her face in her hands, clearly having a hard time with this)   Dwardazik: OK, OK. Can you tell us about your visions? Or whatever's happening.   Alfalfa: I'm gonna need some gold... at least to make it a legal transaction...   (Dazki hands over one gold piece.)   Dwardazik: I would have thought we were freely trading information back and forth right now, but —   Alfalfa: I just want it to be above-board.   Kesmet: A bit ironic, considering where we are.   Dazki: Guys, come on. Come on. Let's hear it out.   Alfalfa: So, you have to ask the question now...   Kesmet: But your desk is outside.   Alfalfa: OK, you're right. (She turns back around 180°. The party follows.)   Dazki: Why were you using Mister Mister, and what were you using him for? What were these visions you were seeing?   Alfalfa: OK, so I've logged it down to five visions. Maybe if I tell you them, then you would understand?   Dazki: OK.   Alfalfa: A lot of them don't seem particularly relevant, but... OK. (She grabs a notebook and starts reading from it.)
  1. There is a crimson portal. It distorts and devours a smaller, glassy, cracked second portal, like water going down a drain. (Dazki: By any chance, was there sand in that vision? Alfalfa: No.) Like a black hole, like gravity has just decided to eat this yellow one.
  2. A first-person account, like I'm the person, but I can't control what I'm doing, 'cause it's just a vision. I look back to check on my lifeline, and it's, like, fraying with this mercurial silver-black matter. (Dwardazik: Excuse me, what's a "lifeline"? Alfalfa: I don't know, it's just a tether I have... don't interrupt me!) It's the same material that's eating through my glove. And then this large dark sphere impales the big ol' storm that was gonna pull me in. I'm convinced that this first-person perspective is Marshall: the garb looks familiar to something he wore in his experiments. (Marvin: Can you describe it in more details? Alfalfa does; it's plausible.)
  3. There's this brief flash, shortest little vision. Two storms colliding, the red one and this silver one. Between the two, there's these whip-like tentacles. I don't know what any of it means. (Marvin: Yeah, I dunno either. Sounds like you're high. Alfalfa: I know, right? This is absolutely bonkers! Marvin: Agreed!)
  4. In this one, I don't see anything. There's this impossibly loud rumble, and wind, and screaming — terrifying monster screams, terrified monster screams, and it's just awful. (Kesmet: ...lots of screaming. Dwardazik: Sounds awful.)
  5. This is the one that really gets me. I had to... I had to touch the Orrery again to get this last one. (Dwardazik: ...you touched it twice? Alfalfa: I don't want to talk about it, OK? If you had witnessed four, you'd want more answers too!) So there's these beams of colored light, and silhouettes of, like, warriors or something. They're, like, backlit by starlight. Colored starlight. And the light, it strips off the outer layers of this, like, big tree or, I dunno, some large black rope? And that emanates out of that crimson portal from the first vision and the third vision, like, the middle of the swirling crimson portal. And then there's these five light guys, I call 'em in my notes "the Warriors in Light". I know it's stupid, but... (Dazki: Wasn't gonna say anything.)
Alfalfa (cont'd): ...and I've been trying to decipher this really hard on my own.   Dwardazik: So, a little bit of a question regarding visions 3, 4, and 5. Are you still in the perspective of Marshall?   Alfalfa: I don't think so?   Dwardazik: Does it feel like you're viewing it from outside or first-person?   Alfalfa: I'm really not sure, but here's my theory. And this is where I've gotten to this problem with you, Mister. If the first-person is your father, Marshall Undersky, and whatever scene that depicts would be catastrophic to the world we live in — because one of the portals, maybe they're planes or something, and then all the screaming is, like, Armageddon or something? — then I've gotta find these warriors. Because it's, like, your father? And then, you showed up with the same last name, and I'm like... well, I can use you to do all this reconnaissance for me! You could just go out, and talk to as many adventurers as possible, then maybe something will connect? Maybe that will be the Warriors in Light? And... so I kinda manipulated you into going on all those misadventures.   Marvin: ...not just with these guys? With...   Alfalfa: ...yeah...   Marvin: You gotta be shitting me! All this time, this has been just your little game?   Alfalfa: Well, it started off as that, but y'know, you're actually a really swell guy, and you kept being so unlucky! Just like your father, apparently!   Marvin: You don't say! How much more do you know about my dad?   Alfalfa: I know he's M.I.A.   Marvin: That's it? That's the end of the story?   Alfalfa: I know he left a lovely mother with a lovely son, never to come back.   Marvin: Two sons, actually. I have an older brother.   Alfalfa: Well, I don't know if he's lovely or not.   Marvin: He's all right, he's cool. Taught me a lot of stuff.   Dazki: You know, this actually sounds like another gentleman we've been looking into. Also, OK. Makes sense.   Dwardazik: I'm just confused about how many times you touched this? And how you were able to touch it that last time, for the fifth vision? If you were just transporting it, wouldn't you no longer have had possession of it?   Alfalfa: There are multiple pieces, and up until fairly recently, I've been fairly well trusted by the House.   Kesmet: You still have access to it?   Alfalfa: No. It's missing, it's gone.   Kesmet: Oh, you had access to it. How long has it been missing?   Alfalfa: It hasn't been that long. We were getting a new one in.   Dazki: All right, could you give us a description of these pieces?   Grogery: Is it just the one piece that's missing, or are they just all gone?   Alfalfa: We don't have all the pieces.   Grogery: I mean all the ones you had.   Alfalfa: This would have been the third piece. We got a third one in, but it never made it to its final destination. There's a mole, and the Queen seems to think it could be me, and I don't know if it's me or not, and perhaps all of my sidequesting here, to figure out these stupid visions, has gotten a bunch of people in trouble!   Dazki: Well. I don't know that it's gotten people in trouble. I don't know that it hasn't. But I think, if you're honest, and if you're trying to help them figure out who the actual mole is, then that would probably go a long way towards clearing your name.   Alfalfa: I tried to do this yesterday, OK? I was talking with her. But she seems to think that information is different from the information that I think. So it only really made things worse.   Dazki: All right, well...   Alfalfa: So, long story short, y'know — I manipulated your little squirt here, but now I think we're still friends anyways —   Marvin: ..."little squirt"...?   Alfalfa: — and your taller squirt, here, was supposed to go deal a major blow to the Hounds Guild, because I told him the location of Mr. Donahue, but you guys decided to totally not go east.   Dwardazik: ...don't call me "squirt".   Dazki: All right, so —   Alfalfa: You could've just gone east!   Dazki: We had some emergency business that took us elsewhere.   Dwardazik: Why were you relying on us so much to go east?   Alfalfa: Because that's where Mr. Donahue is. And I told you that, and I expected you to go deal with it —   Kesmet: You never made that implication clear! You just gave me information!   Alfalfa: — because, I mean, Matchstick here seems so interested.   Kesmet: I still am! I just haven't had the chance to act on the information. You never said anything about "oh, now that you have this, I expect such-and-such from you"! You just assumed that things would happen the way you want them to.   Alfalfa: Why wouldn't you go east to the swamp, towards the wall? Why did you go north, not towards the wall?   Dazki: There was a work-related emergency we had to go take care of in that direction.   Dwardazik: Besides, if we weren't here now, who would you be telling this all to?   Alfalfa: I wouldn't have to tell it to anybody if you would just go towards the wall and had done the thing.   Kesmet: You never asked us to do the thing. You just assumed that we would do it, and now you're upset that things didn't magically line up with your assumptions.   Alfalfa: Here we go again, with my information not lining up with other people's information. My information is solid! Accurate! I know I told you which way to go! I must've!   Kesmet: ...probably? We just haven't used that information yet, that's all it is. Everything's fine! Everything is exactly as it should be.   Dwardazik: So, maybe we should conclude this meeting?   Dazki: Well, a couple of last follow-up questions. What did this piece of the artifact look like, where was it supposed to come in, and who was supposed to pick it up?   Alfalfa: I'm just really nervous about giving the mole any more information.   Dazki: If you don't let us know, then we can't help you with this.   Dwardazik: Let me just be clear, I didn't exactly agree to help you with this. But it does seem like something that might be important.   Alfalfa: ...why didn't you go kill Dennis...?   Marvin: It's definitely on his to-do list!   Kesmet: To be honest, I don't remember!   Dazki: We had to go take care of somebody else. Also, didn't you tell us Mr. Donahue was in the Waterscar at the time?   Alfalfa: ...no. Why would I have told you to go east, if he was in the Waterscar?   Kesmet: Hey, that's true! I do remember lamenting that we couldn't get to him.
Dwardazik pulls Marvin aside to have a private conversation, as Alfalfa describes to Dazki what the two pieces of the Orrery look like that she saw. They're little brass, gearlike bits embedded in runes and gems for resonance. One of the bits looks like the internals of a clock, another looks like an interlocking impossibility of gears. The third, of course, she hasn't seen in person.
Dwardazik: ...did you change someone's memories at some point?   Marvin: Just Eyesore.   Dwardazik: Is there a way that we could figure out if that's happened to someone or not?   Marvin: The only remedy to that sort of thing would be in Grogery's wheelhouse. Figuring out, no, but after some sort of regenerative process, then a person would remember.   Dwardazik, pulling Grogery in: I was just wondering... it seems like something similar to what happened to Eyesore. According to Marvin's notes for how the spell works, there might be a way to cure a modified memory. Something along the lines of a restoration of greater power, or removal of a curse?   Marvin: Yeah, like you had done for me, to get the mask off.   Dwardazik: I wonder if that would be viable here? She seems very sincere, yet this is strangely completely wrong.   Grogery: Unfortunately, I am not carrying curse removal right now. I could use the more powerful restoration magic to try to brute force it, I guess, but it would cost a lot of money.   Dwardazik: Hmm... how much money are we talkin'?   Grogery: 100 gold.   Marvin: That's fine.   Dwardazik: Well, hold up, maybe we can have her pay for it?   Marvin: I like the way you think!   Dwardazik: Let's pose this as an option for her. Maybe you would like to say it, Grogery?
They join the rest of the conversation.
Grogery: So. It seems that we recall you telling us that Dennis was located in the Waterscar, in an island out there. You seem to recall telling us that he was somewhere different on (date that both sides mutually agree that this happened on), so it doesn't seem likely that someone else was in here impersonating you. Which means that either someone managed to get to all five of us and modify our memories, or something happened to you. You wouldn't be aware of it, but if someone was looking to sow confusion about this, then... it would be easier to target one person. I can cast magic to nullify the effects of such a spell, but it would cost about 100 gold in reagents to do so. Is this within your budget?   Alfalfa, laughing nervously: I mean, like, yeah, but... how is that even possible? I'll try anything at this point.   Grogery: And if there's anything else impacting you, it might be able to take care of that as well.   Alfalfa: I mean, I trust you, little fella. Really, I do. But I don't understand how you're gonna treat, like, ...misinformation? Because I definitely remember —   Grogery: Think of it like, someone has cursed you to remember something incorrectly.   Alfalfa: Oh, I doubt that, but I'm willing to give it a shot.   Dwardazik, whispering to Marvin: And this is why you should use that spell very carefully.   Marvin, whispering back: I've literally only ever tried it on Eyesore.   Dwardazik, whispering back: Also, Eyesore should be dead...   Grogery: So, do we have a deal then?   Alfalfa: Yeah, sure! You've paid me more than that, and you didn't have to, so it would just be, like, giving it back to you.   Marvin: All right, make her mind whole again!
Grogery casts it.
Alfalfa: ...I don't think it was a great idea to do this in the middle of... you know what, that's fine. It's fine. So, is it fixed?   Marvin: Well, what do you remember?   Dwardazik: What can you tell us about Dennis, and the location of Dennis?   Alfalfa: I remember that you refused to follow my orders to go east and go get Dennis.   Dazki: Oh!   Grogery: Well, OK!   Alfalfa: It's what I told you before.
Dwardazik brings the whole group back for a private conversation.
Dwardazik: OK. We now have a situation. Unless she's straight-up lying — which I really doubt — and/or if there's a straight-up impostor, why would someone be feeding us this information? She could've been lying before, she could be lying now, she could be the actual mole, ...   Dazki: She is absolutely certain that she's telling the truth.   Dwardazik: Telling the truth now, but maybe she was lying then, and using this as a cover? A smart person would be able to break a truth spell by telling the truth now. Something's going on here, and I'm very aware of how Hats of Disguise work and how important they are, and something doesn't add up.   Kesmet: Could we have gotten... could the thing Grogery said actually be true? All of us got compromised?   Grogery: It would be very difficult for all of us to get got without someone else noticing. If you think about it, someone would have to cast it on each of us individually, and it would only take care of memories that were formed before that moment.   Dazki: Plus, we've had Remove Curse and Greater Restoration cast on some of us since that time.   Dwardazik: My recommendation is that we politely end this conversation, finish up the questions we have, and then go meet up with the Queen of Hearts and find out whatever that side of the information is. Something does not add up on this side.   Dazki: Agreed.
They go back to Alfalfa.
Dazki: So, you've told us everything that you can about those visions?   Alfalfa: What's the point of lying now?   Dazki: I just didn't know if there was something that came to mind after having a moment to calm down?   Grogery: If there were any other issues, then this might have taken them off, even if it wasn't a Modify Memory scenario.   Alfalfa: All I know is that if the House of Cards doesn't find their mole, I'm fucking dead. And not in a nice way!   Dazki: Yep.   Kesmet: ...there's a "nice way" to be dead?!   Grogery: There's a very mean way to be dead.   Dazki: Nice, quick, and efficient, or messy and painful.   Dwardazik: Or, like every single time I've been dead, usually incredibly painful, stabbed to death, or something's impaling me...   Marvin: Yeah, or that.   Grogery: To get back to where things were... I did ask about Annu before all this went down.   Alfalfa: Right. I've been trying to find out a lot of information about that guy as well. I originally had thought — which is why it made such a great cover for Mister here... because the group that defeated him 200 years ago could have been the warriors, but the timelines don't add up. And now that I know that he's not what I thought he was, and he's something else... I mean, that's just... I'll have to think this through.   Grogery: Well, what is he? (5 more gold on the table)   Marvin: He's an Archlich.   Grogery: ...is he?   Alfalfa pushes the 5 gold towards Marvin, who sends it right back to Grogery.   Marvin: Yeah, good ol' Jim had mentioned it a while ago. Didn't seem relevant at the time, but he is in fact an Archlich. I don't know how Jim knows Annu, but he knows him somehow.   Alfalfa: I was really thinkin' vampire. The whole radius thing, and he doesn't like sunlight... cold, mechanical. The spell levels that he's capable of casting seemed right for a vampire, too. I mean, an Archlich would have access to ridiculous stuff!   Grogery: He might be restrained based on all the stuff the State has done to him.   Marvin: Probably his phylactery! They're probably just holding his phylactery in an iron grip, and they're threatening to break it if he doesn't go along?   Alfalfa: No, I was looking this up — a lich and an Archlich behave a bit differently.   Marvin: Is that so?   Alfalfa: Yeah, so I don't think the whole phylactery thing is going to work out. And if you were that powerful, then you would just kinda incinerate anyone who had it and take it back, right?   Marvin: Well, that just means whoever is controlling him is even scarier! Again, I don't know how Jim knew this, specifically, but he seemed to know a lot about —   Alfalfa: What kind of code name is "Jim"?   Dazki: It's someone we met not in here.   Alfalfa: Whatever, you don't have to tell me. It's fine. I tell you what, though. If you're not done working with me, that is...   Marvin verbally scoffs.   Dazki: All right... I'm listening.   Alfalfa: If you can find that mole, then it would be a lot easier for us to work together in untangling this mess. It would have to be somebody pretty close, y'know? Only the most trusted would have access to a piece like this.   Marvin: If it turns out that it's mutually beneficial, to what we're doing, then sure, why not? If we happen along the way, so to speak.   Dazki: Can you give us a shortlist of your suspects? I'm sure you have at least one or two possibilities by now?   Alfalfa: I don't think it's any of the tieflings. I don't think it's a card-carrying member. I've looked into that a lot — their family is thicker than the blood they share.   Dazki: Makes sense.   Grogery: We haven't directly associated with a lot of people in the Undermart besides you, the Family, and maybe Deuce.   Alfalfa: It's not Deuce. I would check out the casino, though. That's where all the high-end members usually are. It's a good cover.   Dazki: Yep.   Alfalfa: Plus, I mean, you have a Hound-sniffer right here!   Grogery: So people wouldn't look two ways if we went in there with Matchstick, because people would think we're just there to sniff out Hounds Guild spies?   Alfalfa: Unless the Queen thinks you're a part of the mole problem. You've been talking with me and casting funny spells for quite a while, now.   Kesmet: But we don't work for her.   Alfalfa: Everybody in the city works for her. Whether they think so or not.   Dazki: We... kinda-sorta have obligations to her.   Dwardazik: Look, as long as she helps, we help. Things can be beneficial both ways.   Alfalfa: ...and then, maybe, go to Rotthaven?   Grogery: Where's "Rotthaven"?   Alfalfa: It's in the Sundered Swamp. You know, with the big serpent?   Dwardazik: ...right.   Alfalfa: It was called "Cogtown" back in the old war days, but I think it's going by "Rotthaven" now.   Grogery: So just to clarify, I did push 5 gold your way to tell us more about Annu's past, and all you told us is that some heroes took him out 200 years ago?   Alfalfa: OK. So Annu's this big powerful undead fella, right? When Hestia came into power, she became aware of this powerful entity. As you would with any powerful evil entity, you would send a party out to deal with it. So she assembled a strike force, eventually capturing and binding him for some — it's actually really unclear! Information, for some reason, is heavily redacted here, it's been very hard to get, and I thought maybe a first-person account, with somebody that he likes, we would get more information, but here we are!   Grogery: Ahh. We are "the people that he likes"... I see...   Alfalfa: But since the end of The Serpent War, he's just kinda been a part of government. So I don't know how that whole thing resolved itself. Did her brother, like, disagree with her choice? Like, I don't know, 'cause near the end of the war, like, he was already locked up by then, right? And then, like:
  1. The Firelord Hestia tries to use the World Sunder to kill the giant serpent,
  2. She fails and dies (obviously, we all know the story),
  3. Haphistos takes her place and finishes the job,
  4. Then the war kinda peters out from there,
  5. And now Annu's a part of government.
Alfalfa (cont'd): All of that happens in such a short period of time that it can't be a coincidence, but I can't find any records on it.   Grogery: So, wait, was Annu working with the serpent's side in this war?   Alfalfa: He was locked up until the end of the war.   Grogery: But was he locked up after the war started?   Alfalfa: He was locked up before the war started. He was unlocked-up by the time the war ended.   Grogery: Hmm...   Dazki: A loyal servant who knows how to handle Turmoil, in Annu Adabra.   Alfalfa: I don't know what that means?   Dazki: He can destroy Turmoil.   Alfalfa: Well, so can the Firelords. That's, like, their thing, y'know?   Dazki: Yeah, but imagine that you have somebody that you can tell to go do that for you. More weapons in your arsenal against it.   Alfalfa: Well, why would you wait 'til the end of the war to do that? That doesn't make sense! You would pull that stuff out right at the beginning!   Dazki: Maybe it took that long to negotiate with him / bind him / turn him into someone who is pliable enough to —   Alfalfa: And how in the world — if he is not a vampire, an Archlich is way more powerful — how does just a strike force take him down, then?   Dazki: I don't know!   Alfalfa: There's so many questions here that I was hoping I could maybe get some answers for, while dealing with the whole "visions" thing! But...   Dazki: Oh! (He taps her desk, and Alfalfa slides him 3 gold.) All right, I suppose that's enough to give you three of the visions. Which three of the five would you like?   Alfalfa: You mean you have information on this? Like, actual information?   Dazki: I have some educated guesses.   Alfalfa: "Educated guesses", I don't think, are — (Dazki starts pushing the gold back) — no-no-no, it's fine... all right. (She raises it to a total of 10 gold)   Dazki: All right, but — (He pushes 2 gold back) — I don't really have much to make on number four, at the moment. Don't want to take your money for something I can't tell you. Here's what I've got:
  1. the realm of Turmoil consuming this plane.
  2. seems that Marvin's father is jumping planes, discovers the plane of Turmoil, and is fighting against a creature called Mirage Prime that rules the plane of Turmoil.
  3. another creature on that plane trying to stop this physical manifestation of Turmoil in another plane.
  4. (N/A)
  5. I believe we have contacted these "Warriors in Light", as you call them, and they are working against Turmoil as we speak.
Alfalfa: A lot of what you say just doesn't make sense.   Dazki: Why not?   Alfalfa: Turmoil is this plane's curse, not any other planes.   Dazki: It originates from another plane.   Alfalfa: I don't think that's true.   Marvin: HA!   Dazki: I don't know what I can tell you, other than, you are incorrect.   Alfalfa: You are incorrect.   Dazki: All right — (He pushes the gold back) — since the information doesn't seem of value to you, and you think I'm not being honest, then I don't think I should take your money. That would be dishonest of me.   Alfalfa: Oh, I think you think you're being honest, but I don't think it works like that.   Grogery: You could also think you think you're being honest...   Dwardazik: Good grief...   Alfalfa: Listen, the longer we stand here and talk, the more suspicious you're gonna sound. And the less likely you're gonna be to sort out that mole situation.   Dazki: Yep. Well, let's go talk to Queen. We came to see her as well. Thank you for your time, hopefully it will be beneficial for all parties involved.   Alfalfa: You're too kind. Really.   Dazki: Only on my good days.
The party begins to take their leave and head over to Deuce's Juice to speak with the Queen, but not before...
Marvin: I can't believe I ever trusted you. Also, he's a farmer!   Alfalfa: Sorry, and he's a cosmonaut.

Queen of Hearts

The Queen of Hearts and Ten are at the bar, leaning against the side of the bar, messing with someone else at the bar. Dazki and Dwardazik approach the bar. Dazki orders a tea, as Deuce has already started pouring an ale for Dwardazik. The Queen and Dazki notice one another, also noticing one another pretending not to notice one another. After a few minutes, Dazki walks over to interrupt.
Dazki: I think you left your calling card, sometime back? I apologize; I've been out of town and haven't been able to make my way here.   Queen: You know, it's really weird for a man who could lose so much to keep an area so unguarded. You never know what miscreants could be around. You should be more careful.   Dazki: We are indeed doing that; unfortunately, we got called away on emergency business, as I'm sure you heard.   Queen: "Emergencies", to some.   Dazki: It was also keeping an important promise, about "a worse, worse man".   Queen: Yes, the "worse, worse man". And... dealt with, I assume? You wouldn't be talking to me if you failed.   Dazki: If I failed, we wouldn't be talking at all. He has been taken care of. We also discovered some interesting things to help us, while we were there.   Queen: Interesting... how, exactly?   Dazki: You're aware of how he and "the bad, bad man" were working together. There are apparently more of them.   Queen: Are there, now?   Dazki: Don't worry, nowhere near here, but work still calls.   Queen: It's your job, now? You have a profession?   Dazki: Something of the sort. Not the profession I would have chosen for myself, but it seems it's the one thrust upon me.   Queen: Hmm.   Dazki: I know, distasteful, isn't it?   Queen: I, too, know what it's like to have fate thrust upon me, but... that's a different story.   Dazki: One I'd very much like to hear someday.   Queen: Oh, you won't.   Dazki: Of course not. Doesn't make me any less interested.   Queen: And I know you didn't come down here just to talk to little ol' me, about a job we both knew you were going to do just fine.   Dazki: No, that's very true. We did have some questions for Alfalfa and things of that nature.   Queen: Mm-hmm...   Dazki: I hear she's in a bit of trouble, recently?   Queen: You needn't concern yourself with Family matters.   Dazki: Well, concerns for a friend and all that.   Queen: So, you're "friends" with her? With Alfalfa?   Dazki: As much as one can be, with someone around here. Although, that sentiment is not shared by all my traveling companions.   Marvin: Fuck that bitch!!!   Queen: It's so interesting how people you used to trust — people you've known for a good long while — they're just not who you think they are. How could somebody hide, for that long, right under your nose?   Dazki: Well, maybe it's not what one might think it is. She has had some incorrect memories of previous conversations that I have had with her. I'm not quite sure what she is, or is not, remembering correctly.   Queen: She has been accurate and faithful for decades. So, to suddenly be amateurish — either she's good at what she does, or else... well... she's good at what she does, but the question is — what is she doing?   Dazki: ...is it possible that "what she's doing" is getting framed?   Queen, with a sigh: You're so innocent, sometimes.   Dazki: I'm simply trying to look at every possibility.   Queen: If we thought that she was guilty of anything against the Family, don't you think we would have done something about it by now?   Dazki: Not if you need her to panic and lead you to something. If you need her to get worried and make a mistake, to find something that is particularly important. There are reasons to keep her around, squirming, on your leash.   Queen: I would be careful when dealing with her. You wouldn't want me to get jealous.   Dazki: Of course not.   Queen: Now, about why I asked you here.   Dazki: Yes?   Queen: Your friend — the tall one, with the green hair (the Houndsman [former, allegedly (a lot of qualifiers, there...)]) — I could use him. And I do mean use. I do know that Mr. Donahue oh so hates him. And that makes him the perfect bait for finding a little rat wandering around in our pantry.   Dazki: Seems like it would be a mutually beneficial arrangement.   Queen: Alfalfa may have leaked information, but it's the Hounds Guild who would have taken the opportunity. What are your guys' thoughts on gambling?   Dazki: I certainly don't mind it, once in a while — as long as there's just the right amount of cheating.   Queen: No cheating, here. Only bluffs. Perhaps your Hound dog's keen nose and good looks could sniff out a rat?   Dazki: I don't think that would be unreasonable. I'd, of course, have to discuss it with Matchstick first.   Queen: Because Father and I disagree, here.   Dazki: Oh?   Queen: I refuse to believe — rightfully so — that a mole would be under my nose. I'm pretty sure it's under his.   Dazki: Well, I suppose there is only one way to find out.   Queen: I say put on some nice clothes, and go ratting.   Dazki: I will discuss that with my friends and see what they have to say.   Queen: No discussion necessary. I very much think you'd like to do this.   Dazki: It seems you have me there. As would be expected from you.   Queen: It would be worth removing one of the life-debts you owe me.   Dazki: Ahh, so now there's a debt for each of us? I suppose we could continue towards working them off.   Queen: Not to mention how close your poorly guarded location is.   Dazki: I tell you, when you have me over a barrel...   Queen: All right! Tonight, then.   Dazki: Sounds like a plan.   Queen: You're not busy.   Dazki: No, we're not, and even if we were, I'd be happy to make time in my schedule for you.   Queen: I do like a gentleman. Try to dress like one, tonight.
Queen gets up from the bar, taps Ten on the side. Ten sighs, and follows. Dazki goes back to the rest of the party, who have been listening in.
Grogery: Aren't we already wearing nice clothes, or is this a Thieves Cant thing?   Dazki: No, I just haven't changed my Glamoured Studded Leather to look particularly appropriate. Plus, armor and weapons are probably not preferred, in that locale.   Grogery: OK.   Dazki: Might be able to check a sword at the door, or something like that. Kesmet, how do you feel about going and sniffing out some Hounds Guild members?   Kesmet: rrrgh... conflicted... I didn't like that whole conversation... but yeah, yeah, I'm for it.   Dwardazik: Many different ways of looking at that, but in the end, it secures our home and gets us closer to finding out what's going on with those artifacts. And gives us some additional information on what to do next.   Grogery: Also, if Alfalfa's able to work more freely, then she can dig up more information about Annu's past, which helps with the Turmoil issue. Albeit indirectly.   Marvin: Better question is, why does she have you by the balls?   Dazki: She sorta saved us from the wrath of Annu at one point.   Marvin: Ahh. Right.   Dwardazik: Look, on the bright side: we're important to them, which means we have security, which is a big deal. It's going to assist us in finding out what's going on with these artifacts. It's going to help us figure out what's going on with the Hounds Guild. And, to be frank, it is not that bad of a deal. It's not like we're doing anything that crazy.   Marvin: I dunno, just call me skeptical and untrusting lately, after our last conversation.   Dwardazik: I'm absolutely untrusting, but frankly, these allies seem better to have than anyone else.
The party turns to Deuce and decides to think things over with some of their signature drinks (and, of course...)
Kesmet: Hey, do you have any more of those smoking caramels?   Deuce: Yup.   Kesmet, with a grin: ...how much for them? I would like some more.
Deuce fiddles around with a ceramic jar and pulls out six more. He sets them next to Kesmet.
Deuce: You'll need these. No charge.   Kesmet: Thank you!   Dazki: So, Grogery, how do you feel about going and doing some gambling tonight?   Grogery: Honestly, it's just going in there and spending money to be in the area.   Dazki: True — to be fair, you don't have to be sitting at one of the tables. You can just be watching, or enjoying whatever beverages are provided. Things like that.   Grogery: One of the tenets of Pelor is that you have to think ahead and be logical, with where you apply your aid. Gambling doesn't strike me as "thinking ahead" very far. I'm not against the idea if it brings people joy, but it's not really my cup of tea.   Marvin: Gambling is just a tax for people who can't do math.   Dazki: That's fair.
After giving the others their drinks, Deuce makes up a drink for Marvin. Marvin pays an extra gold coin for it, which briefly surprises the others — that is, until Deuce flips the coin, which makes an effervescent splash upon connecting with the liquid. The coin sinks to the bottom, its rough edges stirring up quite a bit of fizz, finally landing on heads. According to Deuce, the coin always lands on heads for this drink. The drink is outstandingly fruity.
Dwardazik: So, one of the questions I have is regarding our attire. Seems like it was brought up about a million times. Does that mean wherever the hell we're going to do this, we're not going to be able to wear armor? 'cause I don't like that.   Dazki: I would assume so. I would also assume that there's not going to be a physical confrontation, besides possibly chasing someone down.   Dwardazik: Hmm. You know this place... do you think we could get some Hats of Disguise down here?   Dazki: You know, I'm not sure.   Dwardazik, turning to Deuce: I've got a question for ya. To help out the Queen. Do you know where I might be able to procure a Hat of Disguise?   Deuce: No.   Dwardazik: Well... it was worth askin'.   Dazki: Maybe we could... discuss something when we get back home.   Dwardazik: I suppose so.   Deuce: The Queen likes you. ...that's not a compliment. That's a warning.   Dazki: Seems about right.   Dwardazik: Just keep the ale flowing. (He puts a hand up) Not now, when we come back.
Campaign
Mirage
Protagonists
Report Date
27 Dec 2021
Primary Location
Ashport
This article has no secrets.
Article template
Report
World
Aeternia
Category
Session Reports (0-99)
Author
skidznet
Publication Date
28 Dec, 2021
Creation Date
28 Dec, 2021
Last Update Date
4 Oct, 2022
Visibility
Public
Views
224
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