Corp-Speak

Lets energistically onboard sticky potentialities, am I right?  
— Example of Corp-Speak
  Corp-Speak is a sort of language used by corporate workers that consist of business term, jargon, technobabble, motivational slogans and corporate shorthands. Learning it is an insidious process that works like a virus, infecting workers within a corporate environment.   Once they know what they're doing, it's often too late and Corp-Speak becomes embedded in them like a kidney stone. Corp-Speak is mainly applicable within the corporate workspace and complete nonsense to everyone else.    

Structure

 
Communicating this will require extensive virtualization, collaboratively.
  Corp-Speak has organically evolved within the festering pits of scum and villainy that is project management and marketing. It has spread since its inception (or incubation) to become a sort of de facto second language for many workers in the Megacorpolis. It is most commonly mastered by project managers, producers, or hacks who wish they were either of those.  
 
CorpSpeak1
by Successories

Corp-Speak works with any language and twists it like an abominable mutation. The most wide-spread variants are English, Chinese, Spanish, and Japanese, but few have escaped completely unscathed.   It is spoken as well as written, most commonly in various motivational posters found and loathed across the Megacorpolis.
Lets continually redefine clicks-and-mortar networks!
  There's no formally agreed upon curriculum of Corp-Speak and it varies between corporation to corporation, but two speakers of different corpalects (corporate-dialects) can generally make themselves understood. To each other, at least; everyone else is out of luck.    

Dialects

  Besides the difference between corporations and the use of specific terms of that corporation, Corp-Speak comes in a few broad dialects. They're influenced by the professions that generally use them and their requirements. These are:  

Technobabble

  Technobabble Corp-Speak has its home in IT departments and computer-bound workers. It incorporates many more technical terms and abbreviations as part of its flow.   Out of all the dialects of Corp-Speak, Technobabble is probably the least comprehensible to the average citizen.

Motivational

  Usually donned by managers of all kinds, Motivational Corp-Speak uses a large number of metaphors and sage-sounding advice to encourage, motivate and inspire. It usually has the opposite effect.   Motivational Corp-Speak is largely responsible for corporate banners and posters, making it the most loathed.

Marketing

  Marketing Corp-Speak sounds like it is always trying to close a sale. It is used by advertisement and marketing professionals but is rarely heard outside closed meetings or photo-shoots.   This dialect of Corp-Speaks can come off as sleazy, as it includes many psychological terms and ways to manipulate "the consumer."
   
I'd like to enthusiastically conceptualize multidisciplinary total linkage.  
— Corp-Speak, Exact Details Unknown
revised-services-icon-website_2.png
by The Word Salad

Corpers

  No one uses Corp-Speak as well as Corpers; life-long corporate drones that are born and raised within a corporate structure.   With generations spent within a single corporation, Corpers know the terms and shorthands instinctively. They're able to recall obscure jokes and references to things that happened several projects ago and know every corporate myth and story by heart.  
Corper
Ethnicity | Jun 6, 2020

Bloodlines made out of franchise management.

 
CorpSpeak3
by Successories
   

Corp-Speak Music

  Against all odds and decency, there are genres of music which predominantly use Corp-Speak in its vocals. These songs are either hip-hop or rap and always made in the deepest bowel of corporate think-tanks.   It's not a very popular genre but is sometimes played out perverse curiosity or to deliberately mock it.    
One could say it credibly repurpose future-proof results.
   
CorpSpeak2
by Successories


Cover image: by https://thewordsalad.com/

Comments

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7 Dec, 2019 19:33

Oh god, buzzwords and meeting-speak turned into a language?? Terrifying. Going to have to get our Big Data on this with some Actionable Analytics, maybe use Machine Learning and blockchain to figure this out.

Cathedris, the world of God-Husks and New Magic, welcomes you.
7 Dec, 2019 19:44

Don't worry, trust in the Algorithm to figure it all out! :D

Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
8 Dec, 2019 03:42

This is one for the record books! Really re-energized the market paradigm with gusto.

11 Dec, 2019 14:19

Jargon? In a language? I guess you’re using it outside of it’s normal operational parameters.

  • ASJ
  • 11 Dec, 2019 22:40

    You got to. It's against the law not to in the Megacorpolis!

    19 Dec, 2019 01:38

    Gasp - corp speak even invades my home through Weird Al lyrics for Mission Statement! Help!... glub glub... We must all efficiently Operationalize our strategies Invest in world-class technology And leverage our core competencies In order to holistically administrate Exceptional synergy ...

    Author of Rise: Liminal Chronicles |
    19 Dec, 2019 10:15

    Haha! I had completely forgot about that song! I might need to link it in the article... :D

    2 Jan, 2020 16:42

    I admire how you diversify the long tent poles to revolutionize the industry of language and drive engagement from your stakeholders.

    Author of Fillimet, bright fantasy land of possibilities, and Vazdimet, its darker spacefaring future.
    Forgemaster Janet
    Janet Forbes
    28 Jan, 2020 14:59

    This is hilarious! I've definitely met a few people who speak this....

  • Janet Forbes (Founder of World Anvil, author, RPG designer, streamer)
  • Grab your hammer and GO WORLDBUILD!
    29 Jan, 2020 08:25

    I'm glad you like it! :)

    9 May, 2020 03:39

    This is absolutely fantastic I am certain that I used to work with some of these people that said a lot and absolutely nothing at the same time!


    Graylion
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