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McDales

The Fast Food Giant

McDales is a fast-food company founded by Dale to bring food to the world. There is a McDales in every major settlement in Totania, though no one knows when they were built. There are also McDales in every realm, most notably in Hell and Heaven.   Any settlements made after the founding of McDales had a McDales pop up overnight. They are indestructible, and allow refugees to flee from battle and eat within McDales. Within each McDales is a copy of Dale. They all share the same mind, and have seemingly infinite knowledge of the ongoings of the world.   If someone enters a McDales, Dale will encourage them to eat. If they don't, but they stay in McDales too long, Dale will corner them. He will insist that they eat, and if they refuse, he puts them in Dale Jail.
Dale
Dale by Jarhed
 

Dale Jail

Dale Jail is a children's playground in every McDales. This is where the people who refuse to eat, but stay in McDales, are placed. There is seemingly no exit, and they are forced to roam around it for 45 minutes, though the time for them actually passes much slower, so it is a month for them. After they exit, they lose all memory of the specifics of the Dale Jail, but just know they have experienced a month of torture.

Structure

Dale is the only full-time employee of McDales. They accept internships from young students who need a living wage.

"You're going to McDales. You will like it."

Founding Date
-10
Type
Corporation, Business
Dale has a quote that is framed inside every McDales. It says:  
"At McDales, we serve food. You eat food. McDales feeds you."
 No one knows why it's there. Dale will not answer questions about it, he'll just say, "You read it."

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McDales Menu

The McDales Menu is filled with many ten items, none of which are available to be chosen from. Instead, customers will interact with Dale, who will pick for them. The menu is as follows:
Those that deny what Dale gives them on the menu will find that he forces them to eat it once he has already made it. For some reason, now that they have denied it, the food they are eating turns to a disgusting mush that, once in their mouth, begins wriggling around like a tentacle.   There is also, from some accounts, a secret menu. Someone will get something off of this by random. The items are reportedly:
  • Fite- A carbonated beverage that grants a temporary +5 boost to strength, but you can no longer control your arms, and they will punch anything you go near.
  • Bamrock Shake- When you drink this shake, it will feel as if rocks are going down your throat, but you cannot stop drinking it. It tastes like something sweet. If you stop drinking before you finish it, you will explode.
  • Dale's Rib- It is unknown what the meat on Dale's rib is made of, but when he gives this to someone, he will rip it off from his own ribs. You swear it still moves when you try to bite it.
  • Iced Tea- A block of ice that has tea within it, but it takes 10 years for the ice to thaw enough for you to drink the tea. When it thaws, it has been known to make the loudest noise known to man until it has been drunk entirely.
  • Dirty Dale's Pizza- A crudely made pizza that Dale asks you to help him make for you. He does not wear gloves as he makes it, and drops it on the ground three times. Other than that, it is a perfectly standard pizza.
  • Chicken Noodle Soup- A human-sized bowl containing a full coup of chickens that are somehow still alive while inside of the soup. They are likely boiling alive, but will not die until consumed.
  • Dale Sandwhich- Dale will place an empty bun on a tray. If someone questions it, he will remove the top bun, say "Oh, I forgot the burger!" Then, he will place his own hand in the bun, and chop it off. Then, he will put the top bun back on, hand it to you, and ask for you to eat it as you look into his eyes. Once it has been consumed, his hand grows back.
  • Fish o' the Day- Dale will grab the customer by the hand, take them out of the McDales, and to the nearest body of water. He will then ask them to wait for a moment as he jumps into the body of water, goes under for two hours, and then comes back up with whatever he found.
  • Chocolate Chip Dale Nuggets- Dale Nuggets, as are on the normal menu, however each one has a chocolate chip at the center of it. When consuming the chocolate, there is a 50/50 chance that it tastes like chocolate. The other 50 percent of the time, it tastes remarkably similar to human feces.
  • Food?- Dale will ask the customer to turn around. When they do, instead of waiting for him to make something, a plate of Food? is already waiting behind them. It moves around, and they are forced to catch it. If someone catches it before them, the person that catches it finds themselves with a strange craving for the flesh of the one that failed to catch it. They will hear the voice of the Food? speaking in their mind, as it attaches to them and asks for them to eat four more people. The final person is always themselves. If the customer catches food first, it turns into an item menu of their choice!
 

McDales Mascots

The mascots of McDales are strange, as they take the form of very well known historical figures in a cartoonish, childlike fashion. They are adopted after the death of that figure, and are as follows.
  • Dale- The founder, sole worker, and main mascot of the company, Dale is a Human.
  • Sliqion- A large hobgoblinoid creature created after the great Lord Sliq Monion .
  • Daleburglar- A copy of Dale, but evil. He attempts to steal the company out of the hands of real Dale and turn it into an evil corporation. This is so people don't acknowledge that McDales already is an evil corporation.
  • Warbly- Made in the image of the first Kenku King, the Immortal Warbler, who conquered most of the world singlehandedly. Warbly is a cartoonish bird who is often the butt of jokes from the other mascots.
  • Wizard Kiljoy- Modeled after the first Grand Wizard Kilprax Ildial, this Dragonborn is dressed in fancy robes and is used in informational ads to tell about the boring facts related to McDales.
  • The Mini Dale Kids- Miniature versions of Dale, fully alive and with Dale's DNA, they do not age. They are 3 feet tall, and have a similar hivemind to the normal Dales or the Daleburglar. They have been known to follow customers home and convince them to come again to McDales through subliminal advertising. They are popular with children.
  • Food?- Food? is a creature that can be ordered off of the secret menu. In the murals on the walls of McDales, the creature can be seen in the background of them. When one looks away from these murals, it will move somewhere else. People have even reported that it moved into paintings in their house, and whispers for them to eat people until the customer goes to McDales three more times, or eats five people.
Food?.png
Food? by genuinetrickster


Cover image: McDales by Jarhed

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