Gnome/s *WIP* (Never pronounce the 'g' if you value your knee caps. Unless you are a couthless Troll.)
- Dec, 30, 2022: This article is a mess, I’m trying to smooth it out, but it is taking some time. This, the gknights, grail gknights, and maybe some thing else are all talking about the same things, but to varing degrees. Some are more genaric and others are more spacific. So I have copied and pasted from multiple articles and tried to move and rewrite stuff, but it’s a lot to sort. All that is to say that this is not finish and wont be by the deadline, sigh. (I’m also copy and pasting this into those other articles.)
- Jan. 1, 2023: Working on it.
- Jan. 2, 2023: Still cleaning up
- Gnomes are also really the only peoples that have knights as they have been historically understood, of as close to, anyway. These are the professional athletes and professional warriors of the Gnome world. They wear anywere from full plate to laminated armor made by skilled artisans. They ride chickens, mostly. Big, beefy chickens, breed to be steeds. Battle chickens. The chicken are also armored and dangerous. They eat or sale the extra chicken eggs to the goblins to sale to others.
- The gknights in joust mode like to compete with each other in the Gnome Games, (like a Highland games and the Olympics) that are held in the off season when most gnome have little to do in the garden.
- Every village has a team of gknights that competes and fights for them and there is fierce competition. Lots of color, like Europeon Football teams and rivalries. A lot of times the crowd gets too into it and that's how the riots and civil wars start.
- The gknights, when not in joust mode and in roam mode, carry 'gknives' like the German messer knives. Technically swords, but also technically knives, these gknives are the battle versions of the 'common street butter knife' and a nod to their heritage. A human uses a sword, a gnome uses a gknife. A roaming gknight is one looking for a fight, mostly to fight other things not another gnome. Stuff like the olms (the Gnomes might even call them cockatrices or basilisks, but I think those are two different things and not just two names for the same thing) and deed of heroism and other 'normal knight stuff'.
- The original purpose gknights was questing to find a cure. Though now a days most gknights are more celebrities and pro athletes , there is still two orders of gknights that hunt for the grail. That being the Grail Gknights and the SPAN Inquisition.
The 'g' at the front of a name is NEVER pronounced. George would be pronounced 'Eorge. Ginny would be 'Inny and so on. Other than that they use the same names as Vanillas.
There are five main families that make up the Gnome Gempire, one for every letter in the word 'gnome'. At the time of this writing (and this headache) they haven't been figured out yet, but they are there.
Major language groups and dialects
Mostly they speak Vanilla, with reginal dialects, of course.
Culture and cultural heritage
Small body, big ego. Bastions of Chivalry. And pride. Hubris, they name is Gnome.
Shared customary codes and values
Most gnomes live in small clan communities in and around the gardens of other larger human. These urban gnomes operate on a kind of fief or serf system were in exchange for tending these co-op or private gardens of their 'lords'; planting, protecting, and harvesting; the gnomes are allowed to take what little food they need. They normally live somewhere close by the gardens they tend (literally and figuratively living on top of them) like European garden hermits. This forms a village-with-in-a-village. In the Capital City, there are several public community gardens that operate as free gnome villages. But even the (G)emperor lives and works in the Vanilla Queen's garden. There are some independent Gnome villages not within other towns, but for the most part those are in the wilderness and off the beaten path. These rural hunting, gathering, and foraging gnomes often have their villages away for other humans and live off the land and what they can find out there. Very self relent. Big 'home schooled' energy. These are your 'country' gnomes.
Average technological level
Same as Vanilla humans. Builders, and tinkers, the average gnome will retrofit other humans' things for Gnome use or fashion them down to gnome size. Being human themselves, they do have their own craftsgnomes and artisans to make many things to export to the other races and ethnicities.
Common Etiquette rules
Vanillas don't like to work with them on account of the fighting and breaking and stealing that goes along with the rioting and how disruptive the civil wars can be. But they are hard workers and like to finish any job they start. Think shoes clobber elves from fairy tales. They can be very single minded that way. Vanillas mostly think of them as pests outside of work. There is a lot of stigma about the Fupping Curse and if you can ‘catch the short’ and all the rowdiness. They are seen as a very ornery people.
Common Dress code
The iconic pointy conical hat is ubiquitous in gnome society. To gnomes, the pointy conical hat is deeply associated with students and learning. Every gnome is expected to do their part and contribute to the finding of the Cure, and considering they don't know what the Cure is or if what they are doing, or not doing, isn't a part of the Cure, it is assumed that everything you are doing is working to find the Cure. Everyday you are expected to be mindful of your actions and keep a record of your findings in a journal. Everyday and in everyway you are studying the world around you. The hat shows that you an active student eternally thinking, reading, writing, talking, learning. To be seen without the hat would imply that you 'graduated' and found the Cure, but as you are still small that would be a selfish lie or that you dropped out and no longer care about the suffering of your fellow gnomes. Both very gknavish things to do. As these are student hats, and though there are gnome witches, when working outside under the hot Sun most gnome do not wear the wide brimmed pointed witch hats. Instead, they have detachable, doughnut-like brims they can slide over the cone and wedge down to the bottom of the hat, then take off once inside.
Art & Architecture
Gnomes often live in spacious burrows or in proportionally size houses next to or in the gardens they tend. This can look like a miniature version of the village within its self. To call one a 'doghouse' is a no-no, thems fighting words. In some places they live half above and half below ground, though. Sometimes in cities where there isn't the space for conventional gnome homes, they will renovate a Vanilla house into a tenement apartment or a mansion for a single gnome family. In poor neighborhoods, there are little shanty towns in vacant lots that can get so ramshackle that they rival Kowloon in Hong Kong in density.
Foods & Cuisine
As food is not covered by the Fupping Curse, Gnomes have to rely on whatever 'normal sized' food they can farm or forage. Actually there is a branch of SPAN that is trying to engineer miniature food and they are working with some Elves in the Capital City to create bonsai fruit trees that would grew gnome sized apples and such. Farmer gnomes operate on a kind of fief or serf system where they live and work in the gardens of towns. As this means gnomes work and live almost on top of other human settlements it form a village with-in a village. In exchange for tending these co-op or private gardens; planting, protecting, and harvesting, the gnomes are allowed to take what little food they need and normally live somewhere close by the gardens they tend. In the Capital City, there are several community gardens that operate as gnome villages. Even the (G)emperor lives and works in the Vanilla Queen's garden. Foraging gnomes often have their villages away for other humans and live off the land and what they can find out there. Very self relent. Big 'home schooled' energy. These are your 'country' gnomes.
Common Customs, traditions and rituals
Very rowdy, gnome; prone to fistfights, riots, and civil wars. Fistfights are how they normally settle arguments. A riot is a fistfight that involves the whole neighborhood. When the fights get so out of hand that they turn into civil wars, all boundaries with other species are 'suspended' and the wars spill into yards, farms, the whole town, and the fields beyond. Waring Gnomes will grab any thing and everything not nailed down to use as weapons or armor. Forks, butter knives, spoons, pots, pans, muffin tins somehow, all goes to the War effort! But, everything is kept nonlethal. Broken bones are excepted, but not broken lives. So nothing shape; butter knives yes, butcher knives no. If these barrowed things are from their "lord's" house, then the gnomes will try return them. If the things are broken or 'lost' (like a good thwomping spoon, hard to find a good thwomping spoon, gotta hang on to one if you're lucky enough to find one) then the gnome responsible will work off the debt. And yes, sadly some looting happens because there are some bad apples in the bunch that are in the market for a new thwomping spoon. Please note; Gnome Civil Wars do not equal the Purge. That being said the goblins do a fair bit of business after a riot or war. People's farm and pet chickens have also been known to be rustled during civil wars. Some gnome even operate protection rackets to insure people keep their chickens, or at lest the same number.
Birth & Baptismal Rites
I think you'd get you first conical hat at your first birthday.
Coming of Age Rites
When a gnome reaches adulthood, as a sign of maturity, they are finally allowed to use the gnomes' favorite and greatest tool; the command of the curse word 'fup'. A noun ("Don't be such a fup"), verb ("I'm gonna fup them up!"), adverb ("It better get here fupping quick"), adjective ("This is fupping hard") the word 'fup' is one of the most fupping versatile words in the whole Gnome lexicon
Funerary and Memorial customs
What do they do with the hats after you die?
Short jokes. They hate puns and small talk, it goes right over their heads. And they will call you a racist for saying that. Ok, the small talk thing; small talk as in 'oh, what do think of this weather we're having?' like, we didn't come over here to talk about the weather, get to the fupping point. They feel like you're dancing around something, just come right out and say the thing!
Common Myths and Legends
Long ago there were several families of Vanilla Humans that settled, unbeknownst to them, too close to a fairy mound (fungal nexus). These humans were a rowdy bunch and prone to loud parties. The local fey soon grew tired of their new neighbors. When the fey's complaints fell on deaf and uncaring ears, the fey grew angry and took a page out of Beowulf and a curse was born. During a tournament for who was the biggest and strongest, the fey named Fupcups cursed the families to be the very opposite of what they were; small and weak. About one hundred people were now no taller than the knees of their 'normal' friends. Fupcups gave them a riddle to find the cure and from that day forward, the clueless Gnomes (a group name made up from the names of those afflicted families) have searched far and wide for a (g)rail. That was several generations ago and the gnomes are still fupped.
Gender is not an occupational barrier. Any gender can have any profession; gknight, blacksmith, doctor, whatever. Judgement and employment is based on skill and skill alone.
Can't go wrong with flowers, my dudes.
When a gnome marries another kind of human, someone outside the gnome community, that person then falls under the Fupping Curse and will shrink down to gnome size for the rest of their life or until the Cure is found, if it ever is. Some people don't handle the shrinking very well. It can be an ordeal and a great mental strain, so the first month for the newlyweds, their honeymoon, is reserved as a time of adjustment. Gnomes are encouraged to date other gnomes only because then you wouldn't have to worry about how the Fupping Curse will affect them. But as most gnomes live in family clans and villages may only be a few clans big, that dating pool may be unfavorable. There is also some stigma involving dating a gnome, with some closed minded people misunderstanding the nature of the Curse and thinking you can shrink from just a kiss. Not true. The Curse only activates when someone joins the family, like through marriage.