Seventeen

Suggested Audio Haven

Later in the evening, Tia rests on the balcony of the manor with a steaming green tea clasped in her fingers and a woolen blanket draped about her shoulders, Duff napping in her lap. A storm rumbles below and flashes of lightning brighten the clouds in a sporadic dance, stirring her spirit. Despite the barrier, Tia could appreciate the scent of rain and feel the caress of diminished wind still rustling her hair. She inhales deeply, relishing the scent and bringing some relief to her lethargic body. The stained glass door squeaks open behind her and Allen freezes at the threshold.

Oh, uh he hesitates and re-shifts his weight to turn around Sorry...

It's okay! Tia blurts and Allen pauses

Tia offers her father a gangly smile, melting away some of his tension. Allen steps gingerly to the railing, his movements delicate and cautious. Allen studies the billowing tempest below, nostalgia bubbling in his eyes.

You've always loved storms Allen sighs, lightning flashing in his eyes You'd come home drenched through but more alive than when you left his laugh is tender If you weren't so tired I'd suggest a flight through the storm. One of the best benefits of my form!

That sounds amazing! Tia utters in a mild breath I guess between your lightning and mom's water I was bound to like them

Despite the mild laughter hanging on her words, Tia falls silent and sorrow weighs down her expression. Allen tries to smile but Tia can still see the pain which lingers behind this attempt.

Dad... Tia continues more seriously Can we talk?

Allen nearly gasps, his eyes flashing to his daughter with eyebrows raised

Of course! Allen answers emphatically

He swiftly takes a seat across from Tia but still moves as though the floor might give out beneath him at any moment. Once seated, he opens his mouth multiple times but can't seem to work out what to say. Allen has so much he wants to say to her, endless uncertain words burgeoning in his lungs.

I know Tia begins instead You want to know what happened. I've been so obsessed with you keeping things from me but I'm doing it too.

Oh, Tia Allen breathes gently I don't think that's a fair comparison... My hesitation put you at risk.

And I'm hurting you with mine! Tia emphasizes with furrowed brows

If my suffering Allen states emphatically, a hand to his chest Could ever alleviate even a fraction of your own, I would take it all in an instant!

Tia sighs at her father's seeming exaggeration

Can we stop? Tia huffs, setting her tea aside

Stop? Allen echoes, stiffening

Stop keeping things from each other! Tia responds, Allen clearly relieved No more hiding or withholding things that are important. I feel like I don't even know you anymore!

What do you mean, snowdrop? Allen questions, blindsided by the sentiment

Ever since we got here Tia complains with tinges of aggravation, running her fingers over Duff's back Everyone talks about you like you're another person. You're a duke, you were a soldier, you didn't want children, and then… some important general like Martin? What happened to my goofy dad?

Ah Allen puffs out a sigh as he chews on his response, his face tightened by a bitter frown All of that, all of this... he gestures to the manor grounds Was never me, Tia. The person you've been hearing about... I'm not him anymore. I haven't been for a long time.

What does that even mean? Tia complains, nearly pouting, and Allen gives her a lopsided smile Can you just... tell me about your life here? If you do I... I'll tell you about that night!

Tia... Allen's voice is solemn I'll tell you whatever you want to know but not because your leveraging that. his expression shows recollection, pain and then acceptance As I've been told, you won't stay my little girl forever. I need to treat you like the young woman I hope you'll become.

I haven't been a little girl for a long time! Tia grumbles and Allen's shoulders shake with laughter

Allen's eyes drift to the garden, his wistful expression exposing both nostalgia and grief

This garden used to absolutely bustle with the laughter of children... Allen's tone is quiet and soft as if a louder tone might shred the gentle memory The silence now still haunts me.

Children? Tia questions, following his gaze and trying to envision it

I had many siblings. Allen explains in a stark tone So many that, I hate to admit, I can't remember all of them. Fifteen or so, maybe?

Fifteen?! Tia gasps How did Baa-chan even- I-I didn't know one woman could even...!

Allen chuckles into her halting surprise but his smile falls away

Many families in the kingdom, especially noble families Allen expounds carefully Try to have as many children as possible to "provide soldiers" for the kingdom's expansion. Traditionally, those children begin training at five, are introduced into noble society at ten and are assessed at sixteen before joining the training program. All of this is in preparation for their service in the Accian Military.

A pensive sigh escapes Allen's lungs as memories of he and his siblings' daily lives return to him. His eyes drift to a building on the other side of the garden very familiar to him—a training hall he an his siblings had honed their skills within. Memories of ducking below the windows, sweets in hand and Darrell at his side, to glimpse Iris and Edmund train while even younger tots scamper across the garden play in his mind. Tia watches her father quietly, trying to imagine what it must've been like to have such a large family.

When mother returned from her own service, she was… very passionate to fulfill her duties Allen continues, his words dripping with disdain Father was very driven as well. "Our family doesn't hesitate to sacrifice for the kingdom" he would say—said it to the King at my own introduction, in fact.

Allen's face hardens into a deadpan leer, his demeanor matching the turbulent storm below

And we certainly didn't. Allen rumbles with resent My youngest sister Felicity and I are the only ones left. No one else survived.

All of them...? Tia gasps

Tia feels a chill run up her back as he answers with a simple, grim nod, unable to fathom the pain her father must have experienced. The utter loss. Allen's eyes scour the storm clouds as anger, pain and grief swirl over his features and he tries to reign in these emotions.

Almost all of us inherited the minx form, especially wings. Allen explains, a hardness still lingering in his voice As well as Flithmar or Beranok's Aura--excellent offensive magic but lacking in defensive properties. Aerial combat is already extremely dangerous but... in that particular campaign it became desperately lethal.

Campaign? Tia questions, unfamiliar with the terminology

A military operation with a certain goal in mind or in a particular region Allen lists off for her patiently, still appreciating her innocence while it lasts Previous campaigns had been mostly terrestrial in the vast open plains and deserts of Alkelbulan. But when my siblings and I had come of age we had turned our attention eastward. The lands of Yaxiya are the domain of Ylithuum, Wylrith, Rylis and Ralgotar, primarily.

That's… earth, water, air and... Tia's voice trails off, struggling to recall the last

Magma Allen reminds her before continuing with increasing bitterness and frustration It is the most mountainous region we have ever encountered. Because of this, and the adaptions of those who called these regions home, aerial battles became vital, frequent and… devastating. The Aerial Division saw record deaths.

How did Tia prods tentatively, stirring him from acrid memories How did you survive?

Many soldiers Allen answers vacantly Survive out of luck. The rest, at least for me, was dedication, sacrifice and calculation. Between my "favorable form" and being the same age as then Prince Ambrose I had far more expectations placed on me. I increasingly felt it was my responsibility to put an end to the campaign. That it was the only way to save my siblings.

But- Tia cuts in and he raises his hands to stop her

I understand now that it wasn't! Allen insists in his defense But at that age, seeing so many of my brothers and sisters never coming back, and later even dying all around me, I needed to believe I could. And that was how I was expected to behave. Tia retains a sour expression but lets him continue I convinced myself, among other things, that I could end it before the rest of my siblings… fell. I constructed myself into the general who could do that but that person was never actually me.

You were... pretending? Tia asks in a high tone, trying to make sense of his explanation but failing

I was burying myself in another identity Allen tries to clarify

I made choices and behaved as I was expected to and that I needed to in order to advance the campaign. Even when my actions weren't in my nature. I became the shrewd, cruel, lethal and calculating General the kingdom needed and I was swallowed up by it. Allen pinches the bridge of his nose But I couldn't be that person anymore, not after that final battle.

What happened? Tia prods sheepishly, hesitant to hear the end of his tale

We had sieged Yanjing, the capital of Zhongguo, for months and Allen gives himself a derisive sigh The end in sight, I became rash. I had given almost a decade of my life to that campaign and all of my siblings, aside from Felicity, were in service. A number of them had already died under my-

His voice breaks and he has to stop to clear his throat

I... Tia squeaks I can't even imagine….

Tia places a hand over his. Allen's expression speaks to how desperately thankful he is that she would never have to.

In the end, we defeated the clan guarding the palace of the Si Xiang in Penglai Shan Allen's words emerge slowly and with great difficulty, his expression vacant in the face of such harrowing memories But I was the only Minx left. I had succeeded as a General… at the cost of my family.

I'm so sorry Dad...! Tia's voice drips with sympathy, squeezing his hand. He squeezes back once.

I retired and returned home Allen continues with a swift breath, relieved to move past the worst of it And mother... Was insistant I tend to my other duties as Duke. Day after day and woman after woman…

Allen gives a terse, exasperated sigh, almost scoffing

The new expectation was marriage and providing an heir for the House. But I didn't see any sense in continuing to sacrifice for the very institution which stole everything I was fighting for! Eventually, mother and I had a falling out and I swore I'd never marry, let alone have a child! Allen imparts, the slightest smile tugging at his lips seeing Tia's astonishment As a favor, his majesty sent me to Nippon. He knew I needed an escape... I suppose he hoped that getting me away from my mother and the capital might help me recuperate.

Did it? Tia questions, timorous hope popping into here words

A little Allen answers with a light chuckle It certainly gave me room to shed most of the expectations.

Then what changed? Tia asks

I met your mother Allen answers, his face lighting up at the mention She saw who I was underneath it all and brought out the best in me. She made me believe I could be that person. She even gave me you!

Tia frowns at the mention of her mother and his smile fades

I guess... its my turn... Tia mumbles

You don't have to- Allen begins but Tia shakes her head, insisting

Tia narrates, in as much detail as she can muster, the events of that night. After she's done, he sits in silence, face rested in his hands with a blank expression.

She- Allen blurts but then cuts off But she- You mean everything to her! She wouldn't-

Tia scowls into the storm, sharp winds whipping it up and billowing a cloud into a thunderhead

She couldn't have! Allen gasps in disbelief Maybe she-

She left me for dead... Tia grates precisely, eyes on thee hands fisted in her lap She saw them coming and she ran! Allen grows pale, the shadows on the patio behind her darkening ominously and writhing with her resentment She didn't even look back!

Tia! Evelyn sounds, stepping out onto the patio and placing a hand on her shoulder. As Tia meets her grandmother's gaze the shadows fade You are allowed to be angry! Evelyn declares softly and tears bud in Tia's eyes Your father will feel what he needs to feel about it. That doesn't mean you can't do the same.

How long have you been here? Allen growls, swallowing more severe words

Evelyn sighs and pads to the railing, her back to them

Seventeen Evelyn answers delicately, as if speaking the words too loudly could shatter her. Allen draws in a sharp breath I had seventeen children. Eight boys and nine girls, not including those I lost too early. I can name and describe every one of them...! Evelyn states in a withering tone I won't allow myself to forget!

Save your crocodile tears! Allen sneers, his volatility astounding Tia You expect me to believe that after you've erased every last trace of them??

They watch as her claws dig into the railing before she sighs, her shoulders dropping, and turns to them

Come with me Evelyn requests plainly, her face void of anger

Tia and Allen look to each other before trailing after Evelyn, leading them through the inner halls of the manor. At the end of the furthest wing, she stops in front of a portrait of herself holding a baby and beaming.

What are we- Allen spits, impatient

Before he can finish his question, Evelyn grabs the portrait by the frame and sets it against a perpendicular wall. This reveals a small door, just big enough to squeeze through. She disappears through it and Tia follows after her. Allen enters last and the sight of the next room leaves him breathless.

The walls of the hidden room are filled to the brim with portraits, sketches and memorobilia of faces unfamiliar to Tia. Portraits of babies, toddlers, teenagers and a few adults line the walls with all manner of personal items enshrined below them--children's toys, stacks of letters, folded clothing. Fresh flowers have been lain at each table too, their scent adding a softness to this secret chamber. Evelyn paces along the wall, carefully regarding each portrait before reaching one wall in particular which is dedicated to group paintings and sketches. As Tia's eyes skims their faces, the tightknit nature of these siblings are clearly portrayed. Meanwhile, Allen is rendered speechless for more than a minute, his tears flowing in wonder and grief. Despite his every attempt to remember his lost siblings, their faces had begun to fade in his memory. His eyes scour them now, determined to forever preserve their visage in his mind!

Are these...? Tia nearly whispers and Allen nods wordlessly

Why would you keep them here? Allen finally manages to husk before regarding his mother

He is shocked to spot tears running freely down her cheeks. Allen isn't sure he'd ever seen his mother cry.

I can't seem to look at them without... well Evelyn answers breathily, gesturing to her face Titus detested weakness of any kind, especially within our family. she bites bitterly, her fingers grazing hidden scars beneath layers of clothing He insisted I burn it all. Everyone had to believe that I did.

Father never... Allen tries to dismiss, shaking his head

Evelyn frowns in the same resentful manner Tia had earlier, catching Allen off guard.

You may have a keen mind, Allen Evelyn declares But you've always been naive about those you admire. Your father wasn't half the man you believe he was!

Evelyn steps beside Tia, studying drawings of two little boys, and a warm smile settles into place. In one painting, the boys are grinning at each other with jam-smeared faces.

Gloria enjoyed sketching and painting quite a bit, or any art really. This is Allen and Darrel—inseparable, mischievous gremlins! Evelyn chuckles in appreciation, rubbing the the frame displaying the sketch

And yet you still offered us up to the kingdom on a platter! Allen accuses her bitterly

We both honor them in our own ways Evelyn responds pointedly You try to embody their best qualities to keep them alive Tia turns and raises her eyebrows as Allen's face tightens and his eyes slide away Darrell's humor, Gloria's consideration, Edmund's selflessness, Iris' protective nature...

Allen regards the paintings of these four siblings who he had been closest to and his expression softens, this piece created just after Allen had been promoted to General.

Mischief plays on Darrell's lips as it often did for this jovial, open-hearted teen while Edmund is far more aloof and cynical. Stark opposites, Darrell had too gentle a heart to be a warrior while Edmund had remained in service long beyond what was required to watch after his younger siblings, loyal until the end.

Gloria, ever charming, quiet and observant, offers her sister a knowing smile. Iris is far more brash and passionate with a hot temper. Tia had always reminded Allen of Iris long before taking up her disguise, both of them stubborn, altruistic and adventurous--the burning heart of both family and allies alike!

And I refuse to waste their sacrifices. I keep our family going! Evelyn looks at Tia with a smile as she stifles a yawn You should get some sleep, dear. You've had such a long day!

Tia glances to her father with concern but he gives her a gentle wave, his eyes still stuck on the faces he never thought he'd glimpse again.

I'm sorry Evelyn speaks softly as they turn, leaving the subject of her apology to his imagination Come here whenever you need to.

Tia and Evelyn make their way through the little door. Allen is silent as they disappear, losing himself in nostalgia and grief which spill out the instant he is alone.

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