Session 24: Godpunching with the Babes

General Summary

It’s been a long journey for our party of adventurers. It all seems like a lifetime ago—when Amara, Callidora, and Meredythe were first transported to the underworld and tasked by the Fates with ending the rule of Zeus, who had trapped the world in a classical stasis of repeating yet unchangeable myths. When they gained the enmity of Aphrodite and learned that Amara’s father was Poseidon. When they saved Icarus from his watery grave and Iphigenia from human sacrifice. When they joined Jason and the crew of the Argo and heard the Sirens sing, sowing doubt in their minds as to the Fates’ intentions.

Then they encountered Kallos and Aegis, healed Hephaestus, and received in return chains that could bind a god. They killed Circe and gained the enmity of her father Helios. They helped Cassandra and Helen, Achilles and Patroclus, in averting the Trojan War. Aegis swallowed an apple of discord given to her by her mother, Eris. Meredythe threw the World-Render into the ocean and it disappeared.
Now at last they have landed in Colchis, and with the help of the sorceress Medea and Meredythe’s Valkyrie wife Valentia, passed the trials and won the golden fleece. They have killed Aeëtes in battle and captured Helios himself. When Medea, dominated by Aphrodite, stole Jason and the fleece, they made a bargain with Hera and rescued Jason, chaining Aphrodite and giving the golden fleece to Hera.
But Aphrodite had many heartstrings she could pull, and so she sent a silent message to Aegis: “Don’t you think it’s about time you told [Kallos] that she’s your girlfriend?”
And—after a pause that felt like it lasted almost two years—Aegis turned and ran.
Kallos, upset at her friend’s sudden exit, berated Aphrodite and refused to remove the gag from the goddess’s mouth. The party debated exactly what they were going to do with the chained-up goddess, eventually deciding to get out of the palace and into fresh air to clear their heads.
The pouting Aphrodite, whose attempts to used Suggestion on the party had failed to convince them to release her, was carried by Kallos to the pier where the smoldering husk of the Argo was docked. Kallos called on Hephaestus and informed him of the situation, and the god of the forge appeared before them, his big, burly arms crossed as he scowled down at his wife.
He removed the gag from her mouth, and the two began to bicker. Hephaestus demanded that Aphrodite swear on the River Styx to never betray him again and to leave the party alone. Aphrodite countered:

“Do you really want to live without love for the rest of your lives? To close off your hearts to my influence completely? I know I’ve caused you pain in the past—”
Meredythe pushed her off the dock.

Hephaestus dragged his wife out of the ocean. Now sopping wet and thoroughly frustrated with these mortals, Aphrodite cast Major Image, surrounding the party in a recreation of their own memories. First, she showed them Aegis’ admission that she had a girlfriend and Kallos’ misinterpretation of it, revealing her own invisible presence, laughter, and hand in creating the tangled situation (Session 17). When this failed to move Kallos (who would not believe anyone but Aegis), Aphrodite created another illusion, this time of Meredythe and Amara falling into a dance at the Trojan wedding (Session 15). This only succeeded in goading Meredythe into making another attack on Aphrodite, which failed as she tripped over Hephaestus’ legs and was promptly restrained by Kallos.
Hephaestus, who until now had been watching with amusement while snacking on pita chips, asked Aphrodite if she wanted to go home, and the goddess agreed. As they left, another ship called the Peacock pulled into port, and sailors began unloading crates under the direction of a flamboyant and fabulous foreigner.

“Ea-Nasir’s the name, copper is the game! Lovely copper ingots, very high quality, I pride myself on that." He grinned. "Any customer complaint tablets go straight to me—I take them very seriously!”

He explained that the ship had come into port unusually quickly, “thanks to the boss lady.” Meredythe began to negotiate passage on the ship, but Ea-Nasir was soon distracted. Seeing the symbol of the forge on Kallos’ shield, he began peddling his wares to her.
Kallos remembered that a blacksmith she stayed with on Thera had been defrauded by a copper merchant (Session 8), as had Hephaestus himself (Session 9). The giant loomed over the fraudster.

“Do you think it’s funny to cheat the gods, little man?” she bellowed.
Ea-Nasir did a fancy foot maneuver to reposition himself at Kallos’ back. Then he said, “Actually, yes! Yes, I do think it’s funny, actually!”
Kallos punched him.

Without missing a beat, Ea-Nasir offered to let the party join in on his multi-level marketing scheme. They rebuffed him, so he cheerfully headed toward the palace in hopes of defrauding Queen Medea.
The party followed him, although Kallos and Callidora split off to search for Aegis. Callidora was able to track her by the scraping of her weapon on the floor, but the trail soon stopped cold. A woman appeared that, for a moment, looked to be Aegis—the same gray skin, white hair, sharp teeth, and overall feral look. She introduced herself as Aegis’ mother, Eris, and said that Aegis was under her protection and had gone to a place of safety.

“No one—no mortals and especially no Olympians—should be poking and prying into my baby girl’s life. She should be running free and wild, cut loose from the web of destiny and fate—which you lot are all tangled up in. Maybe she’ll come back to you. Maybe she won’t. Don’t take it personally if she doesn’t. It’s not often that one of my spawn actually gives a fuck.”

Kallos, deflated, asked Eris to deliver a message to Aegis, and the chaos goddess agreed.
After his sales pitch went predictably poorly, Ea-Nasir pulled Amara and Meredythe aside and asked to speak privately with them, Callidora, and Kallos. Walking around the palace like he owned the place, he gathered them in a side room, closed the door, and grinned.

“Okay, who am I? Come on, who am I? Guess!”
“…a cleric of Hera?” Kallos guessed.
Ea-Nasir burst out laughing. “Oh, that’s a new one for the list! A cleric of—oh, that’s hilarious. But no. Who am I?”
“You’re the spirit of the ship itself,” said Meredythe.
“Also a new one! And also wrong. Who am I?”
“Can’t you just tell us?” Amara said, exasperated.
“It’s more fun if you guess! I’ll give you a clue: I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m fast on my feet…”
“You’re Hermes,” Callidora deduced, and it promptly dawned on Kallos that she had punched a god in the face.

Hermes explained that he had “a message, of sorts” for the party, considering their “faction” a safer bet than “the old man.” Upon seeing the party’s confusion, he informed them of the situation on Olympus: half the gods (including Dionysus and Poseidon) had deserted, Zeus was in constant meetings with Ares and Athena, and all the gods were under the impression that the party was going to storm up the mountain and overthrow Zeus. He said,

“Look, you wanna get up that mountain? If you try to climb up or fly, he’ll see you coming, he’s gonna fry you with lightning the first chance he gets. Now, there is another way… but naaaah, I ain’t supposed to say.”

Hermes gave them directions (to the tune of a certain song):

How to get up to the mount / You have to take the long way ‘round / Through the underground—y’all have been there before?— / I’ll tell the old man you’re dead for sure
Ain’t no trap, sisters, this ain’t no trick / Just some tips from a god who’s smooth and slick / Helpin’ you cross the River Styx / And get to the bottom land
The Phlegethon burns hot and bright / Molten magma, ring of fire / Around the realm of Tartarus / That’s where you’ll find Prometheus
There’s an eagle circling over his head / To rip his guts out, claw and shred / You’ll have to shoot that thing down dead / To get that Titan talkin’
You’re on the lam, you’re on the run / It’s a tangled web the Fates have spun / The old man’s gearing up for war / Like no one’s ever seen before
He’ll strike you down, he’ll jolt you through / He’ll roar louder than thunder’s boom / He’ll hurl his lightning down at you / And sisters, ain’t it shockin’

Hermes offered to transport the party to The Underworld right there and then in his role as psychopomp, but the adventurers agreed that it had been a long, long day and they desperately needed a rest. Hermes said he’d come for them the next morning, then flew off, the weight of his words looming over the party’s heads. To defeat Zeus, they would have to—quite literally—go to hell.

Character(s) interacted with

Aphrodite  Hephaestus  Hermes  Jason  Medea

Report Date

03 Nov 2021