Chapter 33
Chapter Length: 6,600~ words
If a person was born into a world in which they had no place, then where were they to go?
Perhaps, some might have thought that the answer was nowhere. But I have always believed otherwise. The first time my mother opened a storybook to read to me, telling tales of the All'gwerin and the enchanted groves within which they had once resided upon our ancestral home of Pretheya, I knew that the shape of the world was not absolute. It had not always been the grey, colourless, lifeless thing which I was born into; and it need not remain that way forever.
If this world was incapable of providing me with a home, then I would simply make a new one which could.
Raqi and
Punica decided to take a short break before proceeding on with the former's proposed tour. Punica was concerned that Raqi might grow stiff or otherwise uncomfortable if left huddled around her core indefinitely, and despite the xenosophont's protests that she was in fact perfectly comfortable, the executive decision was made to break the trance briefly so that Raqi could eat lunch and stretch.
Raqi munched down on a bowl of
sanchum berries, a somewhat dour expression on her face.
Seeing this, Punica raised a questioning eyebrow at her. "Is something the matter, Raqi?"
"Mhm?" The girl asked through a mouthful of berry. "Oh, no. Just thinking about how lame it is that, even in the middle of finally getting to do actual cool sorcery shit, I still have to stop and eat food and go to the bathroom and do stretches." Her expression flattened even further. "Having an organic body sucks." Then, it suddenly inverted, and she started beaming at Punica. "Oh, shit- wait!
Digitisation! That's a real thing, right? Like, not something they just made up for the fics, yeah? Like you can actually turn people into machines?"
The xenosophont's sudden enthusiasm took Punica somewhat aback. "Describing digitization as 'turning a sophont into a machine' is something of a misnomer; but we are indeed capable of transitioning sophonts from biological bodies into inorganic ones, yes."
"Oh fucking sweet!" Raqi's voice nearly doubled in volume, enough that Punica had to adjust the feedback from her auditory receptors to be slightly quieter. "Oh Inos,
Locke is going to be
so happy when he hears about that;
Marya too. Oh, I cannot wait to get rid of these shitty sacks of meat; that's gonna be so fucking cool." She spent a few seconds on what seemed to be the verge of vibrating with excitement, before stopping abruptly. "Ah, though I guess there're still all the ethical concerns about continuation of consciousness, and also all the existential stuff that comes with being immortal... Meh, whatever; who gives a fuck. I'm sure we can work it all out later."
Raqi didn't notice, but the patterns of movement in Punica's vines had shifted; becoming much more measured and synchronous while maintaining the same speed. At the same time, several blossoms had opened at various points of her body, and she had arranged her photoreceptors at angles to allow her to take in the full width of the xenosophont's physical reactions. "I did not know you wanted to move away from biological existence, Raqi."
The xenosophont looked surprised. "Oh! Uh. Yeah, I mean: I do. Not specifically 'biological existence', I guess; I don't have an innate problem with
being biological, it's just it seems easier to unfuck someone's body by turning them into a machine than giving them a better body." She gestured idly. "I'd more say the main thing I'm into is transhumanism. The same is true of virtually everyone I know; we all hate our bodies. Not in the usual 'trans self-loathing' way either, but like, at a foundational level. Lot of us just don't really like being
landamaeri."
The way that Raqi could just drop such critical information as if it held all the significance of sharing a favourite colour still baffled Punica. If the girl meant what she was saying, this was something they would have to explore in much greater depth at a later date. She made a mental note to assemble a list of relevant questions pertaining to different avenues of transhumanist exploration later, as well as to look into classes on digital sophont theory and experience when she got back to Affini space. "I see. Well, I would advise you temper your expectations for the immediate future: Digitization is a very complicated process, and if you wish for a method which retains continuity of consciousness, then you would need to opt for
Haustoric implant overgrowth. Seeing as the landamaeri are at-present undomesticated, this would not be possible for several years at minimum, I expect."
Punica also observed the way Raqi seemed to deflate the moment she mentioned the need for an implant. "Oh, right, yeah, I'd forgotten about that part," the xenosophont spoke, voice grown dour and disinterested. "Bweh. Sucks that there isn't any other way to do it." Her gaze grew distant and unfocused after she finished speaking, in the way that indicated she had continued the conversation inside of her own head.
Punica demurred at this.
It is not at all surprising that she would have aversions to the thought of implantation. At the same time, this presented a possible issue in the long-run. She added that onto the list of topics she would need to brook with Raqi at some point. "I would be happy to discuss the subject with you at length at a later juncture. For now, though, if you have finished with your berries, shall we resume our exploration?"
A few minutes later, Raqi was nestled back up against Punica's
core. The lead-up to being placed there was still a little bit worrying the second time around, since her perception of 'core cuddles' was that they were usually fatal to one's free will.
Just another thing with more nuance than the stories depicted it with, I suppose, she thought contemplatively, as she sunk into the wonderfully soft and elastic material that comprised the heart of her once-captive affini. It dimly crossed her mind just how much things had changed in a little under two weeks, but she had no time to ruminate on it, for there was a much more pressing concern on her mind.
Raqi had not expected to have a non-headmate inside of her head really ever; let alone in an immediate timeframe. It occurred to her that in much the same way that her mindform was outdated, her wonderland itself was also rather plain looking.
I cannot just show her the shitty low-poly environments me and Straessa came up with when I was a teenager; I am *not* having her think the inside of my head is graphically unimpressive. I need to- Fuck, I am going to need to speed-redesign the entire interior. This was fortunately not as difficult as it sounded: Despite her no longer actively working on her wonderland, Raqi's mind still passively constructed 3D environments as she went about her day-to-day life, and so it wasn't too difficult to just steal details from other ones and quickly replace the less-appealing parts of older designs with them.
Inos, I hope I can figure out a way to show her all this shit without having to walk anywhere, Raqi thought. The one downside of this approach was that autogenerated landscapes didn't come with depth information by default, which meant that her mind interpreted them as functionally 2.5D environments. This meant that trying to actually
move in one was... a long-standing problem, as she thought of it.
Please please let us at least not have issues with gravity inverting itself. Normally, she would have fixed that just by rolling onto her back in bed, but for all Punica's core was comfortable, it didn't really let her change angle very easily.
Oh Inos what if the overlay thing happens and we get stuck with two separate wonderlands on top of each other? Fuck, I don't even remember how to fix that one-
Before she had time to agonize any further, leaves began folding in all around her, and a blindfold slipped over her eyes. She wasn't sure why Punica had actually included that part again, but it was quite helpful since she needed not to be able to see for this anyway. Within a second of her senses cutting out, she felt her awareness shifting to the inside of her head, and it was time to begin.
This is the only time that I get to not suck; the one place that I get to actually be *me*, she thought.
I need to do this properly.
Punica, meanwhile, was finding it equally easy to sink back into the trance-like state she had been in earlier. The memory of how to synchronise her rhythms with Raqi's was still fresh in her memory, and it took little work to allow her processes to settle and still until their rhythms resembled those of the xenosophont's. Before quietness took her, there was a small thrill of anticipation at the thought of what she might be about to witness. She had not yet had time to process all of the strangeness of the state she had found herself in during their first session, but the thought of yet another unknown frontier to plumb for hitherto unknown information - this time one as exotic as the very mind of her xenosophont - filled her with anticipation. There truly was so much to be curious about when it came to her xeno, and she wondered if she would ever truly run out.
Before they are taught what to do, and what to think and not to think, children are often possessed of the most inventive ideas about the world. They have all manner of fantastical experiences during their time of coming to know existence, and conceive of equally fascinating and creative explanations for them. Yet as they grow older, all of this is stripped away from them; replaced with the explanations conceived of by their elders, and those elders' elders before them.
Some, however, manage to hold on to snippets of that which they discover. It is from these slivers of unfiltered experience that truly wonderful things can sometimes be born.
A soft, warm breeze blows through a flatland clearing. Long grass, a mixture of yellow and green, sways softly within it; while the sun reflects bright light through incandescent red leaves. Every colour of both summer and autumn can be seen in the glade, accompanied by the sound of faint rustling, and the occasional leaf falling from the canopy to the ground. Piles of brown leaves cover the floor, and nary a step can be taken without hearing the familiar 'crunch' of dry plant matter or twigs breaking under foot.
low ambient emotional phenomena
heat warmth sunlight
This time, Punica had opted to keep herself from slipping quite so closely into Raqi's sensory stream. She wanted to maintain an element of distance between the two of them; both in order to help with maintaining distinction, and because she thought she would be better able to process and appreciate everything she expected to see if she was more aware of her existence as an entity separate from Raqi. However, it occurred to her upon materialising into the arboreal landscape before her that she may not have gone far enough; because the moment her consciousness registered the arrangement of colours on display before her, the experience was so vivid and rich in sensory information that she found herself momentarily stunned and unable to act.
If she had been observing such phenomena of her own accord, she was certain they would not have affected her thus; but the reason she was responding this way was that it was how Raqi was responding. She was attuned enough to the girl to sense her emotional state, and the way she was now feeling was a mirror of what was happening to Raqi:
bright light; the colours of summer; all of my favourite shades
distance, a gaze filled with yearning; something i want, but can never have
would, that i could stare forever
It lasted for only a few seconds of real time, but the moment seemed to drag on much longer subjectively. Raqi eventually managed to pull her awareness back together, and the overpowering sensations faded; the ambient emotion in the mindscape returning to a baseline <
focused> suggestive of the fact that Raqi was putting in a substantial amount of effort to maintain it.
Yeah, it's not exactly easy turning yourself into a living graphics card, Raqi intoned, radiating <
dry-amusement>.
Punica's consciousness jumped slightly at the unexpected comment.
Ah, intriguing. I had not been certain if you would still be able to access my flow of thought like this, but it seems as if you can. /observational/
Oh, yeah; you still sound pretty headmate-y to me. <neutral>
I hope that's not a problem? <slight-nervousness>
No; not at all. It merely caught me off guard, but I have no reservations regarding sharing my thoughts with you. /firm-reassuring/
This was a partial untruth, as there were indeed some topics that Punica very much did not want to have brooked while they were in such close connection, but she was confident enough in her ability to restrict biofeedback to Raqi that she believed the xenosophont would not detect any discrepancy.
Ah, sure then! <excited; pleased; eager>
It is curious to me that you are able to perceive my direct thoughts in the first place, as this goes somewhat beyond the scope of sensing my emotions via biorhythm; but I presume it is possible on account of how closely synchronized we are right now. Possibly, some part of my body may be interceding unconsciously to provide you with interpretable stimuli with which to translate into thoughts; much the same way as I am doing in reverse- though I could not guess how it might be doing so. Perhaps I would be able to tell if I was fully sober, but my connection with my body is heavily distanced in my present state by design. /explanatory/
Uh... okay? <confusion; non-comprehension>
Ah, I suppose that was somewhat unnecessarily convoluted of an explanation. Never mind; forget I said anything. Please, do not let me distract you any further. /?????/
Raqi's consciousness did the internal equivalent of frowning. Punica had just sent her an emotion that, while she could understand it, was complex enough that she couldn't translate it into words. It was some kind of horrible mouthful like 'vaguely-annoyed-that-explanation-didn't-work-but-also-not-surprised-blaming-self-for-lack-of-foresight-ultimately-not-that-bothered' which gave her a momentary headache just to try and translate.
Uegh. Yeah, I guess 120 years of living would give you a lot of time to develop some very nuanced emotions. <amused-minor-discomfort>
That it does. /amusement/
oh right that works both ways <embarrassed>
Okay anyway-! Enough getting sidetracked! Tour time! <enthusiasm>
Their shared attention - which was still firmly under Raqi's control, on account of her being the source of all of their stimuli - turned away from their internal dialogue and back towards the brightly coloured treescape.
So, this place - this forest - is pretty much the oldest part of our mindscape. It's fairly adjacent to the first part that I created as a kid, when I was really young, where I lived with all of Straessa's predecessors. It was inspired I think from either a book, or some holovid show I watched back then; though it's been so long that I have no idea what specific one it derives from. <explanatory; pleased>
As the xenosophont thought, Punica watched as the scene began to clarify. She could feel Raqi's attention flickering about different parts of the 'image', and each time it touched upon one, it would rapidly gain texture and definition; as if the mere act of focusing on it prompted her mind to generate details to fill it in with. The scene was blurry as a whole at first, and only the overarching colours were clearly visible to Punica, but she was fascinated to watch as individual elements of the scene became more and more detailed. Raqi started with a tree nearby to the position of her wonderland avatar - the locus of the mental landscape from which the 'camera', a resource which they both shared, seemed to derive - turning to it and carefully scrutinizing its trunk.
In less than a second, it went from a blurry brown shape to something almost as distinct as what Punica would have expected Raqi's eyes to perceive of an actual, physical tree. The bark manifested in dozens of individual chunks, concentrated in the largest amount near the centre of Raqi's 'gaze', and slowly decreasing in both detail and amount the nearer to the edge of her mental field of view they got. Every half-second or so, she would change where she was looking to fill out a different part of the tree, and it took her only a little over two seconds to finish the trunk. Next, she shifted her perspective upwards to the crown, and Punica was greeted with the visual of light shining down upon them through cracks in the canopy. Properly detailing out the leaves took nearly thrice as long as the trunk, and Punica was able to infer from Raqi's sub-vocal thoughts that this was due to a general unfamiliarity with the view from this perspective.
When she was done with that part, she turned her gaze downwards to the base of the tree. The pile of leaves that she had decided to place there took less than a second to fully render, quite the opposite to the issue that she had experienced with the canopy view. This suggested to Punica that the xeno must have had far greater familiarity with this type of a scene, and she found herself gripped by immense curiosity at what events had dictated that she should know one better than the other. She refrained from letting it show, however; eager not to needlessly disturb Raqi any further. There was one question, however, that she considered worth the interruption.
Whom are these predecessors you speak of? /curiosity/
Oh! That's- Oh boy that's kind of a long explanation. There was an unexpectedly strong burst of <
knowing-amusement> from Raqi that took Punica by surprise.
Okay, sooo... To begin with, I've been plural since I was a really little kid. I had an imaginary friend based on a holovid character when I was about three or so, and probably like, a dozen more in the time before I turned double digits old. I had enough of them that I don't remember all of them, but they basically went through a bunch of iterations. Usually they were just characters from stories, games, or holovids that I really liked, but as I got older, there was one in particular that really stuck.
You know how I mentioned Terran xenofiction was already pretty well-established by the time I was born? Well, one of the things we got from there were books about Terran mythological creatures; stuff that they used to believe in during their pre-industrial age. One of the their mythological creatures was this big scaly lizard-like thing with wings, which they call 'dragons.' Her mindvoice suddenly filled with palpable <
excitement>.
I used to think they were so damn cool as a child. They were a lot like our Ormurr, but a bit more lizard-looking and less worm-y. The main thing, though, was all the stories about them. I don't really remember the details any more, but the ways they acted were always so... She hesitated for a moment, her presence turning pensive.
I guess in a sense, they might've struck me as kind of neurodivergent representation-y, actually? Like, in most stories, dragons were these amazing, awe-inspiring mythical beasts that sat on hoards of gold and gems - which I approve of lots because shiny rocks are cool - and also ate and-or-cooked anyone who came by and tried to start shit with them. Also they slept nearly all day which was a *huge* vibe. And their scales were super pretty and reflective and stuff. And, uh-
<
Embarrassment> injected itself into her mindvoice, but she seemed either unable or unwilling to stop talking in spite of it.
-also kind of maternal, at times? The feeling intensified substantially.
I, uh- There was this one, in particular; it wasn't actually a mythological story, but it had dragons in it, and there was this one character who was the queen of all the dragons, and she uh... Well, like, a major facet of her character was she had lots of kids; she was the setting's sort of, like, elemental nature-life goddess, sort of. 'Aspect of Life' was the technical term for it in the setting. But uh, anyway- Iiii guess that sort of just... appealed to me... a lot as a kid? I, uh-
. . .
okay look I'm gonna be real with you: there are probably a lot of unresolved mommy issues kicking around in here and it would be very low hanging fruit for you to tease me over them + we'll also never get anywhere with this tour if you do so I'm going to just politely ask you to refrain from that because you already have more than enough shit to domesticate me with as is and so this doesn't actually meaningfully change anything, therefore with that premise in mind I am making the executive decision to skip being embarrassed about this and continue infodumping for lore expository purposes
*coughs loudly* ANYWAY yeah so I had mummy issues and I liked imagining the giant mummy lizard being nice to me. This is probably not actually all that controversial beyond internalized stigma about that- yada yada anyway whatever. So my first long-lasting imaginary friend was basically just giant mommy lizard, and, she stuck around for a couple years, but then I got older and got into a phase where I ended up being really insecure about having imaginary friends. The stream of <
excited-
embarrassed> that had been going on uninterrupted for several minutes now was finally broken by a distinct note of
shame-
discomfort.
I thought it was a childish thing to still have, so I started telling myself I needed to grow up and start dealing with my problems on my own without relying on childish coping mechanisms... so I got rid of her.
There was silence for a few moments, perpetuated by a background aura of strong <
discomfort;
regret>. It lasted only a few seconds, though, and Raqi soon continued:
I eventually realised that was dumb just a few years later, though, when I found out about plurality as an actual phenomenon. The specific branch of the community I ran into was kind of a niche one that practised a thing called tulpamancy, but that's a whole other story for another time. Anyway, by then, it'd been a couple years and I really missed that old imaginary friend, so I decided to sort of 'resurrect' them and try to make them into a headmate proper. And basically, that's Straessa's really convoluted origin story! She's got an entire imaginary-friend ancestry tree, more or less, and I think she used to be really proud of it.
When Raqi finished speaking, she turned her attention towards Punica. It was only then that the plant remembered she existed, and it was with a large amount of surprise when she did.
I- My goodness. That was... quite an explanation. My apologies if I do not sound appreciative; I believe I was somewhat captivated by your story, in a way that I did not expect to be? I briefly lost awareness of myself until you finished speaking, and it was as if I forgot how to exist until you were done. /confused-perplexed-surprised/
Oh, yeah; that happens sometimes. <apologetic>
It's a pretty well-known phenomenon for our system; if someone gets a little infodump-y, they kinda hog all the mental resources and everyone else gets put on standby mode until they're done talking. Slightly surprised that it affects you, though; given that you don't share the same processor as me. <surprised; intrigued>
Yes; so am I. /surprise-mild-concern/
Regardless, for all that it is quite unexpected, it does not seem overly problematic at present. /??????/
There was another emotion Raqi couldn't put words to. This time, though, it was because it didn't seem to parse quite right. It was only even detectable to her for a split-second, and then it was gone.
More importantly, I do not wish to let my surprise rob you of a proper response to what you spoke of. Firstly: I greatly you appreciate you sharing all of that with me. Your summary of Straessa's origins was most fascinating; and you can rest assured I will refrain from any teasing regarding proclivities you may or may not have regarding mother figures while we are in this state. /amusement-light-teasing/
There was, as ever, a great deal more she could ask about, but they kept getting knocked off track enough as was, and so Punica decided to continue limiting her inquiries for the time being.
I appreciate that. <embarrassment>
With that trivia out of the way, the next thing would I suppose be to talk about some of the stuff we actually did together, and what Straessa's role in the system was. To that end, it's probably better if we switch locale a little... <continuation-expository>
For the first time that session, the camera zoomed out, and Raqi's form came into view. This time, it was a representation of what she actually looked like in the present; although viewed from the back and lacking a substantial level of detail in her feathers. Punica watched as the xenosophont raised her hand above her head, and then felt as she clicked her fingers, and a
snap reverberated across the landscape of their shared consciousness.
It is not uncommon for people to be denied things which they desire. In response to this, it is only natural that they start to envision realities in which they have that which they seek. For most, this is nothing more than an idle pastime; but for some, it can grow into an entire way of life.
Such can be the case when someone is saddled with a desire that is utterly integral to their being, but which they know is beyond the bounds of any living being or extant power to grant. At these times, the realisation that their desire is out of reach can drive them to despair, and may even threaten to render them unable to keep on living.
Faced with the knowledge that one can never have that which they yearn for, what are they to do but dream of it?
In the course of a single instant, the autumnal forest before them had vanished without so much as a moment to transition, and the next instant, they had found themselves somewhere different entirely-
A stone-walled room buried deep underground; a roof and floor of dark wooden boards lit by wall-mounted torches that cast flickering shadows over nearby surfaces. A table with all manner of curios upon it, a rather out-of-place looking mechanism with a dial upon it, even more out of place electrical cordage protruding from a hole within the floor in one corner, and a bookshelf.
minimal ambient emotional phenomena
neutral
This is the laboratory. It's where we first experimented with and learned to use symbolism for constructing internal mechanisms. <explanatory-mild-displeasure>
I see. Punica's awareness flicked eagerly over the various points of interest within the room.
Is there something about this place which is perturbing you? /inquiring/
Oh, no, it's just, uh- it's kind of outdated, both visually and in terms of functionality. Like, there's not that much to see here, and it's not all that exciting. <irritation>
Punica was not at all certain why Raqi seemed to find this bothersome. The idea that she had a location within her mind solely dedicated to attempts at influencing and controlling her mental processes had the affini absolutely enthralled, and she could not see why the appearance of such a place should be in any way relevant.
Respectfully, I am inclined to disagree with the latter assessment. Would you inform me about what each of these objects represents? /eagerness-prompting/
Ah, sure. <acknowledgement>
Their shared perspective returned to a first-person view from Raqi's eyes, and Punica felt rather than saw the xeno walk over to the table.
So, to start off with, this table here is sort of an experiment we used to help me with an exam in school. I had to remember a bunch of really specific information about the make-up of some toxic substances back when I was in high school, and we figured that a way to remember them more easily might be to just create visualisations of each of the components and stick them on here. <explanatory>
It actually worked pretty well, but, uh... <awkwardness>
Raqi's gaze fixated upon the table; which was almost completely blurry in her perception.
I don't remember any of them any more. So I can't really demonstrate that one too well.
Still, that is an incredibly creative way to approach that particular issue. You should be proud for having conceived of such an idea in the first place. /approval-pride/
O-oh, well, thank you. It wasn't actually that useful in the long-run, because we only employed it for this one question, but I do think it actually helped with that. <embarrassment; joy; pride>
She paused, then turned towards and gestured at the bookshelf at the back of the room.
That bookshelf was created for the same purpose. We had the idea of binding information into a book, to aid with memory recall. We never actually committed to the book thing, because we actually just found more efficient ways of doing it later; but that was where we started out. <explanatory; pride>
Memory storage is something that even non-digital affini struggle with. It is equally commendable that you thought to try and create mechanisms to address this issue; all the more-so if they were successful. /praise-genuine/
A-are you trying to fluster me? You're laying it on kind of heavy right now. <embarrassed; flustered; pleased>
Oh, am I? I apologise; I did not realise. I suppose this is a subject that I am quite fond of, and so I may have been letting myself get somewhat excited without realising it. I will try to better restrain myself from now on. /apologetic-genuine/
No, no, it's fine! I don't dislike it, it just, um- surprised me. <embarrassment; displeasure-at-implied-cessation>
Is that so? Well, never mind then; I shall continue just I was. Good girl for clarifying. /strong-amusement/
<ajsdhnsdjkgfvbndsfhgbndfh>
Punica was surprised when, despite having no prior experience with 'ajsdhnsdjkgfvbndsfhgbndfh' as an emotion, it seemed to parse perfectly nonetheless.
Raqi quickly moved on to the next item in the room, eager not to linger lest Punica tease her more. The next she chose was the oddly-shaped dial mounted into a portion of the ground.
Okay, so, this thing... I'm actually not sure what this does either. <concentration; attempting-to-remember>
I think... the dial was either some sort of generic 'awareness meter', in that you could turn it and- probably the host, so, me- would go into trance based on the level of the dial; *or*, it was some tool to control focus. It might actually have been a tool to help with switching, as well? I know a lot of the stuff in here was made at around a time when we hadn't learned how to do that yet, so it's possible it was one of the tools we made to try and get that functioning. <uncertainty; explanatory>
Pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is 'switching'? /curiosity-focused-interest/
Oh, switching is basically just- it's which headmate is in control of the physical body. A lot of systems kind of come with it unlocked as default, or learn it as kids; but we didn't. We had to sit down and practise it, and we spent the better part of a month doing it when I was seventeen. Punica was struck by a sudden pulse of <
warmth;
nostalgia> as Raqi continued.
The day we got it figured out was one of- no, maybe the most special moment of my life. I can still remember exactly what it was like; the shock I felt, at realising something that *different*, that- She searched momentarily for a word.
-*magical*, could actually exist. It was truly amazing. <awe; happiness>
The sight of Raqi Granatum, First Floret, knelt down upon the ground with her arms fallen limply by her sides. Her head tilted up at the chin by a single vine, being forced to stare helplessly into her owner's hypnotic centres. Eyes wide and focused, but completely lacking in any sense of coherence; only able to stare at the swirling colours that held the mind behind them so utterly transfixed. Her body still, yet alight with electric tingles; existing in a beautiful state of half-frozen captivation.
The pleasure she would impart onto her; powerful enough that it would render her completely open and susceptible to whatever changes her owner might visit upon her. Whispered words designed to entice, to seduce- a game that would never cease being played, no matter how well conditioned she became; her owner would never deny her that joy- each instance of which trained her to behave in subtly different ways. Every one of them seemed trivial on their own, but they would stack and compound with each other over the course of months, and then years; and a time would eventually come when there were more of those small changes than there were unchanged parts of her remaining.
A near-indescribable satisfaction gushed out from every leaf and vine of her owner; a feeling of the utmost pride, and a sense of joy and delight that went beyond words at finding what she considered to be the closest any living thing could come to being the perfect canvas. It was accompanied by excitement without limit at the thought of all of the ways she could shape and mould it, and all the limitless joy and delight she would inflict upon it. The affection she felt for the canvas was something similarly transcendant: It was as if she had discovered an object unique in the entire universe, possessed of utterly wondrous qualities; made all the more-so by the fact that it had not initially possessed them, but rather had worked them into itself.
Painted in every pore of the thought was the burning need to have it for herself-
/Prompt-Focus/
Raqi's awareness narrowed to a pinprick-
I did not intend for you to see that.
/Prompt-Listen/
Her voice-
When Punica normally spoke, Raqi's mind seemed to sort of filter out most of the differing cadences present in her voice; compressing them all together to create a single 'overall' impression of what the plant was saying. Once or twice, though- the main time she could remember being when Punica had been about to inject her in the garden- she had done something with her voice that had made Raqi's brain completely stop doing that. Now she was doing it again, but this time, with her voice right inside of Raqi's head; and the result was-
I would prefer for you to cast it from your mind for the time being. I am not asking you to forget it; but merely to let it fade from your awareness for the time being. It is not important to our current activity, and it would be best were we to speak of it later.
/Gentle-Warm-Soothing-Reassuring/
The sound was completely irresistible. She could barely even process it; it was like the words were both wrapping around her brain, and caressing her physical body in some way she didn't at all understand. All she knew was that it was melting her will like ice in boiling water, and by the time she could even think of being alarmed by what was happening, she felt too sedated to want to.
Will you do this for me, petal?
/Encouraging-Trust/
It wasn't even a question; not really. A question implied there was a possibility that Raqi would say no; and there was no such thing in this circumstance. She could feel in her own mind how deeply Punica trusted her to understand; how she knew that, in spite of this act of force, Raqi would understand that it was what was best for her, and that was why she was doing it. Raqi would never even consider betraying that trust, and so she acquiesced without hesitation.
Okay, she whispered.
Thank you. Good girl.
Raqi's mind turned into stars. For several long seconds, it was all she could think of, and when her mind finally came back together again, it was filled with a feeling of <
affection> and <
love> so strong it bordered on worshipfulness. She was just a small animal, and in the end, she could not resist feelings like this. It went beyond the bounds of what she was capable of; even with all the tools and mechanisms she had crafted for herself. While Punica was in her mind like this, there was nothing she could do to stop the affini from reaching out and caressing her consciousness until every hesitation was smoothed away into pleasure-ensorcelled docility.
And she was okay with that. If that was what her affini wanted, then Raqi would gladly be her good little pet-
That is quite enough, Raqi, petal. Please steady yourself. /prompting/
Just before she could lose herself entirely to adoration, Raqi snapped back to reality.
Oh. Uh... Sorry, what was just happening? I'm- I feel a little fuzzy right now. <confusion; disorientation>
Please do not worry about it, dear. I made a minor mistake and was too forceful with my presence. Aside from that, you were mid-way through explaining to me the function of various items within the laboratory. /explanatory/
It took Raqi's consciousness a second to catch up.
Oh, right, yeah! That. Oookay, where was I...
Punica remained silent, and a few seconds later, Raqi resumed her explanation about the objects present within the laboratory.
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