Acquilina Breathen
Acquilina Breathen (a.k.a. Lina)
by Lee Stepp
Species
Ethnicity
Age
Class
Performing Troupe
Status
Accian Military Training Program
Division
Kanilwyr's Eye
Able to see truth and honesty, or when someone is recalling a memory, as an aura, or glean information about these facts or memories by staring into a target's eyes.
Able to see truth and honesty, or when someone is recalling a memory, as an aura, or glean information about these facts or memories by staring into a target's eyes.
Ranalis' Manipulation
Capable of telekinesis and can manipulate the functions of a target's nervous system. However, this ablity quickly eats up energy. Also able to manipulate or direct people's thoughts and mind spaces. The target can fight back or even access the caster's mind
depending on their willpower or skill. The most talented of these casters are essentially capable of mind control but for this they need strong conviction.
Lina is a member of Sirius Cato's unit. She also works on his set design and lyrics when performing as Major Fox, the pair collaborating in their spare time. Snarky and sarcastic, she often hangs around Sirius and other musically inclined recruits. Despite not being a member of the Accian court, she easily goes toe to toe with those looking down on her for her background. Lina grew up travelling with a troupe of entertainers, moving from town to town, and she greatly enjoys travel despite a hidden yearning for somewhere to belong. Underneath her sharp tongue, Lina simultaneously craves and fears deeper connection. It is Sirius' casual and undemanding nature which keeps her close to him while he enjoys the sharp wit he lacks, an ample weapon against the nobles which hover about him, as well as for her keen eye for a person's true intentions. As Sirius is drawn closer to Unit Z909, as Lina is drawn in with him, kindred souls will test her defenses.
by Lee Stepp
Lina's racial magic grants her a peculiar mix of abilities far more useful off the battlefield than on. She is able to manipulate, alter and even shape the thoughts of targets and, in a pinch, even the functions of their nervous system. Not having any military training before joining the procession, Lina is still learning to utilize this in combat to her advantage but the applications are frightful. When pushed into a corner, she is even able to exert telekinetic power but she mostly uses this for mischief or convenience. Her second ability, Kanilwyr's Eye, allows Lina to see when those around her are being honest or truthful, exposing itself in a variety of colors. She can also see glimpses of another person's memories as they flash through a target's mind by staring into their eyes, glean facts, knowledge or the truth of an assertion. She has always used this ability for her own social benefit, aiding her sharp tongue and keen insight. She is being trained in interrogation in the Special Division.
Physical Appearance
She has dark features and an average build, somewhat thin but not lithe. Average height. She looks prettier when she smiles. When her form is fully manifested, Lina's eyes are silver-white and almost reflective. Thin, delicate lines curl and weave about her face which are both white and pale yellow. Her yellow markings are most prevalent along her hands.
Cis Female
(She/Her)
Brown,
Almond-Shaped
Dark Brown,
Straight
and Long
Warm Ivory
Gender
(She/Her)
Eyes
Almond-Shaped
Hair
Straight
and Long
Skin Tone
by Lee Stepp
Background
by Lee Stepp
She grew-up traveling from town to town. She never really had a home but she didn't really mind that, not until she and her traveling group stayed in one place for longer than they intended. In that town there was a sweet little romance between her and someone in the town, just a crush really. Despite this, that boy she met in the town left a lasting impact on her. But when she had to leave, she's sad because she loved that little town. There was a comforting feeling about coming home or going into town to go grocery shopping without worrying if you'll even be able to find food.
And that little crush made her want to find a place to stay. She wants to have a home and a family of her own but because her family has always been moving she doesn't want to let them down. And there are still some parts of her that don't want to settle down. She still wants to explore the land, the country. That was once her dream. Because of these conflicting feelings she's hesitant about getting into a relationship, platonic or otherwise, because she's afraid that relationship will force her to settle down or travel forever.
Trauma
The thought of getting real and vulnerable with someone is something that she genuinely wants but is scared to have. She had a friend once, in her traveling posse, and they did everything together. They were like siblings. When her friend left without her, it cut her deeply. They had made a pact to always stay together, as many friends do, and that left a lasting impact on her. It made her feel, no matter where they travelled, they had each other. Yet at the time, when her friend asked her to leave with them, she had thought they were joking. Why would they want to leave everything behind? When she wakes up one morning to find her friend is gone, she's almost heartbroken. It was several years later she meets her little crush from the town, not yet willing to open her heart again. She's still quite bitter towards her lost friend, questioning if fate will draw them together within the procession.
by Lee Stepp
Personality
by Lee Stepp
Snarky and sarcastic wit which is her sense of humor but this is also a facade, an act to keep people away so she doesn't have to talk to them and so she doesn't get into a friendship with them. The thing about her is that she wants to be free. She wants to explore and discover new places, as she and her childhood friend had always talked about, but at the same time she also wants a place of her own and a family of her own.
by Lee Stepp
These feelings still plague her when she meets Tia and her friends, where she comes across as snarky, sarcastic, and maybe even rude, but she eventually opens up and becomes vulnerable with a character she really trusts. She tells that character a little bit about her fears and how she wants to settle down, but she hates the idea of staying in one place.
This is perfect.
OH that's what I forgot! I never asked what you wanted her magic form to look like! She'll have markings on/around her eyes that can be either silver-white or even prismatic for Kanilwyr's Eye. Lemme know if you have any particular pattern/shape you'd prefer on that. As for Ranalis' Manipulation, these markings will be some shade of pale yellow. Generally manipulation markings are focused around the hands but really they can present anywhere depending on how you want her to use them. Like around her mouth/throat if she laces her power into her words, around her scalp if its done with her mind or hands if she uses gestures. However you want her to enact the ability. And again, they can be whatever pattern/shape you want. Just lemme know how you want this to look!
For Kanilwyr's Eye silver-white is fine around her eyes. Ranalis' Manipulation I think would make sense around her scalp and maybe hands, depending on how she controls her telekinesis ability. But I think scalp would be fine, if you just need one place.
It can be both. Did you have any particular patterns or shapes you wanted?
umm, maybe just some simply swirls and curls. Something along the lines of this swirl pattern .
Gotcha! She'll have a brief debut in chapter 15!
I was thinking about her potential relations, friends or other kinds. Who she would connect with. I was considering having her lean towards Arabella at first but, as she gets to know everyone, I feel she has a LOT in common with Bolorbataar actually. Same wanderlust (his clan is nomadic) while simultaneously seeking community/somewhere to belong/tradition. Same having lost someone they were close to unexpectedly and has some hope/desire to find them again. He and this figure also dreamed of seeing the world together and her vacancy haunts him. And he wouldn't be immediately put off by her snark/sharp tongue as he is very accustomed to this from Longwei already. Idk whether or not a romance would bloom or not but I think whatever kind of relationship would be pretty organic between them. Let me know your thoughts on this direction!
Honestly, as a discovery writer, I personally would just wing it and see what happens. If a romantic relationship starts to form then that's great. But I wouldn't force anything, if you feel like there's a spark, then let it happen. But just don't try to force anything. You know your characters and I'm sure you'll feel if something's off. So, I'm pretty cool with any platonic or romantic relationships that may or may not happen.
Gotcha. Like I said, I just saw a lot that they have in common and would vibe with. Growth that could happen as characters by interacting with each other. They are all side characters so there is only so much attention I can put on them (aside from writing extra content on the side). Just wanted to run it by you since its your character! I do the same for the person who made Euan (thought honestly he has taken on a life of his own! He's like a bolder version, as one might become with his specific background and abilities. Most of my characters take on their own personality as the story develop!).
Yeah, I can absolutely understand that! I usually base characters off people as a guild line and then eventually by the end of the rough draft I'll know who they are. So, I am not necessarily expecting it, but I will not be surprised if Lina eventually finds her own way in this story.
Yeah, hopefully I can integrate her naturally. I'll likely still ask you a few things here and there when I'm not sure her reaction. I have to constantly ask Euan's creator for jokes or nicknames >_> I am not a comedian by any means. I actually finished Lina's introductory scene and chapter 15 recently and MAN is it going to be a great chapter. Lots happening! I'm not particularly creative this week so I've mostly been doing editing, if anything at all. Still, I'm pretty proud of some of the upcoming scenes. I think/hope you'll enjoy her introduction, however brief a scene it is.
I'm definitely looking forward to it! And don't worry about not being a comedian. According to my writing teacher, comedy is the hardest things to write. But if you can master comedy, you can master just about anything else. But I'm confident you'll get their eventually.
I have a dry sense of humor, very technical. Situational. A bit dark. Writing Euan has certainly helped! My sense of humor is very much like Duffs actually. The others call him an old man for that reason.
Hey, I love dry senses of humor. Sarcasm, satire. That's my kind of thing, so I totally understand where you're coming from.
OH that reminds me. I've started putting little headers/titles over sort of clusters of scenes on the chapters now. If you wanted to go back and read the scenes I've added which you haven't read they should be easier to find now (so you don't have to reread old stuff if you don't want to). Here are a few of the scenes I don't think you've seen or which have a big chunk added to them: Eairdsidh, Chapter 2 (written because of one of your suggestions actually) Girls' Day Out, Chapter 3 (parts of this aren't new but a big chunk of it is among many alterations) Killer Technique, Chapter 5 (totally new, also one of your suggestions) Resonance, Chapter 8 (totally redone and plot important, very short scene) A Duke's Day, Chapter 10 (first half isn't totally new but the rest is) Lastly, if you were to reread any chapter I'd suggest chapter 9. I have made a LOT of changes which reveal a bit more about how Tia's abilities work and how they affect her, much of which was by your suggestion.
Aw, I'm glad that you've been using some of my suggestions. That means a lot, and is surprisingly quite a confidence booster. But I'll try and read them tomorrow. And, of course, once you're done with the story, I'll go back to the beginning and start rereading through it all, double checking scenes, dialogue, spelling, syntax, and things like that.
I appreciate the feedback! I'm at the point with my writing where its the only way for me to improve. Your advice has been incredibly helpful! Even if I can't always employ it right away. It'll likely be a very different story by the time I finish it! But I'll let you know about new scenes I've add retrospectively. They tend not to be very long additions at the very least. Scenes I struggled with and go back to later mostly or little scenes you mention would be good additions (like Martin's backstory or Tia spending some time training with her fater in Eairsdsidh and Killer Technique). I also hope to write little one shots or spin offs later on. I can't always add everything I want into chapters or they wind up too long or the story drags on. If you'd ever like to see a specific adventure thats something like that let me know! It's a good exercise.
Yeah, of course, if I come up with anything I'll let you know. I'm excited to read the rest of your story. I'm almost done with Chapter 12. I'm just combing through it one last time, and then I'll post my critique, but it's been pretty interesting so far. I'm honestly super excited to finish! Speaking of which, how long are you planning on making this book, or really when are you planning on finishing it? Like an end date.
I don't have anything number or date wise planned yet. I just have a general path planned for the plot and a most of the major scenes figured out. Some of which may change as things continue. Sometimes I get a good idea pop out of no where. But I'd say its about 1/3rd of the way through right now. Overall it kind of has arcs like an anime marked by either the locations they travel through or the overarching things going on. Some of the middle bits I'm still working out the details of. The character/relationship building and subplots which the story falls back on when everything hits the fan. I'm likely to continue putting out one if not two chapters a month unless I hit a major burnout. Overall, they'll travel through northern Alkelbulan, into Luxis' Cradle and back through the Tenebrous Chain. Those are for sure and each area will likely get at least two chapters if not more. From there I'm still working out a few key details. Figuring how long the rest of the journey will last or if it will continue past a certain event or if I'll jump right into critical events. There will definitely be a major turn in the story at this stage but I may move it up further, I'm not totally decided yet. I had originally planned for them to cross the sea to Yaxiya and, unless I decide to shorten it/jump things along then they will. Either in Yaxiya or part of the way through another really critical event will take place which puts the final events of the first book into action. The point where everything changes in a sense. Those are actually far more planned out than the middle portion of the story itself! I'm just working out the journey to that point before I can write these final events. But once I finish up the middle bit the rest should flow together quickly and book one will come to a close.
that always happens. The beginning and end is usually pretty fleshed out, only to have the middle just be a giant mess of something. So, don't worry about not having a middle part. I usually barely plan the middle part and just a few plot things they need to do, but then I'll try to double down on scenes for their character arcs. Plots and things I'm not bad at. I can plan those and everything comes out fine. It's the character arcs that I always struggle with. Trying to make it obvious that they've changed by the end of the story. Of course, I know how to do it. I've just never done it correctly or executed it particularly well.