History According to Emin

The tale of the adventuring party that calls themselves, rather amusingly, the "Bag o' Dicks", as told by their loyal and most honorable bard, Emin Keyharice.

It is a much abridged tale of close calls, near death experiences, and romantic conquests, all told in a comfortable, easy-to-read style that showcases Emin's interest in romance novels and fictional military histories. The book is broken up into chapters that showcase an adventure each, starting with their quest for the Hag of The Warmwind Sea, progressing into the undersea tale of Mezzofathom and how he installed the current emperor, and proceeded directly on to how Emin saved the day from al-Molbal the assassin, by seducing her out of the shadows wherein she lived and hid.

Purpose

According to the author, the books purpose is to document and preserve the exploits of one Emin Keyharice, adventuresome Bard of the College of Lore, and graduate of the college of parahistory.

Document Structure

Clauses

The book is broken up into chapters, each of which details an adventure that the Bag o' Dicks had been in at some point in their past together. It veers off into romantic sub plots pretty often, in a fun lighthearted way that makes it seem as if poor Emin was simply trying to politely fend off all of the women trying to bed him.

References

There are references to events that have been unverified, and are frankly unprovable, but are nevertheless very entertaining to read.

Publication Status

Published in 5576NG, this book has been lauded as pure and solid entertainment by many in the literary community. By most scholars, however, it has been labeled as pure bunk.

Legal status

Legally, this is a work of fiction.

Historical Details

History

This book was written during the period after the adventuring party calling themselves the Bag O' Dicks defeated The Makers Consortium, taking over their main stronghold and workshops.

Public Reaction

Printed and pre-released at the world famous Bardic College Campus, it has achieved quite a bit of acclaim and status amongst the adventure story crowd, who have been swallowing every word as if it were wrote in stone, or across the heavens.

Read the Document

History According to Emin

From The Ballad of Emin Keyharice: Tales of Valor and Venery

Oh, gather ‘round, my friends, and let me tell thee a tale both salty and sweet, of how I, Emin Keyharice, bard of bards, saved not only lives but hearts in perilous Mezzofathom, the city beneath the waves, and beyond!

The Saving of Mezzofathom

Ah, Mezzofathom, jewel of the deep, encased in shimmering coral and guarded by leviathans. Its denizens—merfolk with voices like silver bells—were drowning in despair (ironic, I know). A cursed whirlpool swirled above their domed haven, threatening to suck the city into oblivion.

Who, then, but I should answer their plea? With my trusty lute strung tight, I plunged into the briny deep, accompanied only by a prayer to my impeccable charm.

The sea witch, a vile creature of brine and bitterness, awaited me in her lair. “What mortal dares disturb my whirlpool of wrath?” she hissed, her tendrils writhing like storm-tossed kelp.

“It is I, Emin Keyharice, slayer of sorrow and seducer of symphonies,” I declared, strumming a single chord that sent ripples through the water. My melody turned her rage to rapture, and with a final crescendo, I shattered her curse like glass struck by song.

The merfolk crowned me their savior. Queen Nerina, her beauty as vast as the ocean itself, pressed a coral circlet to my brow. “Stay,” she whispered, her voice trembling like the tide. But alas, duty called me elsewhere—though not before a tender farewell beneath the phosphorescent waves.

The Hag's Bargain on Palmwhisper Isle

On the shores of Palmwhisper Isle, where the sands gleam like powdered gold, I stumbled upon a coven of hags weaving a terrible curse. The villagers trembled as their crops withered and the sea withdrew from their nets.

“Fear not,” I proclaimed, “for Emin Keyharice fears no hag, no hex, and certainly no lack of ale.”

The hags sought to barter with me, offering riches if I would but leave their schemes unchallenged. “You’ve mistaken me for a man of greed,” I quipped, my lute already in hand.

As I played, the air grew heavy with enchantment. The hags shrieked, their spell unraveled by the brilliance of my melody. When the last note fell, they dissolved into shadow, their evil undone.

The villagers cheered, their gratitude boundless. Among them was Mirenna, a fisherwoman with eyes like dawn over the sea. Her thanks were… spirited. And who was I to refuse?

Of Hearts Won and Wagered

In every port, in every city, the refrain is the same: no maiden, no countess, no queen can resist the dulcet tones of my voice nor the deft strum of my fingers. My conquests are as numerous as the stars and twice as bright.

Yet let no one claim that Emin Keyharice takes without giving. For each heart I’ve stolen, I’ve left a song, a memory sweeter than wine, a story to warm the soul.

Oh, but forgive me, dear reader, if I wax too long on my charms. It is a bard’s nature, after all, to sing of the gifts he brings—to the world, to the realm, and to the heart.

And so, onward I go, ever strumming, ever singing, ever loving. For the seas are wide, the stars are endless, and this bard's story has only begun.

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Medium

Paper

Location

Pax

Authors

• Emin Keyharice

Signatories (Characters)

• Emin Keyharice

Settings in the book