The "Legendary" Fumblecart

(Legacy Content)

Legendary is... a bold term, used to describe things of dire importance to a nation or culture. That monstrosity is... certainly something, but "legendary" it is not.

This... thing, is in all parts magnificently strange and utterly terrifying. Created by the equally exotic Ignis Cor, Angel of Chaotic Flames - or "Fumblemore" as he is sometimes called - this small polished grey-stone statuette depicts the man himself, dressed in his flame-lined robes, standing upright with two thumbs-up upon a small, smoking, circular base. On command, if the statuette has been properly bound to the wielder, said wielder can command it to take a number of different forms. However, for the purposes of this documentation, its most common alternate form - the "Fumblecart" as it were - will be the focus of discussion.

The Fumblecart appears as an exceptionally odd carriage in the shape of the man himself, bending forwards towards the ground to deliver a wide, cocky grin. His arms are bent forward to form the same two slanted thumbs-ups as the statuette. The feet of the cart hang off the end of the wooden platform upon which the whole thing sits. 

It has lasers. In its... eyes? Why? Why would it have lasers in its eyes?!

The carriage is also fully capable of entering battle, as beneath the wooden exterior lies a thick layer of an unidentified metallic substance capable of shrugging off even heavy P.U.L.S.E. attacks. It also possesses a substantial amount of anti-infantry and anti-vehicle munitions in the form of fire-based projectiles. The mouth of the cart can open to reveal a seemingly exposed turret section equipped with a large flamethrower capable of launching gouts of flame in a thirty-foot cone from the front of the cart. The eyes come equipped with sponson mounted laser turrets that can scorch and sear opponents. Finally, the ends of the thumbs carry heavy fireball launchers that can hit targets up to one-thousand feet away, and blow apart even heavily armored targets. The cart itself also has alternate modes of transport, including the ability to become amphibious by tucking in the wheels and paddling with the feet, or using a magically-powered, rear mounted thruster engine that is canonically nicknamed "bad gas." 
The interior of the carriage is far larger than the exterior, and includes comfortable living arrangements for up to ten people. The inside is decorated with all manner of assorted portraits. Directly above the entryway is a portrait of Fumblemore in a rare point of seriousness, though still adorned in his flaming robes. The other walls, however, a lined with pictures and murals that change every so often, and depict scenes with different groups of adventurers who have made use of the cart throughout its storied history.

by Low 'n Christine

Pictured above: An artist's depiction of Ignis Cor, otherwise known by his alias "Fumblemore"

Item type

Magical

Rarity

Unique? We all certainly hope so.

Weight

Statuette: 1lbs (0.5 kg) / Carriage: 300 lbs (136 kg)

Dimensions

Statuette: 50mm wide base, 100mm tall / Carriage: 15' (4.6 m) long, 10' (3 m) wide

Base Price

N/a

Additional Details: Summoning

On occasion - thought to be a one-in-one-hundred chance - the Fumblecart is known to appear to casters of the spell "Summon Carriage," instead of the normal carriage. For the duration of the spell, the caster and their acquaintances can make use of Fumblecart and its myriad of strange and powerful qualities. 

"It is said that the legendary Fumblecart only appears to those in need, and only in times of need..."