Dave Keller
Not Space Pirate David Mark Keller (a.k.a. Dreamer)
The infamous NOT Space Pirate
Dave dropped out of school at sixteen. He tried to enroll in the Coalition Space Fleet Academy but didn’t make it. Out of disappointment in his son Dave’s father disowned him. Dave spent the next couple of years making a living as a catamite in The Slice of Aphrodite. He generally sold his services to male clients, being a bottom. In the summer of 2939 a rich young woman, Crystal Daffodil hired him to become the father of her child, since her fiancée, Alexander Daffodil couldn’t have children.
Shortly after his encounter with Crystal, Dave met one of his regulars again, Finnian Brooke, the Captain of Procrustes. Brooke talked Dave into becoming his new cabin boy, which meant that Brooke locked Dave in a cage in his cabin and kept him as his sex slave, with the intention of killing him when he turned twenty years old.
While in school Dave loved stories of treasures, and finding out what part of the myths coincided with facts. The fact that he spent too much time in the library researching old stories of treasure, instead of doing his homework, was the reason he flunked out of school. Remembering the important bits of the stories saved him from being murdered by Brooke. Dave told Brooke of one treasure one night, and a couple of days later Brooke found the treasure and gave Dave a gold coin from the treasure as a thank you. Dave told Brooke another story that night, and it led to another raid and another piece of the treasure. The stories continued, and soon Brooke let Dave out of the cave and made him a part of the crew. The raids and plans got bolder each time, and soon Dave helped the crew plan heists. They performed coups on many different worlds, Hellenistic, Sumerian/Mesopotamian, Egyptian, Mayan, and Chinese, causing the various cultures around the galaxy to join forces, send warnings to each other and even talk of extradition treaties, just because of the heists the Procrustes crew performed. After almost getting caught stealing holographic sheetings off the government building on Ilion they were forced to go into hiding on the one planet that they could be sure wouldn't deport them, because the humans there weren't aware that there were more advanced human civilizations elsewhere in the galaxy. The planet they hid on was Earth.
They landed in a rural area in Texas, USA, and hid the ship in the wilderness, a few kilometers from a small town, but within walking distance of a trailer park, where they set up a mailbox and got Dave a job at the movie theatre in town. Even though they did their best to hide and camouflage the ship, the locals still found it, by accident, on several occasions. Finnian Brooke dealt with this by having them dress up like extra-terrestrials and jam some foreign objects up the poor local's rear end, to traumatize them enough that they suppressed the memory. However, one sheriff's deputy kept coming back for more.
Dave rigged things so that they could get local transmissions of broadcasted radiowaves, containing audio and 2D video, known as television, and watch it in the ship's cargo hold. They watched a live transmission of the first humans from Earth, in several thousand years to land on another world than Earth. They weren't all that impressed since the Earth humans traveled no farther than Earth's moon. The Earth humans, Neill Armstrong, and Buzz Aldrin were celebrated as heroes on Earth, for doing this. This was 2939, which by the local Earth calendar was July 20th, 1969. The Procrustes crew also watched re-runs of various serialized scripted entertainment shows, one of which was a recently canceled science fiction show, called "Star Trek." This sci-fi show gave Dave the idea to use the stolen holographic sheathing to create a cloaking device, like they'd seen the Romulans on "Star Trek" use, by covering the ship in the holographic sheathing and project whatever was on the other side of the ship, whichever angle you saw it from and thus make it invisible.
They eventually left Earth, because the local authorities tried to draft Dave into military service with the intention of shipping off to Vietnam.
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