Cathedris Themesong

Snakes

Predators preying on the naive

Well now look here, I have something here that I bet you've never thought about, realized, understood, appreciated or presumed to need! But I, Helweather Stainsburg, am here to set you straight! I'm here spreading the truth, and providing the answer to questions you never even had! What am I selling you ask? Why, anti-scaling cream! With this cream, rubbed on your skin twice daily, you too can join the growing number of people who never again have to worry about growing scales!
— Legitimate Saleswoman Helweather Stainsburg

With rapid advancements in technology and science comes rapidly expanding gaps in public understanding of how these things work -- and Snakes exist to exploit those gaps. These people are an extremely modern problem, coming into the picture gradually over the past decade as the planet pushes its scientific understanding of how things work. Snakes are found all over Cathedris as well -- wherever bad people exist and inventions are made, Snakes will come slithering out.   The reception to these Snakes has been negative, to put it lightly. Public citizens for the most part carry an intense distrust of new products, which makes both legitimate and illegitimate salespeople's lives much harder. In addition, governmental crackdown has been swift and heavy handed, particular in the authoritarian country of Artazia, where they brand any apprehended Snakes with a Mark of the Snake. Other countries have begun to follow suit, though with less extreme measures -- instead of branding, they will paint, hang signs, or occasionally tattoo the mark onto the culprits.

 

Honor among Snakes

With the modern climate shifting so as to make their lives and sales far more difficult, some Snakes have begun to band together into Nests. These groups of like-minded individuals group together in what seems like an inefficient attempt to help each other -- however the benefits from the teamwork far outweigh the forced cooperation with competitors.

Techniques and Technology

Most Snakes in a nest will keep their main "proprietary" technology to themselves -- the smoke and mirrors, secret levers, and well crafted lies that are synonymous with their "brand". The rest however, they will share among their fellow nest members to help each other put on a better sales show.   Specific techniques might be work-shopped as well, such as how to work a crowd, pinpoint the gullible idiots, or turn a shrewd attendee's focus elsewhere. Some of the more successful Snakes will put on seminars for their nest-mates, on topics such as "How to Flee From the Police 101".

Easy Marks

The main piece of knowledge shared between members of the same nest is locations of "easy marks" -- towns where information trickles in slowly, or specific neighbourhoods known for buying anything a Snake sells. During nest meetings, maps will often be handed out with updated locations of these settlements and simpletons, with red circles and red crosses to denote changes.   These locations of guaranteed product sales never last long though, as eventually the victims will begin to wise-up to the game being played, and the Snakes will have to move on.

Totally Legitimate Testimonials

The salesman was entirely right! Just one application of the cream, and I didn't have any more warts! Hurt worse than you can imagine, but it was worth it. ...Mind you, never had any warts to start.
— A happy customer
 
Don't listen to the others! I too have a closet full of DiamondGlass pens, and I couldn't be happier! They make writing sharp witted and cutting criticism far easier, and I don't even mind quadrupling my paper usage.
— A contrary opinion
 
What do you want me to say? ...No! No w- oh that's a lot of money... I'll say whatever the hell you want! This product is great! Once again I am full of energy and vigor in all parts of life, particularly within the bedroom!
— This man was not paid for this positive review


The Government of Artazia fully and completely condemns the so called "Snakes" seen around the world. Anyone found practicing this form of trickery will be swiftly prosecuted to the full extent of Artazian law.


Cover image: by Annie Spratt

Comments

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21 Jul, 2020 09:46

I think my favourite part of this is the testimonials. :D   Really fun read. I like the little sprinklings of humour throughout.

Emy x   Welcome to Etrea!
21 Jul, 2020 20:05

Thank you Emy! I wanted to do something a bit more fun after the Legion :D

Cathedris, the world of God-Husks and New Magic, welcomes you.
21 Jul, 2020 14:48

Totally Legitimate Testimonials
  Well, checks out, I believe them!   Awesome stuff as always; a right mix of funny and weird - the testimonies in particular are really great. Especially that last one ;D


Creator of Araea, Megacorpolis, and many others.   Current challenge article: Corporate Mascot Costumes!
21 Jul, 2020 20:06

Definitely some more Megacorpolis reading leaking through here, and I am totally okay with that :D   Glad you liked it! This one was refreshing and fun to write :)

Cathedris, the world of God-Husks and New Magic, welcomes you.
22 Jul, 2020 09:07

Ahaha, if Megacorpolis is getting a life outside my articles, I am truly honored <3


Creator of Araea, Megacorpolis, and many others.   Current challenge article: Corporate Mascot Costumes!
21 Jul, 2020 17:43

I like the added detail of the workshops and seminars, hehe. This article ticKled my funny bone

21 Jul, 2020 20:06

Happy to hear! The Snakes just offer a great opportunity to add little funny details :)

Cathedris, the world of God-Husks and New Magic, welcomes you.
Grandmaster CoffeeQuills
CoffeeQuills the Coffee Quaffer
22 Jul, 2020 08:57

The testimonials were fun and I loved the idea that they'll give presentations to each other on how to fleece people better - nice article!

22 Jul, 2020 23:54

Thanks so much CoffeeQuills! :D

Cathedris, the world of God-Husks and New Magic, welcomes you.
9 Jun, 2021 00:43

If only the last paragraph of the "Easy marks" section worked the same way on earth :p   As a fan of medical history, this was both great and "ah yes..." to read hahaha

9 Jun, 2021 17:56

Yeahhhh.... sometimes the Snakes of real life are just too brutally efficient in tricking people to give up their money :(   I'm glad you liked the article though, thank you <3

Cathedris, the world of God-Husks and New Magic, welcomes you.