Seventeen

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Suggested Audio

Haven

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Later in the evening, Tia rests on the balcony of the manor with a steaming green tea clasped in her fingers and a woolen blanket draped about her shoulders, Duff napping in her lap. A storm rumbles below and flashes of lightning brighten the clouds in a sporadic dance, stirring her spirit. Despite the barrier, Tia could appreciate the scent of rain and feel the caress of diminished wind still rustling her hair. She inhales deeply, relishing the scent and bringing some relief to her lethargic body. The stained glass door squeaks open behind her and Allen freezes at the threshold.

Oh, uh

he hesitates and re-shifts his weight to turn around

Sorry...

It's okay!

Tia blurts and Allen pauses

She offers him a gangly smile, melting away some of his tension. Allen steps gingerly to the railing, his movements delicate and cautious. Allen studies the billowing tempest below, nostalgia bubbling in his eyes.

You've always loved storms

Allen sighs, lightning flashing in his eyes

You'd come home drenched through but more alive than when you left

his laugh is tender

If you weren't so tired I'd suggest a flight through the storm. One of the best benefits of my form!

That sounds amazing!

Tia utters in a mild breath

I guess between your lightning and mom's water I was bound to like them

Despite the mild laughter hanging on her words, Tia falls silent and sorrow weighs down her expression. Allen tries to smile but Tia can still see the pain which lingers behind this attempt.

Dad

Tia continues more seriously

Can we talk?

Allen nearly gasps, his eyes flashing to his daughter with eyebrows raised

Of course!

Allen answers emphatically

He quickly takes a seat across from Tia but still moves as though the floor might give out beneath him at any moment. Once seated, he opens his mouth multiple times but can't seem to work out what to say. Allen has so much he wants to say to her, endless uncertain words burgeoning in his lungs.

I know

Tia begins instead

You want to know what happened. I've been so obsessed with you keeping things from me but I'm doing it too.

Oh, Tia

Allen breathes gently

I don't think that's a fair comparison... My hesitation put you at risk.

And I'm hurting you with mine!

Tia emphasizes with furrowed brows

If me suffering

Allen states emphatically, a hand to his chest

Could ever alleviate even a fraction of your own, I would take it all in an instant!

Tia sighs at her father's seeming exaggeration

Can we stop?

Tia huffs, setting her tea aside

Stop?

Allen echoes, stiffening

Stop keeping things from each other

Tia responds, Allen clearly relieved

No more hiding or withholding things that are important. I feel like I don't even know you anymore!

What do you mean, snowdrop?

Allen questions, blindsided by the sentiment

Ever since we got here

Tia complains with tinges of aggravation, running her fingers over Duff's back

Everyone talks about you like you're another person. You're a duke, you were a soldier, you didn't want children, and then… some important general like Martin? What happened to my goofy dad?

Ah

Allen puffs out a sigh as he chews on his response, his face tightened by a bitter frown

All of that, all of this...

he gestures to the manor grounds

Was never me, Tia. The person you've been hearing about... I'm not him anymore. I haven't been for a long time.

What does that even mean?

Tia complains, nearly pouting, and Allen gives her a lopsided smile

Can you just... tell me about your life here? If you do I... I'll tell you about that night!

Tia...

Allen's voice is solemn

I'll tell you whatever you want to know but not because your leveraging that.

Allen pauses to chuckle, his expression showing recollection, pain and then acceptance

As I've been told, you won't stay my little girl forever. I need to treat you like the young woman I hope you'll become.

I haven't been a little girl for a long time!

Tia grumbles and Allen's shoulders shake with laughter

Allen's eyes drift to the garden, his wistful expression exposing both nostalgia and grief

This garden used to absolutely bustle with the laughter of children...

Allen's tone is quiet and soft as if a louder tone might shred the gentle memory

The silence now still haunts me.

Children?

Tia questions, following his gaze and trying to envision it

I had many siblings.

Allen explains in a stark tone

So many that, I hate to admit, I can't remember all of them. Fifteen or so, maybe?

Fifteen?!

Tia gasps

How did Baa-chan even- I-I didn't know one woman could even...!

Allen chuckles into her halting surprise but his smile falls away

Many families in Accia

Allen expounds carefully

Especially noble families, try to have as many children as possible to "provide soldiers" for the kingdom's expansion. Traditionally, those children begin training at five, are introduced into noble society at ten and are assessed at sixteen before joining the training program. All of this is in preparation for their service in the Accian Military.

Allen pauses, a pensive sigh escaping as memories of he and his siblings' daily lives return to him. His eyes drift to a building on the other side of the garden very familiar to him—a training hall he an his siblings had honed their skills within. Memories of ducking below the windows, sweets in hand and Darrell at his side, to glimpse Iris and Edmund train while even younger tots scamper across the garden play in his mind. Tia watches her father quietly, trying to imagine what it must've been like to have such a large family.

When mother returned from her own service, she was… very passionate to fulfill her duties

Allen continues with a stern tone, his expression hardening into a deadpan leer

Father was very driven as well. "Our family doesn't hesitate to sacrifice for the kingdom" he would say—said it to the late King in fact at my own introduction.

Allen frowns hard into the quote

And we certainly didn't. My youngest sister Felicity and I are the only ones left.

All of them...?

Tia gasps

Tia feels a chill run up her back as he answers with a simple, grim nod, unable to fathom the pain her father must have experienced. The utter loss. Allen's eyes scour the storm clouds as anger, pain and grief swirl over his features and he tries to reign in these emotions.

Most all of us inherited the minx wings

Allen explains, a hardness still lingering in his voice

As well as Flithmar or Beranok's Aura, excellent offensive magic but lacking in defensive properties. Aerial combat is already extremely dangerous but... in that particular campaign it became desperately lethal.

Campaign?

Tia questions, unfamiliar with the terminology

A military operation with a certain goal in mind or in a particular region

Allen lists off for her patiently, still appreciating her innocence while it lasts

Previous campaigns had been mostly terrestrial in the vast open plains and deserts of Alkelbulan. But when my siblings and I had come of age we had turned our attention eastward. The lands of Yaxiya are the domain of Ylithuum, Wylrith, Rylis and Ralgotar, primarily.

That's… earth, water, air and...

Tia pauses, struggling to recall the last

Magma

Allen reminds her before continuing with increasing bitterness and frustration

It is the most mountainous region we have ever encountered. Because of this, and the adaptions of those who called these regions home, aerial battles became vital, frequent and… devastating. The Aerial Division saw record deaths.

How did

Tia prods tentatively, stirring him from acrid memories

How did you survive?

Many soldiers

Allen answers vacantly

Survive out of luck. The rest, at least for me, was dedication, sacrifice and calculation. Between my "favorable form" and being the same age as then Prince Ambrose I had far more expectations placed on me. I increasingly felt it was my responsibility to put an end to the campaign. That it was the only way to save my siblings.

But-

Tia cuts in and he raises his hands to stop her

I understand now that it wasn't!

Allen insists in his defense

But at that age, seeing so many of my brothers and sisters never coming back, and later even dying all around me, I needed to believe I could. And that was how I was expected to behave.

Tia retains a sour expression but lets him continue

I convinced myself, among other things, that I could end it before the rest of my siblings… fell. I constructed myself into the general who could do that but that person was never actually me.

You were... pretending?

Tia asks in a high tone, trying to make sense of his explanation but failing

I was burying myself in another identity

Allen tries to clarify

I made choices and took actions, behaved, as I was expected to and I needed to in order to advance the campaign. Even when my actions weren't in my nature. I became the shrewd, cruel, lethal and calculating General the kingdom needed and I was swallowed up by it.

he pauses to squeeze the bridge of his nose

But I couldn't be that person anymore, not after that final battle.

What happened?

Tia prods sheepishly, a bit hesitant to hear the end of his tale

We had sieged their capital for months and

Allen gives himself a derisive sigh

The end in sight, I became rash. I had given almost a decade of my life to that campaign and all of my siblings, aside from Felicity, were in service. A number of them had already died under my-

His voice breaks and he has to stop to clear his voice

I...

Tia squeaks

I can't even imagine….

Tia places a hand over his. Allen's expression speaks to how desperately thankful he is that she would never have to.

In the end, we defeated the clan guarding the palace of the Si Xiang in Penglai Shan

Allen's words emerge slowly and with great difficulty, his expression vacant in the face of such harrowing memories

But I was the only Minx left. I had succeeded as a General… at the cost of my family.

I'm so sorry Dad...!

Tia's voice drips with sympathy, squeezing his hand. He squeezes back once.

I retired and returned home

Allen continues with a swift breath, relieved to move past the worst of it

And mother... Was insistant I tend to my other duties. Day after day and woman after woman…

he gives a terse, exasperated sigh, almost scoffing

The new expectation was marriage and providing an heir for the House. Eventually, mother and I had a falling out and I swore I'd never marry, let alone have a child

he smiles, watching Tia's surprise

As a favor, his majesty sent me to Nippon. He knew I needed an escape... I suppose he hoped that getting me away from my mother and the capital might help me recuperate.

Did it?

Tia questions, hopefullness timorously entering her voice

A little

Allen answers with a light chuckle

It certainly gave me room to shed most of the expectations.

Then what changed?

Tia asks

I met your mother

Allen answers, his face lighting up at the mention

She saw who I was underneath it all and brought out the best in me. She made me believe I could be that person. She even gave me you!

Tia frowns at the mention of her mother and his smile fades.

I guess... its my turn...

Tia mumbles

You don't have to-

Allen begins but Tia shakes her head, insisting

Tia narrates, in as much detail as she can muster, the events of that night. After she's done, he sits in silence, face rested in his hands with a blank expression.

She-

Allen blurts but then pauses

But she- You meant everything to her! She wouldn't-

Tia scowls into the storm, sharp winds whipping it up and billowing a cloud into a thunderhead

She couldn't have!

Allen gasps in disbelief

Maybe she-

She left me for dead...!

Tia grates precisely, closing her eyes with hands fisted in her lap

She saw them coming and she fled!

Allen is pale as she speaks, the shadows on the patio behind her darkening ominously

She didn't even look back!

Tia!

Evelyn sounds, stepping out onto the patio and placing a hand on her shoulder. As Tia meets her grandmother's gaze the shadows fade

You are allowed to be angry!

Evelyn declares softly and tears bud in Tia's eyes

Your father will feel what he needs to feel about it. That doesn't mean you can't do the same.

How long have you been here?

Allen growls, swallowing more severe words

Evelyn sighs and pads to the railing, her back to them

Seventeen

Evelyn answers delicately, as if speaking the words too loudly could shatter her. Allen draws in a sharp breath

I had seventeen children. Eight boys and nine girls, not including those I lost too early. I can name and describe every one of them...!

they stew in a thick silence before she finally continues with a withering tone

I won't allow myself to forget!

You expect me to believe that when you've erased every single trace of them?

Allen snaps

They watch as her claws dig into the railing before she sighs and turns to them.

Come with me

Evelyn requests plainly, her face void of anger

Tia and Allen look to each other before following after her. They trail after Evelyn as she leads them through the hallways of the manor. At the end of the wing, Evelyn pauses in front of a portrait of herself holding a baby and beaming.

What are we-

Allen begins, impatient

Before he can finish his question, Evelyn grabs the portrait by the frame and sets it against a perpendicular wall. This reveals a small door, just big enough to squeeze through. She disappears through it and Tia follows after her. Allen enters last and the sight of the next room leaves him breathless.

The walls of the hidden room are filled to the brim with portraits and sketches. Portraits of baby, toddler, teenage and adult versions of different individuals line the wall with their names displayed below each one. One wall in particular is dedicated to group paintings and sketches, the tightknit nature of these siblings portrayed clearly in each image. Evelyn paces along the wall, carefully regarding each one. Flowers sprout throughout the room, fresh and delicate, while childrens' toys, stacks of letters and other memorabilia are laid out on a table in the center of the room. Allen is rendered speechless for more than a minute, tears flowing in wonder and grief.

Are these...?

Tia nearly whispers and Allen nods wordlessly

Why would you keep them here?

Allen finally manages to husk before regarding his mother

He is shocked to spot tears running freely down her cheeks. Allen isn't sure he'd ever seen her cry.

I can't seem to look at them without... well

Evelyn answers breathily, gesturing to her face

Titus detested weakness of any kind, especially within our family.

she bites bitterly, her fingers grazing hidden scars beneath layers of clothing

He insisted I burn it all. Everyone had to believe that I did.

Father never...

Allen tries to dismiss, shaking his head, and Evelyn frowns in the same resentful manner Tia had earlier, catching him off guard.

You may have a keen mind, Allen

Evelyn declares

But you've always been naive about those you admire. Your father wasn't half the man you believe he was!

Evelyn steps beside Tia, studying a drawing of two little boys, and a warm smile settles into place. The boys are grinning at each other with jam-smeared faces.

Gloria and Iris enjoyed sketching quite a bit, any art really. This is Allen and Darell—inseparable, mischievous gremlins!

Evelyn chuckles in appreciation, rubbing the the frame displaying the sketch

And yet you still offered us up to the kingdom on a platter!

Allen accuses her bitterly

We both honor them in our own ways

Evelyn responds pointedly

You try to embody their best qualities to keep them alive

Tia turns and raises her eyebrows as Allen's face tightens and his eyes slide away

Darell's humor, Gloria's consideration, Edmund's selflessness, Iris' protective nature...

Allen regards a painting of these four siblings who he had been closest to, made just after Allen had been promoted to General, and his expression softens.

And I refuse to waste their sacrifices. I keep our family going!

Evelyn looks at Tia with a smile as she stifles a yawn

You should get some sleep, dear.

Tia looks to her father with concern but he gives a gentle wave, his eyes still stuck on the faces he never beleived he'd see again.

I'm sorry

Evelyn speaks softly as they turn, leaving the subject of her apology to his imagination

Come here whenever you need to.

They make their way through the little door. Allen is silent as they disappear, lost in memory.

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